Paige's Dating Advice

The best dating advice you will ever receive on the internet. Ever.

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Word of the Day

Before you have sex, ask him to help you spread the word of the day. After sex, tell him the word of the day is Gonorrhea.

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Just eat it

Go out to eat. Order chili dogs. Talk about anal.

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Mail's here!

Hang out with the mail man. Invite him in for a three-way.

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Dress to Impress

First date? Jeans and a Nickelback tshirt never fails.

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Cards Against Humanity

What always gets you laid? Quivering jowls.

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Date Night

Tell him how much you're looking forward to the romantic night you planned. The biggest surprise of the evening will occur when he walks in to find you getting cozy with another man!

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Good boy!

Pet his dick. Say, "Awwww! It's so cute!"

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Counseling

After a fight, demand you go to couple's counseling. Tell him the set date and time of the appointment, but be very vague on the Doctor's name. When the appointment arrives, take him to his mom's house and tattle.

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Score!

Keep judge's score cards numbered 1-10 under your bed. After you're done doin' the deed, choose one and comment on his performance like he's on X-Factor.

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Phone Sex

When he leaves his phone, snag his mom’s number. Call her after you do it for first time.

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Love Bites

When getting intimate:

Pull his hair.

Bite his shoulder.

Poke his eyes.

Punch him in the face.

Shoot the bastard.

Bury him in the backyard.

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Oh My...

Yell someone else's name. He'll be glad to know you like his best friend so much.

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Upper Body

Pick up the check. Pick up the table. Pick up the chairs, and the waiter, and the bartender. Everybody loves upper-body strength.  

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Chippendales = Forever

When he says he'll love you forever, tell him you think until next Wednesday works better for you because you're leaving for Vegas Tuesday night and won't need him anymore. 

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Hubby Wubby

For the second date, disagree with his choice of restaurant. When he doesn't give you your way, sit in his bathtub with a pint of ice cream and a wedding veil and cry the whole night. Tell him he's being a horrible husband.

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Personal Cheerleader

Go to the classy country club to watch him play golf. Dress as a cheerleader. Scream, yell, and throw your pom poms everywhere. Dump Gatorade on him.

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Face Mask

Wear enough makeup to leave an exact replica of your face stained on his pillow case. And couch. And favorite shirt.