20↑/she/her/🇯🇵
x : @ jeremiah_f_
don't need to follow me. I draw art. I'm crazy about Austin Butler & Jacob Elordi & Drew Starkey
TSITP/OBX/DC/WEDNESDAY/etc...
I want to get better at English. I’ve been studying for a year, but the words just won't come out. I love games, so I’d like to practice speaking English while playing. I wonder if there’s anyone who would be up for that...
REQUEST: “could I please request a series of an Ajax x reader, where reader was in-love with Ajax when he was with Enid and pulled away from reader during their relationship. During summer when Enid ghosted Ajax, reader had a glow up and stopped chasing Ajax and it's when he's back and getting ghosted by Enid he realises he likes reader and starts chasing her but she doesn't forgive him right away (as she low-key makes him work for forgiveness without realising as she has stopped giving him attention as she is focused more on either helping Wednesday with vision or pugsley with slurp). Also if someone else notices her and Ajax getting jealous.” — submitted by @corpsebride25
SYNOPSIS: the theatrics of teenage love never fazed her. not until the one boy who once saw her beyond the strangeness slipped away from her.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: I slightly altered the request but it’s essentially the same.
PAIRING: ajax petropolus x female!addams reader
Y/N ADDAMS wasn’t one to keep love as close company. She far preferred companionship of the tendrils of misery and stoicism -- allowed them to swirl and twist like sailor knots in the contrails of her nerves and curves of her bones. Love was what drew her lip ever so subtly up in a grimace as she would sit across from her parents at the dining room table, a painstaking witness to their seldomly filtered gushes of devotion. Love was what creased her furrowed brow as she would watch the poorly hidden caprices of fellow Nevermore students in the corner of the library.
She had accepted her place amongst the murky tendrils - a refuge of her own creation, forged out of an avoidance she could never place the origin of. It simply was how she was.
Or so she assumed.
Her astute awareness of everything and everyone had seemingly been forsaken the moment of her introduction to Ajax Petropolus - a Gorgon - her first day at Nevermore when they were twelve. That day, when their hands met in a teacher-enforced handshake, the knot of the tendrils had withered ever so slightly. A fraying that would continue to clandestinely splinter as a companionship distinct from that of her psychological woes bloomed between him and her.
Y/N had pondered notions of potential insanity in herself at her willingness to be friends with someone so starkly in contrast to her. Where there was her perpetual frown, there was his boyish grin. Where there was her bathed in the tones of shadows, he reveled in hues that were always just a touch lighter than hers. Where she’d mumble in disapproval or grovel, he’d have a joking remark harnessed by the flash of a smirk. Where she was cynicism personified, he was a show of earnest.
Her parents were quite fond of their friendship. Wednesday thought she was deranged. And not in an enjoyable way.
“One can’t have a battle of wits with an unarmed man,” Wednesday remarked, tone drawn in familiar monotony as she tapped the side of her fork with her pointer finger in a calculated rhythm. Her gloomful eyes stared across the table at Y/N, taking note of the slight tremor of the silverware in her sister’s hand as she mirrored the stare with precision and edge.
“Not everything is a battle nor a fight,” their mother calmly beckoned with a coy tilt of her head. This verbal tit-for-tat was a custom in the kinship of her two daughters. “If it were, they wouldn’t be as gratifying or pleasurable.”
“You are just disgruntled, Wednesday,” Y/N mused with the faintest of smirks, chin poised to the side in a subtle, calculated challenge, “You traipse your school reigning terror over the mediocrity of the high school hierarchy, rather unbecomingly I say. And where has it gotten you but in a hole of loneliness? It irks you that I haven’t chosen that same fate.”
Y/N knew her words landed precisely where she wanted as Wednesday’s fork was drawn up with a rigidity of restrained aggravation.
“Now, mi cuervo, you know Wednesday chose to forgo going to Nevermore to-” their father started to tut mid-devour of his soup, only for Wednesday to swoop in with the eagerness of a predatory bird earnest to pierce its talons into its prey.
“-To get away from you,” she evenly said, “And your newfound need to do what is no less than charity work for a boy.”
Y/N squinted at her sister, a rather nasty look caught in the flicker of candlelight at the table. But, at the shock of her parents and even herself, she settled against the back of her chair. This spar with Wednesday, she decided, was below her.
Later that night, beneath the velvet cloak of night as she prepared to return to Nevermore, her mother forwent her typical, succinct farewell:
“Wednesday will always frown and bristle at whoever comes between you two. You’re kindred spirits forevermore,” she smoothly spoke, her honeyed tone weaving together with the idle of the vehicle beside them.
Her hand dubiously hovered at the upper curve of Y/N’s arm, noting her daughters’ eyes flickering down at it with the respect she’d give an insect on her boot’s bottom. Physical touch was one of the few tortures she turned her lip at.
The hand returned to a loose clasp against the black fabric of her mother’s dress. A smile on the boundaries of saccharine tilted onto her lips beneath the buttermilk rays of the moon,
“But it does seem that you have found another.”
And, as time ticked on, the kindredness that had threaded their souls with a string tinged both dark and bright, swayed with something else. It thrummed like a pulse, as methodical and deliberate as a clockwork heart might. It was something she dreaded.
She first sensed its unwelcome infiltration on one of Nevermore’s frequent trips to Jericho.
Her midnight-tinted Mary Jane’s squeaked unceremoniously against the tiled floor of the Weathervane Cafe, her damp footfalls coalescing with the remnants of other shoe prints on the multicolored tile. The familiar chill of rainfall soaked against skin found a welcomed home beneath the blazer of her uniform.
The cafe was the agreed-upon rendezvous for Ajax and her whenever they ventured into the small town. The chaperoning teachers were outside amidst the drizzle and grey hues of the afternoon, bustling begrudging students into the starkly colored buses on the curb. And, puppeted by instinct, Y/N found herself among the smell of burnt coffee beans and obscenely sweet baked goods, eyes picking apart the occupants in search for Ajax.
With ease, she did find him.
Far to her left, tucked in a booth that was snug into the corner of the window sill. The subdued overhead lighting lingered over the boyish grin that greeted its beam, one that cast enough glow to illuminate the fatigued frays of his beanie. The crooked smile on his face seldom faltered as he spoke to whom she assumed was one of his friends.
Chin poised despite the ragged dampness of her hair and rumple of her uniform, she traipsed towards the booth. Her shoes unceremoniously whined with wet squeaks, a few patrons glancing at her as if she were a storm cloud that had drifted into the cafe.
The sidelong glimpses were more nuisance than cause for upset. A particularly gawky little boy found himself at the receipt of a stare from her that was an expansion of a cold emptiness. Fleeting, surely, but he was prompt to shrink back into the booth, fiddling nervously with the rim of his plate.
The cascade of squeaks from her shoes halted a few paces later as she settled at the booth Ajax sat in. A slight tilt of her head later and she found that the other occupant of the booth wasn’t a friend.
It was a girl.
The absence of the striped Nevermore uniform dictated her Normie status. Her appearance was gentle femininity. Hair sat in neat, manicured waves that flirted with the peaks of her shoulders. Shoulders drawn poised in a perfect symphony with the smile on her pink-hued, glossed lips. Everything wrapped into a refined, irritating bow with the cherry red raincoat that tailored her frame flawlessly.
And Ajax, ever the predictable teenage, hormone-stoked boy, was relishing her every word and gesture like a puppy eager to please.
A flare of something dangerously akin to jealousy flickered into a distant corner of Y/N’s heart.
This was how it always worked between them; always existed in separate orbits that spun around the other, never colliding but brushing in sparks of celestial dust as they skirted around whatever soulful string had drawn them tautly together.
Shame coiled unwittingly beneath the warmth of her fluster. She wanted to flick it away like one would a pestering bug, particularly when it mused on a truth she buried to the depth of the dead themselves. A truth that she would never be the girl that sat across from him now. A truth that she had mastered solitude to essentially seal a fate of loneliness.
Surely, she’d favor a nailgun repeatedly to the head over ever adorning anything that would make her resemble a conflated carnation. It was more so a selfish desire that Ajax would share her chagrin.
Yet, her periphery caught her sodden, miserable state in the reflection of the window. Typically, she’d find serenity amidst the disconsolate tinge to her existence. And as Ajax finally acknowledged her presence that haunted the edge of the booth, the somberness that felt like home… itched ever so slightly with discomfort.
The afternoon at the cafe had shrunk and shriveled into a lame wisp that nestled itself in the wall of her chest. It would ache intermittently, just to let her know it lingered despite her distaste. The nausea-tainted pang made her wonder just how and why her parents resigned themselves to an existence obscenely infused by it.
She pushed it down into the cavity it claimed residence within, fortifying her resistance to it with a silken thread of purposeful selection of words and behavior towards Ajax. When he’d slide alongside her at lunch, she’d swiftly shift to the opposite side of the bench. When he tossed the idea of studying in the library, she mused that she favored her scholarly endeavors to be reclusive.
Despite it all, he was relentless.
“You aren’t afraid of missing out?” he remarked one afternoon with a light click of his tongue, eyes squinting up at her from where he sprawled beneath the oak tree’s shadow.
“I’m afraid of being included,” she simply replied, the air of her words forced with a stoic nature as the wisp of heat flitted at the base of her neck at the intent of his eyes on her.
“But you keep me around,” he noted slyly, chin tilted against his shoulder as he considered her now teasingly.
Her gaze begrudgingly tipped down to meet the awaiting, earth-hugged brown of his eyes. The ache in her chest flared in its cage.
“Contrary to popular belief,” she drew her tone indifferent as to not portray that the ache existed, “I’m not one to kick away a stray puppy.”
He hummed, leaning back onto the rustic twists of the tree’s roots, adjusting his beanie slightly out of habit, “I’m honored.”
A barely perceptible smile hued her frowned lips.
That afternoon — the eye contact, the smile — solidified all the reasons as to why she had to stifle that ache with a manicness that bordered on desperation.
So, she had tied herself to a buoy that floated just enough above whatever was stirring beneath the tides of their friendship. Because anything else would be calculating against her better judgment.
Her judgment — shrewd and penetrating — stuttered with a pair of rare faults come the new school year.
First, the unanticipated advent of Wednesday to the student body of Nevermore. A rather admirable mishap with piranhas and a pool riddled with egomaniac teenage boys had finally landed her amidst Y/N’s coveted separation from her family.
Second, the bloomed presence of Enid Sinclair. An incarnation of polychromatic with a honeyed smile that gleamed against her pallid complexion.
The girl had flurried at the boundaries of Ajax’s proximity since the first day of classes. Y/N had mellowed her startlement beneath a stony expression when the girl had come bounding to their table before botany class. The simper on her face made Y/N’s cheeks dimly ache.
“How was your summer?” Enid asked, tone edged subtly with a nervous quiver that betrayed the confident beam it spoke from. The blue-hue of her eyes flitted briefly to Y/N, who peered back with a gaze framed by thick eyelashes and assessment.
Ajax, who was fiddling about with the corner of her notebook while brooding about his dislike of botany, craned his chin towards Enid from where it rested in his palm’s crook. A beat of silence thrummed between the unexpected trio, Y/N noting how Ajax’s sable eyes fleetingly cast back towards her, their glint that caught in the classroom’s lights unreadable. Her brow slightly tipped into a contemplative wrinkle as he turned away from her towards Enid.
With the twist of his torso, his knee — which had unknowingly gravitated in close proximity to her leg — knocked gently against her. The satin fabric of his pants swept across the bare skin just at the hem of her skirt. It was so fleeting that her instinct to sequester from the invasion of touch had no bearing whatsoever.
