Why I’m into Sacred Womanhood (and what that means)
I wasn’t always rubbing rose oil on my womb, crocheting yoni’s and meditating on the Divine Feminine. In fact, when I first became a woman I hated it. The path of what I label as Sacred Womanhood (i.e. Path of Sacred She) is a path that evolved over many years and for many different reasons. Today, I will share my journey of hating having a female body, finding my way through different feminist expressions, thinking I was a lesbian, then realizing I was not, to finally coming home to my inner Sacred She sanctuary.
Photo courtesy Immortal Sol
I remember being 11 years old sitting huddled up in bed with my two best friends. We were whispering confidences to each other. We began talking about a new and strange and scary territory: periods. None of us had gotten it yet and we wondered what it would be like. I felt compelled to share my then most shameful secret. Hair had started growing in places where only adults had hair! I really, really hated this. My friends reassured me it was ok, and that it probably meant I would be getting my period soon.
As my body became plumper and curvier I looked with envy on my flat, straight 6 year old sister. She was as happy and carefree as ever, not concerned with the horrors of womanhood lurking to catch hold of her one day. I did not want to go through this metamorphosis from girl to woman. The very word “woman”, which in my native language Swedish is kvinna, made me think of cows. Someone who is raised for milk and meat.
Becoming a woman was a painful process and I think I spent at least 10 years of my life just trying to figure out how to exist and be happy in a woman’s body.
Photo courtesy Cecilia Kreuzberger
My first watering hole came in the form of feminism when I was 14. Two female volunteers from Save the Children came to our school to start a girl’s group. The concept was called an Ellen Group. Only 7 girls signed up, and I was one of them. Besides having a space to just talk about the things that then concerned us - boys, looks, what we wanted to be when growing up - the two volunteers also encouraged us to think positively about our bodies and our yonis. I remember being in shock after learning the word ‘lubrication’. In sexual education we had learnt about erection, but no one had told us that something happened at all with us girls when we got aroused. That we could get aroused. That just as boys needed to have an erection in order for that thing called sex to work, so we needed to experience lubrication. I wanted to shout about it from the roof tops.
I will be grateful to those volunteers and to the creator of the Ellen program as long as I live.
This was my introduction to feminism. Over the next few years - my late teens - I became what might be called an “angry feminist”. I was angry at patriarchy, I was angry at the men on the subway who pinched my butt, I was angry at the prospects of a mediocre salary for excellent work, I was angry at my boyfriend because sex was so uncomfortable. The central question for me during these years, and many years to come, was:
How can being a woman, being myself and being happy all coexist?
Sister, that’s a tricky one. What is your central question when it comes to yourself and womanhood? How do you answer it for yourself?
I thought I had found the answer one day at Burger King. I was 16 and with a group of kids much cooler than me. They were a year older and were the friend of my friend. The topic of being gay came up. One girl raised her voice:
“You’re not allowed to say anything against gay people, because I’m bisexual.”
I thought this was very impressive, her courage and her openness. I thought: maybe this is the answer. Maybe skip men altogether! After all, what did I really need men for? Having children seemed like a very distant thing, and anyway, there are sperm banks these days. My limited sexual experiences taught me that boys were clumsy at best, aggressive at worst. I decided to explore this area for myself, and almost overnight, I became a lesbian. I started building my feminist, men-free dream community.
Me age 18, trying to figure myself out. Photo courtesy Cecilia Kreuzberger.
Being part of this community was joyful. I learnt alternative, and invaluable, ways to express womanhood. I experienced how deeply and genuinely supportive women can be to one another when there are no men to compete over. The foundation for my future work with sisterhood was laid here.
At this point of my journey, I had come pretty far. I sort of liked my body. I had built a nice community of women. But there was something missing. It was like when you set a beautiful table, arranging napkins, bringing out the silver and special crystal cups, only to remember that you forgot to make any food.
What was the missing piece?
It was like trying to remember a song my mother sang when I was in her womb.
I was living transformation only on the surface. I had adopted feminist ideals, I surrounded myself with women. I was living “outside patriarchy”. Yet there was no place for my soul to live its mystery. There was no place for my body to be a soul manifest.
Photo courtesy Alessandra Lopes
My longing was answered by an ad in a newspaper. On a sunny afternoon I sat on my balcony flipping through a free magazine I had picked up at my local crystal shop. It was filled with ads for juice cleanses and horoscope readings. I read it half-interestedly. Then, my eye was caught by an ad for a school called the Sofia Institute, and a program called the Path of the Priestess (this was later renamed to School of Graceful Living and the Female Leadership Program). I will never forget the sensation in my chest. I was like my soul reached out a hand through my very bones, grabbed the newspaper and exclaimed: I want this!!!
During my time at School of Graceful Living is when I first came into contact with the concept of Sacred Womanhood. It was also the first time I ever felt truly at home with strangers. I realized that this was the community in which I belonged. Around the same time, I met the man who would become my husband and my world, views and community changed once more.
Immersing myself in Sacred Womanhood was food for my soul. I realized this is where my true calling is. I will make a humble attempt here to define what Sacred Womanhood can be and why it’s important. My definition is the result of me internalizing the beautiful teachings I received at School of Graceful Living and then spending the last few years offering the work of Sacred Womanhood to the world.
Joiners for the Women’s Temple. Photo courtesy Ka’imi Nicholson
Sacred Womanhood is when the mysterious creative, life-giving force of women is honored as sacred. When your period is more than just blood. When you dance your life with the moon and earth rhythms. When you find a way to feel your flesh as sacred, seeing yourself as a goddess made manifest. When you know in your heart how sisterhood heals the world. When you listen to the subtle songs of this vast universe, and you listen for the voice of the Great She.
You may call this path what you like. I name it Path of Sacred She.
Mizu Hirmoi being initiated as a Sacred She Yoga Teacher. Photo courtesy Amy Jolley.
