[free-my-mindd]

[wyrm-boy]

[stuckinapril]

I promise you things will get so much better when you start processing people’s behavior as information rather than a verdict on your self-worth. If someone doesn’t text back, suddenly pulls away, whatever it may be, the solution isn’t to put on a tap dance for them and try to regain their approval. It’s not to crash out on them and try to force them to react a certain way. It’s just to take a step back, take a deep breath, and assess what this tells you. What’s this saying about them? What’s this saying about you??

[teaboot]

On of the less intuitive things about love, I've found, of any kind, is the importance of needing things.

I didn't realize it until recently, but I've always seen love as something requiring sacrifice, selflessness, patience, and generosity- to ask for nothing is to be the best person I can be, small and quiet and never in the way, always happy and helpful, self-sufficient and present when desired.

It's only as an adult, now, that I'm beginning to see the selfishness of wanting nothing.

I cut my friend's hair in my kitchen the other day. They wanted a trim and I had the skills, so I offered, and was genuinely excited when they stopped hesitating over "bothering me" and took me up on it. It was a peaceful afternoon, and we had tea and chatted for an hour or more.

My brother and I shared popcorn at the movies a while ago. When I came time to pay, I pulled my card out like a wild western sheriff and slapped it on the machine before he could fight me for it first. The satisfaction was delightful.

Someone called me crying on the phone the other day. Kept apologizing for disturbing me at work, talking about how they were bothering me on my lunch break. I was telling the truth when I told them that really, I was flattered and honored and relieved, knowing that if they were hurting I would know, that I didn't have to worry in silence. It felt good to hear them slowly come down, and to know that they knew it would be better soon, and to hear them laugh wetly on the other end. We're getting together for a visit next week.

It's hard to need things, if you've trained yourself not to. It's hard to want things, when you don't know how to want anymore. Trusting people is difficult, and so is relying on them, but I don't know where I'd be without the people who rely on me.

I've heard a lot of people say, "Nobody will love you unless you love yourself". I've had a lot of thoughts about it. It's not right, but it's not wrong, either, I think.

"Nobody will love you unless you love yourself"... I've always taken that to mean, "You will not be lovable until you develop a positive view of yourself as a person".

Now, I think it's sort of inside-out.

"Nobody will love you unless you love yourself"... because nobody can show their love to you in a way that you can accept until you treat yourself kindly, and learn what you need, and what you want, and how to ask for it, and then give that vulnerability away.

Love, for me, is someone I ask for a ride to the airport. Whether they end up doing this or not is irrelevant.

It's not needy, or selfish, or taking up energy. It's giving the gift of being wanted, and needed, and thought of. It's giving someone the security of being part of someone's life.

[whyenn-reader]

as good of a time as any to share my list of activities I do during what i like to call Scheduled Soul Maintenence to avoid burnout

go on an aimless bike/ride/walk - move your body, do it for as long as you feel like it, discover new places near you weather that is a frog or a cafe

watch a new movie/read a new book/listen to a new album - get inspired, excercise having opinions and longer attention span, break out of consuming content and make a choice about what you want to expirience

create something in a medium i haven't used in a while - get out of a habit, rekindle a flame you haven't been upkeeping, making a friendship bracelet counts

go have a fun new drink/snack - arguably most important, have a little treat without rush, slow down and focus on physical sensations, treat yourself in a way that isn't landfillcore

meet with friends and/or go to a place where you meet strangers - human connection is good for you, (maybe some casual sex if you like that/try something new with your partner)

make some bad art - create for the sake of creating without any expectations

play an instrument - this can be anything that makes you reach a kind of flow state

go see something you haven't yet - get to know the cultural/geographical map of your area, this includes events, places, or just anything that makes you go out of your way to expirience something new, can be like a viewpoint or it can be a museum exhibit, anything you find cool

cook/bake something new - nurish your body, break out of cooking habits and routine, make it an event, plate it nicely too and i would like to point out that none of these have to cost more money than your usual lifestyle.

[hachisenshi]

Reminder to myself

[storybookprincess]

one of the best ways i’ve found to combat that inherent depressive pessimism without veering into toxic positivity territory is simply the phrase “i’m open to the possibility”

this particularly works with anything negative i’ve forecasted. “i woke up feeling like shit today, so my day is gonna suck” isn’t a particularly helpful thought, but “it’s a great day to be alive!!!!!” feels hollow and insincere when i have a pounding headache & am running on three hours of sleep

instead i’ll tell myself, “i really don’t feel good right now, but i’m open to the possibility that coffee and breakfast might perk me up a bit.” or “i’m in a lot of pain today, but i’m open to the possibility that my workday might still have fun parts despite that”

sometimes, when your impulse is to slam the door on anything good, but you’re not exactly up to going out & hunting it down yourself, leaving the door open just a crack makes all the difference

[yujateaandpi]

This helped me today hope it helps someone else too

[doomedvoyages]