A bristle of warmth quickly found itself an alien against the natural coolness of her skin. Something — the dreaded ache — fluttered in an unwanted coalescence in a body and subconscious that rued any semblance of lovesick behavior that was commonplace in her peers.
An ever so subtle ember of irritation at herself kindled in her nerves as she curled her fingers on the spiraled edge of her notebook.
“It was whatever,” Ajax shrugged.
If his leg wasn’t abound in a nervous bounce, Y/N may have thought his response was expressed more in disinterest rather than a lackluster attempt at bravado.
“Get enough overbearing, cheek-pinching relatives and Nevermore’s gloomy halls quickly seem like paradise,” he remarked a moment later, dipping shamelessly into the keen audience he had.
Her responding giggle was all gold. It cast a sheen over the shadow Y/N mulled in and watched from as the corner of Ajax’s mouth quirked almost dazingly. A knot pulled taut with troubled intuition fastened itself in the pit of her stomach.
The infamous Addams family intuition that furled in her insides that day hadn’t been a misplaced pang. From that cursory exchange of summer vacations and shameless eyelash flutters and smirks, arose not so clandestine whispers against the bricks of the school and sickly kisses. And, somewhere in the midst of the nausea-evoking flurry that is teenage love, Y/N found herself cast aside with no more respect than one may afford a hapless ragdoll.
It had first started with Ajax no longer carelessly coasting his way onto the opposite side of the bench at lunch, rambling and grinning at her like one might smile at the moon. Rather, he settled himself alongside Enid on the opposing side of the courtyard, dampened in his loquacious inclinations. Now, her perpetual companion in misery, Wednesday, occupied his previous spot.
Then, in botany class, while they did remain lab partners by force of the teacher, Y/N couldn’t poke nor prod more than scant, impatient responses from him, whether it be about assignments or the looming state of their promptly fracturing friendship. His behavior in-class translated effortlessly into the school corridors, its forested grounds, and even into the trips to Jericho.
And she allowed him to retreat.
She didn’t chase like some despairing dog after it had been forsaken by its owner. The notion of stooping to such a forlorn behavior curled her lip.
But, beneath the revolt and preference for release over pursuit, was some lonesome ache in her threadbare conscious. Much to her chagrin, there was a floret of affection for the boy that was steadfast against the barren ground of her soul that surrounded it.
It was incredulous — revolting — to lay out a breathing person as having so much control over the feelings and emotions that she buried with the skill of a gravedigger.
The feelings and emotions that crawled like an unsummoned ghoul amidst her now as she watched Ajax and Enid during lunch. Enid, with vivid hair pinned partially back from her face and makeup brushed delicately against her lacy complexion, bent behind him as to lean her chin to his shoulder. He was speaking, voice obscure amongst the din of numerous other student conversations, yet his boisterous expression and gestures offset the imperceptibility of his words.
It was evident to the gruesome wound in Y/N’s confidence that he was mesmerized. Besotted by a girl that was everything she wasn’t.
“As much as I revel in the malaise of another,” Wednesday murmured from across her, a copy of The Mysteries of Udolpho partially eclipsing her face, “I will say that yours is not worthy of its audience.”
Y/N cast her eyes gradually away from the couple and to her sister, bearing a faint yet forced smirk, “I would venture to place your statement as one of concern.”
“Yes….concern for the state of my digested food,” Wednesday intoned, dark eyes briefly forgoing the next sentence on the page to level with Y/N’s, “Summer is next week -- best to start to forget him as he has you.”
Calculated retaliation had been a lifelong pastime for Y/N, one she had reveled in as a younger girl keen to exact it on an unexpecting Pugsley.
Yet, as she now glimpsed back to the pair across the quad, she wasn’t sure if she could do it to the boy who had once seen her as more than a portrait of gloom and unconventionality.
Fix You Fix me (Bill Skarsgård! Eric Draven x Female Reader) (Au)
Read Chapter 22 here /Series Masterlist
Chapter 23
Summary : Eric tries to win you back.
Warning: 18+, smut, Fat shaming, terminal illness, body shaming, manipulation, domestic violence, child abuse, cheating, reader has a spine, emotional abuse, reader's weight will be mentioned because the fic demands it
Note : This is not the last chapter and if you haven't heard this song by Mariah Carey please do.. I used it in the chapter and it's so beautiful and it's so them
You stood in front of the dining table, you couldn't decide what to eat, you didn't have much of an appetite these days, maybe that was a problem you were developing but you didn't want to think about it. You looked at Patricia and she seemed happy, there were several people at the party you didn't even know, some from the building complex, some from her old job she used to have, she wanted to have everyone there as if she was celebrating her- no you didn't want to think about it. Not at all and you didn't want to think about what her absence would do to Eric.
At least Miranda wasn't here. Yet.
“You should try the baked ziti”
Eric's voice came from just behind you, low and calm, gesturing toward the dish in the middle of the table. “Its her recipe..I used to beg her to make it for me every weekend”
You blinked as he continued to speak. Was he talking to you? It took a second too long for your brain to register his presence, for your body to catch up to the sudden flood of emotions crashing inside you. Anger. Confusion. Longing. And something colder beneath it all..self-preservation maybe.
You didn’t turn to him right away, didn’t trust yourself to meet his eyes. Not when he had spent the last four months treating you like you were something to be scraped off the bottom of his shoe.
“You’re talking to me now?” you asked, bitterness was evident in your tone, you couldn't help it.
He didn't even flinch as you said that, he was expecting it, he was expecting something far worse to be fair, like a sharp slap on the cheek that he absolutely deserved..
“i just think you should eat something, I haven't seen you eating since you got here” he mumbled as he leaned against the table, you kept your eyes on the table, not wanting to look at his gorgeous face, even the bags under his eyes didn't make him look any less devastating.
You forced a breath through your nose, blinking hard at the food in front of you to avoid feeling overwhelmed by the timber of his voice. Don’t do this. Don’t let him see you crack.
“I’m fine,” you said nonchalantly “Not hungry”
Eric didn’t move for a long moment. You could feel him watching you, and it made your skin crawl with heat and discomfort. Not because he disgusted you, God, no, you wished he did, like Jake began to disgust you after he hurt you but Eric? He never did, your body still reacted to him like it didn’t get the memo. Like it hadn’t been broken by him.
“You’re not fine” he said finally, so softly it almost didn’t register. “You’ve lost a lot of weight a lot quickly and it doesn't seem healthy”
That concern in his voice finally made your head snap toward him. He was still leaning against the table, arms crossed now, looking at the floor like it might swallow him up. There was no malice in his voice, no arrogance, just quiet concern.
You hated him for using it now. Hated him for pretending to care when he didn't think twice before dumping you like garbage.
“No, that's a good thing.. asshole, I'm no longer fat..that bothers you? Why? Is it because you didn't get to take the credit for it?”
And you snapped. Wrong place, wrong time. But it had been simmering inside you for months. He turned his head as he heard your voice, he had never heard you speak like that to anyone, and he definitely never wanted to be the one you'd speak to in that manner but he also knew that he had it coming, he deserved it.
“That's not what I meant..you know that”
“Actually I don't know that Eric, guess what i don't, i thought I knew you, i thought I knew how you felt but I didn't so basically I don't know anything you see”
Eric opened his mouth like he wanted to argue, but then he stopped.
He looked at you like he had the words, but none of them would do you any good now. He was only going to upset you more and that's the last thing he wanted, especially at Patricia's birthday party.
But his silence made you even angrier. Because he always used to have the words. He always knew what to say to calm you down, to make you feel safe, held, seen.
But now? Now he just stood there, watching you crumble. Eric didn't answer you, he let you be and walked away to speak with Patricia.
“Didn't go well?” She asked as she took his hand in hers so he shook his head.
“Well she just called me an asshole so no..i don't think so” he scratched the back of his neck in nervousness. Patricia's brows furrowed but then she shrugged
“Well ..I guess that's fair”
The party had thinned out slowly, people leaving with polite hugs and praying for her good health. Empty wine glasses littered the coffee table, and the last bits of cake sat abandoned on paper plates.
You had retreated to the corner of the living room, arms wrapped loosely around yourself. You’d managed to avoid Eric since that outburst, your heart still thudding unsteadily in your chest. Part of you wanted to leave. The other kept your feet rooted to the floor.
Patricia was sitting in the recliner, wrapped in a shawl, a sleepy but satisfied smile on her face. And then she wheeled towards the old record player in the corner.
“Play something slow and Romatic” she said to herself, her voice soft but steady. “Something beautiful.”
Moments later, the soft piano chords of “Love Takes Time” by Mariah Carey filled the room like a sigh. You froze as the first line floated into the air.
I had it all, but I let it slip away…
Couldn't see I treated you wrong…
Your chest tightened. You could almost feel the air shift as Eric approached you.
He didn’t say anything. He just looked at you, really looked at you, and then extended his hand forward for you. What was he doing? Why?
You hesitated. Everything in you screamed that this was dangerous. But your heart? It had always been a traitor when it came to him.
So as opposed to your better judgement you slipped your hand into his.
He pulled you gently toward him, his other hand resting lightly on your waist as you moved slowly, swaying in a rhythm that felt both familiar and unbearably foreign. You hadn’t touched him in four months, and now you were flush against his chest, his warmth surrounding you like it had never left.
Now I wander around, feeling down and cold
Trying to believe that you're gone
His hand on your waist tightened just a little, like he was trying to ground himself.
Your throat was closing up, your eyes stinging. You let yourself rest your cheek against his chest for a heartbeat, just one, and you felt it—his heart. Still beating wildly. Just like yours.
Love takes time
To heal when you're hurting so much
Couldn't see that I was blind
To let you go
I can't escape the pain inside
The words filled the space around you like they were meant for the two of you. Eric’s palm slowly slid up your back.
You might say that it's over
You might say that you don't care
You might say you don't miss me
You don't need me
His fingers brushing your spine, as the song picked up its pace, so did he, he twirled you around with such passion when you came back to him, your body pressed right against him.
But I know that you do
And I feel that you do, inside
Eric’s grip shifted, suddenly more confident, and in one smooth movement, he spun you gently in a slow circle beneath the soft, dim lighting of Patricia’s living room. The hem of your dress lifted slightly as he lifted you up and twirled you around, and you gasped, despite the anger you felt, a soft, breathless laugh caught in your throat as he put you down on the floor.
Love takes time
To heal when you're hurting so much
Couldn't see that I was so blind
To let you go
He smiled, a sad sort of smile, the kind that knew exactly how badly he had fucked this up. How could he do this to you? He took away your smile, your happiness in the blink of a moment.
I can't escape the pain inside
'Cause love takes time
And I don't wanna be here
I don't wanna be here, alone
As the song finished your eyes welled up, because you knew your moment had ended with it too. Now you had to go back home all alone, whatever parts of your heart you had mended in the past 4 months was broken again, being close to him again made you realise that you'd never get to have this again.
You stepped away from him slowly, Chance, Stella, Patricia,they all had eyes on you but you couldn't be there anymore. You ran towards Patricia and gave her a big hug.
“I'll come tomorrow -”
“Y/n”
“I promise i will” you quickly reached for your bag before you ran out of the apartment.
The second the door shut behind you, Eric muttered a quick apology to Patricia and barely heard her soft, knowing, “Go” before he was already out the door.
The hallway was dimly lit and too quiet, the echo of your heels clunked like thunder in his ears. You were already at the door of the building,
“Wait—” he said, breathless as he caught up with you.
You didn’t turn. You couldn’t. If you saw his face right now, it would break you completely.
“Please” he said again, closer now. “Wait”
Then suddenly his arms wrapped around your waist.
You crossed your arms over your chest, trying to breathe through the tightness.
“I shouldn’t have danced with you,” you said finally, your voice low “That was a mistake and since when you're a top choreographer from dancing with the stars?” you said, though your tone was unamused.
