A Studyblr...

Specifically for panicking. I come here to complain a lot lol. Spring 2021 Graduate!

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So I’m graduating next week. Lol how the hell did I get here?!

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Welp, I made it through Fall semester 2020. My grades sucked (and definitely shouldn’t have passed one class but teacher pitied me) but I DID IT. Between my physical health, mental health, work, school, COVID, and everything else that happened this semester, I am absolutely floored that I made it through okay. This means that if everything goes smoothly in the spring, I will be graduating next semester and I’ll finally be able to hold that stupid expensive piece of paper in my hand!!! I made this blog as a means to cope with academic bullshit I ran into and most all of it I was complaining, but I am truly proud of myself for pulling this off. Hopefully there will be more positive posts from me to come!

[toastbutteregg]

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Having stress as a symptom trigger really is obnoxious. You try to get “stress management” advice and it’s always something like, “have you tried just being less stressed?” or “remove stressors from your life.” Well then, excuse me while I just yeet my schoolwork out of my life because I can’t do my homework if I’m stressed because that causes my symptoms. And I’m stressed because I can’t do my homework because it’s stressing me out and I—

It’s a vicious cycle of stress and pain lol 😂

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I’m really struggling right now and I feel the burnout from school starting...

It’s weird because math is normally my worst subject but this semester it’s my best? Everything else seems to be going very poorly and the past week-week and a half I’ve had the most difficult time focusing on anything. Well, except my current hyperfixation but even then, staying completely focused is impossible. I’m falling behind again and I really don’t know how to fix it. My teachers have been less than helpful too. I’m trying to stay sympathetic to them but one refused to give me any kind of credit (or even return an email) for a research paper I did just because it was a day late due to me being violently ill the weekend it was due. I’m really tired of putting in 110% of myself and no matter what, still not meeting the expectations of others. No matter how much I explain that I’m even more frustrated with my performance than they are, they still treat me like I’m just making excuses and not trying hard enough. I’m tired. I’m just so tired.

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I think one of the things that annoys me the most about math is that in textbooks, tutorials, lessons, etc. they never fucking explain where certain numbers come from. They’ll just throw a number out there that doesn’t seem to have any sort of correlation between the data and the formulas and just expect you to understand. I’m sitting here doing the EXACT same thing the tutorial did and gone over the numbers over a dozen times and those aren’t wrong but still marking my answer incorrect. Makes me really fucking tired...

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Second to last semester here we gooooooo! Well, no, not until next week, but the panic is starting early! Because my school administration is completely inept at everything they doooo! I already had a friend have almost $450 worth of textbooks lost in the mail. Mine have yet to ship and classes start Sunday. I’m apparently getting WAY less money this semester because of some dumb (probably new) financial aid bullshit and the fin aid office had made basically impossible to contact them. According to my program plan I am 11 CREDITS AWAY FROM MY DEGREE. I can fucking see the finish line, finally. But of course everything has to go to shit and get complicated at the very end.... s i g h whatever. I’m gonna finish this goddamn thing...

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How fitting that on the last day of the semester, I’m having a massive fibro flare and have like 10 assignments due before midnight. I’m almost positive I have to repeat one of the classes. This semester has been absolute hell. I’m so fucking tired. I have so many people I know that are taking the next semester off and I wish more than anything that I could too. I’ve been in classes every spring and fall since 2016 and I’ve just fucking had enough. I want and I need to graduate but it’s getting to the point that I don’t know if I have it in me to finish... I wish I had some resources, or support, or anything at this point, I feel like I’m dying.

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#spoonieproblems

Nothing is more frustrating to me than when I finally reach out to a teacher or manager for help because of difficulties with my illness and they just don’t listen to me. The instructor I meantion in my previous couple posts assigns an unreasonable amount of work for one week and I can’t keep up no matter how hard I try. I emailed her explaining my situation and she pretty much said “too bad” and to email her “if I have challenges” I WOULDN’T HAVE WASTED MY TIME WITH THIS IF I WASN’T HAVING CHALLENGES! It’s so infuriating. I don’t know what to do, I’m pretty sure the accommodations office won’t help me because I don’t have a doctor signed form that says “disabled” on it. I feel so defeated now and how am I supposed to work on anything? Anyway, hope everyone’s having a better day than I am! ✌️

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Lol I’m complaining again.

