you're finally awake!

andy ★ they/them ★ 22 ★ out of the ooze & born to cruise ★ hold my eggs

[khe1]

fuck college…i am going to go be a trout………

[pronouncingitwang]

at some point in your life you will be boiling fruit, water, sugar, and lemon juice in a pot to make a syrup or jam. the instructions will tell you to simmer for a certain amt of time. your timer will go off and you will look at the pot and go, "hm, this doesn't look thick enough. maybe i'll let it go for another 10 minutes." this is the devil speaking. it's only so liquid right now because it is at boiling point. it will thicken when it cools down. learn from the follies of my youth and do not let this happen to you

[yokowan]

at some point in your life you will be making a sauce or a stew in which you need to add cornstarch to thicken it. and you will prepare a slurry of starch in cold water and think "this looks like way too little starch to thicken this amount of liquid." this is the devil speaking. cornstarch instantly polymerizes at 95°C and if you add too much it will turn into an impossibly thick goop.

[le-jardin-inculte]

at some point in your life you will be making some sort of cream based dessert that requires gelatin to thicken it. and you will soak some gelatin sheets in water and think "this is too few gelatin sheets for this amount of cream." this is the devil speaking. it will thicken in the fridge and if you add too much you will end up with milk jelly

[shithowdy]

at some point in your life you will be baking cookies. you will take the sheet out after twelve minutes as the recipe instructs and the cookies will still be glistening and soft. "these don't seem cooked enough," you will think to yourself, "i should place them back into the oven until their edges are nice and golden." this is the devil talking. this is how you get dry, overdone cookies. the cookies will continue to bake on the warm sheet for several more minutes and then harden up after sitting on a rack for a while. trust the process. trust the process.

[whitachi]

at some point in your life you will be adding a small pasta to a soup and you will think "that is not enough small pasta." this is the devil talking. the pasta will absorb the stock and expand. this is how you end up with a soup that is a solid mass of soggy ditalini.

[araceil]

At some point in your life you will be adding garlic to a dish and you will think "that is not enough garlic." These are angels speaking. They are correct. Add more garlic.

[bgm05]

The animal is gay for being alive

[spocktheestallion]

“Why did the bright queen believe essek so easily how did he get away with so much shit before he was caught?” Buddy you would not believe what you can get away with if you’re Quiet and Get Good Grades

[the-muppet-joker]

They raised me in the Circus

Before I was a Noun

My mother was my Father

My father was a Clown

He wore a pretty Costume

And danced in purple Smoke

My father was my Mother

But only as a Joke

He taught me Shattered Mirrors

And Painting Your Grotesque

And how to Laughing With Them

At Aching In Your Chest

I cannot be a person

Just Schadenfreude Fodder

I long to be my mother's son

But I'm my Father's Daughter

[old-friends-senior-dog-sanctuary]

I just want to get dicked down again =/

[sunderwight]

The problem with studying the deep ocean is that humans need light to look at things, the depths of the ocean are extremely dark, and what lives there is accustomed to spending most of its time in that darkness. So when we go down there with submersibles and turn on Big Lights to see, we invariably and dramatically alter what's going on, in the same way that it's generally difficult to observe the natural behaviors of terrestrial animals if you whip out a megaphone and shout HEY GUYS WHAT ARE YOU DOING at them first.

[whentheskittlesfightback]

pjackk is like if jesus kept dying for no reason

[medievaljournalist]

making a pilgrimage to tumblr & getting conned by a blogger claiming to sell scraps of the shroud of pjackk

[bumpscosity]

[sobadbad]

OUR PLANET 1.04 • Coastal Seas

[zmeess]

you can't tell me this did not happen at some point at Fjord's bachelor party

[centipomp]

tw politics

the government just ordered this

[femmchantress]

I don’t care if Monday’s yuck

Tuesday, Wednesday tread through muck

Thursday maybe eat a duck

It’s Friday, Flat as Fuck

[minor-locrian]

a warthog is a thog specialized for use in war

[blattella]

thog dont spaare

[tsarina-anadyomene]

we should mandate industrial themed nonbinary names to balance out all of the people naming themselves after trees. throw Anvil into the mix

[parkayquarts]

im glad we're mostly out of the "girls are so soft uwu" era. it was really hard for me to go through as a girl with a segmented carapace covered in hundreds of tiny barbs