PeyoteCoyote

Imma be real I don't know what I'm doing

[swagophile]

i think most of my life has been spent in pursuit of the highs i reached looking up "vore" on deviantart when i was 12

[swagophile]

I've never been able to recapture it. Not really. But reading yuri manga under the sheets at 2 am comes close

[swagophile]

Sorry to go on about this but genuinely I wish i knew how to access this feeling again. Its such a unique thrill because (not to get gross) but that was before I even understood what jerking off was. I wasn't jerking off. It was sexual but not in any way that's familiar to me now. I would just sit there for hours crawling forums and websites and looking at every possible image or story I could about vore. And it was fucking electrifying. It was the most exciting thing i'd ever experienced in my life at the time. I would go to school and id look at a girl I had a crush on and I would imagine her eating me and I would feel so humiliated id put my head down on my desk and cry. But then I'd go home and look up poorly drawn comics of giant catgirls eating people and it was so exhilirating that it felt like basically nothing else existed around me. I stopped eating for 2 days because I kept imagining getting eaten every time I would go to eat food. It was genuinely so exciting. I haven't felt that level of passion for anything since. All of it immediately went away once I learned how to jerk off. Then it was a thing I thought about for a few hours a day at most. But before that? My life was impossible to describe. It was like everything was new again.

[originalwinnerfanfish]

[ashyminivet]

india is not a democracy anymore.

everyone needs to hear about the situation in india right now. the youth of this nation are going through hell and back to protect the foundations that our country was built on in the first place, while the adults who are supposed to actually be in charge try to silence our voices.

NEET, which is an exam taken by millions of students per year and is the ONLY gateway for medical admissions across the country, had its papers leaked. so many took their lives because this exam meant everything for their future. and NTA, the agency who conducts this exam, was not held accountable.

there was national backlash. cockroach janta party (initially a satirical political party formed by abhijeet dipke in retaliation to the remarks of the chief justice of india calling the youth "cockroaches" and "parasites of society") started protests at jantar mantar, demanding the resignation of the union education minister, dharmendra pradhan. the movement also asked for ten million inr (~100,000 usd) in compensation for the families of students who died by suicide and wanted NTA be held accountable.

sonam wangchuk, a climate activist and education reformer, also went on a hunger strike at jantar mantar to protest against this corruption in india's higher education system. his fast began on june 28, demanding the resignation of the union education minister. his fast lasted for 20 days until delhi police FORCIBLY removed him and admitted him to safdarjung hospital on july 18.

because of this, cockroach janta party announced "chalo sansad," a march to the parliament beginning on june 20th, 9:00 am ist. but the police seems to be responding with water cannons, mobile jammers, and baton charge. all of this, because of a peaceful protest led by people no older than 30.

and yet there has been absolutely no indian media coverage about a movement that spans the entirety of this nation. so, please, if you see this, keep talking about us. we will not let those old bastards stoop any lower than they've already had. we will not let them ruin our country any further. we will not be silenced

[swagophile]

princess: [after just having read a bunch of lurid erotic fiction] maid, come here

maid: yes princess?

princess: maid, i need you to jerk me off

maid: .....

princess: right now, maid

maid: no, your highness. i am not doing that

princess: wh- im the princess! you cant say no to me

maid: yes i can, your highness. i am not doing that

princess: awwww man.. but all the fiction i was reading said i could do that

maid: i am afraid fiction is just that, your highness, fiction

princess: can you at least get naked so i can jerk off

maid: no. get some rest, princess, you have to dine with your 5 male suitors tomorrow

princess: no beautiful ladies???

maid: afraid not your highness

princess: oh my god i am never getting laid am i. fuck i hate my life can i abdicate the throne or something

maid: no,

princess: fuuuucckkkkkkkkk

[swagophile]

princess: maid. come here please

maid: again?

princess: no no.. im sorry.. i'm just. lonely

maid: but your dinner, with the suitors. how did it go?

princess: pretty awfully. i made them all uncomfortable and they decided to look for brides elsewhere. the king is pissed

maid: princess... you must learn how to be well behaved eventually.. this is no way for a lady to conduct herself

princess: yeah yeah i know that its just..i really want another girl to hold me. is that so much to ask

maid: [blushing slightly] well it is quite unbecoming,

princess: maid?

maid: yes, your highness?

princess: can you hold me

maid: is that an order?

princess: no.. i just need it

maid: very well. but just this once, okay? i don't want you getting any ideas..

princess: [sighing wistfully] i understand...

maid: [wraps arms around and holds the princess oh so delicately]

princess: if this was a yuri manga we would be making out right now

maid: [still holding her] this is why the suitors hate you, your highness

[swagophile]

maid: (stepping into the princess's chambers in the wee hours of the night to clean and tidy)

princess: maid

maid: e-eep!! princess.. what are you still doing awake?!

princess: can't sleep. lonely. and sad. can you joim me in bed, please?

maid: it would be grossly unprofessional of me to do so. no, your highness

princess: please? just for a second, it'd help me sleep

maid: ...alright. but just for tonight. [climbs in bed next ro the princess but maintains a comfortable distance]

princess: [immediately cuddling up closer to her] maid?

maid: yes, princess

princess: do you think a girl like me is worthy of love?

maid: of course, your highness

princess: then why does this keep happening to me? all i want is another girl to love me

maid: it is quite unfortunate, your highness

princess: [wrapping her arm around the maid and holding her close] do you know you're the only person whos nice to me. everyone else thinks im crazy or like. a bitch

maid: i must admit, you do say things that concern

princess: yeah. do you love anyone, maid?

maid: um. yes. of course

princess: are you with her?

maid: no. i can never be. it wouldn't be right

princess: that's really fucked up. tragic yuri is so sad. i wish somebody would write those girls a happy ending. im sick of being sad and lonely all the time

maid: [nuzzling closer.. blushing a tad] as do i, princess. we all deserve happy endings

princess: maid?

maid: yes, dear

princess: do you wanna get married?

maid: [offering a weary smile] that's not how it works, your highness

[swagophile]

maid 2: so the princess, huh? she sure is something, isn't she

maid: well, i like her

maid 3: well of course You do. you're her maid, it's your job to like her. that doesn't make her any less of a weirdo

maid 2: i heard she only likes girls. apparently she was hitting on one of the wives of a duke. can you believe it?! a duke! it's truly unbecoming

maid: she's just young. she's still learning. be gentle with her.

