So my Mom comes tomorrow/today, I'm up late...... I haven't seen or spoken to her in many years.... This spring my Father died very sudenly and I wasn't even told of the funeral or mamorial etc.... There for I have a little animosity towards my family but nit much as I try not to hold a grudge etc.... She is now living in Ontario and I as far west as you can get in Canada on Vancouver Island.... She is coming all this way and taking a $140, 3 hour ferry trip, spending 2 nights on thr island and she would like to take me out to lunch. ....? Huh .? Idk Seems very strange.... She has some of my Dad's ashes for me I was told.... My brother and sister in law are driving, I haven't seen them in about 10 years or spoken to them..... I haven't yet felt I've had the proper chance to greve my Dad's death yet.... We were very, very close and unfortunately out of a family of 6 the only one I spoke too...... I want to be part of my family so badly, it's not fair, I really don't find it fair at all... So I suffer from some mental health issues and anxiety is a big one as is depression among others... I am quite emotional and therefore don't know how I will choke out any words to them let alone be able to chew food and swallow it etc. ... Idk what to do but I am going to suggest we picnic in a nice park or somewhere open and in a natural place.... If I only have a couple of hours with them and it may be the last time I see my family especially my Mom I would much rather not waste it in any restaurant no matter how nice of a place......lol I love my Mom and every member of my family immediate and extended. I don't care what they think of me, most of it is false anyway but I understand, you belive what your told and if your not told good things what would you you believe. ...? I don't blame them at all...... I have never been a bad person, I have had problems with drugs and half of that I blame on Dr's but that alone does not make me a bad person...... I try to good.... I am a very loving person and help people to thr fault of myself..... Although I have been setting up a lot of bounderys cuz so many people used to take advantage of me........ Some still try but in the year or so I've been working hard on saying no if it's something that would hurt me. ... I am so lucky to have a beautiful girlfriend in my life everyday....... Without her solid support I would be a wreck. ..... Thank you Patti...❤
