anxious baby™

[payingtheprice]

low activity sideblog for ryan price from rachel reid's tough guy from the game changers universe . 2014 stanley cup champion . former defenseman and enforcer for the toronto guardians , current coach at the irina foundation .

sideblog to seesgood , written and cared for by lia ( 25+ ) additional info + verses under the cut .

verses.

ottawa centaurs , post-long game . ryan un-retires and signs to the centaurs to begin playing again . it is very canon to me , thank you . guest muse : colleen price , ryan's younger sister . basically a tornado of energy , extroversion , and little sister chaos .

content warnings.

anxiety , panic attacks , depression , suicidal ideation , homophobia ( referenced / alluded to ) , prescription painkiller abuse .

[payingtheprice]

indulge me for a sec, i'm going to headcanon the coaches at the game changers camp / irina foundation while fully acknowledging that you guys know them better, but alas: i feel like every coach has their own niche thing, like ilya is the fun and unserious one; shane is the one that everyone goes to to talk Serious Hockey and learn Next Level Stuff, but it's widely known that he's also just a super softie and so while newer campers are intimidated by him at first, they quickly end up teasing him the same way that ilya does (and then quickly shut up and skate away when they think he might actually be Mad); troy is equal parts fun times and seriousness depending on the group that he gets, but even when its serious hockey stuff then he still manages to make it fun; whenever scott comes, he's literally just All Business and all of the tiny little gremlin campers stand at full attention and it drives ilya crazy.

now, ryan??? obviously he's a giant teddy bear softie anxious bean, but that is so far from what his reputation is and what these kids probably know about him, and also so far from how he first presents (because when he gets anxious he literally just radiates intensity and his intensity often comes off as threatening bc of his size/reputation) so every year, kids spend the first few days just kinda terrified of him until one of them scrapes their knee or misses their parents or has A Big Feeling and then it's ryan there with the character branded bandaids and water and chocolate chip cookie who sits with them to talk through Big Feeling and then everyone realizes that he's just a marshmallow. NOW --- after the first year or so of the camp, this tradition starts to be born of "pricey's random grueling challenge" where he does some kind of warm up or drill or something that is just absolutely obscene (not hard, just...obscene; like "we're picking up the trash in the arena, whoever has the most wins" or "whoever can do the best figure skating routine wins, you have 20 minutes to prepare" or "whoever can get the most stickers on hollander without him noticing, wins") --- this is born because ilya probably notices how anxious and insecure ryan gets about Being There and how sad he gets the first time a kid gets scared of him, and so ilya just starts making up said challenges and using his bisexual menace mind powers to get ryan to initiate the challenge bc the kids will take him seriously. every year, the kids who are In The Know about how much of a marshmallow ryan have a secret code of silence so that others can experience this same phenomenon. anyway, at the end of the two weeks, ryan has at least 3 kids hanging off of him at any given moment, is bodily throwing them across the ice to let them slide like a penguin, and letting them braid his hair.

[payingtheprice]

Things Ryan Price has definitely done on social media:

Not realized that his likes were public (90% of them are Fabian Salah thirst traps and there’s a handful of ‘Top 10 Times Dallas Kent Got His Ass Handed to Him’ and ‘Top 10 Wyatt Hayes Saves’ videos

Accidentally tweeted an something akin to “covefe” and then been confused about why he’s getting so many mentions and follows and it’s definitely bc Ilya retweeted it

Forgot to post a review for a sex toy anonymously and then panicked bc now people are gonna know he and his bf are lil freaks (Fabian loves this, Vanessa still hasn’t stopped cackling)

Comments on a fan thread discussing hollanov that he caught them making out twice at work ( freaks out bc oh my god was that not ok to share im so sorry i can take it down )

Politely argued with Shane about jock guy hockey statistics in the most jock way

Followed like 3 literary analysis blogs that focus heavily on digesting Anne of Green Gables — has contributed to the discussion at least twice

Posted sleepy selfies of his obviously well fucked boyfriend draped on his chest in response to someone being homophobic about him/them/anyone

Fueled the “are Hayes and Price in love” allegations every time he likes a tweet related to Wyatt

[payingtheprice]

'you weren’t listening to me. it’s like your mind is somewhere else.' - from kip

"Hm?" He's only further proving Kip's point, but he can't help it. His eyes are glued to the man on the other side of the bar, currently grappling with a mic stand while he chats easily with a few bystanders. He's easy and flirty and sensual. Somehow doing his entire set up while making sure that every person around him receives his undivided attention and adoration. He's a marvel. Ryan can't even be sure that he's entirely real, or how he got so lucky. Fabian tosses a wink in his direction and it's enough to make Ryan blush and turn back to his drink, and the man sitting next to him at the bar. "Shit." He winces, "I'm being...it's rude. I'm sorry." He physically has to turn his body towards Kip's to ensure that his focus doesn't drift, and even then he's pretty sure it still will.

