American Beauty @percydontjackson - Tumblr Blog

If a guy ever spreads a rumor that he slept with you, don’t deny it. One, because there will always be people who think it’s true, and two, because that dumbass boy just handed you the power to say anything you want about what he’s like in bed, and people will believe it. Say he bleats like a sheep when he orgasms. Say he put on pearl earrings and asked you to call him Daisy. Say he couldn’t get it up until he watched an old Billy Mays infomercial. The power is yours.

aslutfor5sos-deactivated2017060

This is my new favorite post

nihilistic-bitch

shoutout to depressed and anxious people who often isolate themselves because they don’t have the energy to socialize, they’re scared, don’t believe anyone genuinely wants them around, etc.

help-mywife

Help; my wife keeps sending me texts to “Open your snapchat in private ;) ;) ;)” but it’s just pictures of our dogs.

#me to my husband

pl4ystation-deactivated20211104

mando-lore

wOULD YOU LIKE TO

#videos;#IM WEEZING #HOLY FUCK

em0-dads

Me: I hate corny shit

*sees something corny*

Me: *blushing* I….hate…corny..shit…

percydontjackson

@lahnce

#this is u

Don’t buy a girl flowers. Flowers die. Buy her a dragon.

percydontjackson

@lahnce

#I WAS CHECKING MY ACTIVITY #BUT BECAUSE ITS DEAD #IT'S VERY EASY TO FIND THE POSTS YOU REBLOG FROM ME #things;

meshugenist

you’ve gotta be converting my futon

chronoglass-deactivated20181231

you gotta be bunkin my bed

meshugenist

you’ve gotta be rocking my chair

streetrulesbadminton

You’ve gotta be retracting my sun setter retractable awning™

#things;

just-shower-thoughts

In the dog world, humans are elves that routinely live to be 500+ years old.

copperbadge

“They live so long…but the good ones still bond with us for our entire lives.”

thefingerfuckingfemalefury

“These immortals are so kind we must be good friends to them”

digital-gecko-deactivated201802

My heart wtf

aenramsden

Not gonna lie, this fucked me up a bit.

kaijufluffs

POV Fantasy slice of life book when?

katzedecimal

“Now I am old. The fur around my muzzle is grey and my joints ache when we walk together. Yet she remains unchanged, her hair still glossy, her skin still fresh, her step still sprightly. Time doesn’t touch her and yet I love her still.”