“It wasn’t.” His reply was immediate, firm “It wasn’t a mistake”
You turned to him then, angry tears burning your eyes.
How dare he?
“Of course it was, Eric. It felt real and it’s not. We’re not real anymore, in fact we are nothing. You made sure of that.” you tried to turn and leave but he grabbed your arms.
“I know i have done something unforgivable y/n-”
“No... no. No..You don’t get to say that now.” You stared at him, swallowing the lump in your throat. “After months, you don't get to walk back into my life just because you want to ..that's what you said that day right? That You didn't want me anymore? Do you remember that?”
“I remember every word, every cruel thing I said to you that day. I remember it all, I'd never forget it” he mumbled so you let out a bitter chuckle and stepped away from him, your body hitting the main door of the building.
“Then what exactly has changed here Eric? Is it because I'm skinny now or something? Perhaps I look prettier? Maybe you want to fuck me…let's fuck..we don't need to pretend to be in love for that”
Eric looked at you as if you had slapped him in the face and that's exactly what it was, his Mama was right, there were plenty of other ways he could hurt someone badly and he understood it now. He grabbed you by the shoulders, trying to calm your trembling nerves, he hated himself in that moment, more than he usually did anyways..
“It was never pretense, I love you” he spoke between his tears, his hold on your shoulders was strong and desperate as if he was afraid you'd vanish if he was to let go, and maybe you already had, the part of you that loved him, that trusted him, maybe that was gone forever.
“You love me? No You destroyed me. Do you know what that feels like?” your lips trembled as you spoke but you continued “Being on top of the world, being made to feel like the luckiest most blessed woman on earth and then being thrown out like a broken toy you didn't want to play with anymore? Do you have any idea what that feels like? To feel so disposable? To know that I meant absolutely nothing to you, that you could just cut me out of your heart like a disease and never look back..you know what that did to me?”
Tears didn't stop as you said everything you had wanted to say to him since that day.
“Tell me how could I ever believe in anything when I know that I can be abandoned any given moment. That no matter how happy I am right now, the man i love the most in the world could just leave me all alone in the dark out of nowhere, telling me that he was done holding my hand because he didn't want to anymore”
Eric was stunned, he didn't even know what to say to you anymore, his words became meaningless the moment he broke your heart with no fault of your own. Whatever promises he had made you became void that day, whatever he'll say to you now won't mean much either because words are just that. Words. He could talk all he wants but at the end of the day he knew he'd never be able to make you believe in him again.
But that didn't mean he wasn't going to die trying.
There was someone outside the door trying to get in so you stepped aside. It was Miranda. Of course it was.
“Uhh Eric I'm so sorry I'm late i got busy” She said awkwardly, she knew she had gotten between a heated conversation, she then walked past you both and walked towards Patricia's door.
“Have fun with your new girlfriend” you said to him as you stepped out of the building but he followed you. Again.
“Hey hey…hey ..let me drop you home.. please..it's late please y/n”
“I am capable of calling a cab”
Eric stepped in front of you, blocking your path with desperation. His chest rose and fell too fast, his eyes searched your face, like he was trying to memorize it in case this was the last time you’d let him close enough to see.
“I know you are. You are strong and capable of everything, but just please..let me do this”
His voice was soft and gentle, pleading and as much as you wanted to keep berating him you knew he was going through something no child of a loving parent should ever have to go through so you nodded and allowed him to take you home.
“She's not my girlfriend.. she helps Mama with physical therapy, that's all, i haven't been with anyone else”
Your heart skipped a beat as he said that. That shouldn't have made you feel as relieved as it did, you didn't want to care.
As your building arrived he waited for a moment before he turned off the engine.
“Thanks.. goodnight” you mumbled as you quickly took your seatbelt off to step out. Eric did the same, he stepped out and watched you head towards the stoop, and much to his surprise you turned around to look at him. You kept staring at him so he approached you..
“I left my purse in the car” you said to him so he looked behind once but then he continued to approach you. For a moment you thought he was going to kiss you but then you knew he'd never do something like that if he felt you didn't want the same.
“Why did you do it? Why did you ruin us?” You asked him, you really wanted to know this time. That's what you had been asking yourself, coming up with different answers everytime you did.
“I yelled at you” he mumbled as he cupped your cheeks between his palms, your face almost disappearing in his hold.
“That night, you wanted to come with me, be there for me and what did I do? I got angry and i yelled at you, i took my anger out on you”
You looked at him, he was being sincere you could tell, you always knew there was something missing when he broke up with you and used her cancer as a reason for it.
“So? You yelled once? What about it?” you crossed your arms, not really understanding where he was going with this.
“This..this.. exactly this..i saw it in your eyes, i raised my voice and you flinched but you thought it was okay of me to do that, right? You'd have let it slide like she did all her life, so I'd yell again someday and then again, and then again and you'd let me off the hook every time , you'd have forgiven me because you loved me, you'd justify my anger, you'd try to see past it and forgive over and over again until I'd have rendered you unable to walk someday”
Your blood ran cold as he finished speaking.
You stared at him, stunned into silence by the words that had just left his mouth, by the weight of them. His voice had gone quiet as if he was ashamed of how clearly he could see the monster in himself.
“Eric…” you whispered, but no other words came.
He shook his head, a bitter smile tugging at the corner of his mouth
“I saw it that night. The way you looked at me. Like you were already forgiving me. And all I could hear was her voice in my head, the way she used to say that ‘He didn’t mean it. He’s just stressed. He’s hurting, that’s all.’ And every time she said it, it cost her something. A piece of her gone forever, chipped away more and more because she chose to stay and forgive”
You covered your mouth with your hand as you processed his words. Is that why he broke up with you?
“That’s not who you are” you said, your voice breaking.
“I wasn’t” he said. “But I could be. I felt it. It was like a switch. And I knew that I would rather lose you forever than ever, ever become that man”
Your tears came quickly then, blurring your vision, spilling down your cheeks.
“So you broke my heart to save me from a version of you that doesn't even exist?”
“Yes,” he said, without hesitation.
“I did, it was a mistake, I thought I was doing you a favor, but I only ruined you and i don't know how to live with that y/n…i don't know what I'm going to do when she dies, and I don't know how to keep him at bay, I don't know how to control him”
He broke down in tears so you grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him in for a hug, your own pain was forgotten for a moment, you wished he had said this to you that day, you wished he'd have done this instead of what he did. You wished he had given you a chance to make him realise that he could never become the monster he was so afraid of being.
“You're not his son Eric”
His arms were wrapped tightly around you, he didn't think he'd ever get to hold you like this, he knew he wasn't worthy of your forgiveness just yet but he wanted to be honest because his Mama was right, even if he loses you forever he didn't want to let you go without trying.
“That's the thing though” he let out a bitter laugh so you pulled away to look at him “I am his son y/n. I was taken in by Mama but I was his son, product of an extramarital affair he had with my biological mother”
Your breath caught in your throat at the revelation. It made sense now, the fear he had.
Eric’s arms stayed around you, like he needed to finish the confession before you pulled away. His voice was hoarse, trembling, and heavy with years of truth he’d never spoken aloud.
“The night Mama found out about his affair, she went to confront her, my mother, that's where she saw me, crying as I clutched onto my mother's dead body. She had overdosed” you opened your mouth to say something but nothing came out. Your heart broke for that child.
“The moment I saw her, Patricia, I ran to her and hugged her legs so tightly because I was so scared. And She fought for me, you know? I was the living breathing face of her husband's betrayal and yet she convinced him to take me in, to adopt me, I was seven, and then she loved so much that I don't even remember my own mother's face anymore but what I do remember is my father reminding me all my life that I was the result of his mistake”
He looked down at the ground like it might crack open and swallow him, your grip tightened around him.
“And when I yelled at you that night... and you flinched, and you tried to love me through it anyway.. it was like something had snapped inside me. I saw her..Patricia..I saw her in you”
You blinked fast, your heart aching as the image filled your mind.
“And I thought, ‘This is how it starts.’ One raised voice. One scared look. One woman trying to love me so much she forgets herself in the process. I couldn’t let that happen to you. I wouldn't” he placed his forehead down on yours before his lips pressed over your skin, lingering for several moments.
“So your solution was to break me anyways?” You asked him so he nodded.
“I hate myself for that, trust me I do”
You pulled away from him as he said that.
“You're not your father Eric, biological or not, you're not him. You could never be, he made his wife suffer all her life and he relished in it, you cut me out of your life because you raised your voice a pitch higher than normal, so no you're not him” Eric looked at you then like he didn’t deserve to hear those words. Not from you, not after what he had done.
“You think Patricia took you in because she saw your father in you?” you asked softly. “She took you in because she saw the opposite of him. She saw what could be saved. She saw a boy that was worth loving”
His lips parted, but no sound came out. His eyes shimmered in the low light. He looked like a boy in a man’s body, lost and trying to be brave.
“And yeah,” you went on, swallowing around the burn in your throat. “You hurt me. Badly. You broke me. But I still see that boy she raised. Even now, I still see you..you have a gentle, loving, kind, heart Eric and you can't hurt anyone the way he did, let alone me”
You placed a hand on his chest, where his heart was hammering violently beneath your touch.
“You’ve got the same blood, maybe. But that’s not who you are, Eric. You get to choose. And you already made a choice that night, in your twisted, fucked up sense you chose not to become him when you let me go..so please forgive yourself for the blood you share with him because that's the only thing you have in common with him”
He broke down in tears so you wrapped your arms around him, his legs felt weak and shaky as he couldn't even stand anymore.
Once his tears finally came to a halt you pulled yourself away from him.
“I need some time Eric..i can't forgive you just yet”
He nodded as you said that. He wasn't even expecting you to stand here and listen to his sob story so you were already giving him more than he deserved.
“I know I just wanted to tell you everything because I needed you to know it wasn't you, it was never you, it was all me..and I'll do whatever it takes for you to forgive me”
You nodded as he said that. His words still stung from that day, you could still hear them in your head but he had just bared his soul open in front of you and you couldn't deny that you still loved him and you needed him. His heart was hammering in his chest, he wanted to spend time with you and grovel at your feet if you'd let him but he knew you needed your space.
You approached his car to take your purse so he quickly walked over and opened the door to take it out.
Much to his pleasure you sat inside instead. He was confused for a moment so you stared at him
“Are you going to stand there or take me back to her birthday party, I don't want to miss it okay?” You said as you put the seatbelt on so he smiled and closed the passenger door.
Even though you had opened one for him, you had opened the door he had slammed shut on your face so cruelly, you were willing to let him earn his forgiveness and that was more than enough for him.
Fix You Fix me (Bill Skarsgård! Eric Draven x Female Reader) (Au)
Read Chapter 17here / Series Masterlist
Chapter 18
Summary : We don't always get what we want but sometimes life gives us what we need.
Warning: 18+, smut, Fat shaming, body shaming, manipulation, domestic violence, child abuse, cheating, reader has a spine, emotional abuse, reader's weight will be mentioned because the fic demands it
The moment you landed on the airport your phone went crazy with notifications but you didn't want to look, not like that, you wanted to go hear it from him whether he won the title or not.
As you got in the cab your fingers itched to unlock the phone and scroll through the messages or instagram even, you knew the official page must have updated, the thoughts kept bothering you, what if he lost ? What if he was hurt? What if he was sad and you weren't there for him as you should have?
As the cab finally stopped at the gym, you took a deep breath, paid the driver and stepped out. The sign said closed but the lights were on inside, you could hear the sound of the music playing inside.
A part of you hesitated before you pushed on the glass door only to find it locked.