The semester is going so far, so good… Except for one class. The teacher supposedly has a phd in instruction and teaching, but is doing the absolute worst job running this online class. She’s done virtually no instruction, has unreasonable assignments and due dates, and won’t return messages. I asked her to elaborate on the extremely vague discussion questions she posted (that weren’t mentioned in the chapter but was written like we were supposed to already know) and she STILL has not answered me almost a week later. I’ve been struggling with my mental health lately, dealing with stress from work, which is causing me to have frequent flare-ups, and I just don’t have the patience to deal with something like this. I need the class to graduate so I can’t give up but I’m pretty pissed to say the least…

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Update:

She finally JUST got back to me, and is saying the discussion reference is from the end of chapter 2, which according to the class schedule, isn’t supposed to have been read yet. HOW ARE YOU GOING TO ASSIGN SONETHING DUE BEFORE THE CHAPTER IS ASSIGNED?!!!

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Lol I’m complaining again.

The semester is going so far, so good... Except for one class. The teacher supposedly has a phd in instruction and teaching, but is doing the absolute worst job running this online class. She’s done virtually no instruction, has unreasonable assignments and due dates, and won’t return messages. I asked her to elaborate on the extremely vague discussion questions she posted (that weren’t mentioned in the chapter but was written like we were supposed to already know) and she STILL has not answered me almost a week later. I’ve been struggling with my mental health lately, dealing with stress from work, which is causing me to have frequent flare-ups, and I just don’t have the patience to deal with something like this. I need the class to graduate so I can’t give up but I’m pretty pissed to say the least...

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Just complaining...

Semester starts in just under 2 weeks and none of my teachers have opened the courses or posted syllabus. I’d really like to know what I need to plan for BEFORE the semester starts! One of my classes doesn’t even have an instructor listed yet. You’d think I’d be used to this by now but it still drives me nuts especially when they have such high expectations for students to complete their work on time. I’m just tired of going into the semester so unprepared and struggling the whole time because of it.

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Well, the fall semester is over and it went better than I expected it to (which is great) but now I’m nervous for the spring and more difficult classes. I also decided 2020 is really when I want to hard target getting my personal business started...

So I’m thinking about giving this a try, no idea if it’ll work for my lifestyle but it can’t hurt to give it a shot! 2020 here we gooooo!

How I Conduct My Annual Productivity Audit — Scribemind.

Every December, I start conducting my “productivity audit” to prepare for the next year. It might sound austere to call it that, and there’

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I am crying literal tears of joy! I finally emailed my math teacher and explained my concerns for the upcoming midterm exam and she’s going to let me take it at home! AND she’s going to let me take the final exam at home too! I’m so relieved and so happy. I don’t think I’ve ever had a single math teacher be even a little bit considerate about my problems with math and it just feels so good to finally have someone take me seriously. 😭😭😭

Also, my grades came back for my accelerated classes and I got an A+ and a B+ and I’m honestly really proud considering I’ve never done accelerated classes before and I balanced them with 2 other classes, 2 part time jobs, home life, and my chronic illness!

[adhdettes-deactivated20220302]

adhd is holding back tears of frustration during a test as you re-read the same sentence for the 20th time and it’s still not processing right

[cassassbutts]

Meanwhile, in my head:

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I think after my 2 accelerated classes are finished I might start some kind of bullet journal kind of thing. I’ve wanted to for awhile but never really knew how to start. I have some ideas now though so I don’t know. Maybe it’ll help me better picture how I’m going to achieve my goals.

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I think the exhaustion is starting to get to me...

I simultaneously want to do everything and nothing and it’s driving me batty!!! 😭