The men's football RPF fandom follows an extremely predictable cycle: when it's a World Cup year, things go nuts. New fans come in, dormant accounts reactivate, everyone goes around looking for the guys they see on their screen and get kind of confused that in the great minds of our AO3 writers they are with completely different guys. Most RPF is about club pairings, because these are the people they're with most of the time, but there's something special about the national team. Weeks when years happen, or something like that.
I love a rec list and those have kind of fallen out of vogue, so here's a very short list of my favorite national team-centric fics over the years, for the folks who're interested in the RPFs of World Cups past. Obligatory reminder to keep church and state separated, keep fic out of the public eye, and lock your shit down when you feel like you want to take a turn. Happy reading, welcome to hell!
Calon Onest, Calon Lân by ladytelemachus (LJ, deleted)
Wales: Wayne Hennessey and Aaron Ramsey
This is not a World Cup fic, because Wales have not qualified for a World Cup in forever. This is a fic that is kind of about that, and kind of about language, and kind of about the weight of a nascent national team, and kind of about English colonialism, short and sweet and perfect.
all these things that i've done by @stickmarionette
Argentina (World Cup 2010): Diego Maradona and Lionel Messi
So what if Leo plays within himself sometimes? It doesn't mean that he forgets to pass. He dribbles because he can.
Diego, of all people, should understand. Leo, Diego the manager and the motherland.
If you're new this will sound wild to you, but once upon a time Argentina hated Leo Messi. The federation took forever to call him up. The sports media called him the Catalan and spent half the time judging him for not showing up for his country the way he did for his club, FC Barcelona. Enter the one guy who could possibly get it: Diego Maradona. This fic is the raw nerve of that 4-0 loss to Germany and the desperation of knowing you've got to carve a path and haven't got the time. Little did we know.
Invictus, or, On the Plus Side, You Now Possess the Most Sought-After Phone Number in Spain by synaesthetical (AO3)
Spain (World Cup 2010): Victor Valdes, Pepe Reina, and Iker Casillas
Víctor Valdés is at his first international tournament and a bench player for the first time in years. On most days, he's fine with that. On the days that he has to deal extensively with Pepe Reina's lunacy and Iker Casillas's martyrdom, he wishes he had gone windsurfing instead of to the World Cup.
You have to be kind of insane to want to be a goalkeeper. Fortunately, Spain has no shortage of insane people. Our cast of characters: deadpan sarcastic Victor Valdes, who regularly had panic attacks before games and dropped off the face of the earth the moment he retired; Pepe Reina, official court jester of the 2010 Spain national team; and Iker Casillas, lord, savior, legend, talisman, man who cries a lot. Victor's voice in this is snarky and stinging, Pepe gives better than he gets, and I could read about their team shenanigans forever.
The Secret of Sopwell House by @heyyjulien
England (Euro 2004): Jamie Carragher/Gary Neville
The national team is trying to qualify for the Euros 2004, when the FA suspends Jamie Carragher from the squad under dubious circumstances. They make two crucial mistakes: They forget to tell Jamie before he makes his way to the England training camp. And they underestimate Gary Neville.
And now for something entirely different: Carraville fic in disguise. In real life, Gary Neville attempted to organize a players' strike on behalf of Rio Ferdinand. This is an AU where he does all that for then-club rival and current IRL partner in crime punditry Jamie Carragher. Everyone's voices are pitch-perfect, from our leads to David Beckham's and Sir Alex Ferguson's. The atmosphere really makes this fic: the pressure cooker of the England camp, the period-accurate abuse and homophobia, the *gestures* everything that's going on inside GNev's head.
The Cynics by rainhat (AO3)
Italy (World Cup 1982): Antonio Cabrini/Paolo Rossi
Paolo took a survivalist approach to lying and secrecy. He was good at both, and didn't think a great deal about either. The lie about Antonio was proving hard to keep so far.
Paolo Rossi was theeee failed wonderkid flop striker. Antonio Cabrini, Juventus defender, was so beautiful tabloids called him Italy's boyfriend. I have no idea how to talk about this fic, but literally every single sentence in this fic is perfect. The restraint, the economy of emotion, the quiet tension, the weight. I don't even know.
Ok I love a fic rec list as well, I have some fics to add! I love national team insanity! But I didn't have anything actually romantic/sexual either, if someone else still wants to fill in that gap...
Recs in reverse chronological order!
above the albiceleste only sky by @toomoonfic (2,303 words)
Argentina, World Cup 2022: Lionel Messi/Sergio Agüero
"So," Kun says, and turns on the overhead light, watching Leo's face rearrange into something more familiar. "Do you want to play some FIFA?"