maid 3: oh please. as if she isn't harassing you every day with her weird sexual fetishes. i'm loyal to the king but i don't know how he puts up with that brat

maid: you should watch your words more carefully, my friend

maid 2: you don't have to be so stuck up all the time, yknow. im sure she gets on your nerves too. c'mon. vent a little. it's good for you

maid: she's a sweet girl, and i think she is just lonely, deep down

princess: [clearly drunk on some royal wine] -hic- heyyyyy maidsss you guys wanna have a *uARp* foursome...? eheheheheheheh

maid 2: see what i mean?

maid: let me escort you back to your quarters, your highness

princess: nooooo hahahahaha wait omggg we should like *urp* go to my quarters and fuck naasstyyyyy

maid 3: i'll go get the king.

maid: no it's alright. i can handle her.

princess: can i grab your boobs? i'm gonna grab your boobs

[swagophile]

oh yeah also for reference. the princess is tall, with a long face and broad shoulders, kinda clocky, and with long straight blonde hair, and the maid is short, with thick black hair kept in a short bob, she has a softer rounder face and is on the chubby side, whereas the princess is very skinny. the maid is also older than the princess by a few years, both girls are in their 20s. hope this helps (characters they most resemble pictured below)

[swagophile]

princess: [laying on the bed and kicking her feet] and in this one, a girl gets transported to another realm where her sister she has a crush on is the demon lord. and in this one, a girl gives her spirit to a giant wolf mommy, and in this one-

maid: that's nice princess, but you really must be getting ready, your father meets with foreign dignitaries today. he wants you by his side

princess: but whyyyyyy i don't even like foreogn dignitariesssss

maid: well, mayhaps one of them is a cute girl

princess: [jolting upright] maid. dress me.

—AT THE BANQUET—

king: [some boring political shit that doesn't matter]

princess: [sitting next to the princess from the other kingdom] so like what do you do for fun aha

other princess: well, i fancy riding horses myself, my father has quite a large stable im my name. you?

princess: what the fuck you get to ride horses??? thats so bullshit come on. dad. hey dad.

king: [gruffly] what.

princess: can my maid sit with me

king: excuse me? no. make conversation with the other girl

princess: uggghhhhhh this banquet suuuuuucks do you wanna get outta here like maybe go to my chambers

other princess: well, i am curious to see your castle's accomodations

princess: yeahhh haha and we can like get weird maybe

other princess: Excuse me?????

princess: okay my bad jeez. chill out girl

[swagophile]

—PRINCESS'S CHAMBERS—

princess: [braiding the other princess's hair] so whats your maid like

other princess: my.. maid??

princess: yea like is she chill or

other princess: Well i haven't the slightest clue. I've spoken nary a sentence to her in all my years that wasn't strictly professional. Does your maid.. speak to you, on a familiar level?

princess: [barely comprehending] uuuuhhhh no lol haha yeah i dont know shit about my maid shes just some lady lol

other princess: I must say, you are quite strange. Do you really spend all your time in your chambers reading this.. erotic fiction? Don't you have hobbies?

princess: why is it hot. am i a hot neet babe. like a sexy neet himejoshi girl

other princess: I- what? No it's just sad, mainly. I feel quite bad for you.

princess: so you'll let me hit?

other princess: I think my father needs me downstairs

—LATER—

princess: maid, am i unlikeable

maid: what? of course not, your highness. there are many things in you i am fond of. why do you ask?

princess: i totally fumbled that other princess. i kinda get the feeling people don't like me

maid: you can have an.. abraisive personality, at times, but that doesn't make you unlikeable. maybe she just wasn't your type

princess: yeah.. probably.. i just really want something, y'know. im so lonely all the time

maid: i'm sure you'll find someone, princess. i believe in you

princess: hey maid?

maid: yes?

princess: thank you. i appreciate you

maid: ...? that's it? no strange sexual remark?

princess: why are you interested

maid: [smiling softly] get some rest, your highness. i'll see you in the morning

[swagophile]

maid: [stepping into the princess's chambers] hello princess, i am here with your di- why is your knight here?

princess: uggggghhh. the queen sent her. she's here to make sure i don't sexually harass anyone

knight: SEXUAL HARASSMENT IS [taps the floor with her spear] WRONG

maid: my goodness.. what happened..?

princess: i scared another noblewoman

maid: again?!

princess: okay. in my defense. she had a huuuuuuuge-

knight: PRINCESS. you know better! watch your tongue, my princess!

maid: gosh.. that must be.. annoying

princess: dude she won't even let me jerk off

maid: what?!

knight: JERKING OFF IS OBJECTIFYING!! TO WOMEN!!

maid: does she have to shout like that?

princess: no she just does that

maid: my goodness.. where do they find these knights

princess: i wish i knew. she's so weird. i don't even think she's got up to use the bathroom at any point during this

maid: have.. you..

princess: YES. and she FOLLOWS ME in there. to make sure i don't jerk off

maid: my goodness princess.. i offer my sincerest condolensces

princess: forget condolensces get her OUT of here!!! she's fucking weiiiirdddd

maid: well.. i'm sure she'll leave soon

princess: i don't even think she's wearing anything under that armor

maid: really?!

princess: yeah. she's probably jerking off under there too

maid: m-my goodness

princess: what a fucking pervert right. like i thought i was weird. i fucking hate this girl

maid: well, let's not be too judgemental

knight: [on the verge of tears] ii can hear everything you're saying, b-by the way. [sniffle]

maid: is.. is she crying?

princess: huh. that's new. she's never done that before

maid: i almost feel bad for her...

princess: don't. she took an "oath" to "serve me", remember

knight: [in between sobbing] you d-didn't have to [whimper] mmock the [sniffle] oath,,

[swagophile]

maid: [stepping in to do her nightly cleaning] ah, princess.. i see you're still awake. where is your knight?

princess: [whispering] shhhh.. [pointing to the corner] she's sleeping

maid: a-ah.. why is she.. n- in the- nu-

princess: naked? yeah. she stripped out of her armor and started crying like crazy. it was pretty rough

maid: my goodness.. you apologized, didn't you?

princess: yeah i tried. she's got a lot of repressed trauma. lotta problems. i really do feel bad for her. did you know her whole family got eaten by a dragon?

