Do you know the uncomfortable feeling when you meet that person who’s about to mess up your life? It’s kind of funny and not everyone would believe it actually exists but I had it when I first met him. I love pasta so much and it was lunch but at that moment, I couldn’t eat. I ended up trying to stuff the food all in because it would be rude not to but that uneasy feeling inside me didn’t give me a rest. I never told anybody that, even to him.
Well, truth be told, he did mess up my life. I was fine alone. A routine that I try not to miss, classes that can actually classify me as a nerd and poems I write about the love that hasn’t come to exist. I had friends. Just enough so I could hang out with people when I want to and have plenty of alone time. It was kind of lonely but I was fine.
I didn’t look at him as someone I would fall in love with. I mean, he’s cute but he slouches even while walking. He doesn’t dress that well. I never had a “type” but I was pretty sure it wasn’t someone like him. He doesn’t talk to me a lot and maybe if it weren’t for my roommate, he wouldn’t know I exist. He loves these video games I kind of know because I have a couple of brothers who love them. I think I’m kind of all-over-the-place while he was this straight-laced boy. It wasn’t a likely combination.
But I used the word “mess” twice and I think by now it’s pretty clear why I did. I never thought of kissing someone at 16. But you know, life hits you when you least expect it. And that was him. He made me do things I thought I would never do. He also made me cry a lot but damn, that boy made so mad in love that it felt like I was possessed. I think Cupid really was there and that arrow he shot right through me, it made me jump off a cliff even though I don’t have wings.
It was a mess. It was pretty, yes, it was. And like all things pretty, it had to hurt. Nevertheless, I love every inch of it. Even the parts I used to hate. Even the moments I wish that never happened. Even the times when it was pure ugly. I loved every inch of it but it all went away. I don’t know where he is now or what he does or who he is with but I promised myself I would save him in my midnight skies. And I did. We are a star now. Dead and faraway but still glowing in the darkest of times. I don’t know if I will get to experience that kind of hit in the face once again. Maybe my heart won’t beat as ferociously as it did for anyone else other than him. I don’t know for sure but I know I will never forget my first love. I hope he doesn’t forget about me.
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