- ̗̀ * starlight * ̖́-

[pcllx-blog]

siggsofsins‌

“a skating accident?” he asked arching a brow up at her. this was his first time seeing her since he has gotten out of the hospital. a couple of broken ribs and an arm in a cast. “skating accident my ass.” he said with the smallest weakest laugh knowing that this was really no time to be laughing, but he did anyway.

– THERE’S NO USE LYING TO HIM, he always knows. after all, he was there when it happened. she just doesn’t want to make a scene in front of all of the staff at the hugo. “i wouldn’t expect you to understand, it’s been a long time since you’ve been to a competition,” she says. “can we – can we talk somewhere private?”

[pcllx-blog]

STARTER: OPEN

– “IT WAS A SKATING ACCIDENT, I SWEAR,” esme protests as if her taking a tumble into the railing is a perfectly natural thing, one that would lead to such a convenient black eye. she doesn’t want to talk about her accidental run-in with the swedish cartel, no matter who’s asking. 

[pcllx-blog]

slgrld‌

predictable. utterly predictable. people had always treated sigrid like an oddity, like something to be avoided. even as a child, she was too quiet, too cold, too distant, too angry, too violent. withdrawing into herself, being by herself, was a place of familiarity, of comfort. there was a twinge of loneliness with that life, of sadness. but dammit that sadness could be addicting at times. maybe she and esme weren’t so different after all.

the more esme reacted and recoiled, the more sigrid almost felt pleased. she had been right, her mother had been right. she was beyond loving. she had become the monster her mother had wanted her to be since her birth. she would never be wronged like her mother was. how could one be abandoned when they were never loved in the first place? a little smirk appeared on her lips. amelia had been right all along. her plan was perfected in sigrid. “i’m not lying. i terminate targets for a profit. people who murder and rape and steal and lie and manipulate. i cleanse. and i’m damn good at it. ask warren. he’d be six feet under and rotting right about now if it weren’t for me.”

– ESME STANDS THERE FOR A MOMENT, TRYING TO REMEMBER THE IMPORTANCE OF BREATHING. there’s so much to process at once, but it comes to mind that sigrid has been hiding this for a long time. she loves sigrid, of course, she always will, but it hurts her heart to see sigrid as anything other than a hero, a savior. the idea that she could hurt others like this, pass judgement on them – it’s hard. after all, the untouchables were people who murdered, stole, lied, and manipulated. what was keeping esme from sigrid’s smoking gun other than nepotism?

“why?” esme asks, eyes wide. “why do you do it?” and she feels if she has that answer, if she can at least understand, then maybe she can rationalize all the love she still has for her sister, for a killer. there are so many questions that threaten to bubble forth from her lips, but that is the only one that remains. 

[pcllx-blog]

[alternative-queens]

17 by sky ferreira

[dailytwd]

we’ve all done things. or else we wouldn’t be here. it isn’t always that easy to live with. it’s better than losing everything.

[ronflieger]

[pcllx-blog]

slgrld‌

when esme reaches out for sigrid’s hand, the elder withdraws, her hand going with her. she wanted desperately to hold her sister’s hand, for esme to give it a reassuring squeeze, to know that what sigrid did wouldn’t affect anything. however, sigrid knew that the second she revealed herself to esme, her sister would be the one withdrawing, but out of horror, out of disgust.

her lungs filled with air as she tried to steady her nerves. this was the moment that their relationship would truly be put to the test.  “i got involved with the sanctum because they started doing favors for me…” typical story. “they had heard of me…i don’t know how. but they knew they wanted me on their side. i’m something of a hitman…i have been for a long time now.” not so typical.

– PREDICTABLY, ESME WITHDRAWS HER HAND AS SIGRID SPEAKS, PROCESSING. esme had always let herself believe that sigrid’s involvement was something simple. the connection to the tiptons and her business, she figured it was some basic fraud and embezzlement. not something like this. this is not the time that esme can process it, she’s too drunk and tired to make sense of it, and if her world wasn’t spinning before, it is now. everything she’s always believed has been flipped.

to esme, sigrid has always been a savior, a protector. not someone who would hurt others: never a killer.

