Below are a list of mods (organized as best as I can) that I use when I play Stardew Valley!
Here are instructions on how to install on PC/Mac:
☆ Install SMAPI! This is important when later running the actual mods with the game. When installing and running SMAPI, it will give step-by-step instructions.
☆ Download your desired mods! Make sure you read the other required mods to run the ones you download. Without them, they will not run!
☆ Unzip the downloaded mods! A zipped file will not run unfortunately...
☆ Open the Stardew Valley mods folder. You can do this by opening the game (not launching) in your steam library, hitting the cog on the right-hand side of the screen, hovering over manage, and hitting 'browse local files'. From here you should see a folder labeled 'mods'
☆ Transfer your downloaded and unzipped mods into the folder!
☆ From here you should be able to run the game with mods! It may take some tweaking if mods aren't updated-- using this website shows whether or not the mods run and the latest version!
**if i missed anything please let me know! the SDV mod guide is much more coherent than me so be sure to use your resources!
Required for most:
☆ SMAPI
☆ SpaceCore
☆ Json Assets
☆ Generic Mod Config Menu
☆ Farm Type Manager (FTM)
☆ Content Patcher
☆ Fashion Sense
☆ Shop Tile Framework
☆ Event Repeater
☆ Non Destructive NPCs
☆ Mail Framework Mod
☆ Anti-Social NPCs
☆ SAAT - Audio API and Toolkit
☆ Expanded Preconditions Utility
Expansions:
☆ Stardew Valley Expanded
☆ Ridgeside Village
Gameplay altering:
☆ Skip Fishing Minigame
☆ Skull Cavern Elevator
☆ Chests Anywhere
☆ Destroyable Bushes
☆ Automate
☆ Ui Info Suite
☆ Show Birthdays
☆ Friends Forever
☆ Customize Anywhere
☆ Ellie's Ideal Greenhouse
Add-ons:
☆ Tractor Mod
☆ New Years Eve
☆ Pregnancy and Birth Events
☆ Date Night
☆ Spouses in Ginger Island
Texture/Recolor:
☆ DaisyNiko's Earthy Interface
☆ DaisyNiko's Earthy Recolour
☆ Medieval buildings & Medieval SV Expanded
☆ Elle's New Coop Animals
☆ Elle's New Barn Animals
☆ Rustic Country Town Interiors
Item Replacements:
☆ Firefly Torch
☆ Fox - Pet Replacer
☆ Gwen's Lamps for CP and AT
Appearance:
☆ Seasonal Outfits - Slightly Cuter Aesthetic for SVE
☆ Seasonal Outfits for Ridgeside Village
☆ Coii's All Hats Pack
☆ Coii's Girls Sets Pack
☆ Hats Won't Mess Up Hair
☆ Babies Take After Spouse
☆ Sugarmaples' Cafe Clothes
Other:
☆ Canon-Friendly Dialogue Expansion
☆ BusLocations (Required for Desert mod)
☆ Sprites in Detail
“While that fear of someone important disappearing grows, independence grows with it,” she says with a weak voice. The paper in her hands become stained with her tears. The ink spreads, making the words illegible. It was likely she’d rather not have anybody read it anyways, but that wasn’t her goal. Slowly, the wrinkles on the paper increase in number as her grip tightens. She couldn’t go on. She looks up to see blurry faces, unrecognizable as they are all dressed in similar dark clothing.
originally posted on ao3 // song lyrics used: here
“I guess I must live on even though you aren’t by my side.
Or was it me who wasn’t by your side first?”
You can’t remember the last time you truly smiled. The sunlight beams through the windows, hitting your face. Since you’ve parted with Ichiro, you have filled your life with distractions. Anything that can get your mind off of him worked. You roll off your bed and stretch, letting the sun warm your body. To block any sadness from entering your soul, you decide to go out to eat breakfast.
“A cafe… pancakes maybe? Ooo, and a cup of coffee or something,” you murmur to yourself, feeling your hunger grow by the minute.
Though it’s early, the streets of Ikebukuro are bustling with people. Most people seem to be going to work, their formal clothing making you stick out like a sore thumb.
