Osmund Priest doesn’t do well with retirement
Okay, so I’ve been thinking and rambling a lot with @intricatecakes about Priest in retirement before S2. It was prompted by someone’s post wondering about what Priest was doing during S1. So ima just share some of those thoughts here bc they’re too good omg….
Uncanny suburban neighbor Priest
After blackwing tells him he’s not needed anymore, he goes into retirement
Living like a Very Normal Man
He collects stamps, or dolls, or thimbles, or little statuettes, or something strange like that
Everything about him is just so uncanny
Mows his lawn at the exact same time every 2 or 3 days, it’s a very exact schedule. And he always mows in perfect straight lines
He always acts like a rlly great neighbor, helping get cats from trees, lend a hand where it seems like it’s needed, but he always seems just slight off and people are really really weirded out by it
Parents keep their kids away from him.
Everyone tries to avoid him as much as possible
Animals will not step foot on his property. None of them. He can’t keep dogs as pets. Deer do not touch his plants. Mosquitos don’t even seem to fly on his property.
Because bees and flies won’t come near him, he has to hand pollinate all of his plants himself. It’s an art.
He has a carnivorous plant section which he has to hand feed
So much neighborhood gossip about him
When blackwing calls to ask him to come back he gets so over excited and yells and then has to take a deep breath and try to act cool
He packs up all his weapons from the basement and is at the blackwing facility as quickly as humanely possible
He isn’t dealing with retirement even nearly as well as he tries to make it seem
When the secret comes out way later after he’s gone back to blackwing that he was actually a government hitman that tortured children no one is surprised
Honestly it puts his uncanny weirdness into so much perspective that the entire neighborhood knows it’s true
((Please please feel free to add things if u want omg I love playing around with the idea bc it’s just so so good!!!!))
romaincrisis
snowghoul
2087