“Fuck” you cursed under your breath, peeking in constantly, hoping you'd see either Chance or Shelly.
When minutes passed you finally took your phone out and went straight to the phone log to call Chance, after a few rings he picked up.
“Hey girl are you alright?” His voice was hushed as he spoke.
“Yeah..are you guys in there.. at the gym I mean?” you asked him so was quiet for a moment as if he was processing what you meant.
“Yeah ..we are -”
“Don't say anything about the competition..just come to the door”
You mumbled sharply before you heard him excuse himself.
“Who's that?” Shelly’s voice rang in the background. A minute later you saw Chance entering from the gym area, you could tell he was surprised to see you.
As he unlocked the door you entered quickly and placed the bag behind the desk..
“What are you ..how's your dad?” He asked, still processing how come you were there.
“He's fine..is Eric in there?” You asked him hurriedly so he placed his hands on his waist.
“Yeah he is..”
You took a deep breath as he said that, then you just stood there in your spot, not moving at all, staring right through him.
“Who else is in there?” you questioned
“The usual..Oh but also Miranda -” you crossed your arms as he said that.
“Who's Miranda?”
“You asked me to not say anything about the competition” you let out a tch sound as he said that.
“Just nothing about winning or losing..who's Miranda?”
Chance scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, eyes darting toward the gym door like he was debating how much to say.
“She’s, uh…” he started, then sighed. “She’s a physiotherapist. Eric’s leg cramped real bad backstage, like full on locked up right before his turn, she was with another competitor. Looked like it was over for him because he couldn't even move, but Miranda rushed up and did something with his hamstring. It worked like magic..he was so grateful he almost cried” he chuckled as he finished but your heart felt that familiar ache you wanted to ignore.
Some other woman swept in when he needed someone, not as if you could have done anything to help him in that situation.
“He was in pain?”
Chance nodded slowly. “Yeah. Real pain. But he didn't want anyone to freak out. He just had gone without water for too long. After Miranda helped, she didn’t leave his side until after the results so in good faith we just invited her to be here with us–.” he hesitated because you didn't want to hear the results.
Your eyes flicked to the glass door, where the sounds of laughter and celebration echoed faintly from the inside.
“So... they’re close now?” you asked, voice barely above a whisper.
Chance gave you a look as if you had said something ridiculous.
“Don’t go there. She helped him today, sure. But that's it.. are you okay? He has been tweaking since none of us could get in touch with you for hours.” he asked you, voice filled with concern so you nodded.
You swallowed hard and offered a tight smile.
“Yeah. I’m okay. Just tired”
Chance didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t press.
“He’s in his room, Said he needed a breather”
You nodded as he said that, It was ridiculous, you’d traveled all this way, you’d built up this moment in your head, and now you were standing here frozen like a scared kid.
The moment you stepped inside, Patricia saw you, she had a huge smile on her face so you walked towards her and bent down to hug her.
“Oh my god sweetheart we were looking forward to hearing from you..what are you..uhh how are you here already?” You pulled away from her and smiled as she said that.
“I just am.. and I'm glad to be here” you mumbled softly as you straightened up, Shelly then hugged you from behind, Stella gave you a smile and a nod.
“God we missed you so much today”
“Me too” your eyes teared up as you held onto her arms, your eyes then met with the stranger in the room.
Miranda, you couldn't help it, the first thing you noticed was how pretty she was and how fit she looked.
“Hey” you mumbled politely and she responded in the same tone.
“I'll go see Eric”
Everybody responded with a nod as you said that. The moment you stood outside of his room your heartbeat started thumping like crazy.
Taking a deep breath you finally knocked.
“Get in…it's open” you heard his voice, a small smile escaped your lips as you twisted the knob and opened the door just a little. Your phone was buzzing in the pocket of your jeans, it was on vibration but you had a feeling who was calling you.
“She's not picking up..I don't know what's going on, she is not responding to any of the messages either..maybe something happened with her dad, I think i should just go there” he said without even looking at the door, his eyes were glued to his phone, he was shirtless, his hair damp from the shower.
You entered quietly before you spoke.
“I didn't mean to make you worry-” his head snapped up faster than you could blink as he heard your voice.
His eyes were teary as he looked at you, as if not believing that you were actually there.
You closed the door behind you as he got up and walked towards you, he didn't say a word, not a thing, his hands suddenly wrapped around your waist as he leaned down to kiss you.
As your arms wrapped around his neck he lifted you up from the floor, legs encasing around his waist as he pressed you against the door, his mouth never left yours even though both of you needed to breathe .
You had been kissed before, plenty of times, some more passionate than others, but this right here was the most romantic one you had ever had, the kind you felt deep within your soul, from your skin to the bones it saturated you.
Eric then pulled back just enough to look into your eyes, still holding your face like you were the most precious thing he had ever touched. His thumb traced your cheekbones and then the lips, fingertips rubbing over the swollen flesh.
“Did you win?” you asked as you cupped his cheeks. He gulped as he didn't want you to feel saddened or disappointed.
“I did not”
Your heart stopped for a moment as he said that, eyes welled up for him, he had worked so hard for this, he deserved to win. How could he not win?
“I'm so sorry baby”
“It's okay..you don't always get everything you want.. and sometimes you have to wait years to have what you desire..I got something i wanted for years..I don't need anything else” your arms wrapped around his neck as you pulled him in for a hug.
“But the money?”
“I'll make it..the competition put me out there, being the first 1st runner up ain't so bad..lots of brands reached out and they want to work with me so there is that” he mumbled softly as he placed his head down on your shoulder.
“Okay..are you okay.. please tell me you're okay”
“I am now..i wasn't okay before but I am now” he kissed your neck after he was done speaking, you let out a slight moan as his touch sent shivers down your spine.
“I'm sorry i wasn't there baby”
“Shhhh what are you doing here? How come you're here? How's your dad?”
“We can talk about it later okay? Right now I just want to celebrate you with your family.. I'm so proud of you”
His brows furrowed slightly but he didn't argue, he then put you down slowly.
“Let me put on a shirt” he mumbled as he stepped away from you so you nodded, “I still can't believe you are here.. feels surreal”
“Me neither”
As you both stepped out finally, Chance put on some music.
“Uhh i almost forgot..just a minute” Eric ran back to his room, you and Patricia exchanged a look, wondering what he was upto.
He returned with a bottle of wine, the one you had brought with you that day when you went to Patricia's for the first time.
“Even though i didn't win i couldn't have been any happier as I am right now and I'm so glad i have you guys in my life” you couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face as he popped the cork with after some awkwardness, the soft pop followed by cheers from the room.
Glasses were passed around. Chance turned the music up just a notch, something upbeat and celebratory, and everyone gathered in a loose circle,even Patricia was moving her arms around. She seemed so happy.
Eric had his arms around you, once in a while he leaned down to kiss your cheeks.
“We are going to talk about what happened, okay?” He whispered in your ear so you turned your head to look at him.
“Just not tonight.. tonight is about you”
“If you say so..want to come home with me tonight?” You gulped at the sound of his voice.
“Mmmhm? Your place?”
“You promised me a dessert” you bit on your lip as he said that.
“Mmmhm i did huh?”
Before he could respond Shelly pulled you in for a dance, you didn't want Miranda to feel awkward so you pulled her along with you.
Eric sat down in front of Patricia's wheelchair, she bent down to kiss the crown of his head as her arms wrapped around him.
He smiled before his eyes hooked on you again.
“Is she alright?” She asked him so he sighed.
“I don't know..she is not talking about it..I'll ask..don't worry beautiful” he said as he turned around to place a soft kiss on her thigh before his attention diverted again, he watched you with a smile on his face.
Now he knew what you meant when you said you wanted to be a dancer, those hips of yours weren't lying. He had never seen you like this so he was pleasantly surprised. For dinner you remembered Eric wanted Pizza so that's what you ordered for everyone. For once you were excited to watch him eat something other than boiled chicken.
Once everyone was tired and ready to go home, Chance took Shelly home, then Eric took Patricia and Stella. You were alone in the gym with Miranda. She wanted to call a cab but Eric wanted to drop her home since it was really late.
“Hey..thanks for helping him today” you mumbled politely as you sat down on one of the benches so she looked up from her phone.
“Not a problem..was just doing my job” You nodded as she said that. “He's pretty wound up and intense huh?” She said to you, you wanted to raise your brows but then you kind of got her point. You still remembered how he was with you the first day you came in here for the membership.
Damn!!! Alot had changed since then.
That also made you realise that Christmas was near, and you hadn't lost as much weight as you had wanted to, thanks to the three months self pity hiatus you were on and the five extra pounds you had gained in between.
“He takes his time to open up” you responded to her so she nodded.
“I mean he was grateful after I fixed his leg, every other competitor was intimidated by him though, the winner defeated him just by two points” she chuckled which made you laugh too. Just two points? You really wished he had those points but then he didn't seem too upset about losing the competition, in fact he seemed really happy and relaxed today.
“He has that effect on people”
Miranda lived on the other side of the city but you didn't really mind the long drive with him, in fact you appreciated it. The quiet, the cold wind in your hair, it calmed you down.
“Have a good night” you said as her building arrived so she gave you both a smile.
“You too guys.. good luck with your future projects Eric..call me if you ever need me” She said to him so he nodded.
“Thank you..will do”
He waited until she was inside the building, after a few minutes had passed, he began to drive. You couldn't help but feel so proud of him, he really was an anomaly.
“Stop at mine first, i need to drop the luggage and pick up something special” you winked as you finished your words so he smiled.
“Something special huh?”
“Yup..you will like it”
His cheeks flushed as your fingers curled around his neck.
“So I'm not allowed to ask why you took two flights in a day?”
You sighed as he said that, your fingers kept running over the smooth skin of the back of his neck
“Not today mister”
“Are you okay though..it's important for me to know that”
You smiled as he said that
“I'm absolutely fine”
He didn't press any further , he knew you'd tell him when you'd want to so he wanted to be patient.
“By the way i am on birth control pills..just so you know ” you said nonchalantly, his eyes widened at the sudden steer in the conversation.
“Ohhhhh.. good to know”
You chuckled as he said that so nervously, when your building arrived you unbuckled the seat belt.
“You stay here okay? I'll be back in a flash”
“Your luggage”
“I can handle it.. I'm a big girl…literally” you smiled but he didn't appreciate the joke so you leaned in to kiss him.
“Just kidding.. be right back” he nodded as you said that. His fingers tapping against the steering wheel as he waited for you. Five minutes later you returned with a big shoulder purse.
“Okay let's go” you mumbled as you buckled up again.
He chuckled as he drove to his apartment, the ride was short and filled with comfortable silence. The moment his apartment arrived you unbuckled and leaned into him, searching his pockets.
“Keys mister” you whispered against his mouth, his breath hitched at the sudden proximity.
His eyes flicked to yours, pupils dilating just a little as your breath ghosted over his lips.
“You could’ve just asked,” he murmured, his voice lower now.
Your hand finally dipped into the front pocket of his jeans, fingers brushing the cool metal as you pulled out the keyring
“Where's the fun in that handsome?” you whispered back, brushing your nose against his, you kissed the tip of his perfect nose before pulling away and stepping out of the car.
He watched you walk away, his gaze lingering on the way your hips moved. There was a quiet confidence about you tonight, it made him want to drop down on his knees and let you do whatever you wanted to do.
He took a deep breath before he parked the car. By the time he entered his apartment, he found an item of clothing every step of the way to the bedroom. There was your jeans on the door, then your shirt on the floor of the hallway that led to the bedroom. As he entered he heard the shower running, outside the bathroom he found your underwear and bra lying carelessly on the ground.
A smile graced his features as he took a few steps back and sat down on the bed—but then something hit him.