maid: w-what?!

princess: yeah. its super fucked. she took it really personally when i said i didn't like her. apparently serving me is the only thing that gives her meaning

maid: awh.. poor thing

princess: yeah. i think she also had some lowkey unrequited feelings going on. like. at me

maid: what did you do?

princess: i put a collar on her. made her my puppy. she's my dog now

maid: you what?!

princess: you shoulda seen her face. she was so estatic. i think thats genuinely the happiest that girl has ever been

maid: p.. princess...

princess: it's not as cool as it sounds though. she doesn't really let me touch her and she cries if i try to have sex. so mostly i just pet her and give her like scraps of food and shit. its kinda lame.

maid: well, at least you have someone to keep you company..

princess: i guess so. she is kinda cute like this

maid: [blushing] a b-bit.. maybe.. does this mean you'll stop making untoward advances at me and the rest of the staff?

princess: are you kidding. i still wanna get laid. dogs don't count. don't they teach you maids anything

maid: well.. i guess not...

[swagophile]

princess: alright now speak girl

knight: ARF!!!!!!

princess: [clearly bored] very good girl, have a crumpet

maid 2: princess. i am here with your dinner. cassandra? is that you?

knight: whiiiiiiine...

princess: wtf where's my usual maid

maid 2: she's busy. what did- what the fuck did you do to her???

princess: i didnt *do* anything*

knight: whiine whiiine

maid 2: cassandra. its me. its okay. resist her magic. im here now

princess: its not magic dude i just let her do what she wanted. why do you keep calling her that. do you two know each other

maid 2: well i'd like to think so. she's my ex girlfriend.

princess: [looking over at the dog and back at the maid] ooooooohhhhhhhh that explains so much. yeah you should probably get out of here

maid 2: excuse me?

princess: yeah you're like kind of an awful person you should get out of here

knight: [hiding behind the princess] please make her go away mommy,,

maid 2: ugh. its not even any of your business but whatever. i will be taking my leave now. [stomping out] bitch..

maid: [running into her on the way out] a-ah! lilia! what are you doing in the princess's tower?

maid 2: your job, idiot. that's the last time i do anything for that inconsiderate brat.

maid: a-ah... did she hit on you..? try to grope you?

maid 2: not this time. but same difference. i don't want anything to do with her. whatever. [stomps off angrily]

—INSIDE THE PRINCESS'S CHAMBERS—

maid: princess, what in the world did you to poor lilia?!

princess: huh? oh you mean maid 2. i didnt do anything to her. all i did was kick her out

maid: kicked.. her out? why?

princess: [motioning over to the knight chewing on a stuffed rabbit toy]

maid: a-aaaahhhhh.. that explains it.. i try not to get involved in such affairs.. why did you do that? it seems unlike you to trouble yourself with such trifles

princess: she was making the puppy uncomfortable. i didnt like it so i told her to go

maid: that's it? you didn't try to touch her or anything right?

princess: why would i do that. i don't even know her. i just didn't want my dog to be sad

maid: wow.. i must say, i'm quite impressed princess. it was very kind of you to stand up for your partner

princess: dude you don't need to make it like that. she's just a dog. i'm still very single

maid: [daydreaming and muttering to herself] a-ah.. i see.. wwow.. maybe we could.. no, that would be improper

princess: huh. did you say something

maid: [flustered] n-no!! i said no such thing

princess: okay.. can you like step out of the room i wanna jerk off

maid: and you aren't even going to ask me to watch?!

princess: [shrug] not really. i mean if you wanna

maid: [shedding a single tear] i'm so proud of you, your highness

[swagophile]

princess: [idly flipping through a doujinshi titled MY BIG SISTER IS A SEXY MAID WHO HAS A CRUSH ON ME?!] maid, do you remember what i was like growing up

maid: [dusting] why of course. you were quite the precocious thing. do you remember what i was like?

princess: no, why would i remember that

maid: my mother was your original maid, princess. we spent quite some time together in youth.

princess: no we didn't. my only friend growing up was this tall girl with glasses. she was really pretty. i think she's why i'm a lesbian now tbh

maid: princess..

princess: i remember one time when i was like 11 we went out to the courtyard and we laid on the grass and we looked at the stars and we counted them and i kept making up stories about what theyre doing on all of the different stars in the sky

maid: y-your highness

princess: and she kept giggling at all my jokea and it stuck in my head cus she had the cutest laugh and she turned her head to look at me and she said i was really fun to be around and she wished we could hang out more

maid: princess, really-

princess: [flipping the page] and i remember it so vividly because when she turned to look at me with this. adorable smile. i wanted to kiss her so bad and i didnt even know why. cus id never wanted to kiss someone before in my life. but i was too shy to do it so i just laid there until mommy called me back inside

maid: [blushing profusely] y-you wanted to kiss her, then?

princess: yeah. she was the most beautiful person i've ever met. i think about her constantly. i think she moved away or something cus after a while she stopped hanging out with me and i never saw her again

maid: yeah...

princess: anyways [flipping the page] what did you wanna say earlier

maid: um. it is of little importance

princess: oh okay. whatever [closing the book] you really gotta read this one. its so hot

maid: m-maybe some other time.. did you need anything else, princess?

princess: nah you can go. oh actually. bring some crumpets for the dog

maid: very well, princess.. i will return later with treats [stepping out and walking down to the kitchen]

— KITCHEN —

maid: hey rudy, i need some crumpets for the princess

head chef: oh hey yeah i can do that, crumpets coming right up

maid: [sighing] can i talk to you about something? girl to girl?

head chef: of course, what's up girl

maid: i just. i can't get this girl out of my head.

head chef: oh god not her again. you gotta move on. you know she's not right for you

maid: yeah i know it's just. ugh. she can be so sweet sometimes. like maybe if she had someone looking out her she could finally get her life on track

head chef: [putting a tray in the oven] it doesn't have to be you, though. you don't have to fix everyone, yknow

maid: yeah.. i know.. i just.. [sighing] i can't stop thinking about her..

head chef: you really gotta let her go. you'll find the right person for you eventually.