Quickly ordering your food, you take a seat near a window-- your usual seat. People-watching is calming to you. Their lives seem to be so different from yours and it is the only thing that makes you feel unique. You like to guess what kind of jobs people were making their way towards as they pass. Judging their outfits and comparing it to your own is also another pastime.
“Here’s your order,” a worker comes by and places your drink and food on your table with a smile. Your stomach growls at your thought at finally eating.
You nod to them, “thank you.”
Leaving you be, you spend your time between scrolling your phone, eating, and observing people. Before you know it, an hour passed. Already having paid for your food, you bring your empty plate and glass by the counter and leave to continue your day.
“And I know my words must seem like excuses,
but it was never my intention to hurt you.”
“Ichiro, I have my own life to live! Don’t you have your brothers to look out for?” you lashed at Ichiro.
His eyes seemed to flash with anger-- a look you’ve never seen before, “am I not allowed to care for you?”
A pang in your heart. Misunderstanding, yet you couldn’t get yourself to say anything. He could care, but you felt it was getting out of hand. Were you overthinking it? No way. You couldn’t be.
“I never said you couldn’t. Don’t twist my words,” you folded your arms with a huff, “plus, why do you care about me so much now? I thought you were too busy ‘preparing for rap battles’ or whatever. Sometimes it seems like you care more about that stupid hypnosis mic of yours than you care about me!”
“That’s not true Y/n, and you know it! If you had a problem with that, why did you just tell me?”
“You know that’s not what this is about. Don’t change the subject like that.”
You couldn’t believe you were arguing in his home. Not wanting his brothers to see, you made your way towards the door, hoping Ichiro would follow.
“Where are you going now? The bar? Someone else?” His questions made you stop all movement.
Tears filled your eyes as you dropped your head to the ground, “so that’s how you see me? Ichiro, I don’t want to argue here. We can’t have your brothers hearing this; they don’t deserve to hear this.”
As if someone flipped a switch, his tone softened, “look, Y/n… you know I didn’t mean it like that.”
“It definitely seemed like it though. You know what? Just leave me alone. I can’t handle this right now,” the cracking in your voice gave away your sadness. Ichiro took a step towards you, but you stopped him, “if you cared, you’d give me time. Time: that’s all I ask of you.”
Unable to look at him, you could only listen to his response, “okay, if that’s what you want. Just… know that I’ll be waiting for you.”
“Even if I never learn to love for the rest of my life,
if we ever meet again for as long as I live,
I promise to keep my loyalty then.”
Looking at your watch, you wait by the gate for Jiro. Compared to Saburo, Jiro sometimes has you tutor him. Every Wednesday is what you both agreed on. Since then, you dread Wednesdays. It means you have to go into their home. The same home that you and Ichiro argued in. You are lucky enough that Ichiro is usually out, but when he’s around you do your best to avoid talking to him at all costs.
“Did I make you wait long?” Jiro runs over to you, clearly out of breath.
You shake your head, “no. I just got here a few minutes ago, and waiting doesn’t hurt.”
Jiro makes small talk while you head over to his house, boasting about something amazing Ichiro has done earlier that week. While it tends to go in one ear and out the other, he says something interesting: “he doesn’t want me to tell you, but he saw you while you were shopping over the day. He told Saburo and I that he was too nervous to talk to you. Nervous! Brother Ichiro is never like that!”
You are taken aback by what Jiro said, “he was? He shouldn’t have to feel that way, that’s so unlike him.”
Jiro laughs, agreeing with your statement as you both enter his living room and get started on tutoring.
“How did you get that?” Jiro will ask every once in a while on a math problem. As usual, you’ll walk him through each step until he understands the concept.
Every once in a while Saburo will pop in to pick on his older brother, or you’ll take breaks for snacks, but for the most part, you were incredibly focused on helping Jiro.
“I woke up from a deep dream, but was never able to tell you that
you were the reason I felt like I was living.”
The day after your dispute with Ichiro, you woke up in a cold sweat. Unable to recall anything that happened the previous night, you check your phone for the time.
12:45 pm. You overslept. You were lucky to not have any plans that day or you would’ve been screwed.
