Adventures Through the Universe

“A must-read!” -The New York Times “A truly amazing person” -Oprah “An inspiration” -Obama "0 out of 5 stars would not recommend" -Marissa

[opera-ghost]

[urshunt]

[dangercocktail]

[animentality]

[segamascott]

[bumblingest-bee]

jurassic park has a good philosophical message but unfortunately the only thing i ever take away from watching jurassic park is "god i wish i could go to jurassic park." like yeah it's a blatantly obvious don't create the torment nexus scenario, but this torment nexus has DINOSAURS.

[angel-starbeam]

I mean yeah. I would totally go.

[official-jurassic-park]

oh thank god

[pixel8or]

[rabidrobotrabbit]

This is how your computer works btw. This little guy transports information to and fro.

[vandroid-helsing]

sitting pensively by the sea

[teruterusky]

btw the thing she couldn’t ignore was someone calling her out for saying anti-depressants/hormone therapy are only perscribed by lazy doctors

[teruterusky]

Update:

J.K. Rowling is apparently now filing a defamation lawsuit against someone who made fun of her for saying this, which means its time to spread this like wildfire!

[walmart-the-official]

sure would be a shame if- oops, that's the reblog button!

[realsafari]

oops! hand slipped :/

[alexiaroselikethewine]

Oh goodness me!

[sagegreenfrogs]

@non-tyrannical-usa hey.... can you do the thing?

[mars-paws]

Oh no, my hand slipped!

[aphadole]

Mine too!

[thedeadskincellsonyourpillow]

oh dear

[the-turkoshaj]

@regnbagshaj did we do this already?

[captain-johanssons-wooden-ear]

oh ffs whoops butterfingers my fat finger accidentally slippeded

[owenthetokencishet]

So-called "free thinkers" when their friend has to pee

[psychotic-gerard]

does the 69 button have a name or are we all calling it the 69 button.

[psychotic-gerard]

this guy.

[kandrakelsier]

[existennialmemes]

United Healthcare getting sued by its investors, because it didn't warn them that the CEO getting murdered (by the tendrils of their unmitigated greed) was going to lead to them approving more claims (for covered services that they had no right to deny) is a cartoonish example of exactly why their CEO got murdered.

Their argument is essentially "You promised us a specific profit margin that is not possible to achieve under this increased public scrutiny of your unethical practices. We only agreed to invest because of those unethical practices. So we demand compensation because you didn't warn us that you'd be behaving more ethically"

And idk. Satire isn't just dead. We've pissed on its corpse and now it's dissolving in lye.

[kuromi-hoemie]

this is one of those little details that jumped out and stuck with me since hearing about this.

crazy to take a business to court because they need to take “aggressive, anti-consumer” tactics. like right, making life increasingly harder and worse for everyone in the pursuit of short term profits is very intentional, and sometimes someone will just come right out and say it.

[anarchistmemedistro]

the “consumers” in question being sick people

[nickyflowers]

it would be cool if websites let you be an adult on them. the advertisers and payment processors need everything to be Family Friendly though and their definitions of family and friendly are absolutely fucked. but since they're in charge of the Internet now, no one is allowed to be an adult. tiktokers say things like "unalive" and "seggs" because they know death and sex are too adult for online. online is for idiot babies only now because they're easier to market to

[nickyflowers]

oh im sorry you're a trans adult? super ban. you are super banned for life. you have upset Visa's feelings. Mastercard is throwing up in the corner. how could you do this to Google Ads?

[clubsdeuce]

one of the most inspiring things i’ve ever seen was my co-worker quitting on the spot over an argument and proceeding to purposely make eye contact with my manager as she walked out of the fire exit, making the entire stores alarm go off. it’s was on a level of spite i can only dream of achieving.

[sirfrogsworth]

This parade is one of the most thrown-together low-energy events I've ever seen. Our high school float parade had more enthusiasm.

The best part... Trump is bored out of his skull.

Though every once in a while he stands up and salutes.

It's really weird.

Also, they just paused the presentation to thank a sponsor.

Classy.

[sirfrogsworth]

And now we present...

This slow moving truck!

Brought to you by...

Coinbase!

The President's app of choice to launder money from his dipshit followers.

[sirfrogsworth]

Let's check in with Marco Rubio to see how he is enjoying the parade.

This deep sigh was brought to you by...

[sirfrogsworth]

They started playing some 80s rock music to pep things up. But then I noticed none of the songs have vocals.

They are karaoke tracks!

One of which was Fortunate Son. And it is a good thing they didn't actually play the lyrics because, umm...

This really is the weirdest parade.

The audience is bored, the soldiers are waving to their moms, and Trump keeps saluting.

"I am the most Army-friendly President in history, from the standpoint of saluting."

Oh, brought to you by...

[thefrogman]

I've been liveblogging the parade.

It's like watching our tax money be set on fire.

They just had robot dogs.

Trump did not salute the robot dogs.

Also, Lockheed Martin is the new sponsor.

The US government is their biggest customer. 70% of their income is from the Department of Defense.

"Sure, we'll use some of the money you paid us to help pay for your little parade."

It's like a financial auroboros.

[thefrogman]

This must be the worst energy drink in existence.

The lowest energy crowd I've ever seen.

For one of the final acts, a walking corpse came on stage.

Turns out that corpse was Lee Greenwood, famous singer of "God Bless the USA."

He used up a fresh bottle of Just For Men and doesn't look a day over 112.

He kept trying to get the crowd into his song and he was getting frustrated that they weren't hyped to see an octogenarian sing.

He yelled, "Sing it with me!"

And they cut to Trump and his birthday entourage.

Very lively.

Pete sang along though. He was the only one.

Then Lee yelled, "Light up your cell phones!"

And then, finally, he won the crowd over and everyone swayed in unison—creating a majestic light show.

I'm just kidding.

8 people did it.

The night ended with a very lackluster fireworks show intercut with a military propaganda video.

And then everyone just kinda shuffled away.

I'm pretty sure Trump wanted a North Korea-style spectacle.

And instead he got the world's slowest truck.

He was having trouble hiding his disappointment.

What a waste.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

How can somebody with this much money and this many guns have such a sad parade. His side of the line are constantly decrying "crisis actors" and paid protestors, you'd think they'd be able to hire some. He's got a literal army of soldiers, most of whom I'm sure know how to look disciplined on parade, in a country overflowing with up-and-coming actors desperate for a gig, and while a lot of actors might refuse such a gig for moral reasons or because it would put a black mark on their careers, there's plenty of right-wingers, short-sighted people, and guys who have to pay rent this week and not in five years when they have a better job to go around. A wedding planner could have done a decent job of this.

[gayballs-mcgee]

[milquetoast-zeitgeist]

[official-megumin]

I'd like to point out that even the orgs and books that do mention this.

Always leave out anything but just gay men.

Some will even claim that trans people weren't targetted by any laws.

This is also untrue, as many others have said. The infamous nazi book burnings were specifically trans literature.

Trans people were absolutely targetted by the nazis and continues to be erased by the powers that be

[thelovingend-deactivated2025073]