"Please," I called out, the word floating in the air, yet too softly to reach anyone. The wind pushed it away, carried it through the unknown until not even the slightest trace of it could be seen. "Please, someone please help me." I was such a fool to think anyone would even hear me, to expect anyone to see me sit on the ground with my eyes ready to escape my sockets as all the air inside my lungs struggled to escape my body, maybe in fear of dealing with the current panic.
There were some kids nearby, one of them holding a ball, and the more I tried to look at them, the more my vision betrayed me, playing sick jokes on me and showing me faded colours of the few trees in our neighbourhood. They were looking at me, whispering and frowning, even through my tears I could see the temptation in their eyes. The desire to approach me, mixed with the fear of confronting a stranger, trapped in the vulnerable state I was still trying to stop. With every shaky breath I took in hope of getting rid of the numbness within myself, the more I drowned into the sorrow.
"Let's go," one of the boys whispered, dragging the other kid with him and making him drop the ball. "She scares me."
My eyes trailed to my hands, staring at the palms before rubbing them against my feet. The back of my hands wiped the stray tears left on my cheeks, its harsh touch leaving red marks on my skin. Their words were ringing, repeating and twisting in my head, only for me to bite my lips and face the ground. I was scared of myself, too, in moments like these, lacking the control I once had over myself. Pathetic, in the light of shy rays sneaking through branches, I was ruining the peaceful athmosphere of my brotherhood by staying here on the ground and looking like a mess.
I wiped my knees, the pebbles on the pavement sticking to them, not daring to let go without leaving red marks carved into my skin, and sat. Glancing around, I only spotted the houses of my neighbours, not even a sign of living, even in the middle of the day. "Only a single sign, to keep fighting for my control. That's what I need..."
I stepped into the convinience store, icy air coming from the AC embracing my body as I shivered a bit. After spotting the drinks aisle, I headed to the various bottles of soda, their colours sparkling in my eyes. I bit my lower lip, looking at the prices and sighing, tap water would be fine, too.
"Seungmin, you goddamn cun- Don't hang up, we need to talk-" my body jumped, tensing up at the sudden loud voice that came from the end of the aisle and kept getting closer to where I was sat, stunned by the shock. "This bitch." the boy hissed, rubbing his temples and he put his phone in his back pocket. His cheeks puffed, exhaling sharply as his eyes darted the first thing in his way, that being my eyes. I blinked a few times, turning my gaze towards the colourful bottles in front of me once again. "You look like a mess, kid." the stranger mumbled, picking a bottle of coke as he opened the cap and took a big gulp. My eyes widened once again, looking around for any cameras or employees who could see him opening the bottle before even paying for it. "Don't worry, I'm not going to put it back on the shelf."
"U-uh, I-" I took a deep breath. "Do I look that bad?"
The quietness of my mumbled words made the boy raise an eyebrow. "Kind of. Stay safe, kid-"
"Roro," I stated firmly, making eye-contact with him, my bold action being the reason his lips curved up into a smile. "It's Roro."
"Then, Roro, take care of yourself," he shrugged, walking past me with his bottle of coke in his arms. "I'm Jisung."
I watched him leave the shop after paying, the bell jingling behind his steps as he disappeared in the distance. I fished out my phone, staring at my reflection in the black screen and only managed to swallow my spit in a failed attempt to get rid of the lump in my neck. His name stained its way in my head, burning, blurring, twisting, turning.
Jisung. The sign I kept seeking until the moment I was ready to sell myself to my poisoned mind, the boy who came into my life with loud non-sense and left what I craved for such a long time. The sweet taste of caring words, his milky voice blooming before my ears, the boy wouldn't even know the riot starting within myself.
It's either me, or the emptiness. Who's in control now?
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