I see a lot of âcisâ women say they wish they were androgynous in the way men were or they wish they were pretty in the way men were. This is your sign to go try to do that. You may find you enjoy being an androgynous woman. You may find you no longer identify as a woman. You may find you donât like androgyny. You will not know until you try. Cut your hair if youâve always wanted to but have been afraid to. Shop in the menâs section if youâve been too nervous to. Wear clothing with an androgynous ïżŒ silhouette. Experiment with binding, take baby steps with compression bras if you want. Wear unisex scents. Live life. Try things you want to try. A lot of cis women do not understand the joys of mens pants and mens deodorant. I think everyone should try both of those things.
Aries: Tries to act cool, but basically thrives off attention and love. Spends most of their time in the attic. They respond well to sudden tackle hugs and flurries of kisses. Can become surprisingly loving once they feel comfortable enough to show affection. Barbed feet like a bird of prey.Â
Taurus: Shy as all hell. They can be quite clingy but will give you space if you ask. Be clear with what you need, a Taurus can tend to overthink things. Constantly shape shifting in small ways to please you. Embarrassed that they have no face of their own.Â
Gemini: Kind of a busybody. The ideal breeding ground for lichens. A micro-manager, but in a very caring way. They keep track of lots of details to offset their impulsive and adventurous spirit. Asymmetrical wings covered in unblinking eyes. Prepare for lots of day trips. Knows exactly how you like your coffee, knows your order at every restaurant you visit together.
Cancer: Theyâre the comfortable sort of partner, perfect to snuggle up with. Wants nothing more than to spend the day in jammies watching movies and eating junk food. Constantly wrapped in big sweaters and blankets to hide the colossal second mouth on their belly. Nervous around other people but fiercely protective.Â
Leo: Outgoing almost to a fault. It seems like nothing ever goes as planned but things always end up fun. Reject from a soviet supersoldeier program. Loves to show you off to other people. Made of spare parts from the other rejects. Brash, sarcastic sense of humor.Â
Virgo: Empathetic and loving, absolutely obsessed with you. Loves to drape themselves on you like a blanket. Teases you constantly. No legs, but instead has a long prehensile tail that they wrap around you like a belt. Needlelike teeth for boning fish.Â
Libra: Charming and talkative, bit of a rambler. Loves to go on dates but wants to make sure they're âspecialâ. Sometimes they feel like they donât deserve you. Keep that affection coming. Silence makes them uncomfortable, this can be remedied with a nice hand holding. Sometimes you find them outside at night staring up at the stars, producing what sounds like radio static.Â
Scorpio: A huge dork. Cute to a T. Memes and too-big-hoodies. The sort of person youâve been friends with forever. Knows a lot about guns. Sometimes you kick yourself for not noticing them earlier. Vanishes for several months at a time and returns covered in scars.Â
Ophiuchus: Quiet, seemingly shy. Deeply thoughtful with a gift for making plans. Lost their left arm years ago. Constantly watched over by a spectral crane. A top.
Sagittarius: Cool beyond their years. The sort of person who makes anxiety and worries melt with their presence. No idea how attractive they are. You feel like this isnât the first time youâve met them. You still remember their name.
Capricorn: Well traveled. Likes all the same things you do, constantly introducing you to new art and artists. Anachronistic clothing choices. Witty and loves to tease you. Welcomes criticism, very fair and even-headed. Protective of the ceremonial harpe they keep with them at all times. It glows blue in the night.
