I used to work with a woman who was extremely nasty-mean to me for absolutely no reason at all. She was generally unpleasant to everyone, but it was obvious to me (and to another coworker) that she had something very pointed against me in particular and made it no secret. It got so bad that I made several official complaints, and my supervisor said, "that's just how she talks to everyone. She's super blunt, but she doesn't mean it! Maybe you're just misunderstanding her tone because you're Autistic?"
Later during my 6-month employee review, the same supervisor said, "sometimes when you correct people, you can come on a little too strong and intimidate or offend people."
We went over the specific instances he was referring to, and I said, "I don't think I was unfair or too harsh in any of those situations. I think I was just straightforward for clarity."
He said, "maybe you don't realize your tone is too harsh because you're Autistic?"
If someone's very obviously singling you out to be outright cruel and unfair, you must give them the benefit of the doubt, because you're Autistic and cannot understand.
If you're being straightforward and normal, but someone thinks you're being unfair, you do not get the benefit of the doubt, because you're Autistic and cannot understand.
And when you point this out to allistic people, either they don't believe you, do not care, or do not try to understand.
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