pastself

fandom old. she/her. multifandom mess. Still on the Starker bandwagon.

[pastself]

the obligatory pinned post

the links: fic @ ao3 / my writing tag (tumblr extras) / my edit tag / fic recs tumblr (hiatus) / my carrd (for other socials)

Currently working thinking on: Bare Chapter 15 (20/3/26 - I hate endings.)

[jetlagupdates]

Ben tweeted!

[idontwanttoboldlygo]

which could mean nothing

[jetlagaccepted]

[knifefightscene]

[snackboyz]

excuse me

[pastself]

thank you @shivanessadraws for encouraging me crawl out of my hiatus to share a WIP excerpt. I'm afraid it's not from Bare, but, er, hope people enjoy?

Here's what you need to know: Endgame AU, XMFC Modern AU, Post-snap!Peter "doesn't belong here", Charles Xavier/Peter Parker, Tony/Pepper background, Charles/Erik background, Peter Parker/Tony Stark unrequited feelings realisation – OR ARE THEY

Mr. Stark never, not once, called him “darling”.

--

Then, at the start of Michaelmas in Peter’s third year, Charles Xavier wandered into the Merton College bar and changed Peter’s life.

But then, of course he did. Charles’s kindness changed everyone’s lives.

It shouldn’t work that way. His radical empathy should have hurt him, but it only made him more powerful. It drew people to him — even more than his privilege and money and brilliance, and yes, Peter saw the similarities to Mr. Stark, but it was hard to care.

Because Charles Xavier picked Peter — of all people — to call his friend.

The night they met, they talked about Charles’s doctoral project until the sky turned pink and Charles followed him to his first class of the morning,"I only just found you, darling. I'm not leaving you now." And as Charles drifted to sleep in the dark lecture theater, head on Peter’s shoulder, the weight of him was a balm.

They matched, him and Charles.

With him, Peter was one half of a pair — and it wasn’t what he had with Ned. Or May.

Or Mr. Stark.

Ned didn’t lie his head on Peter’s lap while reminiscing about the best pizza slices in the city. May didn’t braid Peter flower crowns of daisies while describing her frustration with peer review.

And no matter that they both loved to talk about Peter’s research, Mr. Stark had never, not once, called him “darling”.

So three weeks after meeting Charles, as they lay in the sun, light making Charles’s eyes shine bright, and blue, and brilliant — Peter told him about Spider-Man.

Unprompted, mid-conversation.

Just because he wanted Charles to know.

Charles smiled, leaned up, and kissed Peter. Gently. Softly — like the ghost Peter used to be.

And a voice in Peter’s mind said, I know, dearest. I always have. Now, here’s a secret of my own. It’s yours to keep.

Peter spent most nights with Charles, after that. And as his stuff drifted out of his dorm room and into Charles’s flat, his uncertainty about staying at Oxford for his Master’s suddenly vanished.

Enough people had abandoned Charles. Peter would never count in their company.

Charles wore his wounds with pride — unashamed and unafraid — but they still bled over. Peter felt them as his own. The years of abuse, and experimentation, and isolation. Then the hope of acceptance, gone with the Snap — carving a hole in Charles’s heart the shape of a man.

Yet Charles called himself lucky.

Lucky to have survived at all and lucky to have found Peter.

“There’s always room for hope. We’re proof of that.”

He gave Peter hope and Peter loved him for it.

It didn’t matter that they weren’t in love because, for the first time since the dust, Peter had somewhere he belonged.

Almost as quickly as Charles entered his life, Mr. Stark found out about him.

“Did you just say hols?” he teased during their monthly call. “Two years in, and you’ve never code switched once. You got yourself tied up with a local, didn’t you?”

“Um.”

“English? Scottish? Blonde? Age? C’mon, give me details.” It sounded like he was taking notes. “How serious are we talking? 1 out of 10.”

What kind of number could he give to a bond for life that wasn’t quite true love? “… an eight? Brunette. Four years older. New Yorker, actually — there were just a lot of boarding schools.”

Mr. Stark made a considering sound. “I’ll want to meet an eight. Is she in engineering?”

She.

Peter's stomach twisted as anticipation and anxiety mixed together dangerously. He hadn’t prepared for this. For Mr. Stark knowing.

These weren’t the nerves he felt when he came out to May.

They were something else entirely.

