🕳️ Overthinking and overknowing.🕳️

Edgy little 20 something old bear, trying to navigate seeing too many horrors at too young an age. On most places under same name.

[pennaddict]

Every action has an equal opposite reaction, unfortunately. So after every high,I guess I should come to expect that low.

[valtsv]

i feel like if you stabbed an angel the blood trail would look like this

[amazoogle]

[kvothbloodless]

Hey. Hey!

[pennaddict]

Current reason for fighting? Bad bitch uwu music that fuckin celebrates the violent cute feminine manic episode (i feel great even when im not thriving with these bops.) FEMTANYL BITCH.

Like my ass may be sobbing on the floor after a long day at work where my chronic pain incapacitated me or i’m calmly walking in beautiful scenery on a hike but this shit is what i’m playing. gawd it hits and like kinda helps channel the constant thoughts in the back of my mind that remind me of every problem ever into something productive and understood which is soooooo nice. 10/10 if your brain is already sort of loud.

[pennaddict]

That’s the thing about life- you’re placed on a route and place as a kid and you can steer yourself a little but you’re all moving in the same direction in time, and whoever landed before and set the mulch decided where you can land.

I’m at the point of trying to hop to the monkey bars.

[shencomix]

[pennaddict]

[pennaddict]

another old oc of mine.

[pennaddict]

my cute lil of i made at like 8yo got a more solid design sheet but also i’ve been told she kind of gives off more melanin when i’m playing her so i think i need to add more but we will seee…?

[uss-edsall]

[pennaddict]

COWABONGA ZOOWIEMAMA BINGBONG WAHOOOOOOOOoooooooo

[pennaddict]

I fought that whole time just trying to be happy and amazed at how lucky I am, but I spent more time fighting for happiness than being happy.

[pennaddict]

There's always some sort of energy on my scalp.

I can't call it my brain because everyone knows people can't feel their brain but I can feel it move when my mind shifts from clarity to fog to everywhere in between and sometimes when I feel ill I can feel it deflating like the sinking feeling in my chest as my world falls around me.

There's a million ways to describe anything, and I can tell my therapist that "sometimes I'm harder on myself than other times" or I can admit that I screamed myself raw in my car on the way to work because the only thought that's been on my mind for the last week is that I want to die and that I should distract myself from that thought because somehow someway I'm supposed to get better even though I've done every goddamn thing in the book to be better and by all accounts I *should* be the most stable functional person in my circle but big suprise- I'm not.

I just know what to say.

[cuteness--overload]

[garfield-69]

kimtty

[pennaddict]

Hey Absence,

I doodled again. My minds not much better but I finally got a therapist all on my own, and I'm technically talking to two at least for now. Oddly I like the temporary one much more.

These are old. Therapist agrees that I am in a sort of limbo and it's bad for me. I am struggling to art because it's all just so unbearably depressing to think cognitively.

Doing what I can though. That's good.

[pennaddict]

Chewing chitos and bubble gum hoping I'll be better someday because Its unrealistic to believe I'll ever keep a healthy schedule in the state I'm in.

[pennaddict]

Grade F womanwhore. Not even whoreing. Only occasionally womaning. 0/100 score.

[pennaddict]

Having a good day then being hit with the equal opposite reaction and just constantly chanting to myself in my head like

"Don't be a statistic"

"Don't be a statistic"

"Don't be a statistic"

"Don't be a statistic"

Bc deep down I know my brain is interpreting everything wrong probably bc theres something not right up there but that I have to put up with it till I build up the courage to talk to a professional Abt it and risk being gaslit again.