Shady Lady

I

[peachmingo-blog1]

I feel happy

I could cry tears of joy, I haven’t felt this in so long, but I feel like my heart could bust these last few days with the happiness I finally feel again.

I dropped out of college two weeks ago. I know that may sound like a bad thing, but it is such a relief. I felt so overwhelmed and helpless, and now I am free. I’ve been interviewing at some really interesting jobs with good benefits around my area, and the prospects look good.

I have my baby back, my true love is mine again. It hasn’t been easy, and we both needed the time apart, but after spending 8 weeks reconciling, and talking about our problems I’m ready to continue life with the man I love. To love and to be loved, oh what a glorious feeling. I spend every weekend at his house, and we even go out for dinner during the week sometimes too.

Before we were back together he hooked up with some girl, and she was so pretty. I met her after we got back together (not knowing who she was) and she for some reason thought when had been together when they slept together, and she was so mean. Posting pictures of me and telling the world how ugly and worthless i was that my man had fucked her. Why are girl’s so mean? I was so hurt and so miserable.

I deleted my facebook, and my snapchat. I am so tired of the negativity and the gossip. He deleted his too. Everything, all of his social media. He said he wanted to show me that I am the only girl he wants to give attention too, and that made me feel better.

I didn’t think I could ever be this happy again. This time last year drugs and infidelity were ripping apart my life at the seams. Sobriety and communication are finally helping us put the pieces back together. My family and friends judges me for taking him back after what happened, but they don’t know the terrible things I did to get back at him. And he still forgives me.

We were childish, but as we mature and forgive, I know this is the person I can trust to build my life with. This is the man who will love me unconditionally, and I will always love him, and knowing this, and to have him back in my arms it’s like... words can’t even describe. I am optimistic for my future.

I did a short tarot reading this week, and drew the nine of wands when asking what the future holds. “The challenges you face now, are the last bit of darkness before a beautiful dawn”

I am optimistic finally, and I am happy finally. I’m going to get this job, we are going to spend our lives happy together. Thick or thin, I will always love you <3

[peachmingo-blog1]

You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen

You are the most beautiful thing that I have ever touched

[peachmingo-blog1]

I’ve been dropping my hoes, spending every weekend at his house.

Winehoe asked me to be his girlfriend, and when i told him no he immediately started slut shaming me, so I cut that off.

I fell off the wagon for a weekend. It wasn’t his fault. Mom had a bad day at work, took it out on me I’m so unwelcome here, no one wants me living here or even likes me. I was so upset and crying, and I texted the phone number I should had deleted months ago. I knew he would want some, he told me he had been looking, so after I got the confirmation text back, I told him what I found. He shared with me for finding the connect. I spent 2 days strung out, and apparently after i left he spent the next four days finishing the pills.

I’m a hypocrite. After the little episode i felt guilty, told him how much i wanted us to stay clean.

That was last weekend. This weekend he was sick, so we stayed sober and I made him soup. My family doesn’t eve like me, but my dad still texted me angry i spent the weekend out again. 22 year old woman, black sheep of the family, every single thing i do is a fuck up to them.

[peachmingo-blog1]

We were written in the stars, but the stars tell a story of truth not a fantasy.

I will love you until I die

[peachmingo-blog1]

I’m laying in his bed right next to him now

back to back, both on our sides, his shoulders are taller than mine, and the top of his waist is further from the mattress than mine, but the one place I got him beat: My booty is bigger.

Had a dick appointment with Winehoe tonight, but i canceled to come over here. I realized something though, you know how some animals like wolves or penguins imprint on their partner and mate for life, i think that explains what is going on here. Even though we are still broken up, even wen we fight, even when we had each other blocked for months, he has always been my person. I guess 3 years was enough time for my instincts to imprint and now even though they all tell me I can do better, even after months apart I don’t want anyone else.

But I’m not going to take him back that easy. He’s been clean since i saw him last week, and he needs to stay that way- for an entire year before i would take him back. I wont be a fool anymore, if he wants to win me back for the 100th time this time i am going to make him prove that he is worthy of being the man i spend the rest of my life with, or I’ll have to cut him out forever. I’m done with the lying and the cheating and the crying and the drugs and the struggles. I know what kind of man I want to be with and if he can’t be that man I’ll find him somewhere else.

Oh, but do I love you~

[peachmingo-blog1]

I saw him twice this week

He looked like he has been using, which he had.

[peachmingo-blog1]

I should be writing my paper

Or sleeping. But instead I’m texting him, and I’ve decided to blog about it because I don’t want to bother my friends anymore every time I break down and start talking to him again.

I’m being nice to him. I’m being sweet to him. He told me he misses me, but I already knew that. I miss you too. I still love you. But I don’t want to, so i’ll just say that here and not text it back.