* VITAL / HEART

  indie lexie grey. grey's anatomy canon & divergent. written by cara. mutual-exclusive & private.

[perfectmemory]

mcstcamy‌:

mark knew everything she was saying was right, but things had CHANGED. sloan sloan had left and gone back to live with her mom. of course he wanted kids, but he only wanted them with one person. ❝ sloan LEFT, i was too much for her and she’s gone. i want kids with you, lexie and if that means waiting until you’re finished with your residency and working for however long you want then that’s what i want. ❞ he replied looking at the brunette and gave her a soft smile. ❝ i will WAIT until you’re ready lexie. i just love you and don’t want to waste anymore time being apart. ❞

      sloan  .  .  .  left? this was news to her. that seems like the kind of thing she would’ve heard through the grapevine, but  .  .  .  she hadn’t. for whatever reason, she hadn’t known. & this news changed things.

      it didn’t change MUCH, but still. it stunned her into silence for a moment.  “ she --- she left, & you  .  .  .  ”  her brow furrowed as she took in the information.  

      she was quiet as she tried to decipher all the thoughts that ran simultaneously through her head. there were so many things she wanted to say, so many things she couldn’t even fathom. but ultimately, she found her words.

      “ mark, i --- i WANT to say yes. of course i do, i still love you, but  .  .  .  i can’t be something that holds you back from what you want. & you --- you want kids! it’s not a bad thing, it’s just the truth. you deserve to have what you want NOW. you shouldn’t have to wait for it. ”

[perfectmemory]

sheroic‌:

           so far, so good; no questions about her parents, or contacting them, or anyone over the stitches she needs. maybe she could pass it off as a cheer injury, somehow––bonnie did like to conveniently ‘forget’ to catch her in favor of answering her cell phone mid-routine. plus, she and bonnie liked to squabble more often than not. it wasn’t a far leap from the truth, if you really broke it down.

          a smile stretches across her lips at dr. grey’s question; a light laugh follows by habit.   ‘   any chance you can convince my arch foe to stop trying to take over the world?   ’   she can’t wait to see her reaction; the attendings milling about the hospital all knew who she was and what she did and were mostly desensitized to it at this point; it was always fun to pull the unwise resident or intern’s leg a little bit, at least when the sitch wasn’t too serious.

          ‘   yeah, it’s probably best––I uh, told her in advance.   ’   a lie; she will tell ann, just…. later. tomorrow, probably. maybe tonight when she’s half asleep from a long day of work and doesn’t have time to panic or get upset on a larger scale.   ‘   I appreciate your help, dr. grey. it means a lot.   ’

      oh. dr. possible’s daughter. arch foe. kim. this is kim possible. how has she never put this together? she’ll chalk it up to her constantly tired mind & residency life, but really --- it’s about time she’s figured this out.

      nodding slowly at her words, lexie lets that knowledge sink in, & she smiles.  “ it’s no problem, kim. i’d rather you DIDN’T need my help, but if you ever do, you know where to find me. ”

      she gives a quick glance around the place, though she knows dr. possible is otherwise occupied. she might have to sneakily find out if kim HAS told her mother about this injury one way or another. hopefully she can do it in a way that won’t get either of them into trouble.  ( after all, she DID have to keep patient confidentiality. ) 

[perfectmemory]

mcstcamy‌:

he knew that he shouldn’t tell her, but DEEP down there was something tell him just to let it out. ❝ i just can’t picture my life without YOU. and i know- ❞ he cleared his throat a little bit and stood up straight. ❝ it’s not fair to you, to keep dragging my feelings along. but i LOVE you lexie. ❞

      & there it was. the words she heard in her dreams, the ones that haunted her nightmares. the words she longed to hear again & the ones that she dreaded. her relationship with mark was incredibly complicated now. after everything that had happened, she didn’t think things would ever be the same. they couldn’t be when nothing about their circumstances has changed.

