the goal had always been the same, to help people. it had come in many forms as heâd grown up, but kingsmen had been permanently seared into the back of his head as his interests wavered. fireman, police officer, teacher, and then finally doctor. that had always been the back-up, aid offered to the populus on a much smaller scale, glory spoonfed to him in tiny mouthfuls, minute victories. but there was never a moment in which he didnât love it, the tender nature of floating into a strangerâs life and knowing the blueprint of what made them full of life, knowing how to help. this little bit of valor was all holden had left after the opportunity heâd yearned for as long as heâd known of the position, was yanked away from his grasp. part of him cursed the empathy that was woven within him, the one that had led him to his path in the first place, and the other half of him was grateful for it. at least it meant he was still lit up with warmth, a small fact he remembered each time he was greeted with the excitably yaps of his canine friend that heâd refused to endanger. however, the words that cascaded out of oliviaâs mouth and out into the air seemed to ribbon themselves around holdenâs neck, tightening and prompting the air to escape his throat. as if he was limited to just this station, as if the skills that heâd cultivated since heâd been aware of what was to be, the sharp shooting, the loyalty, the hand to hand combat, the chemistry, all of it, washed away the very moment heâd been resigned to team medic. he hoped the disappointment didnât seep into his expression immediately. not that it would matter, sheâd be blank to hurt that scribbled across his features. absentmindedly, holden began to pull at the loose ends of the wrap encompassing his hands, forcing a smile that olivia would never see. not for years, only in the form of shapes dusting along patches of skin that were forbidden to others⌠however that too, wouldnât be for months. âsorry about your disappointment,â holden stated, hoping that his dismay wasnât staining the tone of voice, the only outlet of emotion that could betray him within ollieâs presence. âunfortunately, i donât make the rules. though, promise if i did, iâd let you go solo,â he told her, a lazy shrug of his shoulders. âmânot that bad though,â the words tacked on quickly, clinging to the coattails of his very last sentence. âlike, iâm not a total fuck up on the field. just didnât have the heart to kill the fuckinâ dog,â he retorted, brown eyes flashing downwards. âsorry. i know you probably donât give a shit about the details⌠but please know itâs probably less about you, and more about making sure i keep up with training, since iâm the expendable one. if one of you decides to take an impromptu vacation to bermuda, and they send me to sort matters out in your place. gotta keep me on my toes,â he was immensely aware of his position on the food chain. in the grand scheme of things, holden was the least valuable member of their team, their very own swiss army knife. everyone had their niche, a flavor that they offered the kingsmen⌠but holden offered a taste of all of them, skilled with a trigger, smooth talker, agile, computer savvy, and heâd even obtained a piloting license one summer out of sheer boredom and a lust for adventure. of course, he did also present the added bonus of a medical education, however, none of it was enough to grant him access to the full title of agent. just their substitute, their handyman, and of course, the sorry sod that was responsible for tending to the nicks and cuts that were conceived during missions.Â
in true holden fashion, he did what he did best, suppressing the failure that rang through his heart and smeared a nature of contentment into his demeanor, even when he felt as though, once more his nose was being rubbed into the face of his biggest heartbreak to date. âright-handed,â the brunet corrected, words peppered into a small string of laughter. âand iâm most certainly not pent up. tragically, i behave this way with just about everyone. blue gets the worst of my⌠humor, but then again he sort of spurs it on, heâs just as mentally depraved as i am, just a smidge more well-behaved about it. nate also gets his fair share, but thatâs very much against his will, as is most of our friendship. love that bloody weirdo regardless, though,â another grin curtaining across the expanse of holdenâs mouth at the thought, memories of being confined in the office with his deskmate as nate was subjected to pet name after pet name, explicit details of holdenâs personal life, and of course, a healthy amount of distasteful jokes. it was something of a miracle that nate hadnât resorted to methods of punishment that he had learned during his own time as an agent⌠or the unsavory techniques heâd picked up from his dainty daisey. âand you? what seasoning of unbecoming are you?â the tall boy asked, head tilted to the side, eyes sweeping over ollieâs attractive frame. he was privately grateful that she was clueless to the way his eyes were drinking in the smallest details of her being, the curl of her hair, the fullness of her lips, the color in her cheek. she was certainly a sight to behold. a piece of artwork that was blind to her own dazzling features⌠the lecherous part of holden wanted to display her beauty to her in a way that would translate, pin her to the wall like a painting and color her wanting hues of red and pink with heat of his mouth. he could feel his own face burn with blush at candidness of his want, a sound clearing his throat to scare away the thought, however the action was unnecessary. the topic of dalton was enough to devoid his mind anything but a co-worker he wished didnât exist.
