whats that kink called that you get from reading too much fantasy lit as a child that makes you want to be tortured in front of someone who loves you so you can see the pleading desperation in their eyes and hear how much they love you in between the cracks of their voice and really truly believe they would do anything to save you. also you get to look so cool and brave and covered in blood and soooo able to withstand pain haha no just me? ok
Summary: After being publicly reprimanded by Robby for acting quickly to protect Emma during a patient crisis, you become overwhelmed and experience a severe shutdown, retreating to the on-call room where Trinity finds and comforts you.
word count: 1.7K
Warnings: autistic shutdown, overstimulation, public reprimand, workplace humiliation, self-injurious stimming, self-harm adjacent behaviors, patient violence, medical restraint, emotional distress, panic response, anxiety, strong language, hurt/comfort, caregiver dynamics, comfort after a meltdown, hospital setting, ableism/misunderstanding of disability, nonverbal episode, discussion of bruising.
Authors note: My poor baby she was just trying to help. This was a request which can be found here!
The emergency department never truly slept.
Even at six in the morning, before the sun had fully climbed over the city skyline, the halls of Pittsburgh Trauma Medical Center buzzed with life. Fluorescent lights cast everything in shades of sterile white, reflecting off polished floors worn smooth by thousands of hurried footsteps. The scent of disinfectant lingered permanently in the air, mixed with stale coffee, hospital soap, and whatever breakfast the overnight nurses had managed to grab between patients.
Monitors sang their constant electronic chorus from behind closed curtains and open doorways alike. A steady rhythm of beeps, alarms, ringing phones, and overhead pages blended together into the soundtrack of the department. Stretchers rolled across tile floors. Supply carts rattled through hallways. Nurses traded reports while balancing cups of coffee and tablets in their hands.
Outside the trauma bays, paramedics pushed through the ambulance entrance with new arrivals, giving quick reports before disappearing back into the morning rush. In the waiting room, patients shifted impatiently in their seats beneath the glow of televisions mounted high on the walls. Some sat silently scrolling through their phones. Others slept awkwardly against family members' shoulders. A few approached the reception desk every ten minutes hoping their wait might somehow be shorter than before.
At the nurses' station, organized chaos ruled.
Charts waited to be reviewed. Lab results populated computer screens. Phones rang endlessly. Attendings discussed treatment plans with residents while medical students hovered nearby trying to absorb every word. Conversations overlapped one another in a constant stream of medical terminology, dark humor, and hurried updates.
Somewhere down the hall, a trauma alert sounded.
Instantly, the atmosphere shifted.
Doctors appeared from seemingly nowhere. Nurses abandoned half-finished conversations. Respiratory therapists wheeled equipment toward the trauma rooms. The department moved like a living organism, every person knowing exactly where they needed to be.
Right in the middle of it all was you.
You had made it to being an R4 and now almost everyone looked up to you. You loved it. Even thrived off it a little. You weren't looked after by the attendings as much anymore and your questions became less frequent.
Today you had a patient that had been coming by at least once a week. Homeless for sure. A sweet lady, truly, but you could tell something wasn't right. She wasn't after pain meds or anything like that. You were pretty sure she just enjoyed the company of being at the ED.
“Well hello Saundra. You have bumped yourself up to being my favorite patient with how much I see you now.” You smiled at the tablet and took a seat, wheeling over to her bedside. “What can I do for you today?”
“Well last night I slept in a new spot and I'm pretty sure something bit me in my sleep.” She explains while rolling up her pant leg.
You looked down, examining the mark, the redness, swelling, any pain.
“Well something certainly bit you. How about we get you a rabies shot and tetanus just to be on the safe side. I'll also get you an IV with antibiotics going, okay?” You smiled at her again and she reached for your hand smiling back.
“Youre such a sweet girl. Your boyfriend is very lucky.” She says.
“Oh Saundra we talked about this. I don't have a boyfriend. I have a girlfriend.”
She waves her hand, “same thing to me dear. She's lucky.”
“I’ll be right back with a nurse okay?”
You head out of the room going to see who you could grab and put in the orders when suddenly you hear a squeak and a crash from Saundra's room. Rushing back over to find Emma up against the wall and Saundra holding her there.
“Who are you!? What do you want!?” She shouts.
You try to deescalate the situation but it doesn't help and you can see Emma struggling to breath from the pressure on her. So you quickly grab a lorazepam shot and inject. Saundra stumbles a bit before sinking to the floor.
You and Dana now on Emma like mother Hawks and checking her over while some of the male nurses get Saundra back into the bed.
“Should we restrain her?” One of them asks you.
You bite your lip, knowing the trust you've built might be broken from this.
“Yes.”
That's what led you here to this moment.
“What the fuck were you thinking Y/L/N!?” Robby's voice sounds like gunshots in your ears right now. Your fingers twisted at the hem of your scrub top.
“I needed to calm her down. I didn't have time to ask. I jsut acted.” Your voice was soft, you were trying to keep yourself in check.
