Ours. @ourvelvetbear - Tumblr Blog

One of my favorite things

I love when a 90 minute move takes 2 hours to watch because we keep pausing it to share random thoughts with each other.

onlinecounsellingcollege

How to Support a Friend who’s Depressed

1) Encourage them to talk; ask them what’s on their mind - If you think your friend’s depressed or has something on their mind then ask if you can help, or something’s bothering them. And unless you get the feeling that they don’t want to talk, be persistent and keep asking in a gentle, caring way. This communicates the message that you genuinely care.

2) Give your full attention and listen carefully – If they’re brave enough to share what is on their mind, then give them the respect of listening carefully – without interrupting or offering them advice. Pay attention, focus on them, and try to understand the way they see their problems, and how that makes them feel. The only time you should speak is to clarify a point, or to ask open questions that will help them share some more.

3) Unless specifically requested, don’t offer them advice - Once you’ve got the general gist of what is happening with your friend, resist the temptation to offer them advice. This is often very hard as we usually want to help … but most people resent it as they just want to be heard.

4) Remember it’s all about them; it’s not about you – Often people want to somehow turn the conversation round to talking about them, and their own experiences. This is so annoying; it’s the worst thing you could do.

5) Be sensitive, respectful and non judgmental – Don’t react or seem shocked when they tell you something bad (like saying “OMG – I can’t believe you did that!”). And be tactful if you feel you must share something tough - as you honestly believe it would help to hear the truth. You don’t have to destroy them in your efforts to get real.

6) Nothing changes if we don’t do anything – Although it’s often helpful to unburden yourself if you just dump on others then nothing much will change. Thus, it’s important to encourage them to take some active steps. Don’t only be a crutch or a short term dumping ground.

hickorynut94

Fun day out working with Dakota (he did great!) and driving around the country.

#spooniestrong #spoonie

respectfulmemes

hickorynut94

He’s been away at a conference for the last few days. I always enjoy having the house to myself for a bit (introvert first and always). Mornings have been really hard. Normally he will get up hours before me, sometimes hook up my fluids so they run while I sleep. He makes and brings me my coffee and meds and breakfast. He usually takes care of feeding the critters in the morning and taking the dog out.

Having it all fall to me has been exhausting; I just do not do well in the mornings. I get very dizzy and nauseous being up and about so much, and my hands feet, and legs are often tingly and shaky. It’s shown me what him doing those things for me allows me to do - basically if he does all that, I am able to function fairly normally (for me) and get some things done throughout the day. Doing it all myself means crashing back in bed for 5-6 hours to stabilize my body and symptoms as best I can. It’s reminded me of my limitations and dependence, not a resistant, bitter way. Just even more appreciation for everything he does for me.

flowercrownbi

I don’t want to date. I just want to magically end up in a long-term and emotionally-secure relationship with someone cute

ourvelvetbear

Lol basically us.

introvertpalaceus

ourvelvetbear

Haha yeah...

I vaguely recall you telling me yesterday during a conversation about medical stuff that you were going to be more blunt than you usually are around me. I remember being kind of confused. You went on to just tell me your thoughts on things, your reaction to the doctors appointment, and your reaction to parts of the hospitalization. It felt like you were just finally sharing with me. I want to know these things. I hate walking away from an appointment, getting in the car, and driving home in silence with no clue about your thoughts on things. I want to know what’s going on in your mind. I wish you would share like that more often. It makes me feel connected and like we’re in this together.

hickorynut94

This is the second lip balm I have ever completely used up (as opposed to losing it). Got it on my 22nd birthday, April 6, 2016, when he and I were on our mountain trip. I had lost my other lip balm and could not go without so we wandered all through the little shops trying to find something. Landed with this Dionis Sweet Berry. Funny how some things just stick with you.

hickorynut94

Sent him to get me a bunch of different itch medicines and coffee before he went to work. Best bf ever.

just-shower-thoughts

I am really productive whenever I am home alone, but become lazy when other people are around because I don’t like to explain everything that I am about to do.

ourvelvetbear

Kinda yeah haha.

hickorynut94

At least they let me off of the floor today. Went for a spin outside and to the butterfly garden. Still not happy about how today went, but will be fine to make it through another night.

toss-a-heckin-coin-deactivated2

Dear people who think dating someone with a Service Dog is weird,

Yes. We all know it’s a little awkward to be out and about with someone who constantly gets screamed at by little kids and followed around because “oh my god you brought a dog to Walmart”

But please keep in mind that we are people too. And that dog is there to save our lives.

If you ever have the opportunity to date/be friends with someone with a service dog, expect the following:

- Increased “getting ready time”. We aren’t just getting ourselves ready.

- Extra time before going into a store while we put our dog’s gear on. (Some people let their dog ride in the back seat and therefore, it’s a lot easier for them to just grab the dog and go. Some of us will have our dogs ride in crates for their safety though. People really like to pull out in front of me, for instance, so I prefer to crate my dog in the car to keep her safe. She’s also more comfortable in her crate while travelling.) so expect us to need a minute to grab our stuff after we get parked.

- Yes. People are gonna be nosy. They’re gonna shout and we are typically a big attention source.

- I dunno about a lot of SD handlers but I know that I carry a backpack with stuff for my dog in it. Her mat, a first aid kit in case of an emergency, lots of water, our doctor’s note, vaccination records, and dog license papers in case of an access issue (no, not “registration” papers because they do not exist") but just be warned. There’s some days where I may look like a backpacker.