âdalton?â holden asked, brows furrowing together at her question, arms crossing across his chest. where should he start? âwell, heâs a fuckinâ wanker, thatâs for sure,â the words were spat out, coated in venom. âbut on a more serious note⌠heâs my sisterâs boyfriend. i dunno if you knew that, because libâs sort of private about her life and shit. also heâs a walking fuckinâ embarrassment so i donât think sheâs all too eager to claim him as her beau and all, which, canât blame her for. anyway, i know him through her. theyâve been dating for like 2âŚ? maybe 3 years? i donât actually remember the mushy details,â he admitted, lips pursed out in distaste. âi didnât really know him the first couple of months âcause lib was out in the middle of fuckinâ nowhere in scotland, and by the time i met him heâd had his hooks in her too deep for her soul to be salvaged. iâve been trying to break them up since iâve met him⌠judging by the look on your face, youâre not the biggest fan of dildo dally either, so if you wanna join my mission to ruin his life, please feel free,â he invited impishly, flashing her a smile that was just as present in his voice as it was on his face. âanyway, how do you know that stupid bitch? were you unfortunate enough to date him too? that makes you and lizard like, sin sisters, or whatever the hell itâs called.â mirth was highlighted in holdenâs voice, leaning against the nearest wall as he studied ollieâs movements, enchanted with her already. somehow, he was too stupid to realize that this was as dangerous as a flesh wound, presenting a gapping weakness that was in the elementary stages of being created.
it was hard to quantify how ollie perceived the world. unlike many of the people she had met at the hospital post her accident, not all people who had been robbed of their lens to the world had lived perpetually in that manner. some people were only accustomed to that darkness, the entire world not splashes of colour nor pillars of shapes. the world was a sound, an aroma, a feeling. in many ways ollie envied them  â for those people did not know what they had lost. the only decipherable difference ollie had been able to attain since then was her improved hearing. it is part of the reason she had been invited to kingsmen, as her ability to hear transcended traditional norms and proved invaluable in more covert operations. but in moments like these, voices were like clay in her mindâs eye. intonation, speed, pitch, they all amalgamated to construct an image in her head. picking apart every syllable, germinating on every suffix. even a pause was meaningful. and in those moments, ollie was too aware of the pauses that punctuated holdenâs response. it was clear to her that she had said the wrong thing. despite his reputation as one of the most intelligent and capable men in their training sessions, he had yet to be awarded the rank of agent. typically apathetic to others, ollie couldnât help but let a somber curl lasso her lips as she faced in holdenâs general direction. finally free from the punching bag she had spent the past half hour combating, her knuckles stinging as beads of blood unknowingly soaked through her bandages, ollie rested her chin on her hands as she faced the crestfallen voice. âfor a godamn doctor, youâre a bit of a dumbass,â ollie spoke lightly, cocking her head to the side. âyouâre the opposite of expendable, holden woods. you wanna talk expendable, letâs talk about the blind chick who needs a cane to get around. not unlike an ant with fucking antenna,â she joked, using the echo that reverberated through the empty gym to guide her a step forward, closing a widened chasm that ran between the pair of them. âwhen things go to shit, we know iâm gonna be the first one to kick it. and honestly, i ainât even mad about it. but thatâs the truth. theyâre gonna feed me to the wolves first chance they get. you though, i mean. look, i understand you wanted to be an agent. and hey, if it were up to me you would be. but agents are a dime a dozen. if fucking dalton can get in, so can anyone. but last i checked, we only had one doctor. only had one guy that arthur, merlin and the board trust enough to literally place you wherever youâre needed in any situation with whoever is involved.â her words were kind and sincere, but they tasted bitter on her tongue. it was by her own personal pledge that ollie had refused to get close to anyone in the agency, despite how much she wanted to. as she spoke with holden now, their brief yet charged history and the mere fact they were set to work together tomorrow, ollie couldnât help but feel as though bees had been set free within her. bees with a lust for pollen that germinated in her lungs, harbouring a sting she was deathly allergic to. âand for the record, iâm not disappointed i got assigned with you. itâs just the fact youâre a doctor. like why the fuck do i need a doctor ? what am i gonna do, fucking blind myself a second time ? you keep your stethoscope and shit away from me, and i couldnât give less of a fuck that weâre working together. if anything, i could even look forward to it.â the bees starting humming inside her lungs. âwell, not look obviously. not that itâs your job to care about that.â
the gravity of their conversation settled like sediment in a disrupted fish tank, and a silence encompassed them for a moment more. in all the months that ollie had known him, she couldnât help but admire the way heâd coat his words in an (unconvincing) veneer of contentment. if her ears werenât so attuned to human nature, she would have been none the wiser. but she didnât betray her knowledge, and instead let herself be swept up in the laugh that almost took her breath. it was melodic in composition... she hated herself for being absorbed in the sound that would no doubt play in her mind for the rest of the day. why couldnât he fucking snort like a pig when he laughed ? it would make things... so much easier for the both of them. âaw, so rightieâs the one, huh ? hope you treat her well. god knows, she probably deserves it after everything sheâs been through,â ollie smirks impishly, readjusting her blacked out glasses as a gentle snicker rolled off her chest. âhuh, seems like blueâs gotta pump up his stats of indecency if youâve got him beat... itâs a shame, really. had hopes for my fellow chav. and you know, if it werenât for the fact nate was married to daisey of all people, iâd swear that man was a virgin. you probably startle him on the daily, the poor russian fucker. canât helpt but respect the hustle, though. would pay a lot to hear you ask him to install a glory hole in your office or some shit like that. heâd fucking lose his mind.