“Actually, um… he's in medicine. Neurology.”

Silence met his reply and something new slipped between them. Heavy and pointed and big enough, finally, for Peter to recognize.

Peter... wanted.

Wanted Mr. Stark's jealousy, his laughter, his attention. He wanted what he saw in Charles's memories and he’d wanted it since the Snap. No amount of “parenting” from Mr. Stark would be enough; he understood that now.

And understood how impossible the ask was.

(He's married. Married with children, one of whom he basically thinks is you, what the fuck is wrong with you, Parker.)

Tony cleared his throat. “Hitting up the soft sciences, huh? This guy must be special.”

Peter’s mouth opened, but only dust came out. His vision blurred.

“I’m in London,” Mr. Stark said into his silence — the first Peter’d heard of it. “I'll come up and meet him. Give me two hours. We’ll make a night of it.”

It wasn’t a question.

[emily-e-draws]

Another sharp blow, at his right arm: he blocked it as well, but this time five inches of steel did indeed snap off, scoring a thin line across his jaw before it tumbled away, red-gold in the reflected firelight.

[monwillica]

some badam for @yes-your-ouppy

[pastself]

Many The Pitt Fans Are Proving That Yes, It's Possible To Be Bad At Watching A TV Show - SlashFilm

The Pitt has inspired a very passionate, very vocal fandom, and some viewers seem to be having difficulty grappling with the show's second s

[smileyobrien]

um. guys.......

[baltharino]

Star Trek: The Original Series 1x23 | A Taste of Armageddon

[pastself]

[dailymarvelstudios]

Tony Stark IRON MAN 2

[skybson]

2x10 - Sactuary

[marveluniverse2015]

[pastself]

An outpouring of ~thoughts~ about Ep 7 of The Pitt.

Appreciated Dr. Al’s backstory - she definitely has some capital-T trauma as everyone suspected! I was extra happy to see her start to warm to Santos and immediately bond with Abbot (and in front of Robby haha).

LOVE, LOVE, LOVED the conversation between Robby and Santos. Did I find it a bit weird that they were close enough to speak so personally, yet he didn’t know Huckleberry was “hanging out” with the widow? Yes. But also - what a lovely, revealing bit of exposition. Those two really have his back.

While I’m at it: very glad he checked in on whether Langdon spoke to her.

NGL, I had a bit of schadenfreude at Langdon zoning out and Mel being the one who had to step in for him. Honestly, I’m not sure what on earth he was expecting. Robby gave him the best possible response given the way they’d left it. He should have been prepared with something about planning to prove himself, even if his feelings were hurt. (Reader: I could give two shits about his feelings. Hope he snaps out of the pity spiral.)

I remain confused by people who ship Abbot and Mohan. Honestly, half the time I still call them whatstheirname in my head, but… cool, I guess? I’m glad you’re happy?

The entire rape kit scene was so traumatic. It's such bullshit that criminal justice systems require victims to go through yet more trauma. Dana was so kind and gentle, but this is horrible trauma for her too ffs.

Loved our new nurse in those scenes too. She hardly said a thing, but she handled it all so, so well. Her line about finding snacks was exactly right.

Ohohoh, Dr. Al’s “that was an unsubtle hint” comment about nurses taking the SA training was fab. A definite hint for all the nurses/doctors who watch the show.

Back to Dana: this poor woman deserves to quit, move to an island and be served cocktails. Everyone would be lost without her, but she’s been through enough already.

Javadi’s dad playing the nepotism card in the middle of her workday was very sweet and very embarrassing. Poor kid. I feel like we aren’t getting enough of her this season.

Same goes for Mel, in a way – though they did give us the lovely scene where Robby calls her amazing, and even her sister tries to reassure her. That was so sweet.

I CANNOT believe they managed to find a way to get Isa to sing without it feeling forced! She is so talented. It would've been a WASTE not to hear her at least once.

Loved the whole baby scene too, shockingly, given my main interest in that child is whether or not it has measles.

(The women’s vs. men’s response to babies crying was textbook)

Loved how ick the hospital big boss was. Calling Dr. Al because of her background made sense, but of course it was poorly handled. It’s as if the hospital is actively trying to make Robby hate Dr. Al.

Overall, I enjoyed this week’s more than last. I hardly ever felt the urge to yell at them to close the fucking privacy curtains! Huzzah!