Coda to the 2010 World Cup final.
This is the sweetest possible companion to the 2022 final, tracing how Messi and Agüero each got there after many, many trials. I love how their love for each other is so worn-in and comfortable; it also rides the line of shippy and Gen But They're Weird About Each Other that abounds in football in a gorgeous way. I think this one might also give context to why it feels kind of bizarre that Argentina is in the final again lol - Messi in particular and the team as a whole are living past the end of their legends. What do you MEAN they got their perfect, impossible storybook ending and now they're back in the final!
Cloud City by @ferritin4 (4,278 words)
Spain, not grounded in a specific tournament but written in 2015: Iker Casillas, Xavi Hernández, team ensemble
No author summary; this is a little self-contained tale of Spain as detectives in a fantasy/steampunk urban setting trying to stop Jose Mourinho from stealing, like, the essence of magic. It's about how it sucks to work overtime. It's tightly-paced and funny and easily one of the most imaginative things I've read in football fandom! (They made Andrés Iniesta both nonthreatening and creepy as hell, as is correct 😌.)
Play 'til the Curtain's Coming Down by bystie (10,403 words)
Argentina, World Cup 2014: Lionel Messi, team ensemble
Leo just wants to go to sleep and forget about the World Cup final, but he wakes up and realizes he's living in his own personal hell. Groundhog Day AU of the World Cup final.
OH MAN, for a long time, this fic felt like the closest Argentina would get to winning the cup in the current era. It pulls no punches with the frustration and desperation inherent in the premise, making it all the sweeter as Leo starts to figure it out and cope with the time loop. A fic about Leo getting ready to become captain, really. This is the one on this list with the most actual descriptions of the sport, if you're looking for that!
Longest Way Round by @baking-soda (2,894 words)
Spain, Euros 2012: Jesús Navas, Sergio Ramos
Jesús wakes up to Pique's alarm; it's Shakira. Jesús buries his head in his pillow. He doesn't like to shower before breakfast, since he doesn't have to sculpt his hair like Pique does, so he keeps his eyes shut tight, denies the day's here yet. He has a little more time.
Beautiful portrait of the stresses facing Spain as a team and Jesús Navas in particular in 2012, not about the football but rather about grief, anxiety, and mental illness - grounded in Navas's real struggles and the real death of one of his teammates and dear friends. Just a gorgeous portrayal of anxiety in top-level sport and how to manage it. Dashes of nonsense from Pepe Reina and Gerard Piqué to balance it out!
unn wein ein lied by anonymous (9,630 words)
...ok, fine, technically this is Bayern Munich fic but all the characters are German and it's not about club football at all but rather German football as a whole. Set in 2011. Philipp Lahm/Bastian Schweinsteiger
He wanted just this one, unbroken thing, and it held him closer than fear.
Finally a sort of Germany fic for you, Jillian! It's, um, angsty. Digs into homophobia in football in a serious way and explores how players with various different identities and wishes would navigate it. This fic is really skillful at building from real events and quotes while filling in gaps with believable characterizations!
catherine might be the first game changer player who understood the assignment, immediately failed the assignment, figured out the assignment better, told everyone else the assignment, and then failed multiple times cause she truly cannot describe pictures (or name songs). player of all time. i love seeing someone who clearly gets and loves game changer and is just plain bad at games. representation for all of us.
the kids are calling them "stone fruits." they start off small—think cherries. then they're hooked and they need a quick fix, they get peaches, maybe some nectarines. it's all they can think about. before you know it, they're trying the really hard stuff—apricots, plums. once they taste a mango there's no going back.
Maybe it's naive of me, but whenever I see portraits like this, with just a father and daughter, it restores my faith in humanity a little. Because people seem to love this idea that fathers never loved their daughters in the past and only saw them as bargaining chips for marriage or whatever, but look at the guy in the first portrait on the left, he loves that little girl! And the dad trying to do his work while his daughter bothers him with an Old Timey Barbie. The man teaching his daughter geography, his expression is so soft! The way the man in the last portrait holds the little girl's hand! And none of these are incidental, these aren't photographs, someone (probably the father) paid good money and sat down for hours so that they could have a painting of themselves and their daughter. Probably because they loved their daughter.