maid: i know... i know.. i just. urgghh

head chef: yeah. i feel you. oh yeah also, you left your glasses here earlier

maid: oh thank goodness. i was worried i loat those

head chef: yeah don't worry i held onto them. you should wear em more, you look cute in them

maid: yeah, maybe.. thanks for the talk rudy. i have a lot to think about

head chef: no worries, always happy to help. good luck with the princess

maid: h-huh?! i didn't say–

head chef: i mean with the crumpets, silly. you can be very funny at times

maid: a-ah.. yeah.. haha.. i guess so

[swagophile]

just gonna be up front and say the maid has been in love with the princess pretty much since reblog 2 like its never been an excuse thats always been the intended reading. its been yuri from the start ive just been making it more explicit

[swagophile]

princess: so this one is called Sweetie Magical Awesome Baby Haruko and so basically she has special powers that basically come from this like little ass cat thing right,

jester: that is SO awesome omgz

princess: yeah. its cool. but anyways. it turns out the little ass cat guy, right, this motherfucker is actually secretly evil the whole nime

jester: no frickin way

princess: right?! like holy shit

jester: ur really kewl princess :3

princess: yeah thanks, so anyways. this one is aboit a peasant girl who gets transported to another realm. and becomes the demon lord. but like, sexy demon lord

jester: [nuzzling up close to her] heheh these books r awesome its so kewl that u like dis stuff

princess: yeah so anyways. shes accompanied by her best friend whos like this ditzy airheaded girl whos always like unintentionally foiling her plans

jester: [burying her head in her chest] uh huh

princess: but over the course of their misadventures they get like super close right. and like. they realize they kinda have feelings for each other

jester: i like where dis is going x3

princess: yeah and like at the peak they kiss and its really cute and like totally fixes the demon lord and its really cu-

jester: [leaning in and kissing her]

maid: [walking in without announcing heraelf and noticing them kissing, immediately going red ans turning back around]

princess: [not noticing] they uh. i like you and all but i dunno if this is a good idea

jester: awh c'mon :3 just once ?

princess: well. I guess i am pretty lonely

jester: YAYYYYYY [immediately starts getting naked]

— LATER —

maid: [walking in, the princess is naked and nursing a bottle of wine] dinner. i brought crumpets for the dog.

princess: heyyyy i was wondering where you were girl. i had sex today

maid: [clearly a little upset] i can tell. how was it, your highness?

princess: hmm

princess: i actually don't think i liked it very much

maid: h-huh?!

princess: it was kinda unpleasant actually. yknow i realized something

maid: what's that..?

princess: i think this whole time ive been thinking what is to get laid, but i think really i just want to be loved. like that did not fix me at all

maid: really..? you want that?

princess: [taking a big glug of her bottle] or maybe i just wanted her to sit on my face. that probly wouldve made it a little better

maid: [dismayed] a.. ah.. yes.. probably, your highness..

[swagophile]

princess: alright. sit girl, sit.

knight: awrrrf!! arf!! [sits down with a huge smile on her face

princess: hmhm.. i see.. [picking up a random stuffie] go fetch

knight: [runs over and picks the stuffie up and brings it back with a really big smile]

princess: hmm. hey howd you like to sleep in bed with me tonight

knight: awrrf?

princess: you can speak if you want to

knight: wrrf.. u-um.. well.. if it's allowed..

princess: i dunno. must get pretty lonely on the floor there

knight: [nodding really fast]

princess: alright. yeah. you can sleep with me tonight.

knight: WRF!!! wff wrff wrf!!!

princess: alright that's nice girl. do you uh. hey. do you wanna like. have sex with each other

knight: [turning her head] a-are you sure..? i mean.. is that allowed? i don't w-wrf.. wwanna get between you and your maid..

princess: we aren't like. a couple or anything. and i wanna see something

knight: [climbing into bed and nuzzling her. she's much bigger than the princess so she takes up most of the bed] well.. as long as its okay..

princess: yeah. and youll like do what i want, right?

knight: wrrrf.. i t-took an oath.. remember

princess: yeah but like. consensually. like if you dont wanna you can say no

knight: just don't hurt me and we'll be okay mmommy

princess: haha you don't have to call me that. and don't worry. i'm not into that. just. a couple things i want to explore

knight: okay ❤️ yay ❤️

— LATER THAT NIGHT —

princess: huh.

knight: [still panting] w-wow, yyour highness,, wrrrff,,

princess: weird. weeiirrdd. i don't know what to do with that.

knight: [perking up suddenly] i-is everything okay?!

princess: yeah everythings okay just. hmm. i didn't enjoy that as much as i thought i would

knight: you d-didn't like that?!

princess: no, no i did, just.. idk like. i thought id be feeling really good after but i kinda just don't feel that much at all. like last time.

knight: y-you had fun though, rright?!

princess: yeah of course. you were great. i had lots of fun. thanks for sitting on my face.

knight: pphew.. okay.. well.. as long as you have fun its okay.. [nuzzling close to her and rubbing her head against the princess]

princess: yeah. you're probably right. [shutting her eyes]

knight: [yawning] mrrrhhhf.. get ssome rest your highness.. you've earned it..

princess: i will. just..

[waiting for the knight to sleep]

princess: what if i want more than that?

[swagophile]

king: alright dear. i want you to meet this handsome young boy. he is the prince of one of our neighboring kingdom, and he wishes to court you, my daughter.

princess: ughhhh come on not this shit again

prince: ah.. my beautiful dashing princess.. as charming as ever.. your sight is like that of a warm summers da-

princess: yeah you don't have to do that shit. i'm not interested.

prince: eheheh.. you remain quite the prickly pear, i see. no matter, i happen to "like" those.. truly, a fruit with a hard exterior tends to be soft and sweet beneath~

princess: that doesn't even make sense. pumpkins are hard as shit and they taste awful inside and they arent even soft theyre puply and full of seeds and shit.

king: hrrgh. i can't hear any more of this. i am leaving. you will respect the boy, you two are to be wed one day. [stomps off to his throne room]

prince: allow me passage to your room, young maiden?

princess: we are not fucking. i don't even like you. i don't even know your name

prince: my name? why, my name happens to Michael

princess: are-

princess: are you fucking kidding me

prince: what..?

princess: is your name actually Michael

prince: yes this is- this is the fourth time i've told you that

princess: no fucking way. that's so fucking funny. are you telling me you are Prince Mike

prince: soon to be king michael, for your information. my father is aging and soon to pass on the throne.. you could be.. [blowing a kiss] my queen..

princess: dude can you seriously take the hint. i don't even like dudes. i'm a lesbian

prince: is the fruit of a rotted tree still not worthy of bearing new life?

princess: what the fuck does that MEAN. why are you like this!!

prince: i am nothing short of what a beautiful beast like you deserves.. love, everlasting

princess: do not fucking start with that love everlasting shit michael i will actually kill you

prince: AHA! so you DO remember my name!

princess: what fucking ever dude. go jerk off to me in your shower or something. i am never going to let you hit

prince: that is.. most unfortunate.. perhaps one day i may persuade you to change your mind, young delicate thing..

princess: dude i'm older than you

prince: well... whatever....

