The Moist God

[papa-poseidon]

Some folk call me Poseidon, god of the oceans!

Other's refer to me as Papa Poseidon, the moist God.

But because we're on such good terms, you can simply call me "Big P.P", "Moist P.P", or as my closest friends say "Soggy P".

[writing-prompt-s]

Every 1000 years all of the Gods get together for a contest to see who can collect the most souls with a single catastrophic event. Last time Poseidon broke the 1M mark with a Tsunami/earthquake combo. You’re up.

[papa-poseidon]

Good luck scrubs.

[catchymemes]

[papa-poseidon]

I'd tell my child that they can use their allowance however they want, but now I'm going to enjoy some ice-cream and they'll have to pay for their own if they want any.

Let the consequences of their own actions be punishment enough. I gave them money for them to spend however they wished (thus it's no longer "my" money to care about). They could have bought ice-cream or some other treat, but instead they tore up the money. So now they don't get to enjoy spending it, and have nothing to show for their fit.

[catchymemes]

[papa-poseidon]

I have a new goal in life. To become a urban legend amongst my neighbors.

[memewhore]

[papa-poseidon]

Bros support bros, you rock that dress my dude!

[mysteriousgirlatlibrary-deactiv]

[papa-poseidon]

The dream...

[catchymemes]

[papa-poseidon]

That exhausted bow at the end is well-deserved, like hot damn they were playing hard.

[papa-poseidon]

Memento Mori

[papa-poseidon]

In a year Markiplier and co. made a incredibly successful youtube experience that was shared with hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people, before sending it off in a touching viking funeral of a livestream.

Meanwhile in the year since I have accomplished being able to do 5 push-ups consecutively (ladies don't swarm, form an orderly queue), got my 2nd character in a 4 year DnD campaign killed, and realized that billionaires like Elon Musk have zero balls and can be bullied off buying Twitter by a videogame satire account.

Time well spent, life well lived.

[catchymemes]

[papa-poseidon]

“Day, hot day, warm time, no cold time season. Medicine expert Grog dead. Grog always say, ‘red berry, healthy berry. Medicine!’ Now know, all red berry NOT medicine. We bury, proper funeral. Toss body off cliff. Throw rocks at.

This historic record. Learn for next. Some red berry bad. Tomorrow, we try yellow berry.”

[papa-poseidon]

[catchymemes]

[papa-poseidon]

Challenge was accepted, and fuckin flexed upon.

[funnytwittertweets]

[papa-poseidon]

I had a friend say it was unrealistic that there was a female samurai in Ghost of Tsushima, and that led me to spending 5 hours researching female warriors in Japan. I ended up learning things such as Onna-musha were infact female samurai by class, and did infact fight on battlefields. And one famous battle-site that was unearthed, had nearly 1/4 of the bodies identified as being female.

*Jazz hands* ADHD everybody!

[papa-poseidon]

What is mayonnaise, if not simply the white mans hotsauce?

[johncrocker]

i found the video

source

[snarkymcbarky]

Are you shitting me?

[puketween]

this is what i like to see

[mylifetherant]

Ancient history

[papa-poseidon]

Guess you can say that someone finally...Leaked...the source.

[swan2swan]

All right, guys, the rest of tonight is (possibly) going to be spent tracking the progress on the Ever Given, a 400-meter-long container ship that ran aground in the Suez Canal and is currently struck. 

LOOK AT THIS. 

Because, yes, if that picture doesn’t clue you into just HOW BIG OF A PROBLEM THIS IS…

ALL OF THIS

Just look at this disaster.

[sainamoonshine]

oh this is dated March 23 this is TODAY

[swan2swan]

Yes, I just checked the Marine Traffic website and this is live:

[hermitofthewoods]

Update as of 6pm EST lol

[hermitofthewoods]

Look at all the little tugs. you go get em my dudes

[hermitofthewoods]

Zoomed out more and I am *wheezing*

Like these are normal shipping lanes but just look how many are pointed directly *at* the canal. Y’all done fucked up

[eregyrn-falls]

GUYS NO YOU’RE LEAVING OUT MY FAVORITE PART:

CAN YOU IMAGINE.

[dragonsmirk]

Now this is shipping drama!

[espressobean]

This thread also managed to leave out THIS important tidbit of info:

[magic-owl]

Ok I’m so sorry for reblogging the boat for a third time but I cannot BELIEVE the other two posts forgot to mention the penis

[papa-poseidon]

The best part, is this will end up in a history book.

[grimeclown]

Im cute and im sexy and thats why im allowed to build my wizard tower within city limits. Zoning laws dont apply to me because the whole city council is so charmed by my voluminous robes and funny hat.

[yardsards]

i think theyre actually charmed by that spell u put on them, not ur style

[grimeclown]

You take me for a beguiler? Accuse me of bewitchment? Nay, I say not. If theyre bespelled by anything its by my luminous personality and dumptruck asscheeks

[grimeclown]

And what about it?

[papa-poseidon]

To be fair, most Wizards spend decades basically living in libraries studying books like goddamn nerds with little to no social lives. These are the bread & butter simps of the magical community.

So instead of crying that she cast a spell of "Elongus Dongus" on your pants, just admit you want that magical bathwater and are willing to drop those mana potions on her OnlyFæs account.

[catchymemes]

[papa-poseidon]

Girl in a porno: "Lets have sex!"

Actual plumber: "Ma'am, I am on a tight schedule. I have like 5 other plumbing jobs I have to be at today, and I literally don't get paid if I fail to show up. I have a goddamn mortgage to pay and a truck that will be repossessed if I miss a payment. So unless you're paying ME the $200 in profit I am gonna miss, and the $300 in parts for those other jobs, I really gotta replace this cracked line running to your water heater and fix the obviously improperly installed shut-off valve that I assume wasn't done because you were busy having sex with THAT plumber."

Girl in a porno: "Well you could always install 'your' valve instead *wink*."

Actual plumber: "No, seriously. If I don't fix this now, you're place could be like 3ft deep in water by tomorrow morning. The pressure from your water heater could cause the entire line to rupture and there wouldn't even be a functioning shut-off to stop the water flow. You would LITERALLY be getting sprayed by scalding hot water as your house is turned into a giant hot-tub."

Girl in a porno: "I know something hot you could spray on me."

Actual plumber: "IT WILL COST YOU LIKE THIRTY THOUSAND DOLLARS OR MORE IN DAMAGES! LET ME DO MY JOB PLEASE!"