Aquarius: Deeply artistic and intellectual. Could listen to you talk about your projects for hours. No concept of linear time. Always has a new perspective on your thoughts. The sort of person you could lose days talking to. Only pretends to sleep to make you feel better.Â
Pisces: Independent and forceful. Sees you as their partner as well as their lover. Respects you like nobody ever really has. Travels to see you though the wires. Dedicated and rarely vulnerable, which only makes the rare tender moment more valuable.Â
Itâs really not a âgen z are funnier than millennialsâ thing itâs just that high schoolers are consistently the funniest people alive no matter what year it is
Asexual stories need to be told, so when BBC3 got in touch and told me that they wanted to cover the UK Asexuality Conference 2018 as part of a documentary on asexuality, I was excited
Asexual stories need to be told, so when BBC3 got in touch and told me that they wanted to cover the UK Asexuality Conference 2018 as part of a documentary on asexuality, I was excited to say the least. I would be speaking on two panels at the conference, providing some representation for Black aromantic asexual women. After coming out publicly as asexual last year, I have tried to use the platform I gained through fashion modelling to raise awareness for asexuality, so this opportunity was a perfect fit.
BBC3 were there from start to finish, filming the diverse display of asexual people Iâve ever seen. There were people from all walks of life â there were married asexuals, asexuals with children, transgender asexuals, Muslim asexuals, asexual people with disabilities, polyamorous asexuals, homoromantic asexuals, aromantic asexuals, teenage asexuals, and older asexuals. You name it, they were welcome and included.
We were filmed as we told our stories, such a powerful array of stories â some rocky, some smooth, but all equally empowering. BBC3 took a group of us aside for an in-depth group interview. The group was predominantly young and white, but it represented different types of asexuality and asexual experiences. But I soon realised that BBC werenât interested in diverse experiences⊠They wanted the âlonely asexualâ trope.
When we sounded too positive, they were quick to put us in our place. They turned away from those of us who were happily aromantic, or happily in relationships, and drilled the singles for details about how it felt to be an unloved asexual who couldnât find a partner. It seemed to displease them that some of us had even â god forbid â had sex and not hated every second of it. Quickly, they turned away from a guy who fit that category, rotated the camera to me, and asked, âIf you had to have sex, how would that feel?â
âI wouldnât have sex,â I answered.
âBut if you had to, how would it feel?â
How would it feel if I was forced to have sex? Would a hypothetical rape make an aromantic asexual more interesting?
From then on, I sensed that BBC3 had an angle that they were sticking to, but I couldnât have anticipated the patronising, whitewashed, exclusionary mess that they aired. They intelligently called the documentary, âI Donât Want Sex,â but what we actually got was, âThe Undateables: Asexual Edition,â and I was horrified.
I cringed as the cameras zoomed in on the presence of stuffed toys and action figures in one of the participantâs bedrooms, as if attempting to make her seem child-like. However, that was nothing in comparison to how I felt as an asexual guy was guided into a sex shop to test his levels of discomfort (which was obvious), or as they quizzed a girl on masturbation and vibrators in a room conveniently decorated with sexual images. I rolled my eyes as one of the participants eased an asexual guy through the art of texting a potential romantic interest, like teaching a child to read, and how an asexual girl not speaking to guys in a bar was treated as a cause for concern. Â
Asexuality is not synonymous with innocence and a lack of social skills, but it seemed like BBC3 didnât want the public to know that. They also missed the detail that asking asexual people about what they do with their genitals is as inappropriate and invasive as asking as transgender woman whether she still has a penis. Itâs an obvious, needless attempt to try and gauge how seriously someone should take anotherâs asexuality.
I was running out of hope by the time the conference was included in the last five minutes of the show, but I was curious to see what BBC3 had deemed important enough to show. Out of the hours and hours of footage they had of me, they decided to show me wiping my eyes, as if crying at the brief and uninspiring conversation about asexual clothing choices that they decided to air. Only, they knew that I had eyeliner in my eye. We had laughed about it on the day, they had supposedly paused the filming while I had been given a tissue to solve the problem. If I needed any more reason to suspect that the portrayal of asexual happiness was too much to ask for, that was it.
