It’s just really fucking interesting to me that in inpatient psych wards/residential treatment facilities/troubled teen centers, literally anything you do is justification to abuse you more
If you are upset, if you say that the treatment you are receiving is hurting you, that’s proof that it’s WORKING! Because it’s not YOU that’s upset, oh no, it’s The Disorder. The more upset you get, the more you scream and cry and plead with us to stop, please, god, you’ll do whatever we want just stop please stop stop stop, it’s proof that we’re helping. It’s proof that the real you is coming back. You’re not upset about how you’re being treated, you’re ecstatic. That’s why the reaction is so strong - The Disorder is making you feel this way. We’re helping you. Think of it as an exorcism a favor. Don’t forget to say thank you.
If you’re compliant, if you’re going along with it because you’ve seen what the other people around you have been through for fighting back, it’s proof that you’re a good patient. You’re smart and right and obedient, you know how to help yourself. But don’t think you’re safe, no. Your status is only reserved for as long as you can keep up the charade. Don’t look scared. Don’t look anything, don’t look anywhere. If you don’t tell on your fellow patients for their nasty wrong bad behaviors, which we know you are doing, you’re bad. If you cry, you’re bad. If you stick up for anyone, you’re bad. Never forget, you could be them, you could be like that, any moment.
If you don’t talk about what’s bothering you in therapy and group, you’re a liar. You’re hiding something. You probably do ten different drugs all at once and maybe we should strip search you just to be sure, just so you’re safe. You’re probably hiding things in your clothing or your journal so we’re going to check every item of clothing after you take it off and before you put it on. We’re going to take your journal and if it’s not full of praise for us, you are not allowed to have one. We don’t know what you and the other liars might be talking about, so you’re not allowed anywhere with any other patients, and you must be silent at meal times. You are allowed to talk, in group, about how much better you feel. Better from what? You aren’t allowed to say. Better how? You aren’t allowed to say. But we’ve helped you, see? After all, it’s your responsibility to let the other patients know how much we’ve helped you. If you don’t, you’re a bad role model, you’re irresponsible, don’t you know how much you’re hurting them?
If you do talk about what’s bothering you in therapy and group, you’re a liar. That didn’t happen to you. If it did, it didn’t happen like you remember it. Sure, you felt like you were hurt, like you were abused, like it wasn’t fair, but remember, mental illness distorts how you see things. It doesn’t matter if it happened before you say you became mentally ill, you’ve likely always been ill, and didn’t you know that’s a distortion distortion distortion. Nobody has ever wanted to hurt you. Nobody has ever been mean to you. You need to stop victimizing yourself. You need to take responsibility for your actions. You need to own up to what you’ve done wrong. But never, ever go into detail in group. You can’t even say the name of your disorder, to do so might Trigger Other Patients. You don’t want to upset anyone, do you? You do that a lot, you know. Your existence is extremely upsetting. You should stay quiet, okay? Don’t let anyone know what you’ve told me. You can only tell me. And I’ll let you know that it didn’t really happen. We can’t have you telling other patients lies, after all. That might upset them.
If you don’t like your meds, that’s a sign that they’re working. It’s just The Disorder talking. If you do like your meds, you’re probably addicted. You’re crazy, crazy people are addicts. Just to be sure, we’re not going to let you drink any water, in case you’re taking drugs with it. We’re going to have you pee in a cup every morning. Wake up at 5 AM, it doesn’t matter if you slept, don’t you dare fall asleep on the floor, that’s noncompliant. Strip and get into a gown so we can weigh you. No, it doesn’t matter that the gown is transparent and shows your entire body, get over it. You need to let us help you.
If you’re over eighteen, you might think you can legally leave, but don’t be silly. If you ask to leave, we won’t give you the papers. We’ll tell you that we Just Don’t Talk About That. If you ask more than once, we might realize that we have to talk about that, but if you ask one time too many, it’s a sign that you’re noncompliant. You’re aggressive, you’re manipulative, you’re mean and nasty and you’re a liar, you’re only doing that because of The Disorder, you’re only doing that because your brain is bad and your thoughts are bad. The real you likes us. If you ask one more time, we’re going to court order you to stay here for as long as we decide you need. If you ask your parents, because don’t be silly, you aren’t your own authority, we’re going to tell them that you’re not ready. That if they let you come home, you would never be okay again. That if they love you, they will know how much you really need more treatment. That letting you come home would be a failure, and they’re so good, they’re such good parents, they couldn’t do that, could they? We’ll remind them, convince them, that if you do sign yourself out, you don’t deserve to come home. That letting you have a roof over your head, when you’re this crazy, is enabling. If they let you come home, they’re keeping you sick. It would really be better for everyone if they kicked you out and left you on the street, after all - that’s not enabling, so you might get better, finally, when you realize what’s at stake. Which you haven’t, yet, and that’s why you’re making such bad choices, like being ill, like being sad. We’re only encouraging them to set healthy boundaries, which only upsets you because you don’t understand the concept. We’re helping you. Thank us.
Don’t you dare tell anyone what’s happening here. We can always just tell them that it’s for your own good, that you’ve misinterpreted, but it’s dangerous, because someone might believe you. That would be trouble for us, trouble for our reputation. That would make you manipulative - didn’t you know that letting people feel sorry for you is manipulative? Telling someone what’s happening to you is manipulative. Telling someone what’s happened to you is manipulative. And you don’t want to be manipulative, do you? Manipulative people need more treatment. Manipulative people need more meds. Manipulative people need the quiet room. There are no time limits on how long you can be in the quiet room. Now go on, tell them how nice it is here. You’re happy, aren’t you? You’re welcome.
There is almost no way to escape. Once you’re there, you’re more often than not completely stuck. You know you can never sue, because they’re rich, and they’ll win. You don’t have a case - you’re just crazy. And that’s if you would even have the money to hire a lawyer to try to make a case, anyway - most mentally ill people are poor, and if you’re not, you spent all your money on treatment. The residential treatment center that I was at was over $1,000 a day for inpatient care, out of pocket.
People will look at old mental institutions in horror. They’ll talk of abusive staff, violent procedures, a disregard for consent and autonomy. They’ll use the images in horror films, because isn’t it scary, isn’t it so wrong how they used to treat these people? Thank God we don’t do that anymore.
They look at these new places with a smile. Isn’t that so nice, they say. There’s good lighting, there’s carpet. They have real beds. There’s even an electric fireplace. They give these people windows! It couldn’t possibly be bad these days.
On the rare occasion that they do hear of inpatient abuse, they shrug it off. What else are we going to do, they say, they’re trying to help. Those people need to be safe.
Safe. We’re just so, so safe. Rescue me thank you.