“You're an R4 but you're not a fellow or an attending. For things like that. You need to come to Me or Al-Hashimi. You know this. Why are we going over things you should have had down as an MS4?” he questioned and you couldn't answer, just repeated,
“I didn't have time to ask. I just acted.”
“Jesus fucking Christ. What are you a broken record? Is that all you can say right now?” He questioned. Arms folding across his chest and head tilting.
The whole department was staring. You could feel it. You wanted to crawl out of yoir skin. You felt like you couldn't breathe. Your heart was hammering in your chest. Then came your ears ringing and you couldn't hear what he was yelling as you pushed past him and ran out of the ED.
Trinity saw the whole thing. She immediately runs after you. She knows where you'll be.
The on-call room. Wedged between the bed and the wall. When she found yoi you were exactly where she knew you'd be, bit she was hoping she wouldn't have found you hitting your own thighs. Well it's more like actually punching them. Trinity knew there would be bruises there later.
“Hey mahal ko. Look at me.” Her voice is gentle as she sits at the other edge of the bed, making sure to give you space.
You don't respond. She counts in her head for eleven seconds, the time it takes for something to usually process for you. She still doesn't get a response.
“Y/n?”
Nothing.
“Come on don't just ignore me. I'm trying to help.”
You just keep hitting your thigh and try to squeeze yourself further into the crack of the bed and wall.
“Fine whatever. You don't want my help. Just sit there punching yourself.” She gets up, angry that you're ignoring her, but as she heads towarda the door she hears it. A whimper. Your whimper. One shes heard too many times. Your ‘I'm too overstimulated to talk’ whimper.
Trinity suddenly feels like an idiot, but maybe she was just caught up in the moment. She didn't see it was that bad.
“Oh mahal ko…I didn't realize I'm sorry. You're not doing it on purpose. Everything is too much for you after that and I get it.” Her voice turns soft. “Ive got you. Lets do our usual okay? Tap your thigh. Once for yes. Twice for no.”
You tap once and Trinity smiles.
“There we go baby…is it okay if I lay next to you?” One tap so she moves, laying next to you. “Can I rub your arm?” Another tap.
Trinity’s touch is feather light as she rubs up and down your arm. Slowly you stop pain stimming. Slowly you reach for her. Slowly you relax a bit more into her as she rubs your back.
The door opens, slowly and Dana peaks inside. “Is she good or do you need to take her home?” Her voice is soft too.
“I think it would be best for today if she goes home. I'll take her and I'll be back in an hour, okay Dana?”
“Sounds good kid. Make sure she's good before you come back, got it? I don't want her ending up here as a patient.”
Now you're home. Back at Trinity’s apartment. You had your own place…but most of your stuff was here now.
She didn't turn on any overhead lights. Just the strings of fairy lights she only installed after seeing the ones at your place.
“Come on sweet girl. Let's grt you out of these itchy scrubs.”
She helps you out of them. You liked when Trinity helped you. Something about it felt so loving and caring that it made your heart swell.
She got you into her comfy sweats that you love and laid you down in bed. Pulling the weighted blanket over you.
“There we go mahal ko.” Trinity gets something playing on YouTube. A long video of your special interest and hands you her jellycat, smudge cow. “Here take Pickles. I know you love petting him.” You smile at that as Trinity kisses the top of your head, heading out and you hear her rummaging around in the kitchen before reappearing; your tumbler and a snack bowl.
“Thank you mahal ko.” You finally managed out weakly.
She set the two things down on the side table within reach.
“I've always got you. I'm sorry I didn't realize you couldn't talk earlier.”
“It's okay Trin. It happens. I'm sorry for causing the scene in the first place…when you go back can you tell Emma I'm sorry it happened? Like I know it's not my fault. I just feel bad it happened.” you pet Pickles, smoothing over the fur.
“You don't have to be sorry for the scene. Robby caused it. He's worked with you for how long and still does this?” she raises an eyebrow and you shrug. “I'll tell Emma. I'm sure the two of you will catch up this weekend anyways.”
“This is true. We're hanging out on Saturday.” You smile at the thought.
“I have to get back now, but you call me if you need anything. Dana will let me leave. Fuck whatever Robby has to say.”
You smile at her.
“Youre going to make a better attending than him one day.” You smile at her and lean up to give her a kiss, a real kiss.
You really were lucky to have her. Even if Saundra thought it was the other way around.
i rlly wanna get back into writing (mainly because i rlly want more transmasc! reader x the pitt cause there isn't that many and im craving it even though i only ever read my own writing to make sure it's actually coherent) but im literally in a full time nursing course and still trying to find a job to earn myself money for things i want (cause im only ever able to buy myself things on an off chance) and i don't know how i'll actually be able to find time to do any writing
I understand the whole canonically mlm character (in this case will) being made into a straight character for entertainment purposes and that being bad. I understand that
But why is it okay for canonically straight characters to be made queer for entertainment
Like wouldn't it have to be two way? I genuinely don't understand
/gen/gen/gen/gen (I want to make it obvious I'm actually just curious)
(also for defensive purposes I am not a straight white woman I am a queer trans masc)
Promise I won't attack you lmao!!