“you’re lying,” esme says decisevely. there’s no way it could be true. but still, sigrid has never lied to her. teeth drag across her bottom lip to hold back a choked gasp as she tries not to sob. “stop lying to me,” she repeats, her voice rising, “that’s not...you would never do that. you would never hurt someone, especially someone who might be innocent.” 

[pcllx-blog]

persecvted‌

his laugh is subdued, he never thought he’d feel this relaxed when he finally told someone. but he should have never underestimated esme, she always gave great advice even if she never took any. “i had to work through all my ridiculous trepidation first.” a smirk pulled the corner of his lips upward. “and i have more secrets than you think.” it was said in a teasing tone but the truth of it struck him for a moment. the only reason he hid things from her, from anyone, was to protect them really, or out of abject fear. but to have anyone know he was afraid would be a detriment to his ability to protect and care for others, so he had to keep it to himself. kai had no real outlet, no pure honest moments it seemed, except with esme. and yet while he was able to learn and grow she stood stubbornly, unwilling or unable to do the same. it broke his heart. 

“have you, you know, ever been in love?” it was apparently a therapy session. he had to laugh but he was certainly exposing more of himself than he ever had thus far, he wished she’d give him the same honor but shook his head, knowing he was asking too much. why was it that when he laid his soul bare he got little or nothing in return? it was the problem with wearing your heart on your sleeve, it was vulnerable and offered little reward. and yet he would persist, always. 

the moment feels safe and quiet and he wants to hold onto it as long as possible. sweden felt like a dream and as soon as they all woke up the spell would be broken. the real world would swallow them back up so why not steal every second they could? he’d hold onto her until she pushed him away, and she would. 

there is no denial or outcry and he is happy for that saving grace. but what she says instead breaks him a little inside. “i don’t think you’re ever okay, esme. but you’ll never admit it.” he hates this but he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. he has his suspicions about why she behaves the way she does and he understands it. the fear that everyone will leave, eventually, was one he shared if only in a different way.  she expected people to leave her but her behavior only encouraged it. a terrible and lonely form of self destruction, he’d seen it twice before. once when he was a kid and once in the marines. the outcome both times had been tragic. “but you have to know, if i lost you —-i’d never recover.” it was a selfish statement and he wanted to take it back as soon as it was out of his mouth. but he’d put a lot out into the universe tonight and he’d have to find a way to live with all of it. 

– SHE NODS. “i’m sure you do,” she says, “i just don’t like to think about it.” after all, she still has things she hides. the mention of secrets makes her thing of the row of positive pregnancy tests on her bathroom counter, how she’d shut everyone out to take care of the situation on her own. it was a secret worth keeping, though, because others would only worry or have tried to make her decision for her. she supposed that kai’s secrets were worth keeping too, for the sake of himself and others. she’s just happy to know this one, to share a small part of the worries that rattle around his brain, and to be able to help him. she knows she can never do as much for him as he does for her, but it feels nice to try.

his question catches her off guard, but it brings a gentle, sad smile to her lips. “yeah, i think so,” esme tells him, “and it hurts still, but i wouldn’t take back any of it. that’s why...i said what i said to you. it’s worth it to have something like that for a little, even if it doesn’t last. at least, it was worth it to me.” but that was many years ago, when she’d been so much younger and her sins had been relatively small. not even she had yet faced the consequences of her own actions and no illicit substances had touched her lips. she was a different girl now, out of reach. who could love her now?

she furrows her brow at his statement. after all, who is he to decide whether she’s okay or not? it’s all relative. “you don’t know what i am,” she says, voice soft for someone who desperately wants to appear strong. she’s constantly testing kai’s limits, waiting to see what will break him and what will make him finally give up on wanting to stay. it feels inevitable and yet, nothing seems to work. kai is more resilient than most. tears dot the corners of her eyes at his statement, and until now, she’s been unaware of how much she might mean to him. her lips part slightly in surprise and she reaches out to put her hand on his.