[payingtheprice]

Im sorry — is it HOLLANOV???? NOT HOLLANDOV????

[payingtheprice]

I just need it to be said but please know that Ryan eats an absolutely insane amount of food, especially when he’s playing. Like just, whatever the normal serving size for a person is just triple it.

[payingtheprice]

❛ yeah, well, we’ve only just met. this is… this is how i am. ❜ (from marcos (max’s bff))

Maybe part of him forgot how college kids can be. Or rather, how non-hockey playing college kids can be --- not that the hockey playing ones are much better. Ryan has to bite back a smile at the kid's dry remark, turning to give him a sidelong glance. His eyes are glued to Max as the defenseman skates drills across the ice with fierce determination and rigid focus. "You and him..." He doesn't want to make assumptions, but he also doesn't want to miss something important to Max that might help him. "Just friends? You're uh, you're staring pretty intently."

[gaynehollander]

Shane trapping his employee (who he knows has clinical anxiety) in a confined space in the middle of a work day to ask him to please go on a double date with him and his secret boyfriend will never not be funny to me.

Like, Ilya played a season with Ryan and would have asked him in a much less threatening way but you just know that Shane was so excited about the prospect of going on a double date with a gay couple who knew they were also a couple that he insisted he be the one to ask so Ilya was like… “Your funeral. Well, Ryan’s funeral but okay. Just tell me how it went.”

[nightprompts]

&. 𝐭𝐡𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐛𝐨𝐥𝐭𝐬* 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬.

(  dialogue  prompts  taken  from  thunderbolts*  (2025),  directed  by  jake schreier.  feel  free  to  edit  and  change  as  you  seem  fit.  ) 

❛ there is something wrong with me. an emptiness. ❜

❛ you weren’t listening to me. it’s like your mind is somewhere else. ❜

❛ do you think i like taking orders? ❜

❛ you shoot, i dodge. ❜

❛ you guys can never aim for shit. ❜

❛ can you please just say it normal? ❜

❛ how long has it been, huh? a year? ❜

❛ so you… you feel fulfilled? ❜

❛ look around you. i’m miserable. ❜

❛ the light inside you is dim even by eastern european standards. ❜

❛ i've just been wondering, you know, like, what… is the point? in any of this? ❜

❛ the point of work is fame and fortune. fortune buys friends, and love, and a lot of cool clothes. ❜

❛ why do you have this photo out? ❜

❛ we were so bad. ❜

❛ you were happy. ❜

❛ i’ll make you something. ❜

❛ yeah, this just isn’t working for me anymore. ❜

❛ i need you to follow the target inside and find out what she intends to steal. ❜

❛ you’re not even my target. ❜

❛ i’m not here for you. ❜

❛ i know who you are and what you’re doing. ❜

❛ what am i doing? ❜

❛ you’re working me. you’re trying to get me on your side. ❜

❛ you say you know who i am, so you know my story. and you know i didn’t have a choice who i worked for. but you do. ❜

❛ it’s my business card. in case you need some help or you wanna share some secret hidden evidence. ❜

❛ i’m not sure what’s happening here, but you’re all exhausting and my job is done, so... ❜

❛ god only knows the blood on your hands. ❜

❛ pretty ludicrous coming from the dimestore captain america. ❜

❛ that was funny. thank you. we needed that. ❜

❛ it was getting so tense in here for a second. ❜

❛ all right, um… tie yourselves up. ❜

❛ next time, why don’t you just text me like a normal person? ❜

❛ we don’t need to go rogue in the darkness, or whatever you people do. ❜

❛ what exactly are we looking for? ❜

❛ we’re looking for not stupid questions. ❜

❛ hey. didn’t think you’d come back. thanks. ❜

❛ are you hurt? ❜

❛ no, i’m fine. i’m fine. ❜

❛ you do not seem fine. ❜

❛ yeah, well, we’ve only just met. this is… this is how i am. ❜

❛ well, you guys should just go without me. it’ll be easier. ❜

❛ we all feel like shit sometimes. and loneliness, i get that. and that that darkness gets... pretty enticing. ❜

