an empty, frigid existence

" 𝚒𝚗 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚊 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚌𝚊𝚜𝚜 "

[permahypothermia]

(intro/pinned)

hello, my name is Nikita.

I am a fictive in a system, however nobody else will be posting here but me. this is where I'll be expressing all of my filthy thoughts to rid myself of the intense guilt I feel,, in order to better cope with being alive. please block if you are not comfortable with seeing overly sexual/suicidal themes.

info,,

Nikita / Dimitri

bigender - he/she prns (NO they/them)

pansexual , hypersexual

very pro-endo, pro-transid, profic, youthlib.

not entirely radq, mainly using the tags for reach(?). still debating..

limited-contact stance, although I will not shame those that are pro-contact. I dont care about what you do.

I enjoy a variety of things.. music, poetry, horror novels, sewing, ect..

flirting is ok, you may interact with me however you'd like.

I yume with Eden from DoL & The Vigilante from NINAH... 💙

IDs & paras,,

perma: cold, frostbite, shaky, hypothermia, virgin

cis: russian, nonhuman, pale, harmed, bpd

trans: masc, stalked, hunted, abused, dead, stitched body/organs, anesthesic, decomposing, victim, r@ped, parasocial subject, headshot wound, underweight, kidnapped, r@pebait, Stockholm syndrome, murdered

null: abandoned, race, period, manic

paraphilia/nsft: dollification, hybristophilia, autobiastophilia, pyrooulophilia, pharmacophilia, omorashi, chremastistophilia, phobophilia, autonecrophilia, ddlb, somnophilia, masochist, switch(sub leaning), rope bunny

(more will be added as i find the names for things I like..)

[boysnbenderz]

I like my moots perverted and scary

[permahypothermia]

system posting again,, God it is embarrassing when my headmates act overly cheery while im in co-front.. They like to update their discord status to tell others whos fronting, and i fear someone will attribute that brainless, annoying hyperactivity to me. No, im not allowed to interact with others at most times actually because they fear I will upset someone. which.. is fair enough. I wouldnt want me around either

[marrow-flagellation]

Tw: D34th.

Thinking about that case where a man in Japan consensually k1lled his partner…

Gods, please, we are begging you, may love like that find us.

There would be nothing sweeter than to die at the hands of someone we love and have them make use of our body after the fact.

Ita est.

[permahypothermia]

being a fictive is strange..

ive read most of the fanfiction of myself, especially the grosser ones. it's comforting knowing that people like me enough to fantasize about defiling me..

[5000-points]

[permahypothermia]

oh goodness,, being a needy little attention seeker and also getting easily overwhelmed by attention is not for the faint of heart.. I crave to feel wanted, yet when someone wants me I turn all shy..

[still-unwanted]

Suicial necro x homicidal necro

[icorpse]

[musikerhaende]

someone should repeatedly bash my head into a ceramic sink until i go limp in their grip.

[cis-dead]

Pspspsps transdeads where are youuu . . I have a lil treat for youuuu

[syrennicfates]

I find it so hard to find transharmful people on heere willing to hxrm me.. if i were to post about it, it just makes me feel so pathetic, begging for people to hurt me. I need stalkers, i need programmers, but if i were to come on here and ask for either, it just makes me embarassed! Worst transharmed person ever award goes to me, doesnt it..

[permahypothermia]

some days I can't tell if its a fetish or if im chronically suicidal

[permahypothermia]

strong man with a big gun threatening to smash my head in if I dont behave.. thats it thats the post.

[permahypothermia]

I truly wish I wasn't part of a system. I want my own body, I want to have control over my own life. I want the ability to end my own life. its just not possible as it is, their body isnt mine to kill.. im not allowed to die. I just keep finding myself here again and again.

on top of that,, theres keeping up appearances for others when they arent around. pretending to be someone else is exhausting, but I dont want their followers and friends to get mad at them. those people would not understand if I tried to explain that I'm not him. it's frustrating

[permahypothermia]

Reminder ! You are amazing ! You are valid ! You are loved and cared for ! No matter what you identify as or who or what you may be ! You are valid ! Your identity is valid ! And nopony else can prove otherwise ! Love yourself ! Cause you are amazing !

thank you. that means a lot :)

uhm I believe you're friends with one of my headmates, which is a bit of a funny coincidence. much love to you as well dear 💙

[permahypothermia]

hello radqueer community,, it is currently three in the morning where I am as of posting.. how many other autonecrophiles are also awake?