“you won’t lose me,” she says, “i promise.”

[pcllx-blog]

persecvted‌:

“of course not.” he replies immediately. kai had no intentions of swallowing his feelings whole, he just wanted to have hope, of a better outcome than he could imagine in his pitch black bedroom at night. “i have, for the last few months. debating with myself about the cost, about what could happen to her or to us. i could spend a lifetime making excuses and conjuring nightmares. but in the end es, i just want to be with her. i learned a long time ago we have a finite amount of time on this earth and if we waste it by being too afraid to go after what we want, what’s right for us — that’s the real tragedy.” he’d never felt so calm, and he’d made up his mind already.

and esme had a very good point. there was little to no way they’d ever escape the sanctum. and though he thought he’d been low key she was probably right, the sanctum knew of his crush and they hadn’t done anything about it, good or bad. the sanctum knew everything about everyone, he was not naive to that. he considered lucinda and her husband, their whole history and how bad it had ended for them both. but he saw zero parallels to himself and angel, beyond being in the sanctum. even if it isn’t everlasting —- that was something he would struggle to accept, but life with angel ( however short ) was better than any other version.

he wraps his arm around esme, grateful beyond belief for her and this hidden wisdom. it falls like diamonds from her mouth but he isn’t surprised. beneath the fear and the drugs esme is incredible and smart and these moments with her make it harder to watch her self destruction. 

he sucks in a breath of warm air at her statement. no amount of protest ever seemed to convince esme otherwise, but he hated being pulled into a self pity party too. there had to be more he could do, more he could be, to help her. “you have, you’ve just forgotten. you’ve buried that girl beneath alcohol and drugs, hoping no one will try to dig her out again. it’s easier to numb yourself, to have no expectations any more and burn all your bridges. easier, but it must hurt –all the time.” he loved esme like family, it destroyed him to know she thought so little of herself. “i can remind you, you know? and i’m sure i can find a shovel too. you know i’m here, when you’re ready to start digging.” he had a feeling she’d react badly to what he’d said, ruining the atmosphere of exposed souls they’d managed to create. 

– ESME GASPS. “the last few months!” she exclaims, “you’ve been thinking about this, about angel, about being in love for the past few months and you haven’t said a word!” she nudges him, “i’m just teasing. you can have your secrets, at least for a little while.” it’s the rest of the words he says that mean so much more than that. she notices the way his voice changes when he talks about her, how soft his eyes get. esme now knows that this is what kai looks like when he’s in love, that this is how he speaks. and god, she feels so happy – her protective side takes over and she feels as if, in that moment, she’d fight for kai’s right to love too. 

“but i’m glad you see things that way. i hope you’ll go after it anyway, that you’ll try. that you won’t let any excuse get in the way of giving what you could have a chance...a lost love is better than none at all,” she says. and esme believes this to be true. regardless of heartbreak, she’ll never regret anything.

she leans into his embrace, finding a home and safety inside of it. often times, she feels so lost, so alone – like she’s faking all the time for the cameras and for the fans. the little girls that look up to her don’t know her lies and it hurts to keep telling them. she numbs that pain, the pain of all of her past mistakes, in any way she can, but little compares to the comfort of knowing that someone is there. but are they there unconditionally? how many more times can she fuck up before he breaks, before these arms are no longer here to hold her? not many, she reckons.

his words catch her off-guard, they’re so frank that she has no chance at denial. of course, she has no intention of changing, but most times she’s quick to even deny the problem. “i’m fine,” but she knows that it’s a fruitless attempt, that kai will always find the truth. “i– i’ll let you know. if you ever need to take out your shovel, i mean,” she says rather quietly. “but i’m okay. i’m always okay.” 

