KIROKAZE
Xuebing Du
RMH
d e v o n
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Mike Driver
h
almost home
wallacepolsom
tumblr dot com
ellievsbear
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
sheepfilms
Not today Justin
Sade Olutola
Jules of Nature
One Nice Bug Per Day
Peter Solarz
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
Sweet Seals For You, Always
seen from Bangladesh
seen from Türkiye
seen from Chile
seen from Tunisia
seen from Bangladesh
seen from Canada
seen from Türkiye
seen from Belarus
seen from United Kingdom
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Singapore
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from Germany
seen from Bangladesh
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from Taiwan
@pocketsizedsamwinchester
Kinktober 2021
Just like 2019 & 2020 I am going to post a kinky or scary one-shot from October 1st till October 31st 2021.
Please consider none of the stories is available until the set release date. Titles may change (all titles are working titles until release date.)
Keep reading
I’d Marry Geri and Work At The Side Step I
Cordell Walker/Geri Broussard
439 words
Warnings: Implied Smut
Ever since Emily’s death a little over a year ago, Cordell and Geri had grown closer than they ever have been before. Yes, of course, they were childhood friends and have always been close. But this was a different kind of close.
His strong, calloused hands caressed her soft cheeks. He slipped one hand around the back of her neck and pulled her closer, smashing his lips into hers. She responded positively, resting her hands on his hips.
“We need… we need to talk.” Cordell moaned breathlessly between kisses. “What are we? Where is this going?”
“What a way to kill the mood, Cordi.” Geri pulled away and wiped her lips.
“This isn’t fair to Emily.” He whispered, his eyes falling from Geri’s big brown ones, to the floor.
“Emily would want you to be happy.” She too, whispered, sympathetically.
Geri grabbed his hands and pressed light kisses on his knuckles, “we don’t need to put a label on it, Cordi, this can just be fun until you’re ready.”
“I can’t have fun like this, Geri. I have two kids, two kids who deserve to know if I’m moving on.”
“You’re the one who kissed me that night, remember?” Geri stepped closer, guiding his hands to the hem of her shirt.
She helped him pull her t-shirt up over her head , leaving her in an army green coloured, lace covered bra. Cordell rested his forehead against hers, his hands roaming all over her beautifully tanned body. His jaw clenched and he grabbed her face as he pondered the consequences of sleeping with his best friend- sleeping with his wife’s best friend.
“If-If we do this… our relationship will never be the same, Geri.”
“I’m willing to take that risk.” She pulled him closer by his belt loops and kissed him passionately.
He couldn’t take anymore, he wrapped his arms around her back and scooped her up, returning her kiss. Cordell threw her down on the bed and practically ripped her jeans off her body, revealing matching panties to the bra she was wearing. Geri ran hands up her own body as Cordell stepped back to admire her petite frame. He began to grow hard at the sight of his friend. One of the first times he’s had a genuine hard on since Emily.
Geri propped herself up on her elbows, “someone’s a little overdressed.”
Cordell agreed and began shedding some layers.
“Sex isn’t wrong, Cordell.” Geri watched as Walker pulled off his shirt. “It’s something to love, something to be proud of and never something to be ashamed of.”
With words of encouragement like that, how could he resist?
Feel Like Makin’ Love
Dean x Reader
248 words
Warnings: mentions of sex
“Y/N?” Dean mumbled, as he pressed a kiss against your shoulder.
“Yes?”
To you, sex used to be quick and dirty, with whatever man you could find. It all changed when you met him.
Dean Winchester.
It was almost two years ago. It was a simple vampire case but the eldest Winchester insisted on him and his brother, Sam, tagging along. Now, sex was totally different. Dean made sure of that. He was the best you ever had- he made it impossible to leave.
“That night in the bar,” he started off slow. “When Sam and I first met you. I knew I wanted you. Corny as it is, I knew I wanted to make love to you. I didn’t just want sex- and that was a first for me. I wanted you around all the time.”
“Awe, that’s sweet, babe.”
“I mean it, Y/N. You are my everything.” He kissed up your shoulder and on your neck.
“I know you do, Dean, I love you too-” You cut yourself off when Dean opened a box, revealing a beautiful diamond ring.
“Marry me.” He said confidently.
“I knew you loved me, but damn, Winchester.” You kissed your fiancé passionately as he slid the ring on your finger. “When I first met you, I never thought you’d be the type to settle down.”
“I thought the same about you.” Dean chuckled softly, resting his forehead against yours. “I guess we brought out the best in each other.”
Anyone wanna write with me? I mostly write supernatural but I would be open to crossovers or other shows as long as I’ve watched them!!!
I really want to get back into writing I just need some help
Smut Masterlist
SMUT EDITION
this is a list of all my favourites, I didn’t write any of them and I don’t own them!