In terms of like, Please For The Love Of God Get Hobbies That Aren’t Scrolling Through An App For Six Hours A Day, I understand and experience completely the argument of like. with the stressors of modern work, you don’t have the energy at the end of the day to do anything but mindlessly watch Netflix and scroll through your phone. but like I would like to gently encourage you to simply force yourself for a time to do something instead of pick up your phone, bc the phone is literally designed to light up your brain with no effort from you whatsoever and it does in fact rot your brain. It makes literally anything but scrolling on your phone seem difficult and joyless. But if you stop scrolling on your phone all the time, and start like, reading or embroidering or gardening or going for walks, you will eventually find the joy in them once more

I understand and it is true that it is hard to have a life outside work and scrolling but there is not a near future where that won’t be the case and you should still live a life. And you won’t create a future where that isn’t the case if you don’t have the confidence and experience and drive to fight for it

[invertprivileges]

https://forge.medium.com/get-the-most-from-your-limited-free-time-84de1bc3096

the trick is to recognize that there’s nothing intrinsically exhausting about reading a book or painting a picture or doing any of the activities that are meaningful to you. What makes these things seem exhausting is the fact that they’re now competing with cheaper stimulation. In a paper published in Behavioral and Brain Sciences, a group of psychologists suggested that the feeling of effort is a sensation of opportunity costs. When you’re doing something and an alternative activity promises to be easier and more immediately rewarding, the original activity feels effortful.

Therefore, if you want to do the things that matter, you need to make the alternatives less salient. Reading will be hard when Netflix is always an option. Family time will seem boring if your phone is always within arm’s reach. Easier will beat better if it’s always available.

[luckyrabbits]

y’all ever remember something extremely embarrassing and just feel horrible about it

[fuuzis-trash-dump]

Pro Tip: Try to think of something embarrassing some else has done. You probably can't. Which means no one else remembers the cringe thing you did.

[luckyrabbits]

wait that actually helps so much

[airandangels]

Or it will be so embarrassing your embarrassing thing dwindles by comparison, like that time Ted Cruz liked a porn video on Twitter.

[aroyalpaininthecass]

I can remember some embarrassing things others did, but I figure if I can excuse others' cringe, I can excuse mine. And anyone else who can't isn't worth associating with.

[draconym]

It burns my biscuits whenever I hear someone say that a person or group "doesn't contribute to society." Society is comprised of people. Those people are society. Society exists for and because of the people in it. It's like when I'm bicycling in the city and some schmuck leans out the window of his lifted pickup and yells at me for "blocking traffic." Bitch, I am traffic.

[dinosaur-ears]

An incomplete list of reasons why crafting helps my mental health (and might help yours, too):

It stops me from doom scrolling: can't go on social media if my hands are full of yarn.

It gives me a sense of agency: a lot of things are messed up in a way that's beyond my control, but I can make something that didn't used to exist. It's evidence that I'm alive and I can impact the world, even if the impact is small.

It builds my tolerance for mistakes: I grew up a perfectionist , which is really bad for my wellness and my ability to complete tasks. But crafts are a great source of low-stakes mistakes to help me learn how to handle imperfection. And while there are certainly mistakes I'll always fix, I also have many opportunities to decide a mistake is acceptable and leave it in favor of getting to the finish line.

It interrupts rumination: even if I'm still chewing on some troubling news, it's not front of mind if I need to focus on getting this seam straight or whatever

It helps me meet good people: although there are obvious exceptions, I've found most craft-centered spaces (IRL and online) to be full or supportive, kind, helpful people in all walks of life

It encourages a growth mindset: I'm always learning new things in crafting, and that builds my identity as someone who can grow and improve.

And finally, making your own clothes is empowering: I know this is specific to fiber crafts, but it's important. When you make your own clothes, you flip the notion that you're supposed to "fit into" a certain size and instead remember that clothes are supposed to fit you. You get to learn how to dress the body you have with love and care, instead of allowing manufacturers decide how clothes should look.

[rthwrms]

like i was saying

[moveslikekeithrichards]

choose to enjoy things consciously and deliberately. if you come into possession of something extra nice, dont wait for a special occasion to use it. make using it feel like a special occasion.

example: i was gifted a set of tiny fancy sample jars of jam for christmas. when i make toast with them i make a point of sitting somewhere comfortable and enjoying it with tea and taking my time and thinking about how nice they taste. it isnt a big ordeal, just a conscious decision to create a pleasant moment and enjoy it.

you dont need to save a special treat indefinitely for the right occasion, but you can make enjoying your treat feel special.

and you dont even need a "special" treat to do this. you can simply decide "i am going to slow down and enjoy my breakfast today," or "i am going to make a point of savoring my shower today," maybe ask yourself what steps you can take to make the moment nice for yourself, and make the effort to take pleasure in the mundane. if this is not something youre already doing, consider it your homework

[moveslikekeithrichards]

this sounds obvious until you find yourself deep in a rut and realize youve been forgetting to live. when life makes itself unenjoyable it becomes difficult to find enjoyment. thats why its important to be conscious of it and really think about it and to purposefully create pleasant moments for yourself and make a point of taking them in