      “ nothing has changed, ”  she said, not meeting his eyes.  “ you want kids --- you have a daughter. a daughter who is not that much younger than me. what you want --- i’m not ready for it, mark. i’m just starting out. i want to finish my residency & work for a couple years before i even THINK about having kids. but you  .  .  .  you want that now. & you deserve to have that now. your kids deserve to have parents who love & want them & who are READY for them. & right now? that’s not me. ”

[perfectmemory]

neomacaught‌:

“No?” she says, as though amused that that was the first she was hearing of it. “Both as equally confusing, aren’t they?” 

      “ yeah, i guess so. ”  lexie tilts her head in thought before nodding.  “ although, i think numbers are more confusing since there are so many things you can do with numbers. but when you start putting actual letters into math --- that’s when things get really complicated. ”

[perfectmemory]

❝  i mean,   he’s kind of insanely hot.  ❞ (ily Cara)

grey’s anatomy starters | accepting!

      “ yeah  .  .  .  i can’t argue with that. ”  lexie sighs, leaning her chin on her hand as she gazes across the cafeteria at the man in question — MARK SLOAN.  “ he’s just so  .  .  .  y’know? ”

[perfectmemory]

❝ Ah…numbers. The letters of math. ❞

john mulaney sentence starters | accepting!

      “  .  .  .  huh. i never thought of it like that. but i mean you’re not WRONG, so. ”

[perfectmemory]

❝  hold on, don’t cry yet.  ❞

the last five years | accepting!

      “ sorry. ”  lexie sniffles & quickly runs a hand under her eyes to wipe away the tears threatening to form.  “ i’m fine, i — i’m good. ”  she lets out a little laugh, gaze not meeting addison’s at all.  “ i cry at everything. i’m a VERY emotional person. ”

[andhungry]

the last five years lyrics sentence starters.

❝  i’m still hurting.  ❞

❝  ____ is probably feeling just fine.  ❞

❝  what about lies? what about things that you swore to be true?  ❞

❝  run away, like it’s simple, like it’s right.  ❞

❝  maybe i’d see how you could be so certain that we had no chance at all.  ❞

❝  i’m breaking my mother’s heart. the longer i stand looking at you the more i hear it splinter and crack from ninety miles away.  ❞

❝  i’ve been waiting for someone like you.  ❞

❝  the minute i first met you i could barely catch my breath.  ❞

❝  well yeah, nobody’s perfect! it’s tragic but it’s true.  ❞

❝  you are the story i should write.  ❞

❝  i think that i could be in love with someone like you.  ❞

❝  i guess i can’t believe you really came.  ❞

❝  see, i’m smiling. that means i’m happy that you’re here.  ❞

❝  i mean we’ll have to try a little harder, to make this love as special as it was five years ago.  ❞

❝  and you’re mine.  ❞

❝  with all we’ve had to go through we’ll end up twice as strong.  ❞

❝  you know what makes me crazy? i’m sorry, can i say this? you know what makes me nuts?  ❞

❝  you could be here with me or be there with them — as usual, guess which you pick!  ❞

❝  and i know in your soul it must drive you crazy that you won’t get to play with your little girlfriends!  ❞

❝  i swear to god i’ll never understand how you can stand there straight and tall and see i’m crying and not do anything at all.  ❞

❝  i’ve got a singular impression things are moving too fast.  ❞

❝  maybe i can’t follow through — but oh, what else am i supposed to do?  ❞

❝  i’m a part of that.  ❞

❝  and it’s true i tend to follow in his stride. instead of side by side, i take his cue.  ❞

