Kent Parson Deserves Better

Check Please/real hockey (Pittsburgh Penguins!) sideblog. Icon from zoombits

[smallinsaneone-blog]

So my phone is old and a piece of shit which means I came frighteningly close to losing my Tumblr today. Which is a good time to inform any followers that care that I will likely be getting a new phone in the next few weeks, which means I will, in fact, probably lose this Tumblr. But never fear, I have another blog! If I mysteriously vanish, you can find me here: @smalliinsaneone or, if you’re here from my check please/hockey blog, you can find me here: @actualtrashxrussianpotato. I’ll still be around, just somewhere else.

[erikjohnsons]

just a lovely little clip of nicklas backstrom on the penalty kill absolutely owning the hawks for his whole shift

[iboatedhere]

Every Time A Bell Rings

When Jack finally blinks his eyes open he’s sure he’s looking at an angel.

Halo of gold hair. Big, brown eyes. Soft, calm voice as he talks to himself while checking on the IV that’s sticking out of Jack’s arm.

His eyes track his fingers and then finally sweep up to Jack’s face. When their eyes connect Jack’s angel smiles.

“Well, hello there, Mr. Zimmermann.”

There’s a thick southern accent that sounds as sweet as syrup and Jack fights to keep his eyes open just to watch him for a few more seconds.

“We weren’t expecting you to be up this early. Everything’s just fine. The doctor should be in in a few to talk to you. How are you feelin’?”

Jack tries to hold on but his throat is dry and he’s so tired.

He shuts his eyes again and the last thing he hears and feels before he falls asleep is a soft laugh and a hand on his shoulder.

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[timetraveldean]

You need to watch this, basically almost all nursing homes here in Portugal are doing the bottle flip challenge and it’s the best thing ever. Here’s one of the videos

[katedrawscomics]

the only acceptable dabs

[pengetmegged]

Some headcanons about Andrew Minyard:

Tried to pierce his ear not long after moving in with Nicky and Aaron and fucked it up, giving Nicky a minor heart attack. They never talk about it again.

The only time he is ever seen smiling on camera is after an Exy game during the height of the Minyard-Josten press where he managed to shut out Neil’s team entirely

(Neil’s face during the post game interview is a sight to behold)

Once accidentally ate some of Kevin’s 80% cacao chocolate and the sheer force of will required to not spit it out was the hardest thing he’s ever had to do

Turned down Kevin’s request for him to be best man at his wedding but agreed to being his kid’s godparent a few years later (he ends up being godparent to both Nicky and Aaron’s kids too, because he’s surprisingly (or not) great with kids)

Nicky’s most treasured possession is a framed photo of Andrew looking deadpan at the camera with face paint all over his face and like four kids fighting to add more. Andrew threatens to burn it every time he sees it, but never does. Neil does indeed have a copy

Insists on ice cream cake as his only request for when he and Neil get married. It ends up melting and he’s the only person to eat it, which is fine by him.

Has to hem his own jeans. Both Minyards are adept at this and the bottom of Neil’s torn/ratty jeans irritated him to No End the first years they knew each other until he said fuck it and started hemming them himself.

It’s the early 2000s, don’t tell me he didn’t at least once try to convince Neil to wear leather/pvc pants to a club lmao

Spends waaaaay too much money on the cats even when he’s pretending to hate them. The fountain water bowl is necessary and the five teir cat tower with a ladder was on sale, so like, makes sense. He swears that the christmas themed collars were a punishment, looking that dumb has to be (the picture of the cats wearing them and Neil in his own awful jumper is Andrew’s phone background for the next year)

[omgcheckplease]

Patreon blog sketch dump! ☆

[zim-bone-me]

SMH and the Kiss Cam

I am 100% positive that the Kiss Cam has been pointed at the bench a million times so here’s some stuff that probably most definitely happened (feel free to add more if you want to)

Shitty and Jack - Shitty fucking POUNCES on that boy and gives him the sloppiest, grossest, wettest kiss on the cheek. The only time anyone has seen Jack smile during a game

Holster and Bitty - Holster somehow gets all 6′4″ of himself into Bitty’s lap and pecks kisses all over his face 

Nursey and Dex - Dex flips off the camera but once it is off of them Nursey kisses his cheek it was honestly really precious 

Tango and Whiskey - Tango does not notice the jumbotron or the camera pointed at them at ALL but Whiskey sure does and he just drops a kiss onto the top of Tango’s head

Jack and Bitty - okay this is before they got together and were still playing together so Bitty just blushes and laughs and shakes his head and Jack is sitting there disappointed but not knowing why 

Ransom and Holster - they straight up made out right then and there. the second they were up on the jumbotron the helmets were flung off their heads and they were somehow already on second base it went from 0 to 100 real quick mothers had to shield the eyes of their children and once the camera was off of them they were all like #nohomo but also #alittlehomo

Ransom and Nursey - Ransom kneels and kisses Nursey’s hand in the most dramatic, unnecessary way and Nursey somehow gets 10% gayer in that moment. 

Jack and Dex - it is the most awkward thing anyone has ever seen in their lives. They both act like they don’t know whats going on but they tOTALLY do. Shitty jumps in from off frame and tackles Dex, they both knock into Jack and it turns into a domino effect of everyone on the bench being completely obliterated. 

Chowder and Nursey - the softest, sweetest peck on the lips anyone has ever seen. It’s barely lasts .3 seconds but it happened and it was super cute

[itsacpsideblog]

An Important Fact to remember:

Jack LOVES it when Bitty sits in his lap

[itsacpsideblog]

Reasons Why It’s Good to Have Bittle Sit in My Lap by Jack Zimmermann

He’s so small, and it’s easier to appreciate how small he is when he’s in my lap

It means he’s paying attention to me

Ideal for chirping, since he can’t get away

I can protect him

Good excuse to hold his butt (ie so he doesn’t fall off)

[zafojones]

Circus Tree: Six individual sycamore trees were shaped, bent, and braided to form this.

