The Daydreamer @ourlovelydaydreamer - Tumblr Blog

miren alós

“Oh, sometimes I think it is of no use to make friends. They only go out of your life after awhile and leave a hurt that is worse than the emptiness before they came.”

— L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Avonlea (Anne of Green Gables, #2)

elegentpearldragon

AM I DESERVING...

I sometimes wonder, about the things I want to achieve and have.

The romantic love I so badly crave, the unity in friendship I've tried hard to have, the life I want to have. All these are things I want, desire, crave and can have but somehow don't. And why don't I have them? Maybe it's probably just me.

What makes me special enough to have these, to be happy. Am I even deserving of such things. For so long I've grappled with this. I don't deserve these, not because I believe I'm a good, kind hearted person but just because that's not the hand I was dealt. The universe has already written in the stars that I deserve to suffer, to crave for happiness and come close enough to grasp it but not fully have it.

To be an extra watching from the sidelines as the main characters get everything they deserve, not because they're any better then me (which they most probably are) but because the stars are already written that they receive happiness.

I don't know. I'm drunk and these are the thoughts on my mind. After spending an evening with two lovely couples and another person that I don't particularly like (who btw has also brought me so much pain) I saw that what these couples have, I will never have. I have to fight and fight hard just to receive the little affection I can from the person I most dearly love, whom I know doesn't feel the same way about me.

And while we're onto this guy. I couldn't enjoy the evening because all I could about was him and if he's okay, wanting to be with him, missing him so badly. So I sneaked away from the group and called him to ask how he's doing because he'd told me he wasn't feeling well only to realize he's doing much better and not only that he's partying. Probably didn't even spare not one split second thinking about me. And that hurt, it cut deep and only added to these feelings I was already feeling.

The answer is no. I'm not deserving, of love, friendship, honesty, anything actually. All I have is me. And I already hate myself as it is

galaxy-spiral

crush to crushed

I’m not sure when I first noticed him. Maybe it was in the first class I had with him, back on campus after two years. Maybe it was when he started hanging more with my friend group, at break and at lunch. Maybe it was when he was the one who stuck around during my entire breakdown. I’m really not sure. But what I do know is that I immediately knew there was something special about him. Not just the way his hair was always puffing up on his head or the way his glasses made him look like cute dark academia guy, but the way he was able to lead a group with ease, the way he always reached out to people around campus, the way he was able to go from careless to carefree within seconds.

Whatever it was, there was just something that drew me to him almost right away. I know it sounds cliche, but it’s true. Logic and emotions don’t mix, so unfortunately, I can’t tell you what exactly made me feel so attracted to him, but there was definitely something.

That something was the best part of my days at first. Messaging with him, talking at lunch, and finally developing a real crush. But now, I wish I could flip a switch and turn that attraction off.

rh-sin

22 minutes in a neon room.

i was searching for you

while you chased

after someone who wasn’t me

i was in love

with the idea of knowing you

before I knew you

living in the hell

that i labeled love

while dying to meet

the one in my dreams

not realizing

at the time

that in order to begin

with you

i had to first end it

with any and everyone

incapable of loving me correctly

and you

would only find me

once you decided

to go after more

than you settled for

r.h. sin, Empty Bottles Full of Stories

offthecuffwriter

I always get confused on what to order, it takes me hours to pick out what to wear and I never know how to talk to other people. I am never sure about things. But I was so sure about you. I was so damn sure about you.

I still count you in my blessings.

/offthecuffwriter/

olliocatxo

“i hate that you’ve become a stranger to me. i hate knowing that you might never look at me the way you once did.”

—

sincerelyvalentina-deactivated2

01.13.20 — my aesthetic, pretty little coffee shop corners... that are smack in the middle of book stores and plant shops. ☕️🌿

oldfarmhousefallfeatures

https://pin.it/w4gav3fbuuuhrx. farmhousediary

buzzingwbee

📖 🍵

-• green tea or english breakfast tea?

a-delightful-moment

@stefiereads

caffeinegalore

cicivford

i will continue to confess Your name with my lips [Hebrews 13:15,16] as one of the many sacrificial acts to worship You. i pray that i desire more of You than myself. i pray that i do not stray from using my gifts for Your glory. i pray that as i attempt to build in these gifts that if it is not YOUR will be done that i continue to praise and worship You oh sovereign Father. i am thankful that you remain faithful to my lukewarm spirit. i pray that i hear what You want me to know in your word; that my life is pleasing to you and that i choose You first above all else. . #biblejournaling #wellwateredwoman #biblicaltruth #wordofgod #christ #christfollower #biblestudy #prayer #jesusgirl #christianwriter #devotional #shereadstruth #encouragement #faith #savedbygrace #christian #christianblog #christianblogger #biblicaltruth #worship #bible #prayer #seekhimfirst #biblegram #gritandvirtue #christiancreative #givemejesus #womenofgod #sistersinchrist #womenintheword (at Chicago, Illinois) https://www.instagram.com/p/CAIvHD6hu2Y/?igshid=1w4vg6sgtawbx

I LOVE IT

« I wonder- If nobody listens to my voice, am I making any sound at all

-Alice Oseman, Radio Silence

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