If you think about it, (as a user in the comments said) so many male characters aren't technically 'canonically' straight, because of lgbtq+ stigma only people who fall under the umbrella 'need' to come out, but for so many other male characters are just automatically assumed to be straight because that's what has been conditioned.
Though I do completely understand where you come from I think it's mainly based around the fact that there are so little canon mlm characters that it's easier for some writers to use male characters they like and headcanon them as gay/mlm.
Though of course this is just how I view it, if anyone has a different view I'd love to hear it, I think it's just unfortunate that so many characters aren't automatically assumed straight and then when a canonically gay character (whose actor is conventionally attractive) happens with a mainstream tv show/movie, it immediately gets swept under the rug and (more often than not) fem writers will write them with fem readers instead of masc/male readers. (another example is heated rivalry, somehow putting in heated rivalry x reader it's again mostly just fem!readers)
Its FANFICTION not real life. Why does it bother you what people write? Coming from someone who doesnt even read Will fics. If you dont like it, skip it and go read something you do like. Tf
It bothers me because there are so many straight male characters women can write about as much as they want, but when it comes to a character that specifically written to be gay, that characters sexuality is immediately written off because people find them attractive.
I'm a masc presenting person who finds Will as a character appealing and Noah Schnapp as a person attractive, when I go on x reader tags for a canonically gay character it's really frustrating to only see very few where that character is portrayed correctly, even if the tag isn't an 'male'!reader.
Also I'd fucking love to skip it, but Will x fem!Reader is literally majority of the Will x Reader tag.
another add on to this post because the way I've seen people who fucking acknowledge the fact Will is a gay MLM man and proceeds to write smut fanfic of him of a reader who's meant to be 'Mike's girlfriend' that Will is using to feel better or some shit cause he can't have Mike.
Like what the actual fuck do you mean, what do you mean you're acknowledging that Will is gay and in love with men and proceed to write about him being with a fem!reader.
pretty peeved off that there's more Will Byers x Fem!Reader fics on here (and on the internet in general) vs. having Will Byers (a canonical gay (mlm) character) x Male!/Masc!Reader.
im as much of a ‘Damian becomes a doctor’ fan as the next guy, but,, Damian becoming a vet. Studying medicine to heal and combining that desire with his love for them. Specialising in a different type of veterinary care (pets, reptiles, farm animals, etc) every decade, becoming a leading expert in his fields. Damian loving his job with a passion
Okay this, but, Doctor Damian who anytime he has off from work immediately goes to a shelter (that he funds ofc) and volunteers to help around with the animals. Damian dabbled in vet nursing and vet medicine while getting his doctorates so he knows what he's doing, and more often than not you'll find him helping to "socialise" the animals but really he's just sitting in their socialising room and allowing whatever animals are in the shelter to jump all over him.
I have this head cannon abt Ghost (when he's in a relationship)
so every time when it's halloween, whenever trick or treaters approach him and his partners door and when eventually Ghost is the who needs to open the door, holding out a bowl of lollies (i'm aussie i don't say candy mb), reluctantly complementing children's costumes
all the while his partner had encouraged him to wear his mask (cause they know he's more comfortable around people he doesn't know with his face covered) and had managed to rangle Simon into wearing a skeleton shirt as well
so when the children he's greeting gush over how cool his 'costume' is, he just feels a sense of comfort and normality because even though he's still a big intimidating man, because of the day that it is, something (his mask) that has bought him comfort though bought other people fear is being complimented and appreciated
(he would probably then proceed to slump into his partner for comfort because he's overwhelmed)
Back on my 141!reader who gets treated like a dog propoganda...
Of course its kyle who realizes what you need.
Always pushing yourself too hard, always a bit too agressive. Kyle sees the way you hold yourself and the way you interact with others, like everyone is just waiting for the moment to hurt you. So he decides to step in before you do something you'll regret.
No one knows how kyle does it. You two leave for a mission just as agressive as ever, and he returns with a subdued soldier at his heel. You still have thar air of danger around you, but its now tethered to kyle. He helps keep you grounded, makes decisions for you because he knows you'll choose to intentionally trigger yourself.
You learn to seek his approval, now. You ask kyle if you want to eat, or train, or relax. The others think its a bit...odd. but you havent sent anyone to medical in a month so they leave it alone. So they leave the dependency alone.
In fact, they even get used to it. Whenever someone asks you to do anything, you always subtly glance at kyle first. The few times he shakes his head, you stand firm on your 'decision' not to. They start just asking kyle instead, if not a bit teasing "hey garrick, can we take it to the shooting range or practice?" Or "is it allowed to eat sweets right now, gaz?"
origamiaround
prguitarman
2087
gummygunk