❛ you shove it way down. you just... push it down. ❜

❛ let’s just stick together until we make it to the surface, and after that, you can start a fight with a super soldier. get yourself killed. i don’t care. ❜

❛ so, none of us fly? what, do we all just punch and shoot? ❜

❛ you do not want to start the whole sob story game. i win. ❜

❛ well, you were just a kid, so… ❜

❛ i just think it might be nice to know that you didn’t really know any better. ❜

❛ cucumber, cucumber, cucumber. ❜

❛ growing up, somebody told me that you can stop a sneeze if you confuse your brain. i always just yelled “cucumber.” ❜

❛ you’re the boss now? cute. ❜

❛ anyone else have any pointless childhood stories to tell? ❜

❛ i will fight. you stay behind me. ❜

❛ i’ve always had these episodes since i was a kid. there’s a high, then there’s a big low, and then my memory just goes blank. ❜

❛ you were right, she definitely wants us dead. ❜

❛ this has the makings of a team that can raise to glory. a team that can bring light from the darkness. a team of heroes that can be on the wheaties box and have little kiddie toy… ❜

❛ let’s just forget about them, and let’s focus on you. and how perfect you are. ❜

❛ isn’t that what you want? to be accepted? to be chosen? ❜

❛ no one else sees it, but i do. and i think maybe your past is what makes you so perfect. ❜

❛ look, i’ve been where you are. you can run, but it doesn’t go away. sooner or later it catches up to you, and when it does, it’s too late. so you can either do something about it now, or live with it forever. ❜

❛ you want to be good? or do you want to be somebody who changes the world? ❜

❛ you can do anything. ❜

❛ i'm the only one who knows what your true potential is. and it’s limitless. ❜

❛ i don’t wanna hurt you guys. why don’t you just turn yourselves in? ❜

❛ you can trust me. i know you. ❜

❛ they’re not a threat to me, so why do i need to kill them? ❜

❛ there is no “us.” there is no “we.” ❜

❛ you’re not a hero. you’re not even a good person. ❜

❛ why would a god take orders from anyone at all? ❜

❛ i’m starting to think maybe you don’t know what i am. or what i’m capable of. ❜

❛ i'm not afraid of you. ❜

❛ well, then, chase me forever. ❜

❛ If you cared, you would have called. ❜

❛ i’m sorry. i don’t know how to do this. i’m not good at it. ❜

❛ i didn’t think you wanted me. ❜

❛ i’m late, but i’m… i’m here now. ❜

❛ all i do is sit and look at my phone and think of all the terrible things that i’ve done. ❜

❛ when i look at you, i don’t see your mistakes. ❜

❛ aren’t you tired of fighting? let me help you. ❜

❛ you can’t outrun the emptiness. ❜

❛ it’s what you said. we’re all alone. all of us. ❜

❛ i have these good days, you know? where i feel invincible. but then there are a lot of bad days when i remember that nothing matters, you know? ❜

❛ so you’re just gonna sit here and let it take over? ❜

❛ well, there’s no use in fighting it. ❜

❛ at least i found a nice room. the other rooms are much worse. ❜

❛ you can’t stuff it down. you can’t hold it in all alone. no one can. we have to let it out. ❜

❛ even if it doesn’t make the emptiness go away, i promise you it will feel lighter. ❜

❛ we can find a way out of here together. will you try and leave here with me? ❜

❛ there’s no death here. the pain only gets worse. ❜

❛ i have a great past, so i’m totally fine. ❜

❛ the most shameful thing of all was thinking you could be anything more than nothing. ❜

❛ wait. you think they care about you? you don’t matter. to anyone. ❜

❛ i’m stronger than you. ❜

❛ you thought you were gonna be some great man? some savior? you can’t even save yourself. ❜

❛ we will always be alone. ❜

❛ i’m here. ❜

❛ it will always be just us. ❜

❛ we’re losing credibility. which we had very little to begin with. ❜

❛ we’re running out of space? It’s impossible. this building is enormous. ❜

❛ i did the dishes though. ❜

[payingtheprice]

“Shane is the kinkiest character” this and “buttplug boy” that — have you ever considered how many random and weird toys Ryan and Fabian have used courtesy of Vanessa???? I guarantee they’re the ‘been there done that tried everything’ couple but in such a lowkey way. Like, their bestie doesn’t own a sex shop for nothing.

