Dear Taemin,
Exactly two years ago, on this very day, where would Christina be? Sitting at home, drawing or reading perhaps? Oblivious to the fact that there were five boys somewhere on the other side of the world that could possibly change her life.
What does it mean to be an idol? Is it to stand on stage and feel as if you are superior to all others? To bask in the spotlight that is centered on you? Or maybe it is to take pity in those who will never have the chance to stand where you are. The Oxford dictionary defines an idol as "'a person or thing that is greatly admired, loved, or revered", yet are these three adjectives adequate enough to describe the person you are? Your commitment, your hard work, your character.
There has often been a nagging question, something I've never been quite sure of myself. How is it possible that a person I have never met, spoken to, nor touched, posses such significance to me? An easy question one would think, but also one of the most complex.
Starting from the beginning, which was no earlier than May 2011, that was the first time I met you. A friend of mine decided to 'enlighten' me on this group of five scrawny boys, better known as 'SHINee'. To say that my first impression was a good one would be more than an exaggeration, a downright lie would be a better way of describing it. My memory seems to be failing me though, because the next thing I remember is me trying to catch up on the three years I did not know you. It wouldn't be wrong to say that I literally watched you five grow up in a year or so.
Although this fandom has caused quite a few misfortunes, namely, much procrastination, I can hardly blame you for being too cute or sexy. There's something rather mysterious about you that never ceases to captivate me. Maybe it is your smile, the fact that you said "when something’s hard, smiling helps us in the end, and it becomes fun". The sacrifices you had to make, the difficulty you had to go through at such a tender age, did you know what it is you were in for? Yet even so, everyday I am able to see that bright smile of yours and have it light up my day. Seeing you do your best inspires me to live each day with a gentleness, a vigor, and a keenness of appreciation which is often lost when time stretches before us in the constant panorama of more days and months and years to come.
When I see you dance, my eyes can't tear away. Every beat that flows through your body, every move in perfect sync with the music. It's not just that you're a good dancer that mesmerizes me. It's that you love dancing.
"Dance? Dancing is like walking. People always walk, right? For me, I always have to dance."
Sometimes I can't help but think that you may be a lot more mature than you appear to be. Although you are older than me by merely a year, I think you have experienced far more than I have. You had the courage to reach out and grasp the dream you so longed for with your own hands. Even now that your dream is fulfilled, you continue to show us the best side of you. Forever rewarding us with surprises that will reduce us into a puddle of nothing. One would think that with time, a person's charm will eventually burn out like the fire from a candle. For you it seems to be the reverse. As I watch you grow, not only do you become sexier and more manly, but your playfulness and cuteness continue to grow relentlessly (even if you probably don't want to hear that LOL). Just watching you acting all "I wanna be namja" makes me squirm like a dying worm.
Appearance-wise you are perfect for me. Yet I do not love you solely for your gorgeous looks. The sealing factor for my admiration and love towards you is your personality. You are playful, adorable, wise, inspirational, kind and thoughtful. When I noticed you giving away your rosary beads to Donika I could feel my heart swell up with pride. For we all know how much that bracelet which was a gift from your mother and a symbol of your faith meant to you. As an act of generosity, you gave it to a girl whose world was much less fortunate than ours. Seeing this made me a happy shawol and proud Taemint.
Sometimes it will hurt. You posses this rather delicate beauty which is enhanced by your kindness and cute smile. It makes me feel rather inferior sometimes because you appear so perfect to me. Taeminnie is human though right? Just like all of us, and something about that makes me appreciate you even more. You are an icon, one loved by so many, yet you will never know my name.
Yet despite all this I will forever remain part of the large mass of people that you may feel the need to please. Even so, I am content. Content because I feel lucky already just to have known you. Just to be able and stand by your side, even if you will never realize who I am. That's what fans are for right? Hopefully SHINee world will make you proud, for we too have made our sacrifices to stand by your side. The sacrifices are worth it though.
For as long as you stand on that stage and beyond that too. I will forever stand by your side and support you.
That will be my vow to you as a Taemint :)
Happy Birthday makdoongie, you are twenty years old and no longer a boy. I wish you all the best :)
Saranghae <3
From a weird, crazy and hyper girl from the land down under.
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