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a short description of my panic attacks.

My vision is constantly riddled with hallucinations of pouring rain and faded views of multicolored stars even in the wake of daylight. My breath hitches. Take my pulse or feel my chest, how the heart sprints as if it’s racing to stop death or greet it. This uncertainty is exhilaration.

#writing #personal writing #mental health #panic attacks #poetry #prose #prose poetry

회색 강 보면서

자살적인 다리들 밑에

거품이 이는 물약 마시고

널 사랑하는것처럼

얼굴이 빨게진다.

~~~

Looking out across the gray river

Under suicidal bridges

I drink bubbling potions

That make my face flush

As if I were in love with you.

#poetry #poem #writing #personal writing #korean poetry #한글 #한국어 #시

당신이 만든 상쳐

문신되었다

지워지지 않고

평생동안 보이고

계속 약하게

조금한 바늘처럼

머리속에 찔리네요.

~~~

The scar you left

Became a tattoo

That doesn’t erase

and I see forever

Always, weakly,

Like a small needle,

Poking inside my head.

#poetry #korean #poem #korean poetry #korean study #writing #writing blog #한글 #한국어 #시

Brush of Skin

Your skin was soft when I felt your hand

The stretch of pale white land

Once a tan field peeled away by the sauna heat

Of the steam from something sweet

Constantly lathering it with creamy

Icing so delightful and lavender-y

I’d never tell you I love it because you’d hate me

And that’s a fact that I really don’t want to believe.

#poetry #poetry practice #poem #writing #personal writing #writing blog #personal poetry

Naega? 내가?

So, I am Korean-American. Literally. I currently hold both passports and I have lived in both countries before. Therefore, I would like to believe that my perspective on this issue is more than valid.

Now, I am not a BTS fan, however, I do truly respect them for what they are doing and what they stand for. They are the first K-Pop group to really successfully make it into the States and expand the borders of K-Pop. BTS has really made the genre universally enjoyable which is undoubtedly an amazing thing that is happening.

However. Really? Really? Is there really a debate on the whole ‘naega’ thing again? I thought this was behind us after 2NE1′s “내가 재일 잘 나가” (naega chaeil jal naga/ I Am the Best). True, BTS has truly dominated the American platform after performing the BBMAs twice and making their presence quite known on US radio stations, but seriously?

Now, I understand that there can be a misconception with the word upon first hearing. However, it’s really unfair that no one wants to even try to understand THE KOREAN PERSPECTIVE. Why? The argument stands that K-Pop because it’s coming into America, needs to abide by these so-called “American rules.”

Allow me to counter this argument with OUR CONSTITUTION of a DEMOCRATIC NATION that explicitly allows our FREEDOM of speech and expression. This does not apply to JUST the citizens of the United States because our Founding Fathers wanted this to be country to be a model for others. This was the value I was raised on and really believed in. And you restricting another person, group, or country’s success and culture, completely goes against YOUR FUNDAMENTAL VALUES.

Also, this is SOUTH KOREA. Why would Koreans have a reason to say the “n-word” without understanding it first? To be more American? That is actually such an offensive point that makes me think that this “colonizer” mindset is still prevalent in our world today.

People are going to stay that I am “butthurt” about this whole situation and that I among other K-Pop fans and Koreans should just relax. First of all, please expand your vocabulary and NO. I refuse to have my culture and my language slandered because someone cannot understand that the world is a multi-faceted place where all perspectives need to be considered and respected. I also refuse to change a language that has existed for hundreds of years just because one country thinks that the grammatical term for ‘me, myself, and I’ is interchangeable with a derogatory word for African-American people.

Why doesn’t everybody find this ridiculous?

I understand why this happened and that these radio stations and the BBMAs were trying to uphold their values. I just hope that everyone takes this a learning lesson to do their research; not to judge when they do not understand something; and also to be flexible. It’s important to be aware of the world and not to be stuck in a bubble. This is why the internet is such a phenomenon because we can now experience in our own homes different cultures and worlds. So use that to your advantage and not your own downfall.

#BTS #naega #fake love #kpop #america #butthurt #korean #korean american #bangtan #bbma #bbma 2018 #usa #language

a hypochondriac’s scab

he asked me why i was so bothered by my own scab

why i cannot look at it and why i insist on going to the hospital

to honestly answer, i don’t know why

perhaps it is because i don’t believe that any injury is just skin deep

after all, you said it yourself:

“A scab is exposed flesh.”

#poem #poetry #scab #injury #writing #love #love poem

Eclipse

Mornings are always cruel because I wake up when you’re still asleep

I go through my morning routine while the sky is still that calm, cool blue

And you, my dear, are still entangled in your sheets waiting for the sun

To kiss your lids while it bites my eyes

It is unfair, that is true, and the game is called compromise

But we like to call it love

I swallow my pill at eleven every night and you take a hit

Smoke fills your vision in a happy daze as my eyes turn red

You like to sleep just after midnight is over, but that is just my beginning

There is a subtle distance, a simple nuance

We chase each other like the moon chases the sun

Hoping that one day out of many days we can meet.

The cycle is long and perhaps incessant,

But I’ve come to understand it as nature.

#poetry practice #poetry #ah #bad poems #poem #original

sometimes i just want to sit and wonder

but then i realize that there is no time

#poem #poetry #short #bad poetry #hoho #loveme

서울 (Seoul)

You would never have known it

A hazy fog of pollution filtering the world in

a grim pastel that was so soft and so gray

Don’t you want to see it?

The urban skyline and dynamic horizon

That look like the line of your heartbeat

Perhaps you crave that feeling

of solitude among strangers who are too busy

to give a damn about how your day is going

The pressure that weighs you down

on your shoulders and your wrists and your feet

is it physics or the condemnation of Atlas?

You want to smoke cigarettes now

to draw only a shallow breath of tainted air

so you can stain the air like countless men would

Lights. Lights. Lights

from daybreak all throughout the starless night

the expansive wonders of the universe is replaced

I am the keys you always forget to take

always locking you out of your home

although you’re so close.

#poetry #korea #seoul #personal #writing #pink aesthic #follow #reblog #poem

should’ve known better

When a child says they wish to grow up, you just want to grab them by the shoulders and say, “NO.” But sometimes I want to look them straight in their innocent eyes and say “Sure. Try it.”

So, let’s say they could “try it.”

It would be lessons worth learning and hours upon hours saved. They’ll learn the disappointment in fantasies. The delusion of love. The dread of rejection. Children will find that the bullies on the playground never really change throughout the years. See that the cheaters will always cheat. That the girl who called me a “slut” and “whore,” her crimes will have been lost the moment her hand touches that high school diploma.

God plays favorites and takes luck from you to give to others. Life doesn’t play nice. Genetics will pick one sibling to favor and leave the other with nothing.You should grow up and save yourself the hurt. Grow up, so you don’t have to later. That’s what I wish someone had told me.

#personal writing #writing #i dont know #pink blog #writing blog #pink aesthetic #peach blog

bed

the faded shades of blue

perhaps it’s time to wash my sheets

but time slips away

the soft orange sets in the east

it’s a warm deception

so i do not step outside

i stay wrapped in the heat of my blankets

the soft cotton and floral print

my sweater

it’s hot like summer.