Supernatural
Coming For Dinner (J.A & J.P)
Oh My God (J.A & J.P)
Undiscovered (D.W & S.W)
Surprise (D.W & S.W)
Breathe (D.W & S.W)
Adventures in the Dean Cave (D.W & S.W)
Claim (D.W & S.W)
Threes Company (D.W & S.W)
Ask Me (D.W & S.W)
Stuck in The Middle (D.W & S.W)
Sibling Rivalry (D.W & S.W)
His Property (D.W & S.W)
Spank Me (D.W & S.W)
Birthday Pie (D.W & S.W)
Morals Be Damned (D.W & S.W)
Say Thank You (D.W & S.W)
Teach Them a Lesson (D.W & S.W)
Man Enough (D.W & S.W)
Purely Dysfunctional (D.W & C.N)
You’ve Got Me Begging (Dean x Reader x Sam x John)
High For This (Dean x Reader x Sam x John)
The Queens Court (Dean x Reader x Sam x Cas)
Walking a Mile (Dean x Reader x Sam x Cas)
A Little Full (S.W)
That Damn Shirt (S.W)
Hooked (S.W)
Need You (S.W)
The Wolf and the Omega (S.W)
Do You Have Something To Tell Me? (S.W)
Not Complaining (S.W)
Every Time (S.W)
We’ll Be Fucking (S.W)
I Won’t Let You Fall Apart (S.W)
Get Over, Get Under (S.W)
Sneaky (S.W)
You Won’t Forget Again (S.W)
White Picket Fence (D.W)
Dean Fucking Winchester (D.W)
Baby Got An Eyeful (D.W)
Looks Good on You (D.W)
Don’t Fear Your Kinks (D.W)
Territorial (D.W)
Sleeping (D.W)
Nothing in the World (D.W)
Attachment: 1 Image (D.W)
Snickers in a Twist (D.W)
One Small Difference (D.W)
Primal Urges (D.W)
Struggle (D.W)
Sending Good Vibes (D.W)
Talk is Cheap (D.W)
I’ve Had Enough (D.W)
Rogue (D.W)
Saving the Ball (D.W)
Sweetheart, What Are You Doing? (D.W)
Learning Your Place (D.W)
When The Candle is Lit (D.W)
Lesson Learned (D.W)
Relax (D.W)
Thank God For Sexual Frustration (D.W)
For The Record (D.W)
Can’t Handle the Heat (D.W)
No Choice (D.W)
Claimed (D.W)
Remind Me (D.W)
Alpha Please (D.W)
Alpha and Omega Life (D.W)
Good Boy (C.S)
Sex Bucket List (C.N)
What He Likes (J.A)
Touch (J.A)
Close to the Chest (J.A)
A Lover’s Sky (J.A)
Harry Styles
Tell Me You Own Me (FAV)
I Just Wanna Taste It
Praise Kink
Arguments
Werewolf!Harry AU
Rosewater
Cockwarming
Tulle
Princess Parts
Scrunchie
Dom
30 Things
Needy Baby
Working From Home
Plug
Punishment
Working Out
Morning
I Just Wanna Taste It
Bite
Praise Kink pt. 2
Overstimulation
Choking
Teasing
Sleepy
Suck
Positions
Breeding Kink
Four Hours
Squirt
Teachable Moment
Wake Up
Wake Up BJ
Spanking
Spanking Prompt
Rings
Mirror
Cheeks
Good morning
Bend Over
Inside
New Seeds in the Melody
Treat
Tied Up
Brat
Inexperienced
Lesson
Mine
I’m Gonna Pay For This
Curious Girl
Be Good
Cup of Tea
Headboard
Longing
Ruin You
50 Things
Aggressive
Secretary
Never Coming Back Down
Drunken Decorum
Have Your Way With Me
Gucci Business Dinner
Spent
Let Me Feel You
Tell Me
Soft Dom
Luna de Amor
Adieu
Behind
Bucketlist
Rock You (Like a Hurricane)
Watermelon Sugar
Niall Horan
Pure Filth
Rings
Tears
Lap Dance (ft. Harry)
Sex Scene
Moonlit
You Are Mine
Thigh Riding
Sugar Daddy
Wedding Love
Workout
Dolan Twins
Poolside Fun (E.D)
Were You Touching Yourself? (E.D)
Puck Me (E.D)
Public (E.D)
The Dress (E.D)
Fun in the Jeep (E.D)
Tease (E.D)
Bite Me Dolan (E.D)
Wet (E.D)
Occupied (E.D)
Housewarming (E.D)
Scandalous (E.D)
Crossing Bridges (E.D)
Behave (G.D)
Quickie (G.D)
Puck You (G.D)
Cock Ring Hide And Seek (G.D)
Broken Restraints (G.D)
Six Years (G.D)
Sensitive (G.D)
Wrist Deep (G.D)
Caught (G.D)
Worship (G.D)
Thoughts on Sex With Gray (G.D)
Practice Makes Perfect (G.D)
Sweetheart (G.D)
Earned It (G.D)
Commiseration (G.D)
Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy (G.D)
Drip (G.D)
How To Ride (G.D)
Yours (G.D)
Down On You (G.D)
Fetish (E.D & G.D)
Roses (E.D & G.D)
Best Friends (E.D & G.D)
Kink.com (E.D & G.D)
Switch (E.D & G.D)
Extended (E.D & G.D)
Roughing It (E.D & G.D)
One Hole (E.D & G.D)
Prompts (Ethan & Grayson)
Criminal Minds
Rough Loving (L.A)
Did You Miss Me? (L.A)
Late Nights, Early Mornings (L.A)
My Side (L.A)
Nympho (L.A)
Encaje (L.A)
Sore (L.A)
The Festive Spirit (L.A)
The Naughty List (L.A)
Housewarming (L.A)
Between the Sheets (L.A)
Love Language (S.R)
Breath Play (S.R)
High Risk (S.R)
Dominant Doctor (S.R)
Jealousy (S.R)
The Art of Silence (S.R)
Stargazing (S.R)
Fresh Baked (S.R)
Safe and Sound (S.R)
My Wife (S.R)
Different Circles (S.R)
Spanking Blurb (S.R)
Never Have I Ever (S.R)
Story Time (S.R)
Jazz & Jealousy (S.R)
Big Bad Wolf (S.R) Part 2
Wear Me (MGG)
The Real Thing (MGG)
Men of the BAU Kinks
Outer Banks
The Bathroom (JJ)
Brat (JJ)
Smut Alphabet (JJ)
Name (JJ)
Couch Surfing (JJ)
On the Phone (JJ)
Dirty Little Secret (JJ)
Call Me By Name (JJ)
The