— AT THE OTHER CASTLE —

prince: come close my man.. i think i have more to discuss

manservant: yes, my liege?

prince: i believe i totally fumbled that princess. i haven't the slighest clue how to talk to women.

manservant: women have never been your forte, sir.

prince: [cracking open a volume of Beautiful Boy's Club at Youuseki High] no, they have not, my good man. do you think there is a boy out there for me, my man?

manservant: i believe the right person exists for all, and i see no reason for you to be the exception

prince: well.. perhaps.. i do not want to marry that princess, however

manservant: and why would that be, your highness

prince: well. number one, i'm gay. quite gay. gay as shit. and number two, she suuuuuuuuuuuucks. she sucks sooooooo fucking hardddddddd she fucking suuuuuuuucks

manservant: perhaps a sucking is what you need, sire

prince: haha! you never fail to make me laugh. come, take your pants off, let us commence

[swagophile]

— IN THE HIGHEST TOWER FAR FROM THE REST OF THE CASTLE —

princess: so you're kinda like my sister, right.

bastard daughter: well, literally speaking, yeah. half, at least. are you even supposed to be up here. i thought i was supposed to be like a great shameful secret

princess: i mean i come up here all the time don't i

illegitimate princess: like once a month maybe

princess: that's more than anyone else

illegitimate princess: Well I Fucking Guess

princess: so like. agh. fuck i have so much shit bothering me and like. i have nobody to talk to about it. like normally i would talk to my maid but she's never around lately. plus i think she doesn't like it when i talk about this stuff

illegitimate princess: well that's not surprising. you're probably trying to hit on her again, right

princess: actually no. i haven't been doing that much lately

illegitimate princess: wow. nice going sis. character growth wasnt something i expected from you

princess: i dont know. like. i spend so much time like pining, right. i read all these stories but like. like i had sex twice in the last week and i felt nothing

illegitimate princess: i do not need to know about my little sister's sexual habits. oh yeah did you bring any of those yuri manga. i really need new ones. pretty much the only thing i do up here is jerk off

princess: [dropping off a stack of books] see that's how i know we're sisters

illegitimate princess: okay well. i'm not like you. i do it out of necessity. if i could, i'd probably be like. doing diplomacy and shit. like be out there in the world. making paintings. talking to merchants. traveling the kingdom

princess: yeah anyways so like. like what if i dont just want sex? like what if i want to be loved?

illegitimate princess: well duh. everybody wants to be loved

princess: huh. i guess it sounds kinda obvious when you put it like that

illegitimate princess: im surprised you didn't know that already. i guess you don't go out much

princess: neither do you!

illegitimate princess: well okay. that's a recent development. before the king tracked me down and locked me in here i was doing like a ton of shit. i was a big player in the criminal underworld

princess: you were?!

illegitimate princess: yeah. i had crazy sex parties. we would go wild. like totally fucked up and like some downright morally questionable shit. you know this is one of the first times youve asked anything about me

princess: oh.. sorry.. um.. wow.. do you think you could show me..?

illegitimate princess: we're sisters, that would be weird

princess: i didn't even know you existed until like 4 years ago

illegitimate princess: well. okay, good point.

princess: so you'll teach me?!

illegitimate princess: don't get ahead of yourself, tiger. if you ask me, i think you should tell this maid of yours how you really feel. be honest with her. the girl clearly cares about you, so make it known you do too

princess: but that's the thing, i HAVE been making it known. i tell her how much i appreciate her all the time, i even compliment her massive boobage and everything. like she's one of the only people in this whole castle thats real with me. other than you of course

illegitimate princess: gee, thanks

princess: i dunno. i just want to be loved. and i know my doggy loves me, i mean that much was clear when we had sex the other night, but

illegitimate princess: pause. did you just say you had sex with your dog

princess: oh sorry, that's just what i call my knight. its a whole thing

illegitimate princess: oh okay yeah i get that. i used to do a lot of that back in the day. continue

princess: i dunno. i feel like the kind of the love i need is different. like i feel like i need it from. from like.

illegitimate princess: yeah yeah you need it from your maid. just tell her how much she means to you and hope she feels the same

princess: well. maybe. i dunno. i'm still sorting out how i feel

illegitimate princess: okay well. let me know when you get there. i'm glad i could help at least

princess: yeah thank you. i appreciate your input so much. for someone i barely know who grew up in completely different circumstances than me, we really are remarkably like sisters

illegitimate princess: maybe we have like some kinda fucked up lesbian gene

princess: i guess i havent spoken to mom much. maybe shes like this too

illegitimate princess: [shrug]

illegitimate princess: hey so can you help me get out of here

princess: i'll see you soon sis thanks for the chat

illegitimate princess: [sighing] yeah, sure. no problem kid.

princess: [stomps down the spire back to her room]

illegitimate princess: i'm never getting out of here am i

[swagophile]

— MEANWHILE, PRINCESS'S CHAMBERS —

maid: [stepping in to do her nightly cleaning. noticing the princess is gone] princess..? where are you? oh, hello cass- ahem, puppy, do you know where the princess is?

knight: [shaking her head]

maid: strange. it's not like her to leave her tower at all, especially not so late

knight: [nodding her head]

maid: [setting down her cleaning supplies and taking a seat on the foot of the princess's bed] say.. u-um, doggy.. you know i've never spoken to you very much 1 on 1 like this..

knight: wrrf.. [shakes her head[

maid: well, i suppose you can't speak much currently.. but.. i don't know.. you and the princess have um, relations, right?

knight: [nodding her head]

maid: a-ah.. so.. you two are partners then, right?

knight: [pausing.. looks up for a second.. shakes her head]

maid: i see.. can i tell you something? will you promise not to tell?

knight: [shaking her head really fast]

maid: [sigh] alright. well. i believe i may have feelings for the princess.

