I believe you've taken what I was saying out of context. I'm not denying that Luke did bad things. I am merely saying that Luke's actions are different than Annabeth's, and that comparing them does everyone a disservice. Luke was a bad guy in the traditional sympathetic villain mould. Annabeth is abusive towards her boyfriend. Both things can exist at once.
Luke did terrible things yes, but at no point do we have any evidence that he's any more manipulative of Annabeth than anyone else. Nor do we have evidence that he ever had romantic feelings for her - "The Diary of Luke Castellan" distinctively calls his feelings fatherly, and considering Annabeth's longstanding crush on him, if he had had feelings for her, he would have used them to get her on his side. But he didn't. (He does, in fact, try to protect her when ordering the deaths of her friends, so it could even be argued that he was least evil towards her.)
Again, he did terrible things, but saying "Luke did worse things" in no way excuses Annabeth for her own actions.
Objectively, Annabeth didn't have a bad childhood. We don't actually have any evidence of emotional abuse in the Chase household - we have a distracted father who, admittedly, probably wasn't the best parent; we have a mortal stepmother who can't see monsters and therefore tried to parent in the best way how. This in no way denies what Annabeth may have felt at 7 years old, unable to understand what was happening, but if it was a truly awful household they would have been glad to get rid of her - instead they beg her to come back, multiple times. So let's be honest. She and her family may not have understood each other, but there was love there.
But, yes, Annabeth is abusive. She acts a certain way with Percy that is, at the very least, emotionally abusive and, on occasion, physically so.
1) There is no reason to judo flip anyone outside of battle or judo practice. There is especially no reason to do so in the middle of a sensitive diplomatic mission where the guy in question is clearly dressed as a leader. Had Percy done this to Annabeth, people would be calling it out as abuse. The fact that Annabeth did it to Percy doesn't change what it is. (Also, having met Jason and heard his story, she knows that Hera is the one at fault here, but continues to blame Percy for disappearing, which is unfair to say the least.)
2) I could argue that we're never actually shown any evidence of Annabeth liking Percy as a person, and therefore they are not friends - but operating on the assumption that we are, we know as late as "The Bronze Dragon" that Percy hates to be called this and doesn't mention this to Annabeth because he knows that if he does, she'll call him that more. There is teasing and then there is verbally bullying someone.
3) At least twice Annabeth has put Percy in physical danger with her capture the flag plans without letting Percy know. This is definitely true in TLT and plausibly true in "The Bronze Dragon".
4) In Demigod Files, Annabeth does say, "Normally, as long as I'm telling him what do do, he wins in a fight," which is revisionist to say the least.
5) There's a scene in MoA where Percy's eating pancakes and she's telling him not to put so much syrup on them. Could be read as "old couple bickering," but like so much of their supposedly bickering it always struck me as controlling.
6) So too is telling your boyfriend what powers he can and cannot use to keep you both alive. Whatever you think of his poison-bending, it is his power. Until and unless he asks Annabeth for a morality check, it's his to use as he will.
7) Considering Jason couldn't go five feet at CHB without hearing what a great hero Percy was, the fact that Piper, Annabeth's new BFF, seems to consider him a troublemaker first has always concerned me. So, okay, maybe Annabeth didn't set out to intentionally undermine her boyfriend - but it does tell you a lot about what she must think of him.
8) Also, the number of times Percy says somewhere in one of the books, "Annabeth would kill me if I did X," is enough to make anyone concerned. Even if it's meant playfully - which, WTF - nobody should be threatening their SO with death that often. No matter how jokingly.
But look. Think whatever you want. Luke is a bad guy, but because it's so obvious you don't see anyone having to sit down and make the argument all these years later. But Annabeth, from an adult perspective, is a bully at best and abusive at worst - but since their romance is made out to be epic this does still have to be argued.