Trans Shit

This is my transition blog. Currently transitioning privately in the UK. Regular blog and YouTube @mazhev 19 | T-date 22.02.16

[cold-conversations]

Reasons why I need top surgery;

Reasons why I need top surgery; 1. To not have to wear a binder every single day of my existence after 3.5 years 2. To wear white/see through t-shirts without having to worry about people seeing my binder 3. To wear those really douchy vests 4. To not have to be so specific in which t-shirts I buy 5. To not stare in the mirror for ages making sure I’m flat at every angle 6. To get out of the shower and not have to wait around so I’m dry enough to put my binder on 7. To wear button down shirts without having a weird bump 8. To wear a shirt and tie and for the tie to fall flat 9. To not have a binder push my body so my hips are more prominent 10. To not feel a constant pressure around my ribs 11. To not have weird bit chest hanging on the sides of my binder 12. To have hugs and fully feel them against my chest 13. To not worry when people tap/rub my back and feel my binder 14. To experience how different materials feel on my chest and back 15. To feel flat enough 16. To actually have nothing between my chest and clothes 17. To stay over someone’s house and not worry about binding 18. To not have to experience taking a binder off before I sleep 19. To wake up and not feel exposed because I’m not wearing a binder 20. To lie in bed and not feel anything on my chest 21. To not have permanent marks from my binder on my body 22. To not worry about people touching my chest 23. To just get out of bed when a parcel arrives rather than scrambling to put a binder on 24. To not be so damn hot all the time 25. To look in the mirror and be happy with what I see 26. To not dread having a bath/shower 27. To do sport and not feel like I’m going to die 28. To go swimming shirtless 29. To be shirtless in my own home 30. To exercise and not worry about changing binders 31. To be able to breathe easily 32. To feel freedom 33. To be able to walk around in just boxers 34. To lie with someone without a shirt on 35. To not have to buy another binder 36. To stand up tall 37. To wear a backpack comfortably 38. To feel comfortable in changing rooms 39. To move on and start living my life 40. To make my body feel like home

[phas-ing]

Made an update video talking a bit about what I’ve been up to recently, a facial hair update and some exciting top surgery news!

[phas-ing]

Happy T-versary! :D

So sorry I missed this message!! Thank you to whoever sent it :)

[phas-ing]

I uploaded a 1 year on T video last week, it's got a video timeline and a bunch of comparison pictures ☺️

[straightboyfriend]

there is no medical component to a trans kid transitioning

if a little trans boy comes out to his parents & is like 4 all youd do for his transition is cut his hair, buy a new wardrobe, & switch pronouns & possibly change names

no one is gonna put a little 4 year old on testosterone OR puberty blockers until theyre actually about to start puberty & then they give them a few years to really decide if they want to start hormones

a trans kid existing isnt “child abuse.” child abuse is refusing to let your kid live their lives as they truly are & forcing them to present as a gender they arent

[phas-ing]

Keep forgetting to share my uploads here but I made a video talking about childhood transgender signs!

[phas-ing]

Hey, was watching one of your videos and you mentioned that you've discovered you'll qualify for peri surgery. Thinking far into the future, but I was wondering if you wouldn't mind saying what kinda size your chest is?

Yeah sure, I’ve never actually been measured but I had a go at measuring myself and I came out at a small B. Amount of tissue is important but my surgeon also takes into consideration skin elasticity and nipple placement (cause your nips post op will be in pretty much the same place).

[phas-ing]

Back at uni

Really, really want to enjoy my second term of uni more than my first but I have no idea how I'm gonna do that. Finished my first ever uni exams; they were pretty alright considering I put hardly any time into revising. I start lectures again on Monday and I'm not really looking forward to that. Need to find some kind of society or something I enjoy- I don't want to feel like I completely wasted my first year.

[mindcrookedbackstraight]

Goal for 2016: Let my nipples see the sunlight

[phas-ing]

Reblogged this a year ago, I didn't have top surgery in 2016 but I did go shirtless at the beach and at Széchenyi thermal baths in Budapest soo I’d call that a success. 

[phas-ing]

Hey man, I just got the jimmy over the EZP and believe I made the wrong choice. I can't seem to get the STP right with the jimmy and always seek to leak somehow. Any tips?