knight: [gasp]

maid: i know, i know. i've been wrestling with it for quite some time. but. i don't think she likes me very much, is the issue.

knight: wrrf..?

maid: huh?

knight: ugh- i mean. ddoesn't she flirt with you all the time?

maid: well that's different. she does that to everyone with a pulse..

knight: hmm.. can i tell you something..?

maid: yes?

knight: well, you know how i've been staying with the princess in her quarters, right?

maid: yes..

knight: well, the reason i mention that is, every night right before you come to bring her dinner, she gets up and fixes her hair and arranges herself on the bed to look as beautiful as possible

maid: what?!

knight: i know.. i thought it was weird at ffirst too, but.. i think, i think she really wants you to like her

maid: she does..? hmm.. well i guess.. she does ask me to hold her quite often...

knight: yes, she does. i think she really likes you, honestly. maybe mmore than she likes me.. but that's okay. i don't mind being her pet

maid: hmm.. i see.. but even if we both feel that way, there's no gaurantee we would even be a particularly good match..

knight: can i be h-honest?

maid: speak freely, canine

knight: wrrf.. i don't know if you ttwo would be a good match. i wish i did, but i don't. what i do know is, that girl really loves you. a lot. maybe more than anybody else, even if she.. hasn't realized it fully, yet.. but. she listens to you.. she wants to be good for you.. i'm not ggoing to tell you what to do, but.. just keep that in mind, okay?

maid: hm.. well.. this is a lot to think about, definitely. i appreciate your words. you are a very good girl, cassie. thank you.. [scratching behind her ears]

knight: wrrrfff,,, hhehehe,, ddont mention it,, wrrf,,

[swagophile]

maid: [stepping in with dinner] a-ah.. princess.. ive been meaning to speak with you..

princess: come in. lets talk

maid: y-yes please.. shall i go first

princess: sure, why not

maid: um. can i sit on the bed or....?

princess: uh

princess: wherever's fine

[they both blush at each other during a prolonged moment of awkward silence]

maid: uh-

princess: so-

maid: you go first,,

princess: naw its okay you go first

maid: well- i've been thinking a lot. um. so, ive been your maid for a few years now, yes..?

princess: yes you have

maid: well. in that time.. a lot of things have happened.. you could say

princess: yuuup

maid: and.. um.. theres no easy way to say this

princess: its okay. im not mad

maid: well. um

maid: i'minlovewithyou

princess: i understand, you have to stop caring for m- wait what?!

maid: .....

princess: WHAT?!

maid: SSORRY

princess: HOLY SHIT

maid: W-WHAT??

princess: ME TOO!!!!

princess: IM IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!

maid: O-OH

princess: THIS IS FUCKING AWESOME

maid: UM. WOW. TThis is quite surprising your highness,,

princess: you know what we gotta do

maid: wwhat?

princess: we gotta consumate our love biiiiiiiitch

maid: eeheheheh,, eheheh,,

knight: [in full armor, dashing up the stairs, busting open the door, breathless] PRINCESS

princess: whats up pup

knight: THE KINGDOM IS UNDER SIEGE BY A DRAGON

princess: oh COME THE FUCK ON!!!! COME ON!!!!!!!!!

[swagophile]

queen: my daughter, what seems to be the problem

princess: UGH. Get out of my rooom MOM!!!!

queen: [sitting on the foot of the princess's bed] please, talk to me muffin

princess: don't call me shit like that i'm not a little kid anymore

queen: [placing her hand on the princess's leg] but you'll always be my little girl.. tell me.. what troubles you so

princess: UGHH. you wouldnt get it. its lesbian stuff

queen: awwh muffin... you know, i was a lesbian when i was your age.. before i met your father

princess: you- what?! thats not even how it works mom.. you don't just stop being a lesbian

queen: haha.. tell me sweetie, whats keeping you up?

princess: ugghhhh. i just miss my maid.

queen: your.. maid?

princess: yes!!! my maid!! she got eaten by a dragon, remember??

queen: awh.. sweetie... before i met your father, i was with another woman

princess: you were...??

queen: yes, she was beautiful, hung like a horse, and she left my life right after your sister was concieved

princess: i did not need to know that but go on

queen: okay so it was REALLY big. like. it was quite impressive, muffin

princess: mom. boundaries

queen: a-ah.. right.. so anyways, after she left me i was devasted, i was sure i'd never be happy again

princess: but..?

queen: but i had your sister, and a few years after, i had you..

princess: okay but mom, i dont have any kids. and my girlfriend didnt leave me, shes dead!!!!

queen: cupcake, you don't know that.. and thats not my point

princess: she got EATEN by a DRAGON, mom. you dont exactly come back from that. uggghhhhh.. im even lonelier than i was before!!! this sucks!!!!!

queen: muffin.. how about i stay with you tonight, alright? we can share a bed, like when you were little

princess: nooooo way. ive read way too much mommy daughter yuri to go along with that. i know where this is going

queen: [sweating] w-what??

princess: sorry wait thats an insane thing to say. im just. i really really miss her. like a lot. i dont know what im gonna do without her.

queen: let me stay with you baby.. i can be there for you now, even if i wasnt there before

princess: mmhh.. well.. i guess... do you mind if my dog sleeps on my bed too

queen: your.. dog?

knight: wrrf- o-oh!!! oh my ggoodness im so sorry your majesty,,

queen: is that.. your knight? where is her armor..? where are her clothes??

princess: mom, i just told you, that's my dog

knight: p-please don't punish me, your majesty,,,

queen: no its quite alright with me, really, just.. [shedding a single tear and smiling wide] you really are my daughter, aren't you?

princess: ugh, mom, don't make it weird.. shes literally just my dog

queen: [stroking the princess's hair softly] i know, muffin. i'm so proud of the person you've become. let's get some rest, okay sweetheart?

princess: w-wwhatever... tthanks, mom...