[moveslikekeithrichards]

small steps that ive personally used to help me enjoy things more, when applicable:

sit in a different spot than usual

use a nice scent (candle, lotion, soap, whatever is applicable in the moment)

use a favorite cup/plate/etc

remove the usual distractions (for me and many of us, phone & laptop)

do something to add comfort (extra pillow or blanket, sitting in the shower, favorite soft clothing, etc)

slow down!!!!!!! its like i tell my kindergartners: dont just rush to get it done!

put on music, preferably out loud rather than with headphones, but you do you

include a favorite beverage or snack

use your senses. think about the way things feel in your hands and the sounds etc. immerse yourself in the moment

[helperhoopoe]

remember to cry for help without guilt-tripping. i know it feels like you’ve been abandoned and betrayed, but it’s probably not true, and it’s not okay to accuse the people around you of something they might not have done.

“i guess none of you like me” could be better phrased as “i feel unloved right now”

“but nobody cares anyway” could be better phrased as “i feel insignificant and i need reassurance”

rather than assuming others’ feelings, give them time to explain them. you’ll usually get a much better answer.

[randomslasher]

This is really important for future predictions, too. “You’re eventually going to leave me” is impossible for someone else to disprove without just sticking around forever, but no one wants to stick around when they’re being constantly accused of future abandonment. Giving someone no choice but to either stay with you forever in order to prove you wrong or leave you and prove you right is incredibly emotionally manipulative, whether you mean it to be or not.

“I get scared sometimes because I’m afraid of being alone again” is easier to address and doesn’t leave your partner(s)/friend(s) feeling as though they’re being preemptively accused of something.  

[nothorses]

you do kind of have to actively shape how you feel a little bit. you can't just like, passively wait for the world to impress and inspire you. you have to choose to look for it & you have to choose to find it.

[batbetbitbotbut]

take your feelings out for regular exercise to build their strength and endurance

[sashayed]

has anyone figured out how to turn off the thing where you love your pet so much it slides inexorably into grief-borrowing

[boomstab-papa]

[augustshaped]

[cadencedcat]

SALLY GRISSOM???

[nuttysaladtree]

Per prev's tags, the TikTok is by Kristen Dimercurio, the voice of Sally Grissom. She plays two characters here: the person who's struggling to manage their ADHD ("Blanketed") and their friend.

Until someone else comes up with a transcript: Blanketed is struggling specifically with the ability to do tasks that they do not want to do. Friend introduces the Hot Stove Conundrum: that Blanketed's brain will treat doing these kinds of tasks as if being demanded to hold their hand on a red hot stove. Three (ish) solutions are:

A. Mindfully avoiding unnecessary hot stoves. Think through the consequences of not doing the task, and removed it from your to-do if they can be avoided without actually deleterious consequences.

B. Decrease the [subconsciously] perceived threat level of what remains. The specifics vary by person, and Friend notes that for some people, "therapy and medication go a long way" and many ADHD tips, like adding nice sensory experiences (listen to something you like, wear a shirt you like) to counterbalance the "hot stoves" or body doubling, fall into this category.

B (part 2) Blanket remarks that they'd rather continue avoiding the tasks, and Friend compares it to being forced to touch a hot stove at gunpoint: "You'll get it done, but at what cost?" (Blanketed: "Is that why I work so well under pressure?")

C. Treating doing these tasks like the challenges they are, instead of minimizing them by comparing yourself to neurotypical people who accomplish tasks with ease. Being mindful of the true difficulty of these tasks makes it easier to practice challenging yourself and using rusty skills like handling complex logistics or exercising patience. It is also kinder to yourself and gives you the opportunity to reward yourself.

[liones-s]

one of the biggest things I can advocate for (in academia, but also just in life) is to build credibility with yourself. It’s easy to fall into the habit of thinking of yourself as someone who does things last minute or who struggles to start tasks. people will tell you that you just need to build different habits, but I know for me at least the idea of ‘habit’ is sort of abstract and dehumanizing. Credibility is more like ‘I’ve done this before, so I know I can do it, and more importantly I trust myself to do it’. you set an assignment goal for the day and you meet it, and then you feel stronger setting one the next day. You establish a relationship with yourself that’s built on confidence and trust. That in turn starts to erode the barrier of insecurity and perfectionism and makes it easier to start and finish tasks. reframing the narrative as a process of building credibility makes it easier to celebrate each step and recognize how strong your relationship with yourself can become

[robin-teddybear]

it's kinda comforting to me when my friends are a little annoying or longwinded or abrasive or tired and inarticulate, or they don't do the exact politest thing in every interaction, and stuff, because I know I'm sometimes annoying, or take up a more than my share of conversational space, or forget to ask them questions, etc etc, and... like, I'm always working to be nice to my friends and to get better and better at friend-ing, but it just makes me feel more human about it :}

anyway I love you friends plz know I'm not counting, in fact I feel great affection toward you even (especially) when conversations go less than Perfectly Ideal

[saulwexler]

I'm not proud to say it but this line from a 60 year old detective novel made me re-think some things about friendship