I do think the ezp is the better stp but I still had success with the Jimmy.Assuming you haven't already, get a bunch of practice in the shower without any clothes in the way and slowly add clothes. That way, as with any stp, you can work out the best positioning and get a feel for how clothes obstruct the cup.In particular, I just made sure the cup of the jimmy was far enough back- so the shaft is pretty much pointing straight down. But be careful how you hold it to make sure it doesn't fold in on itself. And try to control your flow, over time you'll get an idea for how much the cup can hold and how quickly it'll drain. Try running it under a tap to see how much liquid it'll hold etc.

[phas-ing]

My review of the Jimmy STP from FTM Pitstop.

[phas-ing]

9 months on T video is uploaded, want to get back into uploading now I’m sort of settled into a uni routine.

[parsonkenny101-deactivated20161]

[phas-ing]

Which do you prefer the ezp or the jimmy? Pros/cons of each?

Had a few asks like this, I will be uploading a full review of the jimmy stp and can do a comparison to the ezp as well if you're interested but I will summarise,The ezp is my all time favourite prosthetic, it's not an amazing packer but it makes up for that in its stp function. And not needing a harness is a huge bonus.What I like about the jimmy stp is that it hangs more naturally so potentially can create a better and more comfortable bulge- more like a peecock but with a better stp function. In principle, the material of the jimmy is quite flimsy and doesn't pack that easily- not helped by the very deep cup which causes it to stick out quite far from your body. The stp function doesn't match that of the ezp but it probably could be mastered if I took more time to use it. All of this will be better explained in my review video.

[phas-ing]

Which color of the Jimmy STP is in your photos? Thanks!

The lightest colour, I believe it's called vanilla :)

[phas-ing]

Hey, so sorry to hear about that transphobic person at your uni that's so shitty. i've really appreciated all your videos they've helped me heaps (although also completely understanding stopping for now/forever whatever you decide) :)) good lucksies with uni and everything!!! xx

*ok wow just looked in my inbox, WHY don't I get notifications when people send me asks*Thank you for this message, it was a great pick me up! My flatmate's not too terrible to live with honestly, I feel very lucky that I get on well with my flatmates and they're all nice people.I'm really missing making videos so I'll hopefully find time to do that soon (side note let me know if there's anything you want me to do/talk about).

[phas-ing]

Pre T vs 8 Months;

As I have failed to find time in my new hectic uni life to make an 8 month update video, here are a couple of pictures. It’s pretty difficult to recreate photos for a perfect comparison especially when I’m not at home so I can't have the same background and the lighting in my room at uni sucks.

- I think my face has (??) changed overall, still not entirely sure what it is but I think I look a bit older and that has been reflected by people I’ve met at uni. - My neck might be a bit wider but it’s difficult to tell. - I’m pleasantly surprised to see a difference in my upper body shape in the comparison pictures (please bare in mind I haven't been to the gym in over 6 weeks since leaving for uni..its stressful don't judge me). - My shoulders appear to have broadened but I have to be honest, I don't think its that significant cause I haven't noticed any clothes fitting me differently. - I’m pretty sure my chest has shrunk a bit. - I think I’ve lost some fat from the ‘love handle’ area but it’s just shuffled round to my belly which seems to be squishier these days. But again, I’ve been at uni 6 weeks and all I do is eat. - I’m still not at all happy with my lower body though and my strategically placed arms in my 8 month picture hides the widest point. - Bonus pic of me trying to figure out where the lighting is best.

Besides the pictures, changes in the last couple month I’ve actually noticed: - Hair EVERYWHERE I can't keep up: lower and upper legs, ankles, knees, feet, toes, belly, butt cheeks, lower back, chest, hands. - More facial hair has been growing in the last month. Particularly in the last few weeks I've noticed my sideburns growing in lower and quicker, found my first few chin hairs (see a couple of posts back), a bit more on my upper lip and other hairs sprouting randomly in the middle of my cheeks. I’m shaving much more often now to keep the ugly scruff away.

More on all of this when I actually make a T update video (hopefully soon). Also expect a review of my Jimmy stp from ftm pitstop and a couple videos about my uni experience that I’d like to make.