❝  i said i’d stick it out and follow through.  ❞

❝  and then he smiles, and nothing else makes sense.  ❞

❝  first, a story.  ❞

❝  then the clock upon the wall began to glow…  ❞

❝  i’ve got to make due with the time i’ve got.  ❞

❝  don’t you think now’s a good time to be the ambitious freak you are?  ❞

❝  have i mentioned today how lucky i am to be in love with you?  ❞

❝  he wants me, he wants me, but he ain’t gonna get me!  ❞

❝  i’ve found my guiding light, i tell the stars each night.  ❞

❝  son of a bitch, i guess i’m doing something right!  ❞

❝  so hurry up schmuck, get unstuck and get on the scene!  ❞

❝  have you been inside the museum? we should go meet the dinosaurs.  ❞

❝  will you share your life with me for the next ten minutes?  ❞

❝  there are so many lives i want to share with you. i will never be complete until i do.  ❞

❝  i don’t know how anybody survives in this life without someone like you.  ❞

❝  i want to die knowing i had a long, full life in your arms.  ❞

❝  will you share your life with me for the next ten lifetimes?  ❞

❝  i do.  ❞

❝  you can not touch them. in fact, you can’t even look at them!  ❞

❝  but it’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine — i mean, i’m happy!  ❞

❝  it’s not a problem, just a challenge. it’s a challenge! to resist temptation.  ❞

❝  i shouldn’t care what she thinks since i can’t fuck her anyways!  ❞

❝  when you come home to me i’ll wear a sweeter smile and hope that for a while you’ll stay.  ❞

❝  i am a good person. i’m an attractive person. i am a talented person.  ❞

❝  jesus christ, i suck, i suck, i suck!  ❞

❝  i will not be the girl who gets asked how it feels to be trotting along at the genius’ heels!  ❞

❝  can we please, for a minute, stop blaming and say what you feel?  ❞

❝  if i didn’t believe in you, we’d never have gotten this far.  ❞

❝  if i didn’t believe in you, we wouldn’t be having this fight.  ❞

❝  don’t we get to be happy?  ❞

❝  no one can give you courage. no one can thicken your skin.  ❞

❝  if i didn’t believe in you, i couldn’t have stood before all of our friends and said ‘this is the life i choose. this is the thing i can’t bear to lose.’  ❞

❝  this is the life i choose. this is the thing i can’t bear to lose.  ❞

❝  if i didn’t believe in you, i wouldn’t have loved you at all.  ❞

❝  i thought, i can do better than that.  ❞

❝  you don’t have to change a thing, just stay with me.  ❞

❝  i want you, you, and nothing but you. miles and piles of you.  ❞

❝  say you’ll move in with me.  ❞

❝  nobody needs to know.  ❞

❝  hold on, don’t cry yet.  ❞

❝  since i need to be in love with someone, maybe i could be in love with someone like you.  ❞

❝  don’t kiss me goodbye again.  ❞

❝  you want the last word, you want me to laugh, but leave it for now.  ❞

❝  goodbye until tomorrow. goodbye until the next time you call.  ❞

❝  i have been waiting for you.  ❞

❝  it’s not about another shrink. it’s not about another compromise.  ❞

❝  i’m not the only one who’s hurting here.  ❞

❝  i could never rescue you, no matter how i tried.  ❞

❝  all i could do was love you hard and let you go.  ❞

❝  god, i loved you so.  ❞

❝  so we could fight, or we could wait, or i could go.  ❞

[perfectmemory]

fatalelity‌:

     if you love someone, you let them go & so that was what she did with mark sloan because despite everything they had, every thought about starting a family with him… she knew that she made him beyond miserable. oh, how she had been so selfish. everything then was about her, about how derek neglected her, about how mark could lavish her, about how derek sleeping with someone else pained her. it had always been about her & for once, she decidedly implements changes. 

     she loves him. perhaps, not in the same way she once did. not in the way how he was the moon that waxed & waned in her presence & how she was the sun that enveloped him. but, she hopes for him to be happy – even if it is with a woman like lexie grey. 

     “ he does. but you deserve to think for yourself too. if you’re not ready now it doesn’t mean you’ll never be ready, ”  she pauses, her eyes narrowing as if deep in thought about her own BARREN state, about the child she could’ve had & now that she was ready… she couldn’t. 

