What Loving someone when you have anxiety is really like.
What if you know you found the one, but every minute of the day feel like you don’t deserve them because you are worthless and not believing a single thing of what they say to you because past relationships messed you up so bad that you have trust issues. Seeing every compliment as a lie because in your head it is simply not possible for someone to look at you that way. You make up the worst scenarios in your head of them leaving you but, you are too scared to tell them because they might actually do. Waking up every single night crying because in your dreams they don’t want to be with you, like you always expected. It feels like loving me is a job not something you do because you actually love me. I worry about everything. I overreact half of the time and I push you away when I need you the most. I need constant reassurance and god I hate it so much. There is always this fear of not knowing what someone actually thinks about you because the voices in your head are screaming at the sweet words he tells you. I say ‘sorry’ 20 times a day because I actually think I insulted you in some way and the smallest arguments seem like the end of the world. I cry and panic over the smallest things and I ask if I am annoying at least 3 times a day because I believe I am. I cry every time you have to go home or when you leave because it might be the last time I get to see you even though I know that’s not true. I never expected finding the love of my life would also be one of the most painful things ever.
