in somnis veritas @pasitheas - Tumblr Blog

Me: I’m scared I might secretly be an awful person and I’m just fooling everyone into thinking I’m good.

Therapist: the fact that you care so deeply about being a bad person is proof that you’re actually good. Bad people don’t mind being bad.

Me: oH NO, I have fooled her too,

bekflskgkslhllr-deactivated2022

tfw ur dissociating™ and someone calls ur name or a car stops for u to cross the road and ur just like,,,, me?? am i real? do i exist???

#i hate being suddenly forced to confront the fact that i actually exist and can affect the world and it feels weird im not responsible enoug

fourthell

im starting to irritate myself with my poor mental health like damn can a bitch just keep it together for a minute

pariaaaaah

k let me get this straight

#1: feel everything in 8 seconds

#2: feel nothing for 8 months

wildbpd-deactivated20200301

Cutting

Some people still see cutting as cool. It’s not.

what cutting is: It’s feeling the sting when water runs over your cuts. It’s the fabric of your clothes rubbing up against them. It’s cleaning them to make sure they don’t get infected. It’s keeping them hidden at all times. It’s wearing long sleeves even when it’s hot outside. It’s not wanting to wear a swim suit because of your scars or healing cuts. It’s putting make up on them trying to make them disappear when you have to be uncovered. It’s hiding cuts with bracelets. It’s being very careful out in public to make sure your scars or cuts don’t show. It’s saying you’re clean when someone asks you if you are. Even if you’re not. Including doctors and therapists. It’s the pain that comes with every movement. It’s hating yourself for ever starting to self harm. It’s not wanting to stop. It’s being asked questions about your scars or cuts if they get seen. It’s being confronted by people when they find out. It’s the disappointment you feel after you do it and when people find out. It’s living in constant fear that someone might see your cuts or scars. It’s saying “the cat did it” when someone finds out. It’s the itching as they are healing and trying your hardest not to scratch them. It’s wanting to cut for every little thing you do wrong. Its relapsing after being clean for almost a year. It’s an addiction.

what cutting is NOT: beautiful, pretty, romantic, cool, poetic, or a fad.

bottom line,

CUTTING IS DANGEROUS AND AN ADDICTION AND IT’S NOT PRETTY !!

thingstotellthem

you made me think that putting others before myself is normal. i grew up thinking i was doing the right thing, that i was kind for caring about others and not myself. i was destroying myself piece by piece because i thought it was right.

traumaseraph

Fun Trauma Things :)

Feeling betrayed when people defend or sympathize with your abuser(s)

Severe abandonment issues

Constantly questioning if you deserved the abuse

Am I actually a terrible person or am I just internalizing things my abuser(s) have said to me??

Purposefully seeking out toxic relationships to further destroy your mental health

Restoring to destructive coping mechanisms because you never learned how to self-soothe

Having a panic attack when someone raises their voice at you

Constantly reinventing yourself because you’re paranoid about turning into your abuser(s)

Never being completely certain which memories are real

Difficulty creating and maintaining close relationships due to trust issues

Tons of uncertainty regarding your religious identity

What if I’m just faking everything for attention?

Fluctuating between hating yourself and hating your abuser(s)

Hypersexuality and other forms of sexual dysfunction

Craving abuse and mistreatment and despising yourself for it

Denying yourself love and comfort because you want to suffer alone and you don’t even deserve it anyways

Picking up on the slightest change of tone in someone’s voice

Projecting the mentality of your abuser(s) onto everyone you know, because if one person who you’re close with can hurt you, so can every other person too!

Maybe I was the abuser all along? Maybe I’m just being manipulative and selfish and I’m actually a horrible abusive monster??

Minuscule, insignificant things reminding you of The Bad Memories and inducing a mental breakdown

Wishing your abuser(s) had just killed you instead of leaving you alive to suffer for the rest of your life

Dissociating for weeks on end, then suddenly having an explosive meltdown because you spilled your cereal

Feeling angry at everyone around you for never noticing the blatantly obvious symptoms of early-onset trauma

Persistent feelings of worthlessness, because if your abuser(s) don’t love you, it must mean you’re completely unlovable

Connecting the dots between traumatic memories and mental health issues you have while psychoanalyzing yourself in the shower

Inescapable suicidal thoughts at all times, always

palevirgin

trauma culture is wanting to write a post about trauma culture then deleting because you probably aren’t traumatized enough to talk about it

traumaticbackstory

the-unlucky-thirteen

Growing up neglected can mean you don’t feel like you get to be picky about who gives you attention or what kind of attention you even get, you cling onto anyone who acknowledges your existence and it can end up so painful