[painedandconfusedsblog]

I would like to unsubscribe from character development

[painedandconfusedsblog]

I contain multitudes. Unfortunately several of them are tired and one is fucking pissed.

[painedandconfusedsblog]

How Am I Coping With Not Being Able to Safely Tolerate Food, Liquid, and Secretions by Mouth?

I don’t really know how to answer when people ask how I’m coping.

I am not coping well, but I do not know how to articulate it. Right now it feels like asking me what the inside of a tornado looks like while I am spinning chaotically inside of it.

I think there is an assumption buried inside that question that coping is something measurable. That there is a point where something horrific happens to you, you grieve it, you gather your tools, and eventually you learn how to live around it.

I know people who learn to live along side or around not being able to tolerate food and liquids by mouth. But I am not living around this. I am living inside of it. There is a chronic sorrow and grief I think I will always have. Unless my esophagus is quite literally removed.

[letfictionalcharacterssayfuck]

you make me sick.

[painedandconfusedsblog]

Me to my body but like literally

[transjudas]

never take for granted the moments when you’re not nauseous

[autistobrat]

"don't make a scene" I wasn't planning on it but now that you've mentioned it the stage is set

[painedandconfusedsblog]

Me to my body

My body to me

[painedandconfusedsblog]

I am so fucking tired of unsolicited advice. Next person is getting cursed.

[xtanbunnyx]

[painedandconfusedsblog]

Misery will not get to own every part of me

[painedandconfusedsblog]

I think ever since birth I’ve been crawling out of my skin.

[painedandconfusedsblog]

You are allowed to need help.

You are allowed to be stubborn when delegating costs energy that you don’t have and can’t afford to spend it.

You are also allowed to be frustrated when help creates more work for yourself.

You are allowed to be angry or meltdown over the crushing weight of capacity debt.

However you feel you are allowed to feel.

[heartattackinblackdye]

i do think we need to detach hygiene from value as a person. as someone who has dealt with not being able to shower or brush my teeth due to depression and executive dysfunction, it usually is not a choice. sometimes there are situations in which you CANNOT care for yourself properly and that shouldn’t mean you can now be stripped of your worth. physically disabled people who have trouble with hygiene i love you, mentally ill people who have trouble with hygiene i love you, neurodivergent people who struggle with hygiene i love you, people without access to adequate hygiene products i love you. it’s going to be ok

[painedandconfusedsblog]

Sometimes caring for yourself looks like choosing rest before your body forces it upon you. Sometimes it looks like paying for convenience because the alternative costs you days of your life.

You are not failing because you need accessibility. You are choosing yourself.

And if you are reading this while feeling guilty about doing what keeps you fed, rested, or safe, I see you.

[painedandconfusedsblog]

There is a strange cruelty in how much a person can adapt to. The body can be in crisis while the rest of the day continues.

[painedandconfusedsblog]

I don’t think healthy people realize how much of chronic illness is being an executive administrator or an administrative assistant to our own bodies.

[painedandconfusedsblog]

Eventually, you stop organizing your life around chronic illness because chronic illness has already organized your life for you.

[painedandconfusedsblog]

Thinking about how spontaneity is one of those things you don’t realize is a privilege until your body starts charging interest on every decision.