Attention Seeker
I never thought I’d write about addiction,
I never thought I’d know it.
But this is it for sure,
This is it even if the doctors who are supposed to help me define it as a cry for attention. I’m the one who feels it and I am the one who gets to define it.
I feel any sort of pain, and I crave more.
I remember how it feels and I am almost pulled back into it.
I wash the knives after making dinner and begin to crave again. I catch a glimpse of the scissors in a cup with the pencils at work, hear anyone say the word in any context and feel it wash over me, feel it take over my thoughts again.
It’d be so easy to turn my back on recovery, it’d be so easy to run towards everything I’ve been working so hard to resist.
But “easy” isn’t what i’m going for here, because while regression is easy, I know that growth is hard and like I’ve been writing on every paper I touch- I am so fucking strong. I am so very fucking strong.





















