Things

Things that makes me happy or sad. Sometimes there will be things that are truly just things.

[parajade-blog1]

Maybe.

I think I might have loved him. It's crazy to think, that if the timing had been different or the circumstances not quite what they are, he could have loved me too. However, there was no happy ending. The circumstances were as they were and the timing was as it was. In this life, we could never be in love together.

[parajade-blog1]

“I don’t want to hurt you.” The words leave your lips as your hand wraps around my neck.

The boy that broke me.

[parajade-blog1]

PAUSE

The world around us Seems to pause. Your lips ever so slightly touched mine. One hand in my hair The other on my thigh Pulling and squeezing You're working for what you want And for a split second I pull away To look into your eyes and see the way you see me A slight smile hits my lips You asked what I'm looking at. I can't explain it. It's just a look on your face PLAY you pull back You don't understand and you start to overthink You act like I hurt you. So I try to start over PAUSE I kiss your neck and along your earlobe My hips grind against your lap My hand does more detailed work I lower myself down. Preparing to go just a bit farther PLAY you don't want to feel guilty You think you should just handle it alone You don't want to hurt me. I'm sorry I don't know how to treat you He says I'm sorry I feel like I'm using you He says. I'm a terrible person he says STOP ROLL CREDITS I get out of the car. Tell him goodbye. He thanks me for talking to him. I tell him anytime. Because this will happen again in a month. And then a month after that. And then a month after. And he will continue to press play, when the world feels paused.

[promisesofamazing]

i want you to know how sorry i am for the way i loved you and how it made you not love yourself.

Voicemails I wish I had gotten.// deeply feeling series (via promisesofamazing)

[inkskinned]

i lived my life open garden. i loved weeds and wildflowers. something about you seemed better, all stable walls and home decor. it took me a long time to realize that you can paint a room yellow but you can’t make it warm. when i kissed you i always had to kiss first. holding your hand was an exercise in timing. i only had so many minutes before you let go. sorry, can’t hear you, the connection is dying. i really wanted to be yours. i really wanted it to work. 

[nasagal]

(not so) Breaking News: I’m sad again and everyone’s tired of hearing about it

[excerptsofyou]

We’ll forever be an almost. We almost made it and I almost believed you really cared.

You were almost mine

// a.s

(via mylifeinajournal)

[wont-time-love-us]

I haven’t stayed up this late in awhile and my head is spinning like it did that time I drank too much at that party last Halloween and threw up on the side of the road and called you on the walk back home. you said you kept the voicemails but maybe she made you delete them. or maybe she didn’t need to make you. maybe you were sick of the constant reminder that I was under your skin I was there I was there I was THERE. but we don’t miss each other now, right? now it’s empty love. empty sentiments. i talked to her in the library and my heart didn’t break. she reminds me of me but prettier I think. but when it gets this late it’s easy to remember why I wanted you for so long. you were always awake and I was always lonely. now you’re still awake and I’m still lonely but it’s just not about us anymore. i don’t want you back and i never feel like calling. not even when I’ve had too much to drink and i know you’re alone.

if this is a fairy tale ending we’ll never talk again– lily rain (via wont-time-love-us)

[tullipsink]

So they leave and you drown yourself in vodka or get high until you can’t feel your own heart beating inside of your chest because you want to forget you always want to forget So you cry a little or maybe a lot and kiss boys who don’t mean a damn thing to you just to get the feeling of them confused with someone else’s taste but it still hurts and you always do seem to end up on your knees hours later on the floor of your dimly lit bathroom with an aching heart and burning throat And maybe you’ll throw things out your bedroom window at two in the morning or scream into your pillow until your lungs feel like it’ll collapse from lack of air letting out every curse every broken promise they have ever given you because you’re angry again you are always so angry So you’ll laugh it off when your friends ask if you’re okay because you look like shit again and you’ll smile at boys even if you don’t mean it not once and you pretend to be over it when someone mentions their name but you know deep down you’re breaking apart all over again.

A.M.// morning pain (via tullipsink)

[parajade-blog1]

"Don't tell me you're not ashamed of me when you can't admit you ever loved me"

-you don't care about me and I know it.

[written-on-polaroids]

Because 12 shots of vodka burn less than the hole he left in me.

When they asked me why I drink so much. (via written-on-polaroids)

[parajade-blog1]

I was in a car accident and now can’t be in a vehicle without panicking I flinch at turns And hold my breath at intersections. I guess it’s not much different than how I react to people since you hurt me. I flinch when they touch me like you did. And I can’t help but hold my breath when they come close.

[parajade-blog1]

Spark

I felt a spark when you kissed me. I haven't felt it since you left. And now I kiss everyone I meet. Searching for the spark you stole from me In the lips of others just as lost.

[prolixen]

do what makes you happy research obscure products from the 90’s dye your hair unnatural colors walk home alone with nothing but your music ink your favorite quote into your skin take pictures with your friends kiss that stranger at 1 am  wear too much makeup or not enough cover your laptop with stickers of your favorite bands  fall in love with yourself and all you are life is much too short to not do everything you want

be you. ( @prolixen )

[parajade-blog1]

"There was fire in my chest when he kissed me and I guess I should have been more concerned, because you burned my heart to dust. "

-the boy that broke me.

[thoughtsofirii]

“Love me” I gasp into your mouth Trying to swallow you whole in one crushing kiss As you’re pressed up against me and your hands are desperate keys Searching for the locks That unlock and unleash me

You’re grabbing onto me as if I were a cliff you were hanging onto And letting go would be what kills you.   Every breath of exasperation Every touch of desperation overwhelming my senses

I love this language we’re speaking we’re dancing in a rhythm pertaining only to us our trembling hands and rocking hips our scattered breaths and heavy beating hearts scream louder than we could ever with words

-when 2 become 1

iri.i

march 12 2017

[blossomfully]

“Tell me it meant something,” she said. “Or tell me it meant nothing.” “Or tell me how tragic it is that I cannot decide which is worse.”

Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #94 (via missinyouiskillingme)