You sat up in disbelief when remembering your argument with Ichiro. “That really happened,” you told yourself. Part of you wanted to reach out to him, but you couldn’t get yourself to. While you remembered the hurtful words exchanged, you weren’t able to figure out what started the situation in the first place.
“He really thought I had another destination when leaving,” you feel your cheeks flare. Were you angry? Or maybe embarrassed? What made him think that in the first place?
You fall back onto your bed, covering your face with a pillow, tears slowly spreading and soiling your clean rectangular mold of fluff. What to do now? The person you deemed your other half seems to have turned into something else.
“Time?” you wept, “Is that really what I need?” Maybe reconciliation is what you needed, but you couldn’t dare to face him properly. If anything, you believed he needed to apologize and face the problem first. But how could he if he obeyed your wish for time apart? You didn’t dare think aloud, fearing that the worst would only come out of it.
It didn’t help that you would still have to see him every now and then. While twice or three times a week wasn’t harmful, you felt yourself becoming uneasy at the thought of seeing him. Either way, you had to get over it, there’s no avoiding it. You knew this, but you found it hard to accept it.
For the next hour, you reminded yourself of the happy memories the two of you had made together: the theme park visits, the cafe dates, the rap practices. Even the bittersweet memories of your winter walks and deep eye-opening discussions had you yearning for him.
It’s only been a day, it’s felt like a lifetime.
“I’m hoping this isn’t the end‒
I must see you soon.”
“I’m back!” Ichiro announces, entering the Ikebukuro home, unaware of your presence.
The two younger brothers run to the door to greet him while you sit in silence. Usually you’re able to fully avoid him, but there are times like this where he comes home earlier than expected.
“Ichiro! I got a one-hundred on my exam today!” Saburo beams to his eldest brother.
Jiro gets in front of Ichiro and excitedly announces, “I’m finally passing one of my classes thanks to Y/n!”
Pointing to you, his eyes immediately make their way to you. You avoid his gaze, sheepishly rubbing your neck.
“It’s nothing really,” you let out a nervous laugh, “Jiro just needed a push in the right direction is all.”
Ichiro makes his way over to you to eye you better, “thank you, Y/n. But have you been taking care of yourself? You look… tired. Have you been getting enough rest? You know you have to look after yourself.”
You look up at him, revealing your eye bags. He didn’t even have to see your face to recognize your exhaustion? A warm feeling spread through your body at the thought of him caring, but you didn’t let it get to your head.
“I- I do. It was just one of those nights where I didn’t get enough rest, I guess,” you lie with a tired smile. Sweat rolls down the side of your face and you’re unsure whether it’s from feeling unwell or from anxiousness.
“Y/n, are you sure?” Ichiro turns to his younger siblings, “Did you guys notice this?” They look at each other before shaking their heads.
“Look, Ichiro, I’m fine. I am taking care of myself. I even took a walk today!”
“Was that really it? Or was it because you picked up my brother from school?”
“No, really! I walked to that one cafe in the city that I go to all the time for breakfast today. Again, Ichiro, don’t worry about me.”
As much as you wanted to tell him to hop off you, you couldn’t get yourself to, so you let him continue to interrogate you and your well-being. Though, it wasn’t like you’d tell him the truth anyways.
“We left the memory of time losing its breath on the other side;
But we brought back to reality the cherished memories we made so
sadly, yet beautifully and now we must rewrite our story that we
never wanted to bring to an end.”
There was a specific time that you recalled that day where you have never felt happier by Ichiro’s side. You two made a spontaneous trip to the seaside for the weekend. While you claimed it was to get away from the city, it was really to spend more time together. Luckily Jiro and Saburo were okay with being without Ichiro for those two days or you would’ve had to take them with you guys.
When you both arrived at the hotel, you raced each other to the hotel room. The winner got to decide what to do first and with so much to do, both of you wanted the upper hand on how to start the weekend that awaited the both of you.
Much to your surprise, you won with Ichiro being a few steps behind you. Letting out a victorious cheer, you open the door to the room you will be staying in. While you and Ichuro had organized your belongings, you decided to take a stroll by the beach first.
“The beach? Did you want to get a tan or build a sandcastle or something?” Ichiro laughed.