[swagophile]

new maid: princess! i come with your dinner!

princess: yeah whatever, just leave it on the floor. you're new. no maid 2 today, huh?

new maid: no, your majesty! i am your replacement maid starting today! i promise to serve you most obediently, and do everything in my power to ensure your maximum comfort!

princess: [flipping the page on her doujinshi] yeah whatever. maid, come here

new maid: yes princess!

princess: maid, i need you to jerk me off

new maid: yes princess! please lift your dress!

princess: thats it? youre not gonna say no? or get mad at me?

new maid: no, your highness! it is my duty and my pleasure to serve!

princess: well you're no fun. reminds me of someone i used to know.

knight: [whiiiiiiine]

new maid: how can i be more fun, princess! i strive to be the best possible maid i can be!

princess: [lifting her dress] forget it, cmere. might as well see if youre useful for SOMETHING

—LATER—

princess: [naked in bed next to the new maid holding a glass of red wine] yeah okay. that was fine i *urp* guess. i gotta go meet with some suitors

new maid: [also naked] p-phew.. that was.. something.. allow me to dress you, your highness!

princess: nah its fine. i can dress myself. im not that drunk. [slips into her dress and stumbles out of her chambers]

new maid: w-wait!! princess!!! ah.. she's gone.. tell me, loyal knight, is the princess always like that???

knight: [shrugging] since her maid left, yeah.. its a little distressing,,

new maid: my goodness.. no matter!! i will do anything in my power to ensure her happiness

knight: [whimper] mmaybe take it down a notch,,

new maid: no!!!! the princess deserves only the most devoted!!!!

knight: [putting her paws over her face] oh dear,, this is going to be.. [whiiiine]

[swagophile]

maid 2: god, can you believe shes gotten worse?

maid 3: dont remind me

maid 2: at least her shitty goodfornothing sister is finally gone

new maid: fellow maids!!! we must not disparage our masters!!! it is most uncouth!!!

maid 2: oh god are YOU her replacement

maid 3: howd a little thing like you ever go through finishing school

new maid: ii.. i made an oath to serve the kingdom! you will not disparage my princess!!

maid 3: jeez shes just royalty girl its not like shes important. nobody cares about her

maid 2: yeah none of us take her seriously

knight 2: oh my god are we talking about the princess? i haaaate that wench

maid 2: NO RIGHT. the shit she did to my ex isl ike. downright fucked for real.

knight 2: and she was such a good knight too

maid 3: i just hope that dragon comes vack for her honestly

new maid: [on the verge of tears] YOU ARE ALL. [SNIFF] VVERY MEAN. I DON'T LIKE YOU. [runs off crying]

knight 2: jesus what's her problem

maid 2: new maid

knight 2: ahhhh thatd do it. lmao

— ELSEWHERE —

new maid: and they were so so mean and said so many terrible wicked things, its apalling, its sickening, its totally and completely maddening!!!

head chef: i know girl, there there, drink some more tea

new maid: i just dont understand how anyone could be so cruel!!! its so mean and unecessary and it onlh brings more pain into this already dim and bleak existence!!! it is our duty to inspire joy, not to snuff it out!!!!

head chef: [patting her back] i know honey, i know, just let it out

new maid: i just,, [sniff] i just dont understand.. am i gonma be like them? i dont want to be like them

head chef: nah, youre a good kid, dont worry

new maid: i'm 19

head chef: jesus really? anyways. you remind me of someone i used to know

new maid: yeah..?

head chef: yeah, she was just like you when i met her, cared so deeply ahout doing the right thing, about inspiring kindness when she can

new maid: and what, she let go of it and became a sad adult..? ive heard this story many times before, believe me

head chef: no, actually. she continued being one of the kindest and most seadfast people i know. if theres one thing she was good at it, it was never giving up in people. she always tried to bring out the best in people.

new maid: o-oh.. and what happened to her..? where is she now?

head chef: got eaten by a dragon. real shame. you wouldve liked her

new maid: a-ah.. yes.. ive.. heard a lot.. i should really get going, the princess is surely struggling without me

head chef: she used to say that too. want a piece of advice?

new maid: well.. it cant hurt..

head chef: you see all that effort you put into taking care of others?

new maid: yes, its what gives me purpose

hsad chrf: you gotta put some of that into taking care of yourself, too. trust me on this one

new maid: hhmm.. well .. maybe .. i reallu must be going, thank you for the tea

head chef: 'course, kid. swing by if you need anything

new maid: [already dashing out the door] i willlll!!!

head chef: [taking a sip of black coffee] yuuup. this job is gonna kill her

[swagophile]

— courtyard —

princess: [sitting on a bench picking at a flower] maid, come hither

new maid: yes your highness!!! very formal, your highness!!!

princess: i dunno. trying it out. anyways, please, sit

new maid: next to you...??

princess: yes please. if you will, maid, i would quite appreciate it

new maid: [sitting down] its surreal seeing you talk like this, your highness

princess: yeah it really doesnt feel right. but like idk. i dont really have that much left. might as well conform

new maid: a-ah.. yes.. why did you want me to sit by you...?

princess: can i level with you

new maid: yes...? it is my duty to listen to everything the princess says!!!

princess: oh yeah.. right.. uh... look i know you're pretty young, but

new maid: (why does everyone keep saying that??)

princess: dyou know what its like? to be Weird. just not fit in. outsider

new maid: why.. i have done my best to be exactly what is needed of me!!! it is my DUTY to SERVE!!!

princess: oh yeah, right. whatever. anyways uh. i guess i'm really, really lonely

new maid: your highness...??

princess: idk. your predecessor was like. the only person who seemed to genuinely like me

new maid: i will always like you your highness!!!

princess: i know but its different.. you're like. a dog

new maid: I AM NOT A DOG!!!!

princess: doll, maybe.. anyhow.. i dunno. ive been spiraling

new maid: ....?

princess: yea. if im being honest im kinda falling apart. like. i dunno. i think i just hate myself, maybe. i think im tired of being me. i think i dont wanna be hated anymore

new maid: princess...!!! i will always like ypu, i promise!!! no matter who you are, you will always be a beautiful princess to me!!!

princess: well. i do appreciate that. but it seems like youre probably the only ome who feels that way. other than my dog, of course. i dunno. i have a lot to think about i guess

prince: ooohhh princess..! my loving hands long to feel your touch! please, come to me fair maiden, and allow us tto join in our.. love...

princess: god that guy is so creepy. what do you want michael

prince: oh.. nothing major.. only your time, your affections, your body, your love, my fair princess, all i want is you

princess: ugh. will you chill out if i agree to marry you

prince: you'd.. do that for me..?