[pcllx-blog]

slgrld‌

sigrid didn’t know what she was expecting. did she really expect a confrontation riddled with anger and heightened emotions in the middle of the street in a foreign country after a night spent clubbing to be the thing that turned esme’s life around? sigrid nearly laughed at the thought. her hands dropped from esme’s shoulders and remained at her side, the sight of tears in her sister’s eyes causing her to frown.

at esme’s accusation, though, sigrid’s face suddenly turned completely neutral. her life had hardly been affected by working with the sanctum. if anything, they made things easier for her. she knew they would never go blabbing about body disposal or clean up. she knew that wasn’t the case for everyone, though. but why now? why was that the moment that esme decided she wanted to know sigrid’s reasons for being an untouchable? it had always been odd. how had a bartender at some bar landed herself as an untouchable? “don’t go asking things you don’t want the answer to, esme.”

– AT ESME’S QUESTION, SIGRID BACK OFF SUDDENLY, and of course, this piques esme’s curiosity. there’s a good chance that she won’t remember this argument well in the morning, that it’ll seem like a haze and she’ll be banging on sigrid’s door, begging for forgiveness (or rolling over in bed, in the case that they have a sleepover). but esme is dizzy and tired and she doesn’t have the energy to press sigrid for details.

“i always want the answer,” she says, “when it’s the truth.” and right then, that feels like an adequate response. “everyone always lies to me,” she says, reaching for sigrid’s hand. 

[pcllx-blog]

angelharrison‌

       ❝  maybe ,  but if it’s a cliche ,  it’s because it works !  ❞  the redhead reassured the brunette ,  a small giggle escaping her lips .  a part of her wondered just how unrecognizable esme would be to the people in the bank ;  after all ,  she was an ice skating star ,  &  yet something was telling angel not to be too worried about her friend .  after all ,  part of the beauty of ice skating was in the acting delivered during a performance  —  perhaps esme was so good of an actress that her fame wouldn’t get in the way .  either way ,  angelina wanted to keep a positive mindset ,  especially as she walks alongside esme into the bank .

         the silence is a bit intimidating to say the least ,  but she knows better than to take it personally ;  after all ,  banks weren’t know to be loud places ,  especially not the bank of sweden !  regardless ,  she wears a warm smile on her lips ,  letting esme take the lead ;  maybe it was just a hunch ,  or maybe angel was a bit too shy ,  but something told her that esme would be better at doing the talking .  

         so much that once the two girls were finished with their duties ,  the first thing angel did upon stepping out of the bank was let out a deep breath of relief .  ❝  god ,  i was more nervous in there than i was when we got here …  ❞  she spoke quietly ,  fingertips tucking a red curl behind her ear ,  ❝  but we did good ,  right ?  that wasn’t so bad …  you’re really good with words !  ❞

– MAYBE THEY WERE NERVOUS, but they knew how to do this sort of thing. they’re partners in crime and they follow each other’s lead the whole way. it’s even easier than esme could have imagined, the sanctum has set this up entirely. every step of the way is paved. esme can’t believe that this is hardly the most difficult task the sanctum has given them. a few well-timed smiles and the girls are sent on their way. no one suspects a thing, not that the money belonged to a dead woman and that it was being used to embezzle millions of dollars worth of drug and blood money. 

fucking shit, they were in trouble. even if they hadn’t been caught, they were in trouble.

“i had no idea, you were a natural. charming as usual,” esme compliments, nudging her friend gently. “we did great, i think. i mean, i’m no judge of how those things are supposed to go, but i think it went off without a hitch. although maybe we shouldn’t be talking about this so loudly right outside...” esme giggles.

she waves the car down and her shoulders are now relaxed. there’s a weight lifted. “are you hungry?” she asks.

[teddywestside]

[edithsantheia]

@pcllx

[goodtroubledaily]

[pcllx-blog]

@persecvted

[pcllx-blog]

slgrld‌

sigrid huffed out a sigh, letting esme out from her arms but held onto her shoulders instead. she knew if esme had her way, she would just storm off and get herself into even worse trouble. sigrid wouldn’t play a part in that. she would drag her sister back to the mansion, kicking and screaming if need be.