“Shit—wait,” he mumbled to himself as he quickly stood up again. His fingers fumbled at the waistband of his jeans, unbuttoning them with more urgency. The fabric bunched at his knees, and for a brief moment, he did that clumsy little hop trying to get them off, almost losing balance.
“Cool. Real smooth,” he muttered under his breath with a half-laugh.
His shirt followed in one quick motion, flung somewhere near the foot of the bed, and now he was left in just his boxers. The room felt a little too quiet, the sound of the running shower echoing softly from the bathroom.
He sat back down on the edge of the bed, then leaned back on his palms in what he thought might look casual and confident, until his arms started to shake slightly from the anticipation, you were taking your own sweet time in there, not that he didn't enjoy it.
He shifted, sat upright again. Then crossed his legs like a school kid and then uncrossed them at the realisation. He went back further but then he sat far too back and it didn't look sexy in his head so he sat back at the edge again and sat in the first position he had tried.
He glanced toward the bathroom door again, hearing the water still running.
Then he glanced down at himself and frowned. He still had his socks on so he yanked them off “Why didn’t I take these off earlier?”
He cleared his throat as the door knob clicked, he sat up straight, trying to appear confident. “Be sexy.. women like sexy” he murmured as he flexed his shoulders, then immediately stopped flexing because it felt ridiculous. “This is not an advertisement for protein powder..relax” he murmured under his breath then he looked down at himself.
And then he felt too naked in just his boxers.
As you stepped out of the bathroom, his eyes widened. His breath caught in his throat. A sheer black robe hung off your shoulders, and underneath, delicate lace dress clung to your curves, framing your body in a way that made his mouth go dry. The steam from the shower gave you a soft glow, making your cheeks flushed, lips plump and red from the hot water. Your hair was damp, curling slightly at the edges.
“You…” he cleared his throat again, trying to sound coherent “You look…”
You raised a brow, taking slow steps toward the bed, your arms behind your back, you looked like a present he couldn't wait to unwrap.
“I look…?”
“Like something I might not survive ,” he blurted out, then immediately winced. “I mean..that’s not..I mean in a good way! A very good way.”
You smiled as he blabbered a little, that was so unlike him.
As you reached the edge of the bed, his hands instinctively moved to his thighs, fidgeting a little. He looked up at you with those wide green eyes that flickered between desire and nervous awe.
“You’re adorable,” you teased softly.
“I was going for devastatingly sexy but thanks” he muttered, cheeks flushed as he looked up.
You leaned forward, placing one knee on the bed, your fingers brushing under his chin to tilt his face up.
“You are never not devastatingly sexy” you whispered, smiling. “But honestly? I like this version better”
His breath caught again, but this time, he didn’t try to hide how nervous he was. Not as you climbed onto his lap, not as your lips brushed over his neck and certainly not when your hands settled on his chest, right where his heart was pounding like it was trying to hammer out and reach yours.
He looked up at you, like he was memorizing every inch of your face. Like he was scared this moment might disappear if he blinked too long.
You could feel the tension in him, the way his mouth stayed open, the way his eyelashes blinked rapidly, his eyes glassy as if he was high, it was not just lust. This wasn’t just sex. Not for him. Not for you either.
Your fingers slid slowly down from his chest to his stomach, watching the way his jaw clenched, how he tensed under your touch. You leaned down and kissed the corner of his mouth.. your touch soft, lingering, just enough to make him chase the rest. And he did. His lips met yours with hunger, like he was still figuring out how much he was allowed to take from you, you could stand naked in front of him and he'd still not believe his luck.
When your hips shifted and settled fully onto his lap, he groaned against your mouth, hands gripping your waist like he needed you to stay grounded.
“You okay?” you whispered against his lips, voice almost a moan.
“Yeah. Just… I have never felt like this.”
You cupped his cheek, gently turning his face back to yours.
“Me neither baby.”
Something in him eased at that, and he kissed you again, deeper this time, more certain. His hands slid up your thighs, fingers tracing over the lace you’d worn for him. He exhaled shakily as he looked down, then back up at you.
“You’re so… God, you’re such a beautiful woman i..i want to say so much but i am–” your eyes almost moistened at the words, the way he looked at you, the way he spoke to you, his words didn't sound shallow, he didn't say sweet things because he wanted something from you. He just did. For no reason.
“So are you Eric…so beautiful it hurts” you murmured, your fingers tracing the curve of his shoulder, down his arm, his muscles flexed beneath your touch.
As you kissed him again, you felt him melt into you, his body arching instinctively to yours. One of your hands slipped beneath the waistband of his boxers. He gasped into your mouth as your hand wrapped around his cock, his head lulled backwards, you let out a gasp as he swelled more and more in your palm.
“Good you're so -” you couldn't even finish your words as you began to pump him slowly “Is this okay?” You murmured in his ear so he nodded.
“Touch me yes..keep touching me baby”
His hands trembled as he grabbed the strings of your robe and untied it, pushing the robe off your shoulders, letting it fall behind you. His mouth latched onto your neck, sucking on the skin that you knew would leave a mark that you'd wear shamelessly tomorrow.
He grabbed the hand that was underneath his boxers and wrapped your arms around his neck, his own hands crawled under your slip dress, fingers moving upwards as he caressed his fingertips over the wet soaked fabric of your underwear.
You shuddered as he pressed his thumb over the clothed clit, your brows scrunched together as began to move them in circles.
“Ohhh Eric…oh baby..i..oh god” you let out a strings of moans, your mind already lost in the haze and the build up of the sweet sensation in the pit of your stomach. Your eyes rolled back in your head as the tension coiled up slowly.
“God Eric i have never felt this ..thing before..aaaa ahhhhhh”
His name on your lips lit something inside him.
Something that had been restrained, something he didn't even know he was capable of feeling, raw, primal feeling of wanting to claim you as his completely overcome any other thoughts he might have had in his head.
He watched your face twist in pleasure, your hips bucking gently against the slow circles he was drawing over your clit, and something inside him snapped.
The hesitation, the shyness, the inexperience , they all melted away.
Eric’s eyes darkened, his jaw clenched slightly as he exhaled through his nose, suddenly shifting forward to press his chest against yours. His mouth found your neck again, this time not soft, not timid, but claiming. His teeth grazed your skin and you gasped, clutching at his arms as he rolled his hips against you with delicious pressure, even through the remaining fabric between you.
“You have no idea,” he growled softly against your ear “What you do to me… how long I’ve wanted you like this.”
His hands clutched around the straps of your dress, lowering it down with a confidence that hadn’t been there before, he bunched the sheer fabric between his fists before pulling them over your head. Your underwear followed next, hastily shoved down your thighs and tossed aside. You reached for his boxers, and this time he helped, lifting his hips and kicking them away without shame.
He then flipped you around, underneath him, kneeling between your thighs as his eyes roamed over your body, trailing from your flushed face down to the soft curve of your belly and fullness of your breasts. He then stopped for a moment.
Not because he was unsure. Not because he hesitated.
But because he was in awe of you.
He leaned down, pressing a kiss just below your collarbone, then lower, his hands sliding reverently over your waist, your hips, the softness of your stomach. He held you like you were precious, not something to be hidden or changed, but adored.
“You’re so…” he whispered, voice thick. His lips ghosted over your skin again. “You don’t even know how beautiful you are, do you?”
You felt your breath catch, the comment made you feel conscious for a moment, insecurity filling you up.
“Don’t look away,” he murmured, so you didn't..
Because the way he was looking at you? Like he wanted every inch of you, like the softness of your stomach, the fullness of your thighs, the generous curve of your breasts weren’t flaws, they were exactly what he craved. It made your heart twist and your body ache with arousal all at once.
He kissed you again, slower now, deeper—before sliding his hand down your side and hooking your leg up over his hip.
You felt the tip of his cock grazing over your entrance, your back arched into his chest.
“Eric make me cum..please”
Your words fueled his desires even hotter if it was possible. When he eased slowly inside you, you felt every inch of his girth opening you up slowly. He was definitely blessed from head to toe. You couldn't even believe at times that a man that looked the way he did was interested in you like this.
He let out a gasp in your ear as your walls clamped around him like a vice.
Eric stilled for a breathless second, buried deep inside you, his forehead pressed to yours as your bodies adjusted to each other. He didn't want to ruin this, he wanted to give you what you craved.
Your hips shifted slightly, drawing him deeper, and that was all it took. He pulled back slowly, almost reluctantly, before rolling his hips forward again, deep but unhurried, savoring every movement. You clung to him, nails grazing down his back, your head falling back against the mattress as pleasure bloomed through you..
Every thrust was deliberate, slow and sensual at first, his body moving with grace. He kissed down your jaw, his mouth finding the soft place beneath your ear as he whispered.
“Tell me what you need… I want to give you everything”
He asked as if he wasn't spoiling you and ruining you already.
“You’re already giving it to me,” you breathed, your voice trembling. “Don’t stop. Please… just like that..oh yess that's it..that's it baby.”
And he didn’t.
He angled your hips up slightly, hitting that spot inside you that made you cry out, your thighs trembling as your leg curled tighter around his waist. His hand slipped between your bodies again, fingers stroking your clit in time with his thrusts, building the pressure inside you to an impossible edge. He watched your face, lips parted, eyes glassy with lust and it pushed him harder, deeper.
“You’re close,” he whispered, breath ragged against your skin. “I can feel it… Let go, baby. Give it to me”
Your body obeyed him before your mind could, the orgasm slamming into you in waves so powerful you cried out his name, over and over, as your walls tightened around him, never in your life before you had come like this with a partner so this was an awakening.
Eric groaned, his rhythm faltering as he clutched you against him, driven over the edge by the feel of your walls clenching around him, milking his own release.
He came with a gasp of your name, he chanted it like a prayer, buried deep inside you, holding you like he never wanted to let go.
Saying that it was good for both of you would have been an understatement. It was heavenly, it was something you wanted to keep doing over and over again, you didn't even know how you were going to keep your hands off of him from now on, especially in public. He was yours and God you never wanted to do anything that would take him away from you.
As the tremors faded he pulled you into his arms, you placed your head down on his chest, for a few minutes none of you said a word, just the sound of your breathing echoed in his bedroom.
“Was that good for you?” He finally asked, there was a hesitation in his voice as if he hadn't just made you almost pass out from the intensity of it.
You pressed your head up as you smiled before you leaned down to kiss him.
“I hope you're ready for me to become the clingy, obsessive, touchy girlfriend men don't usually like” Eric laughed softly, the kind of laugh that vibrated through his chest. He looked at you like you’d just offered him the world on a plate.
“Clingy?” he murmured, brushing a strand of hair from your face. “Obsessive? Touchy?”
He pulled you tighter against him, his fingers splayed across your back, bare skin to bare skin.
“I want that. All of it” he said. “God, if you don’t cling to me after this, I might start doubting myself.”
“Mmm glad to have the permission, not that i needed it”
He chuckled before he kissed your forehead.
“Let me clean you up..then we can cuddle” you smiled a little but the moment he stepped off the bed, your eyes teared up, he was so different from anyone you had ever known, especially the asshole you had been with for the past two years. The jerk that rolled off your body the moment he was done getting his pleasure.
You didn't want to think about him though so you watched Eric’s sculpted behind as he made way to the bathroom.
“I'm going to bite it someday..yup” you murmured to yourself before you laid back down on the bed.
After cleaning you up he scooted next to you and held you in his arms.
“I was going to say this the moment I saw you today Eric but better late than..well later” he chuckled as you said that.
“What?” he asked.
Not really expecting the confession so early in your relationship with him but then he felt the same way too.