â the pair shared in a chuckle as their compatible humours entwined, and the space they occupied began to feel a lot less vacant. ollie could swear that the otherâs voice sounded less dour, also. but the foundations of their future relationship were slowly building as their conversation continued, both unknowing to the building tension in the core of their stomachs, and the lust that would govern their actions in a few months time. but at holdenâs next question, ollie couldnât help the flutter of electricity that coursed through to her in the one way unprecedented for her tenure at kingsmen. the bees in her chest had seemingly traveled elsewhere. âoxford or cambridge ? because no guy from anywhere else would ask me what shit iâm into in bed in such a poetically pretentious way,â ollie laughed, crossing her arms across her chest as she shook her head at holden in playful disapproval. it was moments like these that ollie craved for her sight, for even a second. to soak up the man she knew towered before her. to observe the curvature of his muscles, the architecture of his smile. the oasis of his eyes as they patterned her figure with wanton lust, a knotted brow failing to cage the effusive catharsis that had been shared between them. the unprofessional feelings brewing between the pair had been bubbling away without their knowledge for the months theyâd spent in close quarters during training. but only ever so acutely in that moment did ollie realise how terribly she wanted to break that sacred oath to herself and sever her promise to stay at a distance. she may still be averse to friendships, to casual conversation and the colloquialism that comes with letting people into her life. but what she wanted with holden was different. with him, she didnât want distance. in fact, she wanted the opposite â hands trailing across the crevices of her body as though she were a road map to a destination he wanted to reach, a shared breath as lips interlocked, the concept of space improbable as the sum of their bodies amalgamated as they writhed between silk sheets. she hated that she wanted it. she hated that she wanted him. but it had been a long time since such carnal desire threaded so deeply in her mind, and the proximity the pair shared of late had not helped the situation. of course, ollie was not to know what laid on their horizon. the pressure of their budding lust in the wake of her decision between pleasure and her career, in conjunction with the decision that will warrant their time together in the field tainted. but even when that happens, this want would struggle to wane. but ollie didnât want to be feeling this way any longer, despite the anatomy of her body begging otherwise. however, a natural remedy to anything reminescent of want was the mention of dalton. in a second ollieâs entire demeanour changed, and her teasing turned to exasperation.
as holden spoke about dalton, ollie couldnât help but seethe in response to his words. she couldnât believe a woman as bright ( or so, she perceived to be bright ) would date such a horrid man. in fairness, it seemed ollie had too made the same mistake once. and there was a part of her, a foolish part, that had dearly hoped that dalton had changed. he was not the man that slept with ollie one second and belittled her the second. taunting her fragile mortality to their entire school populace as he shared intimate details of their rendezvous together that rendered her celibate for many years in his wake. as holden continued to talk, ollie absorbed every word. each detail ruminated in her mind as she contrasted it with what she knew of the man. that was, until the words âdildo dallyâ fell off his lips. ollie had laughed in front of holden before, but she hadnât laughed the way she did in that moment. her entire face lit up as she grabbed her knees, her frame shaking as her voice boomed throughout the room. âholy fuck,â the girl breathed, laughter still vibrating on her lips. âgod, sorry please continue, i just...â and then she was set off again. âshit holden, that was the best fucking thing iâve ever heard. i hate myself for not thinking of that. wow. god and itâs the perfect insult too, because the wanker needs a fucking dildo if he ever wants to please a girl in bed.â the words tumbled off ollieâs tongue before she could stop them. she wasnât mortified at the explicit talk; it was clear that both she and holden had the same affinity for heathenish conversation. however, it had momentarily slipped her mind that the man they talked about was in fact the boyfriend of holdenâs sister. ollie paused. âbut uh, yeah. i knew dalton, a long time ago. iâve met a lot of pricks in my life but jesus, never have i come across such a cunt. i wanna say we... dated in high school, but thatâs probably too formal a label for it. didnât stop him for wanting to fuck up my life though,â ollie shrugged, her composure restored as she found herself idly fiddling with the bandages on her hands. she was on a precipice â there was a part of her, a part that was much louder than she could have ever anticipated, that asked her to tell holden everything. reveal her trauma. share in her truth. she couldnât fathom why, she had only known this man for so many months, and she was reluctant to even tell her parents where she lived these days, let alone any pertinent information about her private life. however, that didnât lessen the yearning. âbut in short ? yeah, iâm happy to help you fuck dalton over. not literally, god, never doing that again. but no, your sister deserves a lot better than that piece of shit. anything i can do, count me in. might even have some insider info that could help.â then, there was a silence. and for the first time, ollie realised holden didnât need to speak for his voice to be in her head. and that was the first sign of danger.Â
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