     “ trust me, lexie, there is nothing worse than a resentful parental figure … and you deserve to carve your path. think about it. ”  her eyes gaze down at the clock, she has two more hours. “ anyways, i gotta go. but, best of luck, dr. grey. ”

      she understands what addison means, but it doesn’t mean she likes what she hears. it’s true that just because she doesn’t feel ready now doesn’t mean she never will be. she knows that she WILL BE ready sometime in the future. but for her, that future was still years away. she’s still young & she still has so much to learn about being a person on her own. 

      she needs years, but mark is ready NOW. she can’t ask him to wait for her, so she only has two options: let him go or be ready now. maybe it’s selfish, but she doesn’t want to lose him. she’s trying to be ready because if she’s not, she’ll have to let him go.

      but addison is right --- she doesn’t want to be the resentful parent figure in a child’s life. kids deserve better than that. so she has a decision to make, & she has to make it soon. the thought makes her frown & it makes her want to cry, but she can’t. not here or now. later, when the day is done & all that’s left to do is sleep.

      luckily, the woman’s words bring her back to reality, & she glances up at her with a nod. “ yeah, of course, go save some tiny lives. ”  she offers her a smile.  “ thank you, dr. montgomery. for everything. ”

[perfectmemory]

greyslegacy‌:

           “ okay… i’ll see you then. i think i’m going to take him out on a walk. so if we’re not home, we’re probably at the park nearby.” she hums softly, as she finds the leash before strapping it onto her canine companion whilst watching him wag his tail very eagerly. with that, she hangs up on her sister & she begins the journey of taking peter barker out on an exploration.

      “ see you soon! ”  once she’s hung up the phone, lexie looks back at the chart she’s been working on & gets back into THE ZONE. within about forty-five minutes, she’s completed all the charts she intended to do, & she’s checked on the patients she needed to see before heading out.

      by the time she gets home she’s very hungry & very eager to see her dog. she arrives home before meredith & peter barker have returned, so she decides to get a headstart on dinner. she’s about halfway through preparing it all when she hears the front door open & the scrambling of the dog’s little feet on the floor.

[perfectmemory]

mcstcamy‌:

mark knew how to tolerate his liquor, but tonight something was different. ❝ actually tonight, my drink of choice was SCOTCH. ❞ he smirked and then shook his head replaying the past few hours in his head. in all honesty, he probably did have a little too much to drink but he didn’t want to have to think about everything that was going on. ❝ i miss you lex.. ❞

      she couldn’t help but laugh a little when he said he’d been drinking scotch. she should’ve known that was the case. he did love his scotch. but then there was a shift in his tone, & she knew what was coming next. exhaling softly, she glanced away from him, & she shook her head.  “ mark  .  .  . ”

[perfectmemory]

sheroic‌:

           it’s hard not to fidget every two seconds when you’re glancing around the resident setting to work on your arm, trying to spot a very specific redhead in a white coat. even though kim knew, deep down in the back of her mind, that her mother was going to be in a long surgery that day, it didn’t change the fact that she was anxious as she sat in bed number three, sporting an open gash on her bicep. still, at dr. grey’s instructions, she takes a deep breath, exhaling a sigh.

           ‘   sorry, uh—just nervous, I guess.   ’   not about the stitches; heck, it wasn’t even that painful, in retrospect—that, or she was just getting used to the throbbing feeling. either way, a small, if not anxious smile pulls at her lips as she recalls exactly what had happened, giving the woman a once-over.   ‘   I’m not sure you’d believe the truth if I told it….. long story short, got in a fight. you should see the other guy.   ’

      “ a fight, huh? ”  she gives the girl a glance before refocusing on the stitches.  “ any chance i can convince you NOT to get into any more fights? ”  she smiles a little teasingly, just trying to put her at ease. there’s a nervous air about her, that much is certain. but everything else at the moment is a mystery. the anxiety, she assumes, could at least in part be attributed to the hospital setting itself. she’s young, & it can be scary to be all on your own in a place like this.