“I love you Eric.. and I think I'm only going to love you deeper, harder and better every passing day..so a little heads up”
Fix You Fix me (Bill Skarsgård! Eric Draven x Female Reader) (Au)
Read Chapter 15 here / Series Masterlist
Chapter 16
Summary : Eric finishes the game Regina started but his past comes back to haunt him anyways.
Warning: Fat shaming, body shaming, manipulation, domestic violence, child abuse, cheating, reader has a spine, emotional abuse, reader's weight will be mentioned because the fic demands it
You watched the video. Of Course you did. Every minute of it. There were multiple death threats in your DM's at the moment. Regina started off the video while doing her makeup, like most influencers do because it was a story time.. then she posted pictures of herself and Eric, showcasing how much she loved him and how he was the one to come after her incessantly even though she didn't even know him or who he was. Lies.
Then she went to post that picture of you with her at the gym, she didn't take your name, she called you a homewrecker throughout the video.
That was fun to watch.
Then she went on and on about how you always had eyes on Eric even though you had a boyfriend and how you seduced him which eventually led to the alleged cheating. She uploaded the image of you and Eric walking home hand in hand to solidify her point, claiming that it was taken months ago when it was taken a week ago..she even cried three times throughout the whole video.
Her video was everywhere now. Youtube, reddit, Tumblr, in mere hours the situation had escalated and grown like wildfire. People called you names and of course it bothered you, it indeed bothered you, but for some reason that wasn't even what hurt you the most.
It was when people began talking shit about how mid ugly men like Eric had diamond and still went for dime, jealous girls came forward and made fake stories about how he had hit on them when they went for membership at the gym, the same girls he refused to take in because they just wanted to gawk at him. They were going as far as tagging the NPC’s official account , asking them to disqualify him.
And that's what hurt you the most. This was something that could ruin his chances at winning the competition, you knew how important this was to him, the money would help with the gym and Patricia's medical care and to think all of that can be taken and ruined because some salty bitch was jealous and acting out? You didn't know how to cope with that, you felt responsible for all of it. You knew you looked wrong in the situation, So did Eric because you two knew each other while he was dating Regina.
The moment Shelly told you, you ran back to your apartment even though Patricia tried to make you sit down and talk about it, you didn't want to break down in front of her. You paced the room, phone in hand, watching the screen light up with fresh notifications, more comments, more tags, more messages filled with venom. You could barely bring yourself to open his profile, scared to see what people were saying there. But you had to. You had to know.
Your heart clenched as you scrolled and saw the fresh comments on a picture he had updated ages ago ..
Imagine biting the hand that fed you just for a fat homewrecking bitch.
This guy hit on me too at the gym. Creepy AF
You felt sick. Not just because of the lies, but because he had worked so hard to pull himself together after everything life had thrown at him. He never asked for this. You texted Eric before turning your phone face down on the table and clenched your fists.
*******
Eric had been trying to reach you since morning, he had a long busy day at the gym, some clients preferred sessions on weekends but when Chance told him about the video he was immediately worried, not for himself but you.
You : I'm so sorry, it's all happening because of me
He received a message and his eyes teared up, he knew he couldn't stall this, he had to go speak to you about this and make sure you weren't putting blame on yourself..
“Hey Call Mrs. Payne and ask her if she'd be willing to reschedule.. I need to go see y/n” Eric said to Chance in passing as he rushed out of the gym. He could take the hate. He had taken worse before. But you? You didn’t deserve a second of this. You hadn’t done anything wrong. And yet, all those vile comments were targeted at you , shredding your name while hiding behind anonymous screens.
He had the code already so he entered the building and stood outside your door waiting for you to open. The moment he saw your tears soaked, puffed up face, he just wanted to hurt someone.
Well Regina specifically.
“I'm so sorry Eric” you burst into tears again so he immediately pulled you in his arms as he closed the door behind him.
“Shhhh no..no baby no.. you don't get to apologise for this” he murmured softly as he cupped your cheeks and wiped your tears. His lips lingered over your forehead and then your cheeks one by one as he tried to calm your sobs.
“They're going too far..they're trying to ruin your chances at the competition and i have seen how hard you have worked for this-”
His eyes welled up at the broken whisper of your voice, you weren't even hurt because of what they were saying about you, you were worried about him.
He shook his head slowly, brushing your hair back with a gentleness that only made your heart ache more.
“You think that matters more than you?”
You tried to pull away, but he held your face in his hands, not letting you hide.
“Look at me” he whispered “Do you really think I give a damn about a competition if you’re in here blaming yourself and breaking down because of it?”
You wouldn't even have blinked if he held you responsible for it. Jake taunted you even when you became a minor inconvenience in his professional life or did something that made him feel embarrassed in public. You couldn't fathom why Eric was so calm about this.
“But it’s your dream, Eric. You need this. You told me the money would change your life—”
“And I still need it” he interrupted your deprecating thoughts “but even if I lost it I won't allow you to sit here and carry the blame because of Regina and her mindless followers”
You collapsed against his chest again, the sobs breaking loose like a dam. He let you cry, arms wrapped tightly around you, one hand smoothing slow circles into your back.
“I'm going to handle this okay? We haven't done anything wrong, we know that, she does too”
Eric didn’t say another word, he just bent down and gently scooped you up into his arms. You instinctively curled into his chest, fists clutching at the fabric of his t-shirt, your sobs shaking both your bodies.
He walked over to the couch and sat down with you in his lap, one arm cradling your back, the other cupping the back of your head. He held you like you were something precious, something fragile that he wouldn't allow the world to break.
“I'll take care of this baby I promise, I'll take care of you..you're my girl aren't you?”
You sobbed even harder at the soft cadence, you had never been treated this way before, for a moment you thought you were dreaming, that he wasn't even there or as if you were having an out of body experience, watching yourself be comforted so preciously.
You still remembered how Jake had reacted when Regina had posted that picture of you with her, he had refused to hold you and had left you all alone.
“I have got you mmmm?” He murmured sweet nothings in your ears, his palm rubbed against your back gently.
As your sobs slowly died, you pulled away to look at him, he tucked your hair away from your face, a small smile on his face as kissed you softly.
“There you are…i need you to stop worrying about it okay? It's just internet noise, it's not real” he mumbled softly
“What if they disqualify you?” you asked him, worrying that he'd not be allowed to compete anymore because of the scandal.
“I have done nothing wrong, they can't do that.. you believe me now okay?” you nodded as he said that, crying in his arms had lessened some of the weight you carried but there was still that anxiety that didn't allow you to be completely at ease.
“Let me drop you at Ma’s..Shelly would be there too, can you do this for me? I don't want you to be here alone with all those negative thoughts” He asked so you nodded. You would have jumped into a well if he had asked so softly.
“Sorry…didn't mean to pull you away from work”
“Shhhh no..never apologise for needing me..I'll come tonight..you want to stay the night at Mama’s?”
“I don't want to be a burden-” you mumbled meekly so he tilted his head. “Okay I will”
While you were at Patricia's you received a call from your mother but you didn't have the guts to speak to her at the moment, you knew what she would say. It would be nothing good, that was for sure.
A few minutes later, a long message popped up.
Mom : I saw the video, your father did too, So Jake was right all along huh? I can’t believe you’ve gotten yourself involved in such filth. Regina is heartbroken and humiliated, she considered you a friend and here you are clinging to her leftovers. What kind of girl does that? Eric is nothing but trouble..tattoos, violent crime, a broken home. He’s not your future, he’s a phase. Stop embarrassing us. We raised you better than this y/n.. for god's sake you're almost thirty three and yet acting like a teenager going through a rebellious phase.
The words stung. You swallowed hard, locking your phone and pulling the blanket tighter around you. Patricia noticed the change in your face but didn’t press, just silently wheeled over and took your hand in hers, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
Later that night Eric sat down in his apartment and finally decided to put the truth out there for the world to see, he wouldn't have cared enough if it was just about him but it wasn't. He was the one to break up with her so he understood she was upset with him but getting you involved in this mess was crossing a line and he wasn't going to let everyone walk over you like this. Once he was done recording, he edited the video and posted it on his instagram before he left for Patricia's.
The door to the guestroom was open so he entered quietly, you were asleep all curled up on the bed so he crawled under the sheets and pulled you closer.
Your arms wrapped around him the moment you felt his warmth even though you were deep in sleep.
Next morning you woke up and Eric was at the gym already, you were dreading how you were going to face everyone at work, wondering how many people had seen the video and judged you for it.
But as you unlocked your phone and looked for Regina’s video, it was gone.
“Wait what is happening ?’ you murmured under your breath as you opened reddit, there were posts on the la influencers subreddit about Eric and the videos he had updated so you immediately switched to instagram. Around 3 last night Eric had uploaded a video on his instagram account. You sat up on the bed as you clicked the video, heart beating so fast you feared it would burst out of your chest.
The video started with Eric sitting in front of his desk in his bedroom. He cleared his throat before he began speaking.
“Uhhh hi..I don't normally do this because..well I don't care enough about what bunch of strangers tend to think about me but since this thing has blown way out of proportion..here's my two cents. Anyone who is listening to this..you're not obligated to believe me so if you want to continue with the hate, drag my name through the mud, file petitions, go ahead and have fun while you're at it. I think that's the most fun some of you get in your lives and I don't want to take it away”
Your brows raised in slight amusement because he was saying all that with deadpan expressions, typical Eric behaviour.
“First thing first… I never went after Regina. She asked me out. She came after me. And here’s the proof” he said, shifting a bit in his seat and holding up his phone “I learned how to do this screenshot overlay thing just now… so might as well flex the skill” he added, shaking his head slightly at himself. A couple of screenshots popped up then, showing how Regina massaged him first, asking to Collab which then progressed to her asking him out, he even said no a couple of times but she was insistent.
“Again yes ..y/n was my client and yes we were both in a relationship when I started training her but nothing happened between us until like a week ago..that's exactly how long it's been since we have been together. That picture Regina claimed that was taken months before was in fact taken a week ago and I'll post a clip of us walking out of the gym with the timestamp and everything in the same outfit”
You saw as the l video of you two popped up on the side of the screen from the same day.
“Now with that out of the way, here's a picture of my ex Regina taken almost four months prior, we were still together at this point by the way, just so you know..” he paused as the picture was flashed across the screen “Yeah there she is kissing someone that's not me..let me just share my screen so I can pull up the date this picture was sent to me..we broke up on 12th..this picture was taken on 10th..and before anyone cries photoshop ..here are some messages Regina sent to me on 12th after i broke up with her”
Screenshots popped up again, messages from Regina starting from her begging him to forgive her for cheating to then her threatening to end him, asking him to take her back or she'll ruin him, he paused for a moment, eyes flicking toward the screen, his tone still calm, but there was a sharpness behind every word now, controlled fury buried under restraint.
“So yeah… before you paint me and my girl as the villain in Regina’s tragic heartbreak story, maybe take a second to learn more about all the sides before you crucify someone”
He leaned back slightly, cracking his neck with a tight roll of his shoulder, then his voice softened for a moment “Y/N is not some homewrecker, and she’s not a clout chaser, she doesn't walk around with a camera tucked under her arm all the time, dying to capture every moment of her life for the world to see and she definitely doesn't deserve to wake up to random people wishing death upon her.
She was my friend, we were there for each other in difficult times and it progressed from there, i'm not going to justify or explain the hows and whys because it's none of anyone's business but you don’t get to rip her apart due to some baseless accusations laid out by a complete moron”
He paused again, visibly swallowing back emotion.
“I rest my case. This is the last time I’m gonna speak about this online. I have a competition to prepare for, yeah still not disqualified by the way.. I have a gym to run, actual human beings to train, and women to cherish in my life. So if you have something to say, come say it to me, keep her out of this. Come spew your bullshit to my face instead of hiding behind a cat picture, I’m not very hard to find..you all know where I'm at..and Regina if you want to keep this up, I'll have my lawyer get in touch with you”
Eric took a slow breath, and for a moment, you could see his jaw tighten as if restraining himself. Then he looked back at the camera, reached forward and ended the video.