- If my dog alerts me and I leave promptly, I’m not trying to abandon or ditch you. My dog just told me I need to do something relating to my illness and I may need more space than what is available right in that very spot. Feel free to come with us to wherever we end up going, unless we tell you to please wait until we get back.

- People may stop us to ask about the dog. I hate it too but my anxious ass will not allow me to ignore people when they ask me a question because it’s “rude”. Plan for extra minutes in the store if this happens.

- I personally like going to restaurants that have booths where I can hide my dog from the public so I don’t have to hear “THERES A DOG” every five minutes while I’m eating. Please do not suggest that we eat at the most crowded place in the city. Some of u don’t mind siting at smaller tables, but I’d rather hide my dog while I’m eating to save myself the frustration of everyone in the restaurant throwing a fit.

- Yes. My dog does wear shoes when it’s hot out. People will point it out. Ignore them.

- Somedays I’m just not going to want to go out. Please understand that this is no fault of your own. It’s usually because I don’t have the spoons to deal with the public.

Please never ask if we can “just not bring the dog today.” It’s not an option. Don’t even try.

Generally please don’t treat us badly and please don’t use it as a “holier than though” thing.

You don’t need to say “oh yeah I date someone with a service dog!” Unless someone asks. You don’t need to announce it to the world. We are people too. Don’t use us as an excuse to be a “model citizen”.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, just because you’re our friend/partner, DOES NOT MEAN YOU GET PETTING RIGHTS. THE DO NOT PET RULE STILL APPLIES TO YOU WHILE THE DOG IS WORKING.

psych-paws

I’ve yet to go on a date with my boy while I’m working with my SD, but, as an add on: if you date someone with an SD, you might not get to hold hands everywhere. In fact, you might not even be able to exercise a lot of PDA while we are working. Personally I have an SD because I want to be grounded to the here & now and I’m usually very busy holding his leash and focusing on that…. Saying that, holding hands with a person does help, but a person also can’t alert to my anxiety levels rising or my blood sugar crashing. I think holding someone’s hand & walking my SD would be too much.

Other things I can think of:

- On top of generally just ignoring the general public who is bothering us (which we are more used to & experienced with) , yes, sometimes we have to be short with people and politely tell them we are busy. Please try not to intervene, unless someone is really being a dick. And even then please only try to intervene if you know Service Dog law and know what to say. I.e. “Please don’t bother them. That’s a felony.”

- if you really want to be supportive of your date & SD team: be supportive when things don’t go right, and we aren’t feeling good. If I’m having a mental breakdown because something happened (maybe someone yelled or ran too fast) then don’t freak out and try to smother us with “Are you ok?? ARE YOU OK? IS EVERYTHING OKAY?” …. Be relaxed & a source of comfort. We rely on our service dogs to help us with that. Please don’t feel like you can’t ask us if we are okay but don’t be offended that they aren’t.

- For those with physical tasks like picking stuff up, opening doors – if you see the SD starting to perform the task first, don’t intervene. They got it. So if I drop something and the dog goes for it, don’t worry about it.

malinhustler

I really like what was added here so I’m going to recirculate it. I thought of a few more things that I’d like to add as well. (Early in the morning posting usually means I forget stuff.

Other things to consider:

- If we are packing up to leave a place and you run to get something, and ask if I’m okay doing something (say we’re eating at a food court and the trays need to be taken to the trash) and I say “yeah sure!” but I’m in the middle of packing up/getting my dog out from under a table… If you get back, and I haven’t taken the trays… PLEASE DON’T TAKE THEM FOR ME. I SAID I’D DO IT. I just want to pack up my SD’s mat before I do it because I don’t trust people and I’m afraid someone might like Sven’s blanket and take it. I have the blanket to make my SD more comfortable laying under a table for a long time. It only takes a second to fold it up and fit it in my bag. Please just let me finish do not do things for me that I said I’d do unless I ask you to.

- Don’t talk to my dog either. A few of my friends think that because they are my friends they have the right to look at my dog say “good doggo, you’re a very pretty doggo.” Please do not. You should know this. Don’t talk to the dog she knows she’s a good doggo I tell her every day. She doesn’t need to hear it from you.

- If I’m having a panic attack and my SD is doing DPT. Do not try and get involved. Stand back. Give my dog room to do the thing and don’t hover over us. It makes my panic attack worse and I don’t want my dog to develop overly-protective behaviour because of the hovering. Please just give us space.

- Again with the dropping something. Usually, I’ll bend over and pick something up if I drop it. But my SD really likes handing me things even though I’m capable of getting it. I know people use this as an ACTUAL TASK because they cannot pick up things that they drop because of their disability. EVEN IF YOU KNOW I’M CAPABLE OF PICKING IT UP, If my Service Dog, wants to pick up the water bottle I dropped? Please let her. I want her to do this. Because if I’m dissociating and drop my wallet, she’s trained to pick it up because I might not have noticed that I dropped it. A lot of important info is in my wallet. If my dog gets used to you picking up things that I drop, she might think that she doesn’t have to pick up my wallet if I drop it. That would be very very bad and could end up with us stranded somewhere because my driver’s license and all my ID and bank cards are now gone and I’m like 2 hours away from home. I don’t want this. Let my dog do her job.

- Please don’t bump my dog out of the way. If she’s walking on one side and you wanna hold hands, don’t sandwich her between us please it’s super awkward and rude. Go to the other side if you wanna hold hands and don’t force me to hold hands if I have my hands full already.

This has been a PSA.

Other Service Dog handlers, PLEASE ADD TO THIS! I want this to be as informational as possible so if you think of anything else PLEASE add it to this post!