mspec people who “technically could identify as bi” but don’t and are shamed, guilted, and vilified for it: you are not biphobic for not identifying as bi, for not feeling that “this is me” feeling about bi, for liking other labels more than bi, for not choosing your label based on what others what you to use.
claiming we should identify as bi because we “fit” a definition is a fundamental misunderstanding of how identity labels work. labels are not determined and defined for us. we choose our own labels and we define our own labels. we use labels to express ourselves, which others don’t get a say in; start conversations with, based on our experiences; build communities with, with others like us. they are ever-growing and everchanging.
people who explain their attraction in the same way could use different labels, and vice versa. gay men have always had different terms based on parts of their identity that they felt were important enough to need its own term. there was never a time when bi was an automatic, mandatory label for being mspec.
because identity labels are personal and self-identification is more important than shoving everyone into boxes based on definitions other people determined.
something that’s worth remembering is the bisexual community has been accepting and welcoming other mspec labels for decades:
Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual Speak Out: “Pansexual people have been actively involved in the bisexual community since the 1970s.”
Bi Women Quarterly, 1984: “Some felt that labels were restrictive, that they lived a bisexual lifestyle but did not refer to themselves as bisexuals.”
Bisexuality: a reader and sourcebook by Thomas Geller, 1990: “Personally, I believe first and foremost in the right to claim one’s own identity and be recognized in terms of that identity: the right of each creature to name itself.”
Bisexual Manifesto, Anything That Moves #1, 1991: “Many of us choose not to label ourselves anything at all, and find the word ‘bisexual’ to be inadequate and too limiting.”
Closer to Home: Bisexuality & Feminism, 1992: “Rather than try to define each other out of existence, we need to accept that we aren’t all the same.”
Closer To Home by Elizabeth Reba Weise, Anything That Moves #4, 1992: “As Margaret Mihee Chloe points out in her essay, ‘identity is that which makes one recognizable to self and other.’ The plurality of names, and the combinations used, are all attempts in our clumsy and woman-wordless language, to create this identity, to make ourselves recognizable.”
A Bisexual Feminist Perspective by Liz Highleyman, 1993: “When I think of queer anarchism, I think of breaking down the strict boundaries constructed between the categories of sexuality. So, I guess I think of bisexuality, omnisexuality, pansexuality as being more ‘anarchist’ that strict homosexuality or heterosexuality.”
Bisexual Politics: Theories, Queries, and Visions by Naomi S. Tucker, 1995: “how we make sense of the world and live our lives as bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual, multisexual, ‘just sexual,’ androgynous, genderfucked, bi-gendered, non-gendered, gender-indifferent, or ‘don’t label me’ human beings seeking to create communities with those with whom we find common cause, even (or maybe especially!) if our labels don’t happen to coincide.”
Anything That Moves #11, 1996: “Call For Submissions: ATM is particularly interested in work by bi/pan/or-similar-sexuals.”
Labelous Statements by Anne Killpack, Anything That Moves #19, 1999: “Whether you call yourself bisexual, polysexual, multisexual, pansexual, me-sexual or refuse to be labeled altogether, if you are like me and find people attractive regardless of their sex or gender, then we need you.”
Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World edited by Robyn Ochs, 2005: “Some identify as queer, pansexual, or omnisexual. Some deliberately use labels strategically, identifying differently in different social contexts. And some eschew labels altogether. We considered subtitling this book Voices of Bisexuals and Other Folks Along the Sexuality Spectrum, recognizing that the word bisexual cannot possibly encompass all whose identities challenge the binaries of gay and straight.”
Not Bisexual Enough? by Tracy, Bi Women Quarterly, 2009: “The following people, while one could technically label them as ‘bisexual,’ have vastly diverse experiences that need to be acknowledged: ‘lesbians’ who have sex with men, ‘straight women’ who are turned on by girl-on-girl porn, people who are mostly attracted to the same sex, people who are mostly attracted to the opposite sex, those who are attracted to people ‘regardless of gender,’ and so many more. Clearly, there is a demand for many more labels.“
“What’s in a Name: Call Me Bisexual or Call Me..” by Ellyn Ruthstrom, Bi Women Quarterly, 2009: “Whether we call ourselves bisexual or queer or omnisexual or any other word, we hope to keep our community strong and vibrant for many years to come. I was very cheered by the discussion in the workshop and the way that people expressed feeling a connection to each other, despite the different terms.”
and lastly, a quote from The Bisexual Index: “We don’t think everyone who is sexually attracted to more than one gender needs to identify as bisexual. Why think outside the gay/straight box only to insist there has to be a limit on how many more boxes there is?”
so if people ever (try to) make you feel down or bad about being mspec and not identifying as bi, please remember that the history of not only the bisexual community, but the overall queer community as well, is on your side.