You shook your head, “not really, I just wanted to relax with a walk before we get into the heavy stuff, you know? Take it as a warm up for all the moving we’ll be doing later.” In all honesty, you just wanted to walk along the foreshore and mess around with him, but you didn’t want to sound like a kid. Building a sandcastle did pique your interest as his mentioning of it, so maybe you’ll consider it.
You took your bathing suit out from your suitcase along with some light clothing, going to the bathroom to change into them. When you came out, Ichiro had decided to change while waiting, wearing a different outfit than he was previously.
“Ready for the best trip ever?” Ichiro extended his hand for you to take. From the moment you took his hand till the end of the weekend, you had experienced such happiness that you knew you’d never get such an experience again.
“I dream a sad dream every night.
I dance within the loss.
Who will become my light?
Will you ever extend your hand to me?”
“Y/n, you’re gonna stay for dinner, right?” Saburo gives you an innocent smile, but you know he’s doing it on purpose.
You hesitate, and before you can decline, Jiro pipes in, “take it as a thanks for all the tutoring!”
Reluctantly agreeing, you end up sitting with them to eat dinner. Jiro and Saburo brag to Ichiro about random things they did recently. All you do is listen and eat silently. The warmth of the food adds to the flavor of the food. You begin to list random ingredients that could be in the meal to busy yourself.
“So,” Saburo changes the subject, “how come you and Ichiro don’t hang out as much anymore?”
You look up at him in surprise, nearly choking on your food, “well, uh…”
“Saburo, don’t just ask questions like that,” Ichiro scolds him.
“No, it’s okay. I owe an explanation anyways,” you take another bite of the dinner before explaining, “I just needed some time alone. I thought it would help me to do something like that. I mean, I’ve seen loads of people do it and they come back a new and improved person, you know? Well, clearly that didn’t work out so well.”
The air seems to have thickened, but you laugh it off and wave your hands to dismiss your statement.
“Um, Y/n,” Ichiro whispers your name so his brothers don’t take notice, “could we talk after dinner?”
You nod, growing nervous. Because of that, you rush to eat your food before it gets to a point where you can’t eat anymore. The two younger brothers watch in both astonishment and confusion, but don’t ask any questions.
After dinner, Saburo and Jiro go back to their rooms to prepare for bed. With you and Ichiro sitting together, alone, Ichiro struggles to find where to start.
“How much longer do you plan on making yourself suffer?”
Out of anything he could have said, you weren’t expecting that.
“What? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you shrug and attempt to play it off.
“I know you, Y/n. Why are you trying so hard to avoid me anyways? Was it because of that argument from before? That was months ago!”
“I- look. I didn’t want you babying me like you do with your brothers, okay? I’m not your sibling. I’m my own person. You pestered me so much about taking care of myself that I was overwhelmed I guess. I don’t even know. But after that night everything went downhill.”
“I didn’t know,” Ichiro looks down at his feet, “but was it really just that? It seemed like there was more bothering you that night.”
“Well,” you debate on whether or not to tell him, but decide it’s for the best that he knows, “you kind of assumed I was going to mess around when I was about to leave.”
“But I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Maybe you didn’t, but it sticks. Either way, I guess I was being too sensitive that night,” you cover your face with your hands in embarrassment, “I’m sorry Ichiro. I’m so sorry.”
“Y/n, it’s okay,” he pulls your hands away and looks into your eyes with a soft expression. He pulls you into a hug as you begin to cry, “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have pestered you too much. I’ll be sure to not annoy you like that, but it just happens sometimes.”
You laugh, “that’s fine, as long as it’s not about every little thing I do. I forgive you.”
After the end of that conversation, you both decide to catch up on what happened over the past few months. The night ended up being full of laughter and happiness-- something you weren’t expecting to experience so soon.
Song: Do I Wanna Know? (Arctic Monkeys)
Characters: Yumeno Gentaro, Arisugawa Dice, Amemura Ramuda, Reader
Relationship(s): Yumeno Gentaro/Reader
originally posted on ao3
“Have you got color in your cheeks?
Do you ever get that fear that you can't shift the type,
That sticks around like summat in your teeth?”
Gentaro scans your face as you twirl the straw in your cup. With the silence between you two, he finds it hard to read what could be going through your mind.