[payingtheprice]

for your consideration : drunk , giggly , blushing , absolute marshmallow ryan price .

[payingtheprice]

"Hey Price, you got a minute?" - from shane

he never had the honor of playing with hollander , and maybe that was a good thing . maybe it's good to have a few players left in the league that he can respect and admire without them being tarnished by locker room experiences . ryan feels a familiar spike of anxiety when his name is called across the ice and his first thought is , automatically , that he's going to be the first player ever traded from a volunteer charity hockey camp for kids . rozanov made a mistake . of course this wouldn't last . of course it was too good to be true --- ryan swallows down the clog in his throat as he skates over to hollander . former rookie of the year , stanley cup champion , best player in the league , shane hollander . "if this is about earlier --- " whether it's walking in on him and rozanov , or accidentally making a kid cry during a drill , he can't quite decide which is the potential bigger offense . " it won't happen again . "

[fablealyn]

Briefly, Nico worries that he’s said something wrong. The way Ryan freezes up and goes quiet is concerning for a lot of reasons, but mainly Nico is convinced that he just scared off the only person willing to help him this semester. Accidentally hurt him or insulted him somehow. The worry fades at the exhale, the way Ryan’s body seems to relax, and he compliments him. Nico isn’t a stranger to compliments regarding his team or coaching; the stats speak for themselves, and Nico knows he’s good at his job. But there’s something in the way Ryan says it that hits Nico right in the chest.

“Thanks.” Nico’s eyes drop to the tablet in his hands. He considers telling Ryan the same thing he tells everyone: that he loves the game too much, and wants to help mold the next generation of players. Which is true, but not the entire truth. If things had been different, Nico might still be playing. He might have been pushed to the brink, buckling beneath the pressure and hiding even more than he is now. He might have been the one to have a breakdown for the world to see.

“I hadn’t planned to be doing this. I… uh, I actually played professionally for a bit.” The admission is quiet. “But I got injured, and it was bad enough to end my career.” If being outed and targeted hadn’t done that already — Nico keeps this to himself as he always does. The school is pretty progressive, but he doesn’t need anymore headaches. “One thing led to another and I ended up here.” He shrugs, trying to convey the nonchalance he so desperately needs. “I like it though. Coaching is…” Nico clears his throat. “Anyway… thank you.”

[payingtheprice]

It's a story he's heard too many times as an athlete. In fact, it's the kind of thing that the lucky ones --- the ones who actually get a shot to play professionally and make a living doing it --- don't even speak about for fear that it might happen to them. A career ending injury. The kind of thing that can happen in the blink of an eye. It's why he spent so many years hiding his back injury and barely trusting the team doctors. Because either they'd take him out, or they'd tell him to push through. Either way, injuries always came with the question of what happened after. What happened when you suddenly couldn't do the thing that you'd devoted your entire life to.

Ryan is quiet for a moment, letting Nico's story sink in before he murmurs a low, empathetic, "Shit." There's nothing else to say. Nico doesn't strike him as the type to appreciate sympathy. Doesn't strike him as the type that wants to relive the gory end to his days on the ice. "Well, you ended up in a good place." He finally settles on the truth, shrugging a shoulder as if it can lessen the sincerity in it to an acceptable amount of nonchalance. "We need more coaches like you."

He might have had a fighting chance ( irony acknowledged ) in the league if he'd had a coach that actually worked with him as a player and a human, as opposed to a body on skates. "I do some volunteering with kids at some local rec centers, and uh, obviously the Game Changers camps in the summers. They're a good crowd. If you ever wanted to run some drills with..." He tries to find the right words, "Smaller players."

[fablealyn]

“It used to be.” Kip answers honestly. “Back before Scott was out.” It had gotten so bad it had nearly ended them for good. Hiding their relationship from almost everyone, including his family, had worn Kip down until he had no choice but to take a break. He couldn’t explain to anyone why he was feeling down or lonely, because he couldn’t tell anyone that his boyfriend was off playing hockey games, leaving him alone in a giant apartment. That had been the worst of it, not the fact that Scott was away sometimes.