You blinked at the screen, a lump forming in your throat. You couldn’t move. You couldn’t even speak. All you could do was watch the flood of comments pouring in under the post.
Damn. Never heard this guy speak before in Regina's videos so watching him go off like this was weird
He really came back with receipts #whataking
Damn Regina deleted her original video..screams guilty on her part
Wait so she’s the real cheater??
Y’all owe him and his new lady an apology.
He must have done something to piss her off, Regina is an angel
Ohhh fuck off for fucks sake.
I deleted my comments. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.
This man just defended his new chick like his life depended on it 😭🥹
I never believed her. Goodluck to you and y/n
People saying he hit on them at the gym..this guy literally threw me out for saying he was hot.. and i hate him for that but ya all making lies and ruining lives for fun
And just like that, the tide had turned. All because he spoke up, all of a sudden you had people sending long paragraphs and sweet messages in your inbox but you didn't want to open them or read them, none of that mattered, fickle opinions were just that. Fickles. Regina had deleted the video like a coward, she probably never expected that Eric would come forward to clear his name and yours.
You : Why are you so perfect?
You sent the message to him. Your finger hovered over the screen for a moment after hitting send, your heart pounding so loudly it felt like it echoed in the room.
He had stood up for you. Not just in passing, not just in private but in front of the whole world. Without hesitation. Without flinching. And you knew he wasn't the type of man to do that, he didn't post on social media until or unless it was about work, he probably didn't have to say anything, this could have backfired pretty easily but he did, not just to clear his name but yours too, mostly yours.
Eric : You think? :)
He responded, you could almost imagine him smiling at his phone.
You : I know ❤️
You responded immediately and you meant it. You weren’t just caught up in the moment, this wasn’t some honeymoon phase delusion. Something inside you knew him, even if it had only been barely two weeks since you’d crossed that line between pretend and real, you had known him longer than that.
Eric : See me after work?
You smiled as you read the message.
You : I'll be there..coffee?
You responded.
Eric : Mmm decaf..no sugar
Ofcourse.
You : Yes sir
Eric : that turns me on
Your jaw dropped at his response, then you laughed. Not loud, just a surprised hearty one.
You : oh sir ;) you might have some undiscovered kinks
Eric : Stop baby. I have a client to deal with in five minutes :)
Your heart skipped again at the word baby. He’d called you that before, but something about it in this context..soft, casual, like it was just second nature—melted something inside you.
You : okay okay..I gotta go get ready for work…see you at 5:30
Eric : See you
Luckily for you, apart from a few stares here and there, nobody came to your face or made fun of you for the scandal, Eric was right, it was just internet noise and sometimes that noise only echoed from behind a screen. Around 5:30 while you were at the coffee shop you called Chance to ask what kind of coffee he'd like to have if he wanted it, then you headed to the gym.
As you reached The Crow you sneakily passed the hundred dollar bill to Chance for the membership fee while Eric was busy with a client. He had asked you to not pay but it didn't seem right.
“Feeling okay now?” Chance asked so you smiled. Last night you slept with a rock on your chest especially after reading your mother's text but this morning and how Eric had been your support, you felt okay now. More than okay.
You winked at Eric as you passed him his coffee and then headed for his resting room, he was with a client and you didn't want to be inappropriate by hugging him or kissing him.
The next two days passed in a blur, Eric was a day away from the competition, you had taken a day off from work to be there for him throughout the day tomorrow.
“You're so dehydrated” you murmured as you kissed his slightly chapped lips softly. Your chin rested on his chest while you two cuddled on the couch in his room at the gym.
“I want a pizza tomorrow”
He mumbled between a chuckle.
“Mmm you deserve that pizza and a dessert” you bit on your lips as you pressed up and cupped his cheeks to kiss him. Sometimes you couldn't even believe how comfortable you felt around him. Jake never let you be this vulnerable with him, even when he did, he made fun of you for that.
His phone began to buzz in his pocket so you took it out of his trousers, your movement deliberately slow, made his cheeks flush.
Your fingers lingered a little too long in his pocket before pulling out his buzzing phone.
“You really enjoy torturing me, huh?” he murmured, a lazy smirk curling on his lips.
You grinned, pressing one last kiss to the edge of his jaw before handing the phone to him.
“I like watching you struggle” you teased, then rolled off his chest with a content sigh
His gaze lingered on you for a second longer than necessary before he finally checked the screen.
The smile dropped for a moment.
“Who is it?” you asked softly, noticing the shift in his mood.
“NPC Federation board” he said, sitting up a little straight.
His thumb hovered over the green button before he finally answered.
“Hello?”
You couldn’t hear the other side clearly, but the tone was formal.
“I… sorry, what do you mean by review?”
Your stomach tightened instinctively as you heard that. He seemed immediately stressed. You watched his jaw tighten as he nodded slowly, listening.
“No, it’s fine. I appreciate the heads-up” he said, his voice low “Yeah. I understand”
He ended the call, thumb lingering on the screen, then slowly placed the phone on the table in front of the couch.
You didn’t say anything right away, just reached for his hand. He let you take it.
“What happened?” You asked softly as you placed your chin on his shoulder. He suddenly got up, getting out of your hold “They're reviewing me” he said, his voice had that nervous edge that was rare.
“Because of the Regina thing? I thought that was cleared up-” you stood up so he shook his head, his eyes then teared up.
“Not that..it's not that” you gulped as he said that. You had a feeling where he was going with this.
“You're still allowed to compete right?”
“They'll let me know by tonight”
You nodded as he said that before you walked closer and hugged him tightly.
“They can't disqualify you” you said to comfort him, you noticed how his hold around you had tightened, he took a deep breath before he finally spoke.
“They can do that..i did something awful when I was seventeen”
He always knew that one day he’d have to tell you about his past, the crime he had committed but he never thought that day would come so soon. A good woman like you deserved someone equally good, someone clean, someone decent.
And he wasn’t.
No matter how well he played the part, deep down he knew what he really was and he also knew what he was capable of doing to another human being, that's what scared him the most, the cruelty he was capable of inflicting on someone when he snapped, the monster that he kept caged inside him at all times.
And now that you were going to find out about it, he wasn’t ready for you to look at him differently. He wasn’t ready for you to walk away from him.
Fix You Fix me (Bill Skarsgård! Eric Draven x Female Reader) (Au)
Read Chapter 13 here / Series Masterlist
Chapter 14
Summary : You figure out why Eric stopped coming to the library.
Warning: Fat shaming, body shaming, manipulation, domestic violence, child abuse, cheating, reader has lacks bit of a spine, emotional abuse, reader's weight will be mentioned because the fic demands it
Just tell her. What's the worst she could say? No? Get out? Never come back here again? You're a creep of the highest order? Eric's breath kept hitching. He had placed another note in the book, this time he made sure he had the yellow sticky note peering out of the pages, just so you'd see it.
God you looked lovely today, the green made you like a rainy day after the long sunny summer. There were two people ahead of him, he was building up the nerves to finally speak to you more than a syllable when you'd find the note.
As his turn arrived he placed the book he had to return on your desk.
“Hey Eric” you gave him a kind smile like you always did, he opened his mouth to say something, maybe point you towards the note but you got distracted, the woman on the next desk came up to you and began talking to you.
He kept trying to speak but you weren't even looking at him so he ate his words again and then he watched as you placed the book with the rest of the pile.
He sighed before he handed you the book he wanted to borrow for the week.
The catcher in the Rye.
Maybe he should just follow Ma’s advice, he was going to do it. Next week ..he'd write it all down and instead of waiting for you to stumble upon it he'd give it to you himself.
“Happy Reading” you gave him the sweet smile that knocked the breath out of his chest every single time.
He was so distracted by the smile that he took a few steps behind instead of turning on his heel. He just wanted to keep seeing your face a little longer, he was pulled out of the trance when he bumped into someone, making them drop the heavy book they were holding.
“Fucking hell man…are you blind or something?” He heard a man's voice so he turned around and bent down immediately to grab the book to give it to him.
Neuroanatomy.
The man then walked up to your desk and placed the book down.
“Hey are you the boss around here?”
Eric watched as your face lit up in a smile.
He often looked back at the moment and wished he had told you how he felt about you before that man ever got the chance to sweep you away.
********
You couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't think. You just stared at the diamond ring on your finger, you hadn't even said yes. He just assumed you had, he assumed like he always did.
There was a time in your life when this would have sent you over the moon, just a few months ago you were willing to do anything for him so he'd deem you worthy of this ring, worthy of being his wife. But now? Having him on his knees, asking you to marry him. You didn't feel anything.
Nothing. You felt empty and worthless especially when he kissed you as if you still belonged to him but then you really needed that kiss so you kissed him back with the same passion you once had for him.. And then you saw him. Eric. You would recognise the back of his head anywhere. And you knew he had witnessed this, witnessed you being kissed by the man who cheated on you and broke your heart.
“Ohh my parents are so excited to see you y/n” he said as he got up and wrapped his arms around you to hug you. Cold and dread, that was all you felt instead of the warmth and safety you had felt in Eric's arms last night. But you needed it, you needed that hug so you hugged him back.
“See me after work” you said to him before you turned around and stepped back into the library without saying another word. You felt like a zombie in that moment, that was until an hour later you received a message from Patricia.
Patricia : All the answers are in the books :) His books
You didn't understand the message, it left you confused, but then it clicked. The computer screen lit up as you tapped on the keyboard.
You typed his full name and immediately found the complete list of books he had borrowed in the last 5 years before he stopped coming, the last one with accumulating dues was The catcher in the Rye. Almost three years ago. Around the same time you began -
“Oh god no-” you printed out the list of the books with the copy number before you moved to the fiction section. You then grabbed the same copy of all the books he had borrowed during his visits.
Wuthering Heights, One hundred years of solitude, To kill a mockingbird, Harry Potter and the deathly hallows?
Oh Eric
By the end of it you had more than fifteen books in your collection.
You sat down at the quietest corner of the library, your heart thumping rapidly in your chest.
You started from the beginning..found nothing. No note, nothing, you almost gave up but then on the sixth try, as you flipped through the pages you found it. A sticky note at the last page. The glue had worn off.
Y/n.. Beautiful name. Hi - E
Your eyes welled up as you read his note. The book was borrowed four years ago, six months before you even met Jake.
You reached for the next book and then you found another.
It's not just your name. You are beautiful too - E
A sob escaped your lips as you recognised the way he wrote his R’s with two curls at the bottom.
You quickly moved on to the next one.
Parrots are indeed smart. I love birds too. Crows specifically - E
This one made you smile.
Your friend is wrong. The curls suit you. Everything does- E
You remembered that day as well, you had gotten a perm at a whim and One of your coworkers Miranda gave you shit about it all day long, she wasn't really being quiet about it either, walking from desk to desk asking other employees if perm was your thing.
He noticed that and he wanted you to feel better, he always did, he was always looking out for you wasn't he? You moved to the next book.
Didn't mean to stare, apologies if I came across as a creep. I try not to be- E
You placed the note over your lips to give it a kiss, your tears never stopping, your heart felt heavy with the knowledge. Now that you looked back you realised even when other employees had a free line he always stood in your aisle, even if he had to wait. He stood there, but he never said anything to you, maybe he had hoped that one of these days you'd open the books and find the words he couldn't say to you.
Coffee? Tea? Seen you having both at times..Whatever you like, can we get that sometimes? :) -E
The smiley face at the end, it broke something inside you.