Before he gets the chance to break the silence, you open your mouth, “it feels like you’ve changed since we’ve last spoken.”
Gentaro’s expression falters for a second before reverting back to his mask. The mask that you oh-so despised. He doesn’t respond immediately, as if trying to put some thought into his response.
“What do you mean?” his voice and smile seemingly taunting you.
“You’re asking me? I mean,” you pause and turn your gaze to the busy crowds of people in the streets, “it’s like you’re trying to avoid me.”
“Me? Avoid you? Why would I?”
“Look, it’s just a feeling. Right, you’re not avoiding me-- at least I hope you’re not. Well, I guess with you and I seeing each other face-to-face helps prove me wrong,” you trail off, bringing your drink to your lips. The sweetness of it satisfies your tongue, no residue being left on your lips as you place the cup down.
Gentaro laughs and taps the table to get your attention, “hey, cheer up! How about we order a cake to eat?”
Gentaro calls over a waiter to order a cake he thinks you’d like while you watch his expression. You repeat to yourself that he’s not avoiding you, that you’re being paranoid, that he wouldn’t purposely put distance between you two. He glances over at you to make sure you’re okay with the flavor, and you respond to his action by nodding with a smile. It warms your heart that he checks with you before ordering.
“I've dreamt about you nearly every night this week,
How many secrets can you keep?”
“So,” you begin, breaking the second period of silence, “you’re participating in another division rap battle? I noticed you’ve been busy with Arisugawa and Amemura.”
A snicker escapes his lips as he drums the table with his hands, “you don’t have to call them that, you know. They see you as a friend, not someone of different status.”
Heat creeps it’s way up your face while you stutter, “r-right. Dice and Ramuda then. But you didn’t answer my question; though I take it you are?”
“Mhm,” he hums, pulling out a notebook, “I’ve been preparing for them, but I guess I’ve hit some sort of writer’s block.”
“You? Hit writer’s block? Liar. I don’t believe it,” you laugh as you call out his lie.
He pouts, “okay, so maybe it was. I don’t like how you call it out so easily now. Remember when you fell for everything I said?”
“Honestly, that feels like forever ago,” you give him a soft, yet sad smile, noticing him staring right back at you with a gentle expression.
“(Do I wanna know?) If this feelin' flows both ways?”
Your eyes light up when your long-awaited cake arrives. Drool begins to pool in your mouth as you thank both the waiter and Gentaro. You couldn’t wait to dig in. When your eyes meet Gentaro’s, you feel a sense of disassociation from him. As much as you wanted to dismiss it, you felt yourself becoming attached to the thought that he’s hiding something from you.
You push the cake towards him to share some of it. When he waves his hand to signal he doesn’t want a piece, you place a fork in his hand.
“You really wanna share it with me, huh?” he teases, giving in and taking a slice.
Finishing the slice on your plate, you grin at him, “what? You didn’t want a taste of this delicious food? How’d you know what flavor to pick? This tastes amazing!” While your exclamation draws the attention of some customers around you, your eyes continue to sparkle.
After persistent convincing, Gentaro takes another slice. Your heartbeat accelerates when he meets your eyes with a smile that has never felt so genuine. If you had to guess, he was either really enjoying the cake, or he was getting comfortable. Feeling accomplished, you helped yourself to your drink and another small slice.
“Woah, what’s the sudden burst of energy from?” Gentaro touches your hand to get you to slow your pace.
You lift your fork halfway to your mouth, stopping to respond, “no reason.”
Gentaro can only shrug, knowing how stubborn you can get when he tries to pry.
“Crawlin' back to you
Ever thought of callin' when
You've had a few?
'Cause I always do”
By the end of the evening, you had a takeaway box of a half-eaten cake and a smile plastered on your face. The both of you walked out the building side-by-side, catching up about things you had in common. You enjoyed yourself so much, you forgot to ask Gentaro what he thought.
“Um, Gentaro?” you change the subject by posing your question, “knowing you’re busy and all, when would I get to see you again?”
Teasingly, he sticks out his tongue, “when either of us choose to reach out I guess? Kidding, I’ll give you a call to let you know when I’m free.”