“look at me!” angry now, she leaned over a bit, getting on level with esme, brows furrowed and eyes wide. “yeah, i meant that you should sober up because i know you’re capable of it! i know that you would be unstoppable if you just stopped feeling sorry for yourself! everyone’s life is fucked up, esme. but you’re letting your past stop you. it’s shitty and i’m not ok with just sitting back and watching you ruin yourself! i love you too much for that!”

– ESME KNOWS THAT SHE’S POWERLESS TO RUN AWAY FROM HER SISTER, sigrid definitely has the upper hand. not that esme’s weak, she spends a good chunk of time at the gym, but sigrid is relentless. but esme doesn’t respond well to being yelled at and she flinches at the sound of sigrid’s voice, her shoulders tensing. “i am,” she hisses. “whatever, i’m having a rough night, but i’m doing just fine, with or without your help. so if you don’t want to be around me while i make my own decisions, then that’s your choice.” as soon as the words leave her lips, tears dot the corners of her eyes. there have been a handful of people that have turned their back on esme because of her addictions and reckless choices. she’d never even considered the possibility that sigrid could do the same. “god, sigrid, would you look at where we are? we’re in fucking sweden,” esme says, “all of our lives are ruined, or at least, they’re not ours any more. i know i have my reasons, but you’ve never told me what yours are.” 

[pcllx-blog]

siggsofsins‌

god, no she was crying. he didn’t want her hurt at all. he didn’t even want her to see him like this. she didn’t need to see him like this but when he heard the sirens getting closer there was a part of them when there was a hint of hope in his eyes for once. the three men looked at each other before they ran off to each side of the alleyway before being blocked off by multiple police cars and siggs dropped the knife. the men put their hands over their head and sigmund wrapped his bloody hands around esme holding her closely burying his into her shoulder, his eyes squinting as the policemen pointed flashlights at them. “hands up, hands up!” he heard one of the policemen say and cuffed all three of the men before one of them went over to sigmund and cuffed him as well and for a moment panic struck through his chest. “n- no wait, it was just them, those three men. they attacked us, you can’t— i didn’t do anything.” he said his breathing heavy as he looked over at esme now with his bloodstained white shirt. everything hurt this was not how he imagined his night to be and he felt everything hurt once his arms were ripped away from his ribcage and felt himself crumble down to the ground and he was on his knees starting to feel lightheaded probably from the amount of blood that he has lost already.

– THE POLICE APPROACH AND SHE’S FINALLY ABLE TO CATCH HER BREATH, still shaking as he pulls her close. for a moment, all she is is grateful, that he’s alive, he’s okay. for a moment there, losing him had seemed so real – but she recoils from his touch before they say hands up!, remembering the look in his eyes as he held up the knife between her and those men. it was a man she didn’t know, someone she didn’t recognize. she looks him in the eyes, trying to seek out the siggs she knows and right now, he’s there. but what about moments ago, when he wasn’t? there’s so much of him that she doesn’t know. the next series of events happens so fast as the cops come forth to corral all of them, but she comes to her senses as she sees siggs fall to the ground. “no, no!” she jumps forward, unable to stop caring about him even after the horrors she’s witnessed, “he needs to go to a hospital, you can question him after.” there’s ire on the cops face, being given instructions by a girl with an american accent, but suddenly a flutter of recognition crosses his face. “hey, you’re –” esme cuts him off quickly, “yes, yes, i know. and we need to go to a hospital.” the cop nods, suddenly becoming more agreeable when he realizes who he’s speaking to, just the world’s darling, a golden girl caught up in the wrong place at the wrong time. “right, of course,” the cop says, ushering them into one of the cars, sirens “my daughter loves you, you know.” 

[jeanprouvaires]

[pcllx-blog]

@persecvted