I hate the word 'fate'. @phithera-blog - Tumblr Blog

memelovingbot

you are weak and lesbians is coming for you

virgoprivilege

I love that this works as both a threat and reassurance

zevri

If you ever reblog the color of the sky post, you are directly testing how much I care about you and your blog content

classicmoviegal

acoolsuggestion

boy: *is literally 1 year younger than me* boy: *hits on me* me: thanks…… but…. no thanks…. i’m old enough to be your mother……..

lzbth

this is why aliens dont make contact with us

stillhereunfortunately

because we are displaying the shrunken decapitated heads of their species as a warning

lzbth

hope everybody got a shrunken head this easter

koobaxion-deactivated20220403

Man okay when I got my wisdom teeth out it was a fucking experience. Before the surgery wasn’t too interesting but as soon as I woke up I saw the nurse next to me and was all like “hey… i think… i died… and now I’m in a parallel universe… and i gotta go back to my house and kill the me from this universe” and he was just kinda like “alright, you do that”. And then the other nurse kept going in and out of the room to get things and I thought there was like 5 of her that kept coming out of the room, and then so when she was wheeling me out in a wheelchair I was like “damn… why are there so many of you… there’s like 5 many of you” and she was just kinda like “alright, you do that”.

Anyway I got to the car and my dad was there and he was like “how ya feeling son” in the dadliest way possible and I was like “MAN I AM PUMPED LETS GET SOME JUICE I’M STARVED” so we drove about 3 blocks to a jamba juice, whereupon I say “I’m good I can do this” and run/drunkstumble 30 feet to the door. I burst in the door like a viking returning from some fucking battle and holler “WHATS UP FUCKS” to everyone in the store, which was thankfully just the 2 people behind the counter, who looked probably as scared/confused as a jamba juice employee could look.

So anyway, as my dad explained the situation I looked up at the jamba juice menu and was utterly fucking lost in it. Like I swear I was looking at this menu board for a year, deciphering this Rosetta stone of fruits. I distinctly remember that I was looking at each item in a smoothie, thinking of how it tasted, then moving on to the next thing and thinking of how that tasted, and how they would taste together. Since most smoothies had 3 or 4 items, this took some thinking. So my dad sees me in this extreme brain blast state of mind and says “hey are you going to order or what”. Keep in mind I’m on the first fucking smoothie on the list here. So I just say “shush man I’m trying to do fruit science”, and then when I realized that this process could take literal years, I just said “yeah give me a smooth regular” which for the uninitiated, isn’t actually a real thing on any menu. Oh, also I asked them if the “boosted” smoothies would give me super powers and then pointed my fingers at them and made “lightning noises”.

So my dad just orders me the first thing on the menu and I go to sit down and stare out the window or some shit and my thoroughly amused dad just looks at me and says “how ya feelin?”. Now at this time I was feeling a lot of things, but most noticeable to me was the gauze in my mouth, so I just look at him and say “there’s these fuckin… tiny sheep in my head” which at the time was the best way I had to convey this feeling. Anyway about that time, the jamba juice guy brings us our drinks and he gives me a small thing of mario kart stickers and I swear I almost cried from the tsunami of emotion that gift made me feel (I still have them).

Anyway the rest of the story is we drove home and I explained this programming project I was working on to my dad in perfect detail somehow and then I came home and went on facebook and posted a comment on my friends status (because I couldn’t find the status update bar) that read: “i just took a lort of painkillers and yelled at everyone in a jambo juice”

kneelinggirl-deactivated2015042

This may be the funniest thing I have ever read. There are actual tears coming out of my face.

peeboy-moved-blog

tag yourself im sex perverts

#people that talk to pets more than god

oddly-romantic

my fav linguistic trend is how younger ppl use “like” to signify paraphrasing and how older ppl dont get it. i’ll say something along the lines of “he was like, ‘fuck off!’” and any older person in the vicinity will be like “did he really say that??” no i was paraphrasing, hence the use of “like” instead of “said.” try to keep up, sandra

pprincevegeta

Visit Original Link

i did it

femmenietzsche

Whenever I’m on the street children throw large pebbles at me and say “This is only somewhat due to your bad tumblr posts. There are multiple reasons for this.”