You could sense his lie, but you didn’t want to start an argument by mentioning it. Before he could tell you he was lying, you split off with him and rushed back to your apartment.
You could only imagine what could happen between the two of you. With a wave of emotions hitting you from a blind spot, you lay in bed and ponder to yourself. Becoming bored of the plain white ceiling, you turn to your side to reach for a drink, only to find you’ve run out.
A sigh escapes your lips as you head to get a cup of juice for yourself. You lean against your kitchen counter and stare at the paintings that filled your blank walls. The colors look more blended together than usual, the cold tones screaming out to you. Tearing your eyes away, you opt to look out your window. Though your scenery was filled with other buildings and streetlights, the view of the sunset was still visible. For a brief moment, your lonely heart felt a little less lonely.
“So have you got the guts?
Been wonderin' if your heart's still open
And if so, I wanna know what time it shuts”
Ring! Ring! Ring!
It was your phone. Ring! Of course it was. Ring! Ring! Broken from your distraction, you place your cup down and bring your phone to your ears. With a simple tap, you were connected with the caller.
“Hello?” out of habit, the word slips right out.
“Y/n!” Ramuda excitedly beams, “you were just with Gentaro, right?”
“Yeah, why? Is he okay?”
“Of course, of course! I was just asking is all,” he seems to be holding back laughter. He covered his microphone and all you can hear is muffled bickering.
You sip on your juice while you wait for more, but when you don’t, you speak up, “um, Ra- Ramuda?”
Just as you speak, the call disconnects. Confusion seeps through your skin and into your very soul. Unable to connect the dots, you head to bed.
In the morning, you wake to a string of messages and missed calls. This rarely happens. No, this never happens. Squinting your eyes due to the light of your screen, you read the texts. They were all sent from Gentaro, but it was hard to tell whether or not he was the sender as it had gone back and forth between “sorry, that wasn’t me” to “that was a lie; it was me.” All of the missed calls were also from Gentaro, but you start to find it hard to believe he was the caller.
Testing your luck, you call back.
“Y/n! You finally picked up!”
“Gentaro?”
“Nope, this is Dice!”
“Oh,” you attempt to hide your disappointment with a question, “why do you have Gentaro’s phone? Not to sound rude, but I’m sort of confused.”
Ramuda snatches the phone from Dice and greets you, “mornin’ y/n! Could you come over? We want to talk to you about something. I promise it’s not anything bad! I’ll send the address to our office on this phone.”
“Hold on,” you blurt out before he can end it, “why can’t we talk about it over the phone? I mean, do- do I really have to go over there? Not that I can’t, but if it’s important it’s quicker over the phone, right?”
“Look, no time to explain. Just,” Ramuda takes a deep breath, “do it for me? If not then for Gentaro.”
Beep! Beep! Beep!
He ends the call before you could protest anymore. Seconds later, your phone dings with the address Ramuda was expecting you to go to. Who are you to displease a member of Fling Posse-- and even an ex-member of The Dirty Dawgs?
“I don't know if you feel the same as I do
But we could be together if you wanted to”
Hesitance filled your body, heart pounding against your chest and filling your ears. With trembling hands, you open the door to Fling Posse’s office.
The moment you step inside, Dice and Ramuda stand up in excitement, “you came!”
“Of- of course,” you stutter in embarrassment, mentally scolding yourself for your stuttering.
They gesture for you to take a seat, and so you do. Sitting back down, their happy expressions falter. The acceleration of your heart rate doesn’t make you feel any better than you were already feeling.
“Let me get straight to the point, we need your help,” Ramuda says, not getting straight to the point.
Out of nervousness, you burst into uncomfortable laughter, “m- my help? I’m of no use to you, trust me, but what would you need me for?”
“Well, we just need you for one smallllll thing,” Dice chimes. They go on to explain that they need you to get Gentaro to be more open.
Ramuda claps his hands together, “so that’s the plan!”
You shake your head so much it felt as if your brain was going to shatter, “no way! I- I can’t ju- just do that! He’ll know something’s up for sure!”
“If it’s you, there’s no way he will,” he smirks at you.
Knowing you won’t be able to get out of the situation, you agree to follow the plan, “on one condition, though. You can’t make me do anything like this again.”
