When my mother would make dinner for me and my siblings, sometimes she would ask us for help.
"While I do this, can you please do [B]?"
Sometimes, ahead of things, she would ask one of us to make dinner on a certain night. Usually something that we had introduced or suggested in the first place. My point is, she would ask us to do it. Or she would ask us if we wanted to help bake or cook or learn to make something.
But sometimes she would complain that we didn't help her in the kitchen. My father would complain that we didn't help her in the kitchen or would, while she was silently making dinner or taking care of dishes, suggest we ask is she needed help.
It was about fifty-fifty if she would accept or not and I got it. We had not lived for as long, so we weren't nearly as efficient in the kitchen and I'm known for being slow at doing things like cooking and eating. Sometimes, my help was helpful and sometimes it slowed her down, but she was frustrated that she had to do it all, I understand this.
My parents just never seemed to understand why, 80% of the time, they had to prompt me to offer help. And I can't explain it to them. I think I've tried, but most of the instances I can think of are marked with anger.
Being offered help enrages me. Few things make my skin crawl with revulsion or my blood boil and my stomach sour so quickly as unsolicited help or unasked for offerings of help. Even things such as doing the dishes with a sibling make me unimaginably angry. And my parents never fucking understood.
If I do not ask for help, I do not want it. If you offer it, I feel inadequate. And if you take it upon yourself to help me without asking, I will wish injury to your person with little hesitation.
The road to Hell is indeed paved with good intentions, and my personal Hell is a highway of them. And you won't understand. You don't seem to try and understand and explaining it insults you.
So, I sit in this Hell, unable to tell my parents because in those few things that make me feel sick faster than being offered help is insulting people who do not deserve it. They aren't mind readers, either, and they want to make it easier for me. I know this and I repeat it as a mantra as my father sends me ten job applications a day, without my asking for them.
Thank you for your help, I guess.