All those notes were written weeks apart from each other.
Sorry if that came across as stalkerish, I swear I mean no harm. I don't want to make it worse. By the way you look lovely in green but then you do so in all of them- E
You stared at the date he had returned that book. The same day you met Jake. Your hand drifted to the engagement ring on your finger—the one Jake had slid on like he was closing a deal. For the past few years you had chased Jake’s approval like it meant salvation, twisted yourself into someone who could be loved by him.
All while there was a man who wanted to adore you, who wanted you just the way you were, who didn't want to change you. Eric had never asked anything of you. Just left you with notes in the hope that you'd find them and revert but you never did..if only you had flipped those pages even once your life might have been something different today.
You looked at the due date of the last book he had borrowed. You remembered that day really well. It was all new and exciting with Jake, he had surprised you with a bouquet of flowers, even though you had told him you weren't the flowers and chocolates type of girl. At the time it was the thought that mattered, now you knew he didn't just care about what you liked or didn't. He wanted to buy you flowers so he did. You had gotten so excited that you had kissed him outside the library.
Eric probably saw you that day didn't he? Just the way he did today..And when he thought you had found happiness with another man, he just walked away from your life, never entering the library again. But were you happy?
You had found more genuine happiness around Eric and his people in these past few months then you ever did with Jake. With him you were always on guard, always trying to look your best, speak your best, act your best. With Eric you could just exist. He let you exist, he let you be yourself.
You sat there for a long time, surrounded by the books he had once touched, the words he had left just for you. You didn’t even know if he wanted you anymore but you wanted to believe that he did, that the kiss last night meant to him as much as it did to you. Eventually you stood up, wiped your face. And gently gathered the notes in your hands like they were sacred.
It was difficult, staying still until 5pm when all you wanted to do was run to him, apologise, beg, do whatever you would have to do just to have him look at you again.
The moment the clock hit 5 you grabbed your bag, carefully tucking the notes in one of the pockets and then you ran towards the gym. You ran as fast as you could.
As soon as you entered Chance looked at you as if he was wondering why you looked the way you did,
“Where is Eric?” You asked him, you could see he was worried.
“He's resting..said he wasn't feeling well ..what happened?” He asked you but you didn't have time to explain yet. Not until you had spoken to the man you needed to.
“I'll explain everything later..” you rushed into the gym before you made way to his room. With bated breaths you knocked, the moment he opened the door, you saw it, the red eyes and the truth he had been keeping hidden in them for so long. His eyes then fell upon the ring on your finger, couldn't miss it even if he wanted to, it blinded him even in the daylight.
“Congratulations..when is the wedding?” He asked, his jaw clenching with anger and heartbreak.
You stepped closer to him so he took a step back, then you closed the door, leaning against the frame you took a deep breath.
“I never wanted to hurt you-” you said to him, making his eyes well up with fresh tears.
“I know..it would have hurt the same if it was someone else but going back to that man who-” his jaw ticked again, he didn't even want to think about it. About Jake hurting you again because he knew men like him really well, he had lived with one for years.
He had watched that man destroy his mothers. They never change. Even when they promise to, they never really change, they always go back to being who they are.
“I'm not going back to him” his heart skipped a beat as you spoke, but he didn't allow himself to feel anything again.
“You kissed him. I saw you kiss him-”
“Just how you did three years ago?” Your eyes teared up as you finally pulled out the notes from your bag and showed it to him.
“Why Eric? Why didn't you just tell me? Why didn't you just talk to me?” You asked, voice breaking and falling apart due to the weight of your tears.
“I tried-” his voice broke. He tried but not as hard as he should have.
“I never saw them before..i swear i didn't”
“Even if you did..do you think it would have made any difference?”
“Difference? You want to know what difference it would have made?” You asked as you stepped closer to him. Your fingers clutched around the collar of his shirt.
“I wouldn't have spent years with a man who only made me feel bad about myself..who only wanted to change me, who just wanted me to be the woman he wanted me to be..he never loved me Eric, he loved the idea of what he could turn me into” his jaw clenched again, the idea of that jerk destroying you slowly killed him.
“And yet you have his ring on your finger -”
“Oh this?” You chuckled between your tears “It's funny because he asked me and I was crying and i didn't even say yes, he just assumed like he always does..he put this on me and assumed i had said yes even though i never said a word to him”
“What about the kiss..i saw you kiss him-” you nodded as he said that.
“I did..I had to. One last time, I didn't want to spend my whole life looking over my shoulders, wondering if I made a mistake because you don't deserve that Eric. Not you. You don't deserve someone who'd second guess being with you" your fingers wrapped around his neck, caressing his skin gently
“You said you didn't want to be a rebound..so I had to kiss him. To be assured that he's not the man I'd ever want to kiss again and I had my answer, clear as the full moon, never in my life I'd ever want that man to touch me..not after last night, not after everything you have made me feel in the past few days”
His heart went still as you broke down in his arms, a part of him still felt as if he was being played with, as if you were playing a cruel joke on him. He had lost you once and then twice, he didn't think he could do it again.
“When he kissed me today, touched me, when he hugged me I felt nothing that was good Eric, all i felt was fear, a sense of dread and darkness as if every good thing was sucked out of my life because of his presence..and then when I saw you leaving, it broke me, I saw myself in the distant future, the one where I was his perfect wife, the future where I didn't have you in my life.. and I couldn't bear that..I can't lose you Eric” his hands cupped around your cheeks, thumbs wiping the tears as he leaned down and kissed your forehead..
“You didn't owe me anything..not back then..not now. I didn't leave those notes to have something in return..I just needed you to know the things i couldn't say to your face, but I meant every word-” you wished he had said them to your face, not even in your wildest you could have imagined a man like him to be into someone like you.
“Can you take the ring off my finger? Please?” you murmured close to his mouth, he grabbed your hand between his slender fingers, then his thumb and index finger slipped the ring away slowly, freeing you from the shackles in every sense of the word. He threw it behind him, his palms hooked under your hips and he picked you up effortlessly as if you weighed nothing, your legs curled around his waist as he kissed you again.
And there it was again, the warmth, the safety, the spark that breathed a new wave of life in every pore of your skin.
“I'm so sorry Eric..I'm sorry” you murmured against his mouth, his heart felt as if they were hammering out of his chest. He couldn't really believe this was happening. When he saw you being proposed for marriage today he didn't think he would ever feel the warmth of your skin this close to him again but maybe just maybe he was at the universe's mercy again.
Before he could say another word, the loud knocks on the door startled you both. He immediately put you down on the floor, your heart was beating so fast, you could hear your pulse in your ears. As the knock continued you gave him a small smile so he returned it.
“Uhhh i should -” he gestured towards the door so you nodded, suddenly feeling so bashful as if you hadn't been kissing him passionately just now.
As Eric opened the door, Chance stood out there with his arms crossed and smirk on his face
“Y/n..there's some asshole shaped guy out there.. wanting to see you” you chuckled as you turned around to look for the ring, you placed it in the pocket of your jeans and stepped out of his room. Eric and Chance followed behind you.
As you reached the front desk Jake stood there, looking furious.
“Why aren't you picking my calls huh? My parents wants to speak to my fiance and she's missing” he said to you, there was that condescending edge in his tone that he always did especially when he was upset
“Also let's look for another gym..no offense but you are not losing anything here” he said as he took out his phone but you just smiled. How could you have been so blind before?
“I'm not going to marry you Jake”
You said, voice firm but emotionless, you had none left to give to him. He seemed shocked, how dare you find the audacity to say something like that to him? He even let out a condescending chuckle
“What did you say?”
“You heard me..I never said yes in the first place”
His jaw clenched with anger when he realised you were deathly serious.
“You think you’re too good for me suddenly? After everything I did for you?” His eyes darted over your shoulder, to Eric. “Or is it because of him?”
You didn’t respond. He didn't deserve a response, you had a feeling your mother might have said something to him about Eric and your growing friendship with him.
Jake laughed bitterly as you didn't answer him “Of course. Of course. You’re really going to throw our future away for some gym rat with a savior complex? Do you know even that he kil-”
Eric’s body stiffened behind you, but he didn’t move yet.
“Get out Jake” you cut him off before he could finish that thought, he was seeing red you could tell. He wasn't used to being defied, to being rejected
“Where’s the ring? Where's my fucking ring” he asked as he inched closer to you. So did Eric, he recognised the signs, he knew where this was going.
“I lost it I guess” you said nonchalantly, making him even angrier. He placed his fingers on his brows as he laughed out loud.
“You what?”
“I lost it,” you repeated, steadying your voice even though your heart was hammering.
“You’re lying you fucking bitch” he hissed. “You’re fucking lying. I paid thousands for that ring, and now you lost it like it meant nothing?”
His hand lashed out fast—too fast for you to flinch in time but you never felt the impact. In an instant, Eric had crossed the space between you. One arm shoved Jake back so hard he stumbled against the front desk. The next punch came from deep in Eric’s shoulder, landing square in Jake’s jaw with a brutal thud that sent him sprawling to the floor.
“Touch her again” Eric growled, standing over him like a shadow, “and I will end you. You know I'm capable of that.. don't you?”
Jake groaned, clutching his face. Eric grabbed him by the shirt collar and hauled him up. Chance had already stepped in by then, pulling Jake away from Eric. “That’s enough” he muttered, dragging Jake toward the exit. “You’re done here ..chop chop before I call the cops”
His mouth was bleeding, eyes burning with rage, glaring at you
“You’ll regret this. You will”
You didn’t even flinch this time. You didn’t blink. You just pulled out the ring from your pocket and threw it at his feet.
“There's your ring..put it on yourself because there's nobody else in this world you love more than you love yourself” you said to him, he stepped forward again to say something to you but then he looked at Eric and Chance and decided against it.
Once he was gone, Eric turned to you, chest heaving, eyes scanning your face, he cupped your cheeks “Did he ever hurt you before today?”
You shook your head, smiling between your tears “Not like this. Not physically. But then i never pissed him off like this, never spoke up”
Eric reached out slowly, gently, brushing his thumb over your skin.
He looked like he wanted to say more, but instead, he just pulled you close, wrapping you in his arms again. Chance then walked behind Eric and wrapped his arms around you both.
“Finally..yesss” you couldn't help but smile at the gesture. As Chance went inside the gym area to give you two privacy you looked up at Eric.
“I never meant to distract you from the competition..I'm sorry if I did” he smiled as he shook his head.
“No..you just gave me another reason to win this thing..but let's not talk about that..what do you want to do? What can I do to make you feel better?” he asked you softly.
You had always heard the phrase, never judge a book by its cover and now you understood its true meaning.
Jake was perfect on paper, grew up rich, a privileged doctor with multiple degrees, a respected member of the society and then there was Eric with his rough childhood and harsh life, you had been warned about men like him.
Tattoos, a criminal record, no degree. But the truth was that Jake knew how to smile in public and destroy in private. His cruelty was quiet, calculated. He never left marks you could show. Just the kind that festered beneath your skin, slowly teaching you how to doubt yourself. How to apologize for things that weren’t your fault. How to shrink and make yourself small so you'd never fight back.
Eric never asked you to be small. He made you show up for yourself. And he just showed up for you without even asking. With his encouraging words, with ibuprofen left on the door, with how he thought of your safety above his own. He was there when nobody else was.
Eric, the one man your mother kept warning you about, was the man who made you feel safe. When you didn't answer him, he asked again, voice even softer this time so you smiled and answered him.
“I want to workout with you and then I want to go see Patricia..is that okay?”
His eyes teared up, he leaned down to kiss you softly before he hummed in response.
“More than okay..it's perfect”
For now it really was. But then how long would he be able to keep you away from his past, how long before he'd lose you again?
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