From left to right: 1795 Michał Jerzy Mniszech with his daughter Elżbieta - Marcello Bacciarelli; Christopher Anstey and his daughter Mary Ann by William Hoare 1776; A Musician and His Daughter by Thomas de Keyser 1629; The Geography Lesson (Portrait of Monsieur G. and His Daughter), 1812; Jean-baptiste Isabey And His Daughter; Portrait of a Young Girl and Older Man by William Harrison Scarborough
(this is probably somewhat related to my other favourite genre of painting, Husband With Multiple Kids Making Come Hither Eyes At His Wife)
oh I love those! People being people is one of my favourite kinds of paintings and an important reminder that people in past times were not all that different. There were dads who loved their daughters fiercely. There were fathers who happily looked after their babies too. The German reformer Philip Melanchton for example had a cradle in his office. His wife was busy organising a household for 20 people- she was out and about, he mostly worked in his office, it made sense for him to look after their babies too babies while she dropped by at snack time.
in fact often if it was kind of safe dads had the babies in their workshops for just that reason as we can see in these paintings:
The left is “the busy father” by Theodore Weber, the right one is “At the china repairer’s “ by Wenzel Tornoe. All dads who are actively involved in childcare and a painter who thought it was a cute topic rather than anything ridiculous.
Image description:
Image 1: painting of a young child holding a small dog sits on a cushion on a desk, she looks toward the vieweer, a man sits in front of the desk, he looks at the child and has one hand steadying the child.
1795 Michał Jerzy Mniszech with his daughter Elżbieta by Marcello Bacciarelli
Image 2: painting of a man sitting at a table writing something, he looks toward the viewer, a girl pulls at his jacket and holds up a doll with fancy hair and dress.
Christopher Anstey and his daughter Mary Ann by William Hoare 1776,
Image 3: painting of a man sitting down holding a lute, a girl holding a fan stands next to him.
A Musician and His Daughter by Thomas de Keyser 1629
Image 4: painting of a man sitting down and holding a compass, a girl leans over his shoulder and looks at the papers and the circle, the man looks at the girl. A dog sits next to the girl.
The Geography Lesson (Portrait of Monsieur G. and His Daughter), 1812
Image 5: painting of a man holding the hand of a young girl, a dog is on his other side.
Jean-baptiste Isabey And His Daughter
Image 6: painting of a man sitting down with a young girl in his lap, he holds one of her hands in his, she holds flowers in her lap.
Portrait of a Young Girl and Older Man by William Harrison Scarborough
Image 7: painting of a man sitting down reading something, he holds one young child who is trying to climb on his back while a second child lays in a crib and cries. There is a toy laying on the floor.
Image 8: painting of a man sitting down and painting porcelain while a child sleeps in a crib.
Image 9: painting of a man and a child working on netting together.
Image 10: painting of a man and a child rowing a boat with the same oar. The man is smiling at the child.
Image 11: painting of a man sitting down, he holds a glass and a wine bottle while a child leans against him, with grapes and bread in her apron.
image 12: sculpture of a man kissing a child sitting in his lap, the child holds a lute. There is an open book with flowers laying to the mans feet. end Image description
baru cormorant somehow some of the best and most gratifying lesbianism ever put to page even though at ~300 pages in she is still strictly celibate and barely even allows herself to acknowledge when she's in a homoerotic situation except to note that it's "risky"...baru I'm obsessed with you
like could definitely be considered a form of repressed lesbianism, but in fiction I'm better acquainted with the variety in which the character is actively lying to themself, refusing to acknowledge it internally, etc. and I really enjoy this variant of like. she's making a conscious, strategic, calculated decision, but part of that involves maintaining a careful, intellectual distance from her own desires.
from a writing perspective I am also really impressed by the ability to get this across in the aforementioned homoerotic situations without resorting to what is a go-to shorthand for myself and many other writers, descriptions of bodily responses that the character attempts to ignore/resist. it communicates that level of detachment soooo well and I think it takes a lot of skill to create these fraught situations and have what is actually fraught about them be expressed almost tacitly.
also just personally I feel very Seen by her visceral reaction to considering actually being with a man, even for purely strategic reasons. the bit about her body rejecting the concept. in that I know a lot of other lesbians who are in the realm of like "I could do it for a while if necessary even if it's not what I actually want out of life" but for me it has always been an instant discomfort that I can't overcome, which was present in various forms even when I thought I wanted a boyfriend etc.
I also think it's very successful at communicating lesbianism that is both relational and individual, which I think is how many/most people experience it! fictional narratives frequently focus on falling in love with a single person as the locus of Awakening, which I think is partly just because it's easy to write—and if you have a ready-made partner you can accelerate the timeline a bit because either you have someone to guide you or you have someone to take the journey with. but for many people it's not about being interested in a single person at all; it's about your own responses and desires, an internal understanding of yourself that is about who and what you want, but not in the sense of a specific person.
snowghoul
germansingergirl
2087
stormborns
amandla
vaporwave