      once lexie finishes off the last stitch, she hums in approval & prepares to write a note in the girl’s chart. but when she re-reads the name listed at the top, she does a double-take. kim looks familiar, but why? she can’t quite place her. but then, all of a sudden, the pieces together. this is dr. possible’s daughter.

      she draws in a breath as she jots down the note before looking at kim again.  “ alright, kim, your stitches are all set. i’d like you to come back in about two weeks to have ‘em removed. but since your mom works here, she can probably do it herself & save you a trip. ”

[perfectmemory]

greyslegacy‌:

           “ he is very sweet, that i agree with. anyways, when are you home so we can figure out a schedule and find dog sitters.” dog sitter. she can’t believe she just said those words. but, it doesn’t matter – after all, if this would be a positive addition to their family, then she more than welcome it. it has, been years since doc passed away… maybe she is ready for a new dog.

      “ i’ll be home in an hour-ish. i just have to finish up some charts & check on some patients before i head out. ”  she’s very excited to go home, but she does have a job to do.  “ tell peter i love him & i’ll be home soon. ”

[perfectmemory]

fatalelity‌:

     Lexie Grey is different from her sister, that she definitely sees. It does wonders to see how different upbringings can shift two people who allegedly share similar genetic profiles. However, much like her elder sister, she too, shows promise… even if she does seem klutzy or ditzy – but, from what Mark tells her, she sounds like someone who would make a great doctor : equal parts in method and compassion, that is what constitutes a good doctor. 

     Thoughtful gaze lingers on Addison Montgomery’s features as she scours the younger woman, wondering, if she is aware of the predicament Mark Sloan has put her under. Albeit her and Mark are of the past, a part of her will always love him, whether she accepts it or not… however, she says this with all the goodness of her own heart –

     “ Hm. But long enough for you to be okay with the fact that you might be a grandma in your early twenties?” Her words might be blunt, but every word she ushers is with pure intentions. “What I mean is, Lexie – is this what you want? ”

      adrenaline runs high in lexie’s veins at this moment. talking to addison montgomery was a feat in itself, but talking to her about MARK --- now THAT was truly terrifying. but luckily, there doesn’t seem to be any animosity toward her or toward mark. that, at least, is a good sign.

      the question, though, has her averting her gaze & furrowing her brow. it’s something she’s been thinking about since sloan had showed up in their lives. she’s happy for mark, of course. mark is so excited to be a dad. but lexie is young. WAY too young to be a mother --- or a grandmother for that matter.

      “ no  .  .  .  it’s not what i want. but they’re his family. or they’re trying to be, at least. & mark --- he deserves to get to know them if that’s what he wants, you know?  i love him, & i don’t want him to have to choose between them & me. ”

[perfectmemory]

greyslegacy‌:

     blinking a few times at the name — peter barker? what a strange… name. she raise a brow but she could hear how joyful lexie sounds – and it is hard to deny her of that joy so, she simply gives peter, their new dog, another stroke along his back.   “ peter barker? like… peter parker from spiderman? ”

      “ yeah, exactly like peter parker! ”  she’s smiling sheepishly now. is it a nerdy name? absolutely! but she ADORES it.  “ he’s just so sweet & you know how much i love puns. i had to, there was no other choice. ”

[perfectmemory]

doctcrisms‌:

“ great. ”  and izzy is glad for the excuse to stretch her legs. more so for the company after a long day of mostly doing charts in silence.  “ how many shots of espresso do you think they’ll let me put into one cappuccino? ”

      “ probably about 400 milligrams worth. that’s what the fda recommends as their upper limit. ”  she drums her fingertips against the file in front of her.  “ so if one shot of espresso is 64 milligrams --- like, six & a quarter, probably. if they even bother to limit people. ”

[sheryl-lee]

female awesome meme: [1/5] sisters: lexie and meredith (grey’s anatomy)

you have another sister? my kid sister, lexie. i loved her.