princess: only if you drop the act around me

prince: [standing 20% gayer] in a heartbeat, princess. thank you sososo much for agreeing to this, my father has been breathing down my neck about finding a bride and.. you're the only one i believe would have no interest in sexual relations

princess: you got that part right at least. cmon. lets go talk to my dad. we can arrange the wedding

prince: you are so so so cool for doing this, thank you so so much, for serious!

princess: [walking off while holding his hand] yeah okay, whatever

butler: your princess is not doing well, is she

new maid: ah! how did you know about that?!

butler: call it butler's intuition. young maid?

new maid: (why does everyone keep saying that!!) yes..?

butler: (giving her a tired and weary look) please make sure your princess isn't doing something she'll regret

[swagophile]

(lol this thread is so long it lags my phone)

princess: maid. maiiiddd. maaiidddd come here im lonely

new maid: [sigh] again, your highness?

princess: noo.. im all fucked out for today..*hic* i just wanna cuddle

new maid: it is my duty to serve you, princess.. [climbing in bed with her]

princess: yaaayyy hheheheheh thats my good girl youre suuuuucchh a good little girl hehehehe yayyyy

new maid: your breath smells of wine, your highness,,

princess: i- huh? ohhh yeah ive had like a bottle or two *hic*

new maid: you really nust be drinking less your highness

princess: aawwwww just for you my sweeet girlll ill do anything hhehehehe

new maid: that's wonderful, princess...

princess: maiiiidd...? [sniffle] wwhy does.. [full on sobbing] why does everybody lleave me,,????

new maid: oh.. princess.. [immediately wrapping her arms around the princess] please do not fret!! I promise to never leave your side!!!

princess: i justb,,,, kkkghhdhdhfhdfh.,,, everyonei care avoutgoes away eventually [sniffle] bbecause i just. mghhf. i push peoplef away andidont even. sniff. im sorryim rrally sorry im being emo ton8ghtsorry

new maid: its okay your highness.. let emily take care of you.. shh..

princess: andivjust. sniff. im disgusting and EVEYRBOFY hates me INCLUDINGMUself.AND OF coursethey would becausei fuckign sucj. becauseim just. wrothless fycjig. bitch. in fucking. Tower. ugh. sforry this is really mevarassing

new maid: you're never embarassing to me

princess: no but i -hic- totally am. likef. im literallyforcing a fuckinf teenager tocomfort me in my bed AFTER ihad sex with her. imFcuked.

new maid: i'm 19, princess.. and you arent forcing me to do anything.. i'm here because i want to be, okay?

princess: areyou, though?? are you??????

new maid: ......

new maid: princess, have you ever had a friend before?

princess: uh. notreally. not sincei was a kid. why

new maid: here, one second, i'll be right back okay? [gets up]

princess: o-oh... okay...

new maid: [coming back after a few minutes in themed horror movie pajamas, big round glasses on, hair all messy and down] alright, princess. ive decided what you need is.. a sleepover!!

princess: b.. whuh.. you lookso beautiful like thisf

new maid: no, princess, none of that .. put your pajamas on, okay?

princess: okaaaaaayyyh [putting her shirt on backwards] so what. do welike fuvk nasty now or. ive never had a sleepiverbefore

new maid: [sitting on the floor] no princess, we're gonna play!

princess: play....?

new maid: yes!!! [pulling out some trading cards] cmon, i built you a custom deck!!!

princess: [teary eyed] y-you did that.. ffor me...?? thats.. thats the niceiest thing anyones everdone for me..

new maid: aw cmon its just yugioh! cmon sit on the ground with me! we can eat cupcakes together!!

princess: [crying, sitting down across from her new maid] i dont deserve you,,,

[brick3621]

https://archiveofourown.org/series/5141561

[creep4creeps]

Bruce N. Duncan, Top Comedy and Bottom Burlesque

[ryebreadgf]

once I snorted a fat line of nuance and everything started depending. watch out

[velvetcloak]

Tension Archive Phantasmagoria SS, 2024

[thatskygirl-deactivated20170403]

[r2x2]

The Amnesty International report that JK Rowling is trying to censor through legal threats.

It can also be found on Google Drive here and on Bluesky here.

[cbarc]

Please save and share this info where possible. This report has since been removed by Amnesty International due to legal threats of libel from JK Rowling. This information is no longer easily accessible.

[smhmyheaddude]

well how can i refuse if it came straight from an orc

[pangur-and-grim]

what I've learned from having other people edit my work is that I have a sick addiction to commas

[pangur-and-grim]

there have been four editing passes on my spider sex book, and each time they take away so many commas. no fresh commas are being added, this is just a continued culling. if you see a comma in the final book please understand that it survived so much

[pangur-and-grim]

[dogpuppy]

[creepycrag]

If you remember being a teenager you're a creep because you straight up saw yourself naked back then. The only way to be righteous is to obliterate your mind with drugs until you can't remember anything

[lilytad]

when someone is a christian they are not constantly asked their position on the holocaust the transatlantic slave trade the extermination of native americans or any of the thousands of atrocities committed by christians so why do muslims get asked about terrorism and jewish people about israel and are grouped in with specific bad people while christians are not required to explain themselves??

[lilytad]

goyim and non muslims can and should reblog

[lilytad]

[christians and all sectors of christianity that means you]

[insomniac-arrest]

why are ghosts always person-sized in the movies? they don’t have bodies anymore. one of ‘em should have figured out how to work that shit. one of them could be … her 😳

[thedogeveryonehates]

kind of a milf. reblog

[asharomi]

[elierlick]

Now THIS is art. 😍

[lady-sanctum]

“When I first saw the original painting, I began to do some research on that little boy. I could find everything I wanted about every other detail in the painting, but there was nothing about him. No history. And so I wanted to find a way to imagine a life for this young man that the historical painting had never made space for in the composition: his desires, dreams, family, thoughts, hopes. Those things were never subjects that the original artist wanted the viewer to contemplate. In order to reframe the discussion, I decided to physically take action to quiet [and crumple] the side of the painting that we’ve been talking about for a very long time and turn up the volume on this kid’s story. And that’s the reason why I started that painting.” Via Artnet News 2019/03/27

[youhaveaguineapigwhere]

[youhaveaguineapigwhere]

Everytime this gets a note when its nowhere near christmas I question my sanity just a little bit more

[youhaveaguineapigwhere]

No, it is July, stop that, stop giving this notes, you guys have lost reblogging privileges