The closing statements of the documentary added insult to injury. âCute asexuals do exist.â Thatâs the message that was taken from the conference? When we sat together for over an hour and opened up to BBC3âs cameras like it was some kind of group therapy meeting, I didnât realise that we were being observed to see which was us were âcuteâ enough to date. Well, the boys were, at least. It was time to add the old âasexual people arenât good lookingâ stereotype to the growing list featured in this documentary.
I am not just upset because BBC3 took an empowering, celebratory experience like the UK Asexuality Conference and tried to turn it into dating show. What bothers me the most about this documentary is the narrow, stereotypical portrayal of asexual people and asexuality â and just in time for Asexual Awareness Week. I know that BBC3 had the opportunity to do better, but they decided not to, even though this documentary could be the first and only time that people see real asexual people on a mainstream platform.
Asexual people arenât just shy, white, young people who are sad because they canât get dates. Despite BBC3âs desperate attempts to exclude us, aromantic asexual people exist, asexual people in happy relationships exist, asexual families exist, asexual minorities exist. Asexuality isnât a new thing that only young people are doing. And asexual people are perfectly capable of living fulfilling, happy, complete lives, whether they date and have sex or not.
Iâd like advice on how to get out of my head before exercise and about how I do want to do either boxing or martial arts, but I am too socially anxious to do so and any advice on that would help too. (I feel like I would look like an idiot, I have hand to eye coordination problems which might be undiagnosed dyspraxia) I always feel like ppl are watching me and I have trouble being naked in locker rooms. Iâm a mess, but anything from ppl who have been through it would help.
For the nervousness about it, what helped me when I started capoeira (and started aikido) was focussing on doing the moves correctly, and not worrying about what I looked like doing them. I basically said âfuck how I look, the most important thing is to do the move correctlyâ then several months later more experienced students were telling me that I looked beautiful doing the capoeira moves. This hasnât happened in aikido yet, but I know if I keep at it and keep focussed on doing it correctly the same thing will happen.Â
@thenonbinarywarriorâ also says that they take several deep breaths and just clear their head and focus more on what they are about to do than about any of their stresses or anything that could go wrong and to just do it once you reach that mental point of not worrying any more.Â
Also, you donât have to be naked in a locker room. I go to Martial Arts training wearing exercise clothes, and you can also change in a toilet stall.Â
âIf a person canât get out of bed, something is making them exhausted. If a student isnât writing papers, thereâs some aspect of the assignment that they canât do without help. If an employee misses deadlines constantly, something is making organization and deadline-meeting difficult. Even if a person is actively choosing to self-sabotage, thereâs a reason for itâââsome fear theyâre working through, some need not being met, a lack of self-esteem being expressed. People do not choose to fail or disappoint. No one wants to feel incapable, apathetic, or ineffective. If you look at a personâs action (or inaction) and see only laziness, you are missing key details. There is always an explanation. There are always barriers. Just because you canât see them, or donât view them as legitimate, doesnât mean theyâre not there. Look harder. Maybe you werenât always able to look at human behavior this way. Thatâs okay. Now you are. Give it a try.â
â
â âLaziness Does Not Existâ by E Price on Medium
(And a footnote I didnât see explicitly covered in the article: laziness still doesnât exist when it is you yourself making no progress and not knowing why. You deserve that respect and consideration, too, even from yourself.)
I see a lot of people angrily scoffing at these ideas. Of course there are people who do act in bad faith, and more who are thoughtless, and some who simply arenât willing or able to engage enough for whatever reason. But fewer than you think. So assume the best, not the worst. Work with them as much as you can, and if necessary you can conclude together that maybe theyâre not ready at this time for this class/job/whatever.  âNot readyâ doesnât mean âbad person who should be shamedâ. Nobody deserves the contempt some of the commenters are expressing unless theyâre actively stealing or harming others.Â
Do you ever think about how Jeff Bezos could feed literally more than a million food insecure people while losing an hourâs wage but you have to tell yourself no when you want to buy a coffee but canât because thatâs all your rent money?
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