“Deal,” Dice and Ramuda simultaneously nod their heads.
“(Baby, we both know) That the nights were mainly made
For sayin' things that you can't say tomorrow day”
“Thanks for meeting up with me, I hope you weren’t busy or anything,” Gentaro smiles at you.
Your face burns as you take a seat and look around, “of course not, but this is definitely, uh, new?”
Cocking an eyebrow, Gentaro crosses his arms, “am I not allowed to invite you out?”
“You know what I mean. This fancy restaurant has nobody? It’s unusual. Also, I thought you originally invited Ramuda and Dice.”
“Hey, don’t look at me like that. I heard this place was good and I was able to snag us spots. Ramuda and Dice couldn’t make it, so I opted for you; is that bad?”
“It’s not bad, but spots? The whole place is empty.”
Gentaro raises his hands guiltily while chuckling quietly, “you caught me. I may or may not have pulled some strings, but that doesn’t matter, does it?”
Liar. With no energy to call him out for his lie, you both order your food and eat in silence. While silence can be comforting, you felt like you had to talk. An uneasy feeling begins to settle in your stomach as you try to drown it with your food.
“Maybe I'm too (Maybe I'm too busy)
Busy bein' yours (Bein' yours)
To fall for somebody new”
Though you both made small talk throughout the night, time didn’t seem to pass. But whether you believe it or not, you were both in the back of a taxi heading to your apartment. Not for him to go into, but for him to make sure you would make it back safely.
“I got lucky being able to see you two days in a row,” you can’t stop yourself from smiling as you gaze out the window.
“Am I just that amazing?” Gentaro’s response makes you laugh. How is it that you’re enjoying the ride back? You can’t believe yourself and hope it doesn’t make you appear rude.
You nod and turn your head to look at him. He is amazing and you know that. If he was planning on doing this for his friends, he definitely sees you the same way he sees them. Nonetheless, you take in the moment and could only wish for what could be.
I turn to him in hopes of sensing some form of sympathy. There was none. His cold eyes meet mine for a second before pushing me away from him. I never expected to get close to him, but I wasn't expecting to be betrayed either.
"Why are you doing this?" The man in front of me smirks and tightly grips my shoulder when I yell.
He doesn't answer my question, instead, he laughs, "she's all yours. Take good care of her. It wouldn't be good for me to hear that you're mistreating her."
My heart drops. Vision blurring, my knees buckle and I fall to the ground in despair. Am I no longer my own person? Where did my freedom go? The life that I called mine was no longer in my grasp. It belonged to someone else now.
Okay, but imagine a soulmate au where you can only hear negative things your soulmate says. They wouldn’t have to be insults, but it would have to be spoken aloud.
So things like: “I’m gonna fail this test” or “I can’t believe I forgot my keys, ugh” would be something their soulmate would hear.
To communicate they might quietly insult each other. Just imagine: “Okay stupid soulmate can you stop being negative? I’m trying to do a damn test here!” “Sorry you imbecile it’s not my fault you can’t do a test without being distracted.”
If they ever heard their soulmate outside their house and in their head, it would just be a whole mess.
"What are you talking about? That place doesn't exist," the heavy-lidded person shakes their head slowly, "and if you don't believe me, so be it. But know that my word is true."
Suddenly, the man grabs the person's collar and slams them against the wall, "you're lying. It's real because she's there. Why would she be in a place that doesn't exist huh? Where is she then. If you're all-knowing then TELL ME!" His yelling makes them become shaken up and struggle.
"Whatever do you mean? All-knowing? You must have the wrong person," they shrug, recovering from the man's abrupt actions against them.
My footsteps reverberate in the narrow and seemingly endless hallway. My heart felt constricted, my throat tight and burning. Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes as I finally reached the outdoors. My ears have been blocking out any voice that call for me. Though I escaped the building that held my most detrimental emotions, my pace only quickens. I rubbed at my eyes, having no care for ruining my makeup. The only thing I cared for at the moment was escaping. Maybe wonderland wouldn’t be such a bad place after all.
The scent of flowers filled her nose; a scent she had long forgotten had existed. While her eyes adjusted to the light when she opened them, a feeling of warmth spread on her back.
