sometimes i say the dumbest things.

hi my name is paul, it's nice to meet you.

[paulkins]

Hello I have a cat now

[tastefullyoffensive]

(via striderepiphany)

[akeelahandthetea]

this one is never not funny

[theslaybymic]

Watch: Kristen Bell opens up about the mental health double standard and how she manages her own struggle.

Follow @this-is-life-actually

[laureninlilly]

Hit reblog on this so hard

[geniusorinsanity]

SHOUT OUT TO KRISTEN BELL’S MOM THOUGH? WHAT KIND OF FANTASTIC SELF-AWARE PARENTING, WELL DONE MA'AM

[southernsideofme]

[the-stressed-pa-s-deactivated20]

This gives me unnecessary amounts of anxiety

[wombat-annihilator-deactivated2]

@rachielena

[tokai-teio]

the real engagement pair is long mug + uncomfortable teapot, matching both girth and color

[valtsv]

wish i was a cat. soft & warm & fat. in a little wizard hat.

[movedtobitchphobic]

this post is especially good when read as a haiku

[valtsv]

[defend-earth]

[official-daft-punk-deactivated2]

ok so the other day i was at sears. I was in the baby section. Im standing there looking at clothes and a lady who works there comes up and is like “oh are you expecting?” And i was like “uhhhh” and because im a dumbass i was like “no i already delivered.” And she was like “How long ago?” And i was just like “two weeks.” And she said “wow! You look great! When i had my first son, i looked like a mess for six months. Is it a boy or a girl?” And i was just awkwardly like “a girl….” And she asked her name and i said Chernobyl and she was like “oh what a cute name! It sounds really familiar.” And i honestly just stood there going through all that and pretending i had a human baby two weeks ago named Chernobyl because i didnt wanna tell this poor lady i was buying baby clothes for my fucking baby opossum

[itchiez-deactivated20221227]

every time i see this text post i forget the ending and every single time it decimates me

[discountliquor]

[orchidbreezefc]

its that time of year

[halfhardtorock]

Every time this comes up again im like “thats such a good deal.”

[flandelle-deactivated20180712]

[pathfinderisbestpony]

What an adorable start to a murder

[fantasy-loving-witchling]

CROW BABIES

[ugly-mane]

no!!!!

this is a corncrake chick, also commonly misidentified as a rail’s chick! crow babies are MUCH uglier…

putrid little man

[i-peed-so-hard-i-laughed-deacti]

bold of you to talk shit about crows so openly like they won’t find you and beat your ass

[cjboyle84]

Bruce and Clark swapping costumes in Batman #37

[sizvideos]

[brainstatic]

“Don’t call Trump supporters nazis, it hurts their feelings.”

[jewish-privilege]

Yes, this is real (link to tweet). Yes, Tucker Carlson is literally repeating Nazi propaganda that aided the genocide of the Romani during the Holocaust. Yes, I am furious. 

(Also, although there is a large population of Romani in Romania, they aren’t indigenous to Romania. They’re a diasporic group originally from northern India.)

[tikkunolamorgtfo]

Romani and Jewish have been screaming at the top of their lungs for years about neo-fascism in Europe, and Americans were totally aloof.

Then neo-fascism reared its head in America, but Roma and Jews were left out of the conversation in terms of people being impacted, because our oppression was “over.”

Now Tucker Carlson is on live TV using slurs and Nazi propaganda about Romani people, and I’m 90% most people on the left are just going to ignore it.

[volaee]

It’s fucking starting y'all. It’s happening again.

If you’re not Jewish or Roma PLEASE BOOST THIS.

[friendly-animals]

🐶: (Source)

[siderealsandman]

the biggest lie, i think, the internet perpetuates about D&D is that a skinny little twink of a bard just needs to roll a nat 20 to seduce a dragon

like a dragon…a creature with more wealth and power than any other creature on the planet…a creature who is easily an 11/10 when they deign to take humanoid form…would look at your skinny little 8 STR half-elf Bard whose own father doesn’t even love them and go…yeah I’d like to fuck that

[t-stride]

Counterpoint, my good man:

Dragons fuck

[siderealsandman]

Dragons fuck, clearly, but not just any joe blow schmoe with a big Charisma stat. If I’m Joseph J Dragon sitting on a small hill of gold and jewels I’m not gonna waste my time boning every monsterfucking tiefling twink with a lyre. I would have standards.

[abadmeanmess]

Counter-counterpoint: dragons are SUPER horny

[siderealsandman]

Counter-counter-counterpoint: even if dragons are SUPER horny they’ve got better prospects than spindly little bards!!!! They could be off fucking cloud giants or beholders or planetars!!!! They could be having sex with kraken in the middle of the ocean or fire giants in the mouth of an erupting volcano! 

There is a wealth of sexual excess and opportunity available to dragons; so much that they do not need to be slumming it with an adventurer who hasn’t washed his ass in a month and a half and is probably covered in kobold blood by the time they get to the dragon’s lair! 

Seriously!!! 

I don’t care how many times you cast Charm Monster, the Elder Dragon who has probably slept with more princesses than there are princedoms is not going to bite! When you have bedded the most beautiful mortals on the Prime Material Plane on a pile of gold and jewelry you are not gonna be looking twice at any MOTHERFUCKEr who can’t at least True Polymorph to make things interesting 

[ollies-outies]

triple-counterpoint:

you’re right but please shut up you are actively ruining my 10 strength half-elf twink bard’s sexual prospects with this post

[gothvegas]

OP is right and they should say it

[mankillercalledbunny]

Actually… 

As we can see from this most excellent chart, dragons can and will fuck anything. Even humans do not compare. The only species that can match dragons for horny-ness is, in fact, nymphs. 

Therefore your twinky-ass lil bard has as good a chance as anyone. Go forth and thot your way through your DM’s carefully planned Big Bad encounter and 

fuck the dragon. 

[battlecrazed-axe-mage]

I’m not even sure where I stand on this argument but I absolutely need to keep that chart for reference, so

[preciousorgel]

That chart is not proof that a dragon would fuck anything and youre a charlatan for pretending it does!!! 

That is a crossbreeding chart not a horny chart, and it says right on it that what it is tracking is the likelyhood that a union between two races would yield offspring. It is NOT saying that a dragon WILL fuck any of those creatures, just that doing so would result in a half-dragon child.

If anything this just proves siderealsandman’s point the dragon could have any creature or being under the sun so why the fuck would it ever settle for a shitty PC and their +1 light leather armor. What’s the bard gonna say?? You should fuck me because you techically can?? That bitch getting sauteed

OP IS CORRECT SORRY BUT THE TWINK BARD ISNT GETTING ANY DRAGON ASS

[krishnahare]

[loafed-beans-deactivated2020082]

I know many of you out there are feeling a bit down. Have a crow to Wouldn’t it be Nice by the Beach Boys to lift your mood.

[my-wanton-self-deactivated20191]

And you just know that right around the corner that crow got into his faded orange VW Kombi van with the surfboards strapped on top and hit the beach.

[milesyart]

This crow is 100% fucking around for no reason other than to fuck around. Birds have two main gaits depending on where they live - they put one foot in front of the other if they live on the ground, or they hop if they live in the trees. Crows live on the ground, and thus walk. They have no reason to hop like this, and they aren’t wired or built to move like this naturally. They might hop to quickly avoid danger that’s very limited, like a car tire coming at them, or to get up onto the curb, but this sort of motion has no purpose other than being fun.

[catchymemes]