“I’m not gonna lie, it does still suck sometimes.” He adds on a soft laugh. “But I have my friends here too. And my parents. I have other people besides Scott to fill my time and keep me busy. I still miss him. Nights suck, being alone in the apartment, but it’s not as bad.” Kip knows how lucky he is to have his community; to have parents who love and support him, friends that are always there for him. Not everyone is lucky enough to have that, and worry starts to nag at him that Ryan might be alone in whatever he’s going through.

“Whats got you curious about that?” He asks, fully ready to accept whatever answer or non answer Ryan gives him. “Do you have someone that’s suffering through dating a famous hockey player waiting for you at home?”

[payingtheprice]

Ryan Price can go weeks without thinking about his sexuality. He regularly goes months without sex, or dates, or having someone to share his bed with. It's never bothered him --- but it's starting to. Seeing Scott Hunter proudly kiss his boyfriend after winning the cup started an itch beneath his skin that he can't quite scratch. A clawing loneliness that's starting to trickle in from the edges. How has something that felt fine for his entire career --- his entire life, really --- now feel like it's slowly suffocating him?

"I'm gay." It's not a hard thing for him to admit, he just doesn't do it that often. Or ever, really. Then again, he can count on one hand the number of personal things that he's shared over the years. This is just one of them, but he supposes that it's necessary context. "I don't... have a boyfriend or anything, but I just... I dunno. I wonder about it sometimes." His thumb nail is back to picking at the label on his beer bottle and he hesitantly spares a glance up at Kip. "It just doesn't feel fair to anyone. Being gone that long? Being traded? It'd be asking them to give up a lot and ---" He stops himself just before he can state the obvious. That he's not worth that. Could never be worth that. "Sorry. I didn't mean for this to get so personal."

[shawscandal]

he hums softly and he shrugs. “some people aren’t as open to discussing sex as others are, and that’s okay. just tell me to shut up about if, and i will.” despite how endearing and cute he may think ryan’s shyness is — the last thing he would ever want to do us make him feel any type of uncomfortable.  he watches him carefully, before he nods empathetically. “i’ve heard horror stories of locker room talk — and of how shitty the NHL is when it comes to…anything that isn’t cis, straight men.” kip has vented to him about it because his husband is still actively playing. thankfully he and eric don’t have to deal with any of it other than the occasional pissed off hockey fan that’s pissed at kyle for turning eric bennett gay. “but, a good chunk of the world is actually very okay with the attraction thing. you’re literally in the safest place for it.” he grins and casts a glance over at the VIP booth. he leans over the bar toward him as his gaze settles back on the taller man. “honestly, i bet if you went over there and shoved your tongue down your very pretty boyfriend’s throat, no one would care,” there’s a pause as his smirk grows, “the would probably encourage it, actually.” he sends him a wink before reaching over to give his arm a squeeze. “you’re gay. you’re hot. your boyfriend is hot. you deserve to celebrate it.” 

[payingtheprice]

"it's not really that bad," or maybe it was and he just got used to it. "a lot of it is really...unoriginal." the corner of ryan's mouth pinches downward as he recalls some of the most common things that were said. they were sexist, sure. homophobic and painfully problematic --- but they weren't necessarily inventive. especially not compared to some of the shit that he hears fabian's friends talk about on a regular basis. "they should, he's very pretty." the slight shift of focus to fabian, instead of him, has ryan visibly relaxing as he turns to look at his boyfriend. he briefly catches fabian's eye and earns a wink from the other man. fuck, he's lucky. "i am. i have been --- but i was also in the league," he doesn't know if that will make sense. but if it would make sense to anyone, maybe it would be someone so intimately familiar with how stunted someone can become from the rigid heteronormativity in this sport. it took eric retiring for him to be comfortable exploring his sexuality. and ryan...well, even if he'd had the option, he doesn't think he would have been very good at the exploration part of things. "i got lucky. hopefully, i don't ever have to deal with the whole...flirting part, again. that's the worst part."

[payingtheprice]

When news breaks that two professional hockey players have been in a secret relationship for years, I am not doing my job properly representing Ryan price if there are not at least a small subsection of people who are instantly like “yeah we know. It’s Ryan price and @hazyhayes “

[vhagars-dementia]

His arm 🥴 his neck 😳his pornstache 🫪 his hand making that pint look like a tiny cup 😭