“Home,” she whispered.
There was a soft hum behind her ear in response, “I’m so glad you’re back. I’ve been waiting for so long. Please tell me this is real.”
“Of course. I should be the one saying those words though. I can’t believe this,” she turns to face her lover with tears. They looked exactly like she remembered.
“Is this truly your home though?” the sudden question made her freeze up.
What is the definition of home? Is it a place that you find safety in or a feeling that you get from those around you? That, or maybe something much more complex.
The kindling warmth of the fire caused a smile to appear on her face. The way the colors blended in and moved with the wind fascinated her. She wished to be in that moment forever, to ignore all that is happening around her. She couldn’t want to forget it, for if she forgot then she would lose herself.
Their pain was one that could never be reflected in the mirror. It’s a pain that can only be noticed by looking deep into their eyes, gazing into their soul. If anyone tried to make eye contact, they made sure to look away. To avoid it at all cost was their plan. Until someone succeeded, it would all be buried deep inside them.
He struts across the ballroom towards me, a polite smile on his face. As if he’s greeting me, he lifts my hand to his lips. I refuse to look him in the eye, fearing what may become of me if I did. He leads me to where the guests were waltzing, and without a single word exchanged, we joined in. To relax and enjoy myself is all I ever wanted, but now that I am doing just that, do I deserve it? I bite my lip, my thoughts making me feel tense. As if he noticed on the spot, he squeezes my hand and pulls me outside for fresh air. For a few minutes we both stare at the scenery before us: the fully-risen moon, the trees gently swaying with the warm but chilling breeze. I would’ve paid no mind to the landscape, but tonight is different.
“Every time I finally get away from you, you always manage to find your way back to me. Why? You know you hurt me with your presence, your kindness, so tell me why?” I speak first, breaking our previously deafening silence.
To see him in front of me seemed like a dream. Tears filled my eyes, blurring my vision as I threw myself into his arms. I could feel his warmth, a signal that he is alive.
His breath in my ear, I can hear the sadness in his voice, “I’m so sorry for everything. I promise I didn’t mean it. Please forgive me.”
I pulled my head away to look into his eyes, noticing his eyes had become much more faded out. My mind only went in ways I didn’t want it to.
“It’s okay. I forgive you,” my voice cracked as held his face in my hands, “but please tell me it’s not true.”
He turns his head away, immediately knowing what I was talking about. My grip on him loosened as I felt light in the head.
“Are you okay?”
No.
“Absolutely. What makes you think I’m not?”
“I just wanted to check in,” they laugh, patting me on the back, “if you ever need to talk, I’m here.”
All I can do is smile and thank them. I needed to talk to someone, but I can’t just dump my whole life story on them. Staring at the coffee cup in my hand, I sigh and drink the rest.
She looks out her window and down at me with a smile on her face.
“You came all this way to see me?” She asks, excitement filled in her voice. I nodded and called for her to come outside.
When she gets outside, she jumps right into my arms, burying her head into my chest. I hear her sigh happily as we tumble onto the soft grass.
“It hasn’t been that long, but you act like it’s been years,” I whisper as I run my fingers through her hair.
She looks up at my face, “any amount of time apart from you feels like forever.”
“Hey, I’m not sure if you’ll ever hear this, but it’s worth a shot trying. I miss you. It’s cold here and all I can think about is you; all the things I’ve never gotten to do with you. I hope you’re doing well, enjoying the great outdoors, doing whatever you want. When I can finally go out again, you’re the first person I want to see. Until then, this is goodbye for now.”
Never in a billion years did she think she would hear his voice again. She drops the small piece of technology that held his recording and raises her foot, ready to smash it into pieces.
Before she could crush it, a gentle hand was placed on her shoulder, “what are you gaining from that? Is that even worth it?”
She turns around and tears threaten to spill from her eyes, “I hate him. I can’t stand listening to his voice. Let me break it, please.”
“I can’t let you do that,” he leans down and picks up the metal box, “I think this is valuable, don’t you?”
He brought his hand and put his palm against hers to compare. She pouted at the fact her hand was much smaller, pulling away. Before she could put her hand back at her side, he takes her hand into his grip with a smile.
