Anthologic

[panic-in-the-attic]

you have a very lovely voice :) i enjoyed your poetry reading, hope to see more from you!

Thank you! 🥰

[panic-in-the-attic]

https://1drv.ms/u/c/5261b2304f24fd75/IQBdyvRQEbkOQLpWV9K_-Vv2AcUTs9Fv_pDlwt7hAyNj9vc?e=rVW8Ju

This is not spam, I am just struggling to convert my voice recording to a post here. Thank you for your patience, for those who make it through!

[panic-in-the-attic]

You say you love me when I'm falling apart.

Every time you held my hand in the dark.

Every quiet smile, played with my heart.

And so I fall apart.

I fall apart.

[lessonsfromearthschool]

Sometimes it feels like I've spent my whole life looking for someone else to clean up my mess.

[panic-in-the-attic]

"You used to be soft to me but now you are hard. Like cold, impenetrable ice. I hope, one day, that will change. But for now, I prefer you in my mind versus in my present"

[panic-in-the-attic]

How can I scream,

with you holding my face?

How can I be free,

with your hand at my waist?

[panic-in-the-attic]

All my lovers find me,

when their mother's dying.

Somehow I beg grief and

Blinding -

Loneliness.

[panic-in-the-attic]

You made me a part of your equation.

My value could be somewhat interchanged.

Subtract the X and add a little deep throat.

The math is good, the player wins the game.

[panic-in-the-attic]

Please God, allow me this death.

Let it be peaceful.

Let it be rest.

Let me be weary,

Lay my head on your chest.

[panic-in-the-attic]

I fall.. as stars do.

Cry at night,

like a coyote, too.

Sleep by the sun,

As natural as you.

[panic-in-the-attic]

Trembling under the incandescence,

Each irreverent bone in my fragile body quakes with indecision.

Fragile, as in, glued-together.

As in, highly dependent on another source of energy.

As in, the sun.

I worry,

I worry,

You are my sun.

[panic-in-the-attic]

You are like fine china -

Dazzling, tempting.

I find myself opening the door, caressing.

Meticulously, I shine you in the light.

I take care to.

I imagine the joy I would take in pressing you to my lips,

Gold-trim dripping with my kiss.

I learn your patterns.

I trace your colors with my thumb,

and learn them over again.

Delightfully designed and carefully intertwined,

I feel the weight of your being and find balance.

I am sure to stay focused.

I hold you delicately.

I could never teeter in the doorway with you in my arms.

Task at hand, staining from the coffee.

You are simply too lovely to me.

[panic-in-the-attic]

I hold your soft cheek in my heavy hand and wonder if I'm cut out for this.

If I can raise you up with this hopelessness.

Can I swallow the pain, or get hold of it?

Crawl out of the mud, and stand over it?

You deserve to be loved ambitiously.

My soul, you inspire endlessly.

But darling, I'm covered in my own moss.

When I hear you dream, I feel loss.

[dirty-milk]

Sweet-hearted, sugar coated annoyance  she is three foot six shades of cinnamon spitfire. it’s dinosaurs for days - which one’s your favorite? I ask her the T. rex she says because if you don’t move they leave 

and I think what I would give for her to never learn that lesson there’s t rexes in people suits and they will eat you whole, baby they will crunch your bones for the sake of the snap and I will always be your stillness I will always hold your silence I will teach you what a violence gentleness can be what a well timed rock in the opposite direction can mean how to leave a room without being seen 

[dirty-milk]

I could tell you about the heaviness - the way the oxygen around you holds you down like a weighted blanket. I could tell you about the softness - the way gravity beats your spine into submission with an exhale. I could tell you about the fragility, in which every step splinters closer and closer to the core. But let me tell you about the flux - an ebb of the constant; the roil of conscience; a gnashing of despondence.

[panic-in-the-attic]

Is This How You Want To Be Touched?

You and me, baby,

Take the carpool lane.

Fly up the coast - we don't have an Endgame.

Sipping Green Tea,

Shooting pool all day.

"You Should Let Me Love You,"

Let me loudly say -

This is Last Pocket

I won't stop it.

If you wanna practice,

You know, I'll enjoy the process.

[panic-in-the-attic]

There's a double rainbow at the border and it feels like a sign.

They say I'm connected to the afterlife.

[panic-in-the-attic]

I wouldn't be able to hold you like this.

Soft, friendly.

Your skin would begin to crawl beneath my fingertips.

Cold, unsettling.

I have value in this space,

Unattained.