Short Pierre growing up with a bit of a strange relationship to love thingy :)
Sorry for grammar or spelling mistakes I write on my phone 🫶
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All his life, Pierre Aronnax had been told that love is difficult. That women are hard to love and, if you do ever find true love, you'd be one of the very few lucky ones.
He never quite understood why women would be hard to love. He always found it very easy. He loved his mother. He loved the old lady that sold fish at the market, the girls from the neighbouring school that would walk home with him; he loved the young woman that came to collect their laundry once a week to wash it and he loved the nuns he would meet on the evening walks with his mother. Perhaps, not all men were lucky enough to know such wonderful women, he thought.
Naturally, as he grew older, Pierre began to understand that they didn't mean sisterly or motherly love. It caused him to question the concept of marriage for a while. Weren't men supposed to love their wives? At least, the women he knew all loved their husbands very much.
When his friends first began to speak about girls they wanted to kiss, he couldn't help but feel as though he was missing something. He had loved many women, but never like that. Maybe, he thought, romantic love is harder. Maybe falling in love required an effort he didn't know how to make.
They were twelve when his friend first proudly proclaimed to be in love; and a week later, he was heartbroken. "She loves another, Pierre! I shall never find the one!"
Pierre gently tried to remind him that he was only twelve and he did not have to get married tomorrow, but he would hear none of it.
He didn't understand the dramatics. He didn't understand why it wasn't enough to know the person you love was happy.
Time passed and, more and more often, Pierre began to think to himself that maybe, he simply wasn't made for love. Not romantic love, at least. He listened to his peers' woes and troubles and he told himself that maybe it was for the better. He had always been sensitive. Who knows what heartbreak might have done to him?
He was well into his twenties when he first heard about the idea of homosexuality. In a university class on psychology. He didn't quite understand why they spoke about a sort of love like it was a disease. Weren't people who found true love so few already? Shouldn't they be allowed to love?
He didn't pose the questions. He understood quickly that it was not looked kindly upon. He understood that the understanding he was beginning to gain of himself was not to be shared with anyone.
Pierre found, over time, that he was content without the troubles of love. He saw his friends struggles - not the men's but the women's - and he decided he was happier not having to put up with it. Especially not under his circumstances. At a point, he even began to question everyone's obsession with the concept of love. Was it truly that necessary?
He was forty years old when he first fell in love. And all at once, he understood it all. The drama, the heartache, the yearning. All of it. And once again he was left to wonder how anyone could find it difficult. To him, it felt like the easiest thing in the world. It was exciting, it felt like he was in a fever. It was easy.
Until it wasn't. But even then, it was worth the effort. It was worth the pain and trying so desperately to wrap his brain around the inner workings if the man he looked at with such adoration. It was worth it, because it was mutual. Because he was never left to question the Captain's love for him.
Pierre Aronnax was forty-one years old when he first experienced what it felt like to have someone that is so dear to you ripped from your hands. And worse, have to be the one to make the choice. It felt like he had torn his own heart out and cast it into the sea. Perhaps it would remain there, never to be found. But, part of him hoped that it would be carried back to him, returned by the man he loved so deeply, without even knowing his name.