Well Hello There

[beardedmrbean]

[lovelymimic]

[nealashitposts]

A year or so ago I went to wood carving club with a bruised eye from my dog slamming his nose into my eyesocket and like every old lady there pulled me aside at some point to ask if my partner hit me here are some of the solutions they had in case he did.

-Replacing his vitimens with poision

- getting her brother to invite him out onto his boat and then killing him and dumping him in the ocean and saying he got drunk and fell off.

- get tboned with him in the passenger seat and then once he was in the hospital theres all kinds of easy ways to kill him like not washing my hands after a poop and then touching his wound casually.

-replacing his drink of choice with moonshine!?

- take him on a hike thats locally notorious for a rapid otter attacking hikers and once he had rabies I could just kill him any ol way and say self defense.

-One lady just cheerfully informed me she had a gun and only a few years left anyway

[janedrewfinally]

Accurate tags:

#and this is why no-fault divorce brings down the murder rate

[jelloapocalypse]

Someone asked me a while ago if I still had a photo of the worst sink I had ever seen while apartment hunting in Los Angeles. I assumed I deleted it so I didn't answer the ask and now it's gone, but as it turns out, yes, I do still have a photo of it.

[villainessbian]

impressive! it's ugly, impractical, gets water everywhere, makes too much noise, and the quote with shit kerning says you don't think music is even real

[weirdness-is-good]

[pygmyhilltroll]

you cannot be serious

[zephyr-zephyr]

Once i had a teacher who was OBSESSED with

A) resource guarding

And

B) Harry Potter

So naturally, every time someone didn’t have a pencil she would charge them 10 house points (which, even in schools where there is an actual house point system, probably doesn’t fucking happen). She openly held the belief that she had to ascribe value to these precious writing implements or else no one would appreciate them, a concept evidenced by, i kid you not, how when homeless people are given houses for free they let them fall into disarray, because they didn’t pay for the house and therefore didn’t care about it. I, a pissed off 13 year old with a vendetta against power hungry teachers and also JK Rowling, brought a 100 pack of pencils to school so that whenever someone had to ask for one, instead of being charged a fictional currency and upsetting their fellow, deeply competitive students, i would just give them one. If the pencil didn’t come from the teacher, she couldn’t charge points for it.

This upset her. She couldn’t assert her power over the 1st period Advanced 8th Grade Math Class anymore. For i, The Pencil Liberator, had come to put an end to her tyrannous behavior.

She told me to stop about 30 pencils in.

[everythingfox]

Swirly boy

(via)

[xxcrime-bruleexx]

For those of you wondering if he’s having fun, YES!!!! HE IS!!!!!

Ferrets are good with letting people know what they do and don’t like, and with the way hes just gone floppy, hes having a blast.

Also iirc his human has stated that he will demand the spins.

[theswordofdamntheseknees]

Ferrets can be so much silly fun.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

This is like those animals that make their running wheels go super duper fast on purpose so that they can stop running and spin on it.

[telepathylove]

in the chillest possible way,

[homunculus-argument]

My boyfriend starts sneezing when it's going to rain (water) because he's allergic to ground mould (earth) that rises into the air. His sister is allergic to direct sunlight (fire) and their little brother has cold intolerance (air).

Only the avatar, who could get their ass beat by all the four elements

[lilkitten11]

your boyfriend can detect when it's going to rain?

[what-even-is-thiss]

What if the fates are a trio of old grandmas gossiping while they’re weaving

[sunflowerssighing]

speaking as a Greek, they're definitely three gossiping Yiayias

[what-even-is-thiss]

The reason your snacks are unsatisfying is that you need both carb and protein.

Carb starts your engine, protein keeps it going.

No carb, engine don’t start. No protein, engine dies out fast.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Easy carb add on:

Cookie

Fruit (canned or fresh)

Chips

Piece of bread

Popcorn

Crackers

Easy protein add on:

Nuts

Spoonful of nut butter

Cheese

Roasted chickpea snacks

Glass of milk (dairy or non dairy)

Small canned sausages or similar

[what-even-is-thiss]

Sugar in there.

[what-even-is-thiss]

I am pleased by people messaging me telling me that after adding a carb or protein to their snacks or meals they feel more satisfied all day. Yes, my plan is working. People are getting through their days with less hangry.

[pangur-and-grim]

I am genuinely so fucking stupid. I was reading this book where a bunch of people have to pass a logic puzzle in order to survive, and I was like "why are they all dying?? the answer is obviously the third goblet from the left!" yeah.....that was not the answer. I would've died in this book, and I would've been SO publicly smug before I did. like giving people the finger, smirking, etc. this sucks.

[robowarrior-god]

[mihai-florescu]

Languages tend to peak at their word for butterfly. Never seen 2 that are the same, either. Papillon. Mariposa. Borboleta. Fluture. Vlinder. Schmetterling. Pillangó. Babochka. Farfalla. Sommerfugl. Perhonen. Farasha. Titali. Chōchō. Nabi. Húdié. Buom buom. Great job guys, i really mean it.

[joy-and-whimsy-official]

Joy and whimsy detected! This post is joyful and whimsical 🦋

[homunculus-argument]

Still trying to get the hang of this light-texture-thingy I've been trying to learn to do.

[homunculus-argument]

You know those things you were taught at some point, where you're 90% sure that it's bullshit, also above zero chance that it was simply made up on the spot, and you can't even remember who taught you that, but you still remember nonetheless?

I vaguely recall at some point being taught about the "terrier test", where you can determine whether a mixed dog that's part terrier breed counts as a terrier, or whether a whole breed you're unfamiliar with are terriers or not. You hould up a rope toy or something similar that the dog can safely and comfortably bite into, at your own shoulder level.

If the dog - unprompted, not encouraged or forbidden from doing so, fully voluntarily - jumps at the toy, reaches it, and dangles on by their teeth, supporting their entire body weight with jaw force and stubbornness alone, and seems to enjoy doing so, that's a terrier.

[homunculus-argument]

A child's bedroom furnished entirely with those aesthetic beige instagram mom sad beige wooden toys for sad beige organic children, including a little ball pit in all the shades of brown, white, grey, beige and greige, but the owner doesn't have kids. It's all for the cats.

"They can't tell because they're colourblind", the owner explains, "and also very dumb."

[loveridden1999]

[whisperingsoup]

imagine a park bench underneath

[homunculus-argument]

What are you supposed to do when you're the type of bored where you don't want to do anything but there's nothing you can do about it either? It's 4 pm and there's five hours of day left and I don't want to sit through them.

[scribblesandknots]

Something you want to have done but don't actually want to do? I used to use this logic to get stuff done when I was severely depressed in college: I didn't want to do *anything*, so I might as well do homework. Tomorrow would look a lot better if I did homework than if I did nothing.

Or sleep.

[homunculus-argument]

Oh shit you're right. The dishes.