summary: steve and y/n don’t get along. now, they have to.
pairings: au!steve rogers x fem!reader
warnings: alcohol, swearing, angst
a/n: y’all i hate writing dialogue heavy chapters but here you go!
steve’s eyes were glued on y/n as she went around greeting everyone. she looked different. he couldn’t place why. her gaze would flutter over to his, before being returned to whoever was at hand. she did not process the interactions that she was making as her thoughts were occupied by him. she missed him so much she could burst. she needed him like she needed air.
and then, she reached him. he had been dreaming of this moment for months. “steve,” she exhaled, softly smiling. he looked different, healthier. he grasped her hand and pulled her in for a hug. he couldn’t help himself. everything in his body was screaming at him to just hold her. he held her with a desperation, one that she felt. for a second, it felt like everything was going to be alright. then, reality came crashing back.
she pulled away and opened her mouth to say something, but was interrupted. “y/n, i’ve heard many things about you.”
she ripped her eyes away from steve and to the man on his right. “oh, thor!” she couldn’t mask the surprise in her voice.
“yes,” the long haired man beamed.
“listen, i’m sorry for not replying to your text. i’ve had a lot on my plate,” she stole a look at steve who had involuntarily quirked an eyebrow. “with work and all,” she added.
hope sparked in steve’s heart. she didn’t text thor. did this mean that she felt something for steve? then, a second realization dawned on him; she never sent him a request for the money. there had to have been a reason aside from being busy or forgetting.
as fate had a funny way of conducting its business, y/n ended up sitting in between steve and thor at the dinner table. she anxiously played with the ends of her hair, keeping her focus on the glass of wine in front of her. thor would occasionally chatter to her but she would reply with short answers.
steve could see that she was obviously nervous. he wanted to comfort her but the words evaded him.
“more wine?” sam asked the guests, holding out a bottle.
“please,” y/n raised her glass. “steve?” she glanced over her shoulder to him.
“uh, no,” he cleared his throat, “i actually quit drinking.” he leaned back in his chair, searching her expression.
“oh, that’s good. i’m happy for you,” she gave him a genuine smile. “takes a lot of willpower. a lot that i don’t have,” the exhaustion was evident on her face.
“well, i just smoke weed now,” he shrugged.
she burst into laughed and he felt his chest swell. “trading vices,” she joked.
the corners of his mouth lifted and his posture relaxed as sam refilled her glass. “so, how have you been?” he asked.
she angled her body towards him and answered, “it’s been rough but i’m pushing through.”
“it’s been rough for you? you’re the one who-” he sat straight up, his gestures becoming erratic before she cut him off.
“this is not the time or the place for this conversation,” she lowered her voice.
“when is? when are we gonna talk about how you curb-stomped my heart?”
“curb-stomped?” she scoffed, “you’re taking this a bit far now, steve.” he was getting her riled up in only the way that he could.
“no, i’m completely serious. you basically RKO’d me in my feelings,” he crossed his arms over his chest, scowling.
“well, i cannot take you seriously if that’s the vernacular that you’re choosing,” she shook her head.
“that’s the problem! you never take me seriously.”
“it’s not a party if y/n and steve don’t argue,” natasha smirked from across the table.
a chorus of denials was heard from the two. “oh no, we were just chatting, like two civilized human beings,” y/n shot a glare at steve before giving the redhead a charming grin.
“somethings just never change,” sam laughed.
the rest of dinner went by without any major hiccups. slowly, everyone left one by one. natasha left as she had work early in the morning but y/n stayed back to help clean up. she was finishing up loading the dishwasher when she heard something clatter. she flinched and turned around. steve had dropped a spoon.
“oh, you scared me,” she pressed a hand to her chest, “i thought you left.
“still here,” he gave a small smile. he picked the spoon up off the ground and handed it to her. she put it in its spot, threw in a detergent pod, and closed it.
“i think that’s everything,” she sighed.
“alright i just sorted out the recycling. i think that’s the last of it,” sam closed the front door behind him, “thanks for staying and helping out. i’d offer you a ride home, but i had a couple glasses of wine.”
“no worries, i’ll just get a uber or whatever.” she turned around to wipe her hands.
sam looked at steve, expectantly. what? steve mouthed. sam made a driving motion with his hands and then pointed at her. steve gave him a panicked look.
“well, i should call an uber,” she turned back around.
steve cleared his throat and said, “i can give you a ride home.”
“oh, i’ll be fine,” she waved him off.
“y/n, it’s late. let me drive you home.”
she looked at him and released a deep breath. “okay,” she nodded.
and so, the pair was off. she felt a weird sense of deja-vu, sitting in his passenger's seat. she sat, stiff as a board. “you can relax. i don’t bite,” he chuckled.
she let her shoulders drop. “sorry,” she mumbled.
the rest of the ride was silent. mostly because neither of them knew what to say. he pulled up to the curb outside her apartment and put the jeep in park. in the time she grabbed her purse and double checked she had everything, he had hopped out of the car and opened her door. “thanks but you don’t have to walk me up. i’ll be fine,” she told him once she had exited.
“why won’t you let me help you?”
at his response, she sucked in a breath. “you can walk me up, then.”
“no, honestly. why do you keep pushing me away? i know everything that went down in boston was real. there’s no way in hell you faked that behind closed doors.” he stuffed his hands in his pockets so that she wouldn’t see they were shaking.
“no. i deserve an answer.”
“fine!” she exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. “i’m fucking scared because i’m not good enough for you. if we started dating for real, it’ll just be a matter of time until you see that.”
“y/n,” his voice softened, “what would make you think that?”
“have you seen your family?! you guys are like a hallmark movie. i would never fit in.”
“but you did fit in,” he took a step closer to her. “they all loved you.”
“no, steve. they loved the lie.” she began pacing, bringing her hand up to twist the ends of her hair.
“the only thing that was fake was the label on us. you didn’t change anything about yourself.”
“still. how will they react when they find out the truth?”
“who gives a shit?” he spread his hands. “i want you and you’re more than good enough. i don’t know what else to tell you.”
“if you want me then why are we always arguing? it won’t work.”
“we’re always arguing because i’ve wanted you from the minute i laid my eyes on you, y/n. you had a boyfriend when we met. what was i supposed to do? ruin your relationship?”
she stopped in her tracks, locking his eyes. “i-” she began but then stopped. she reached up to rub the spot between her eyebrows. “i can’t have this conversation,” he grimaced at her words and turned his head away as she continued, “when i’m not sober and it’s 2 in the morning.”
“there’s always something with you. are you just gonna put us off forever?” he clenched his jaw. he wanted her so badly. he couldn’t understand why she couldn’t get it through her head that he didn’t care about anything else. the whole world could end, but if he was at her side then it would be a blissful death.
she ran her hand through her hair and shrugged. “i don’t know anything, anymore.”
“okay then, let’s get inside. i’m not gonna freeze my ass off for no reason.”
“so you’re saying you want me, but this is not reason enough?”
“oh my god, y/n. i’m laying my heart out in front of you and you keep finding new ways to fuck with it. what do you want from me?”
“i’m sorry,” she shook her head, “i’m just not in the right state of mind. we’re gonna keep going in circles.”
he nodded then gestured toward the door. she brought her lip between her teeth and then let it go with a sigh. he wanted nothing more than to just grab her and kiss her. but, she turned around and went to put in the code on the keypad. he followed behind her. the elevator ride up to her floor was silent. they got to her apartment. she unlocked the door. when she stepped in, he turned to leave.
he glanced over his shoulder, back at her. he felt hope, for a moment.
“text me when you get home.”
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