[gwydtheunusual]

Actually pretty easy. Trees don’t reject tissue from other trees in the same family. You bend the tree to another tree when it is a sapling, scrape off the bark on both trees where they touch, add some damp sphagnum moss around them to keep everything slightly moist and bind them together.  Then wait a few years- The trees will have grown together.  You can use a similar technique to graft a lemon branch or a lime branch or even both- onto an orange tree and have one tree that has all three fruits. Frankentrees.

[beautifuloutlier]

As a biologist I can clearly state that plants are fucking weird and you should probably be slightly afraid of them.

On that note! At the university (UBC) located in town, the Agriculture students were told by their teacher that a tree flipped upside down would die. So they took an excavator and flipped the tree upside down. And it’s still growing. But the branches are now the roots, and the roots are now these super gnarly looking branches. Be afraid.

[reallifescomedyrelief]

But Vi, how can you mention that and NOT post a picture? D:

[source]

[sashiscorner]

I am both amazed and horrified of nature as we all should be

[jadedsoggy]

I love how trees are like “fuck it, I’ll deal” at literally everything. Forest fire? Cool, my seeds’ll finally grow. Upside down? Branches, suck, roots, leave. What’s this new branch? Eh, welcome to the tree buddy.

[rooksandravens]

I need to be more like tree

[azzandra]

I continue to fear and respect out arboreal overlords.

[fuckyeahwomenprotesting]

what kind of professor did these students have that they needed to prove him wrong so badly that they literally dug up a tree, flipped it and put it back in the ground?

[sailorofships]

Sounds like y’all’ve never heard about the Tree of 40 Fruits. Well, it’s exactly as it sounds. Sam Van Aken, an artist based in New York, decided to try his hand at grafting (e.g. the process by which you attach the branches of a different tree to a host tree).

As artists are inclined to do he decided to push some limits and over the course of a few years he grafted over 40 different fruit onto the host “ including almond, apricot, cherry, nectarine, peach and plum varieties.”

It has a fruiting period lasting from July to October and this is what it looks like when blossoming.

Shit’s tight yo.

Also we have a group called the Guerrilla Grafters. A group who started in San Fransisco with the goal of grafting fruiting branches onto non-fruiting trees of the same type.

Most cities have fruit trees that simply don’t produce fruit because having all these would be a mess and inadvertently providing unregulated food to people comes with a lot of legal risks I suppose. These grafters seem to think otherwise and have taken it upon themselves to try and bring fruit trees back to urban areas.

[dangerbooze]

HOLY SHIT

[okapiandpaste]

THE LAST ONE

[solarpunkcast]

Solarpunk as fuck!!

[fancynewaddress]

Reblogging for “I continue to fear and respect out arboreal overlords.”

[alphacrone]

in year four, coach can’t make it up for family weekend once again and bitty’s feeling a bit blue about it, ‘cause he thought maybe being Captain would make his dad more determined to clear his schedule or whatever. but he bakes some pies in preparation for his mama, chats with the chows and the nurses and meets ford’s moms and whiskey’s siblings and there’s a mini party going on at the haus pre-game when the doorbell rings. 

now, bitty knows it’s probably his mama because who else would ring the doorbell? so he opens the door and yes, his mama is there, but next to her is Shitty in a sweater vest and tie, holding a pipe and wearing reading glasses he must have stolen from ransom. 

“son!” he shouts, arms open. “my boy, you’ve grown six inches since i saw you last! been eating your spinach, i see.” 

and mama’s laughing and going along with it, so bitty grins and lets shitty pull him into a hug. and the whole night Mr. Crappy is absolute gentleman, making small talk with the other parents and introducing himself as bitty’s Honorary Father. (”because i’m honored to be his dad for the evening, git it?”) 

and bitty is so happy to see his mama and so tickled by shitty that he forgets how sad he was feeling earlier. at the end of the evening, after the game, he pulls shitty aside to thank him. and shitty kisses the top of his head very loudly and says, “bits, c’mon. that’s what family’s for.” 

[wheeloffortune-design]

I NEED SHITTY TO GIVE JACK THE SHOVEL TALK

[alphacrone]

“-and if you ever make him cry-”

“Shits, what’re you talking about-?”

“I’ve got a forty-five and a shovel-”

“Bittle, please make this idiot stop.”

“Mr. Zimmermann! Show my father some respect.”

[coloradoavalanche]

SO

MUCH

FUNNNNNNNNN

[incorrectcheckpleasequotes]

Jack just woke up from a nap and the first thing he said was ‘I forgot I still have chicken nuggets’ and ate cold nuggets and went back to sleep and I don’t think I’ve ever loved someone this much.

Bitty (via incorrectcheckpleasequotes)

[just-shower-thoughts]

Three of the four elements are represented in types of hockey; Air hockey (air), field hockey (earth), ice hockey (water). Fire hockey needs to be a thing.

[junhaohaos]

All I can think of is Johnny Gaudreau wanting to light his stick on fire at the NHL All Star Game

[ebonybow]

fire hockey:

[newyorkrangersblog]

[agonyandagony]

What is, in your opinion, the most romantic thing that has ever happened during a hockey game?

child’s play

[king-holt]

Okay but imagine Jack humming Halo to himself in the locker room to calm his nerves before his first Falconers game

[foryouandbits]

Imagine Jack singing Halo in the shower at home before morning practice and Bitty throwing back the curtain and yelling HONEY! and everything comes full circle

[omgcheckplease]

★ Notes on Year 3, Comic 22  - Cup I - Playoffs ★

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