Katniss Everdeen says Peeta wanted kids. I say Katniss Everdeen is a dirty little liar who spent three books projecting baby fever onto the softest man alive while denying it so hard she almost gaslit herself.
And because I'm tired of arguing that Peeta didn't force Katniss to have kids, here's my probable version of what went down:
baby fever, but make it apocalyptic — everlark
it starts when delly has a baby
and katniss gets to hold it and it squeaks
her uterus literally tingles
cue immediate panic
she hands it back like it burned her
and then she immediately goes outside to shoot at squirrels until the feeling goes away
except—
(it doesn't really go away)
the next two weeks are a torture
"not everyone deserves to be a parent"
"what if they cry a lot"
"what if they're angry like me"
"what if they're allergic to bread"
"what if our child hates me"
"what if our child hates peeta"
no
no one can hate peeta
"but what if—"
it's exhausting
she steers clear of delly and her spawn the next few days
it doesn't work
her nightmares take a strange turn
she sees herself carrying a baby through the woods as she hunts
the baby giggles
another baby sits on the kitchen counter
with peeta's eyes and peeta's face
in matching aprons as peeta
and ugh—
she almost misses the mutts
anyway, she reorganizes the pantry
alphabetizes the herbs
knits something she insists is a herb pouch
but it's suspiciously baby-sized
eventually, it gets too much
and peeta is not helping
he's holding delly's baby when she visits him at the bakery
the baby is laughing
well, fuck
her whole resolve crumbles
he's making bread
she blurts, "your forearms are nice"
"thanks?"
"mm, they would be good for carrying things"
peeta raises a brow
"heavy things— like... sacks"
"sacks."
"or— like, baskets."
katniss is embarassed
peeta is visibly confused
and haymitch—
haymitch is dying of laughter
"did you know babies can't see color for weeks?"
"katniss."
"i just wanted to share a fact."
"katniss."
"it didn't mean anything. shut up."
and then she starts knitting a tiny hat
“is that for delly’s baby?”
"no."
"a friend’s baby?”
"no.”
"...katniss.”
peeta has suspicions
and they're confirmed when he finds her journal open to a page
titled: NAMES FOR HYPOTHETICAL BABY
Ember
Rue Rue ❤
Bread Jr.
NOT GALE
it ends like this—
Peeta, eventually: “Do you want to have ki—”
“YES”
“i didn’t even finish the word”
"i mean... i will if I have to, if you want too much... i mean i want to if you want to, i mean— because i love you so much."
“are you sure?”
“are you sure?”
"uh huh”
oh.
katniss blinks
"wait— that's it?"
"katniss, i've been waiting for you to stop glitching long enough to bring it up.”
she punches his arm
he laughs
haymitch starts prepping a baby-proof survival kit
no one dares ask what's in it
nine months later—
the baby is just as beautiful as she imagined
good thing peeta convinced her to have babies, really
i know it's exaggerated for comedy purposes but this is really not that far from the course of events i imagine happened— katniss is an expert at gaslighting herself after all— and I hope you liked it.
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yeah so haymitch gets to finally live in a free world where his tormentors are dead and he gets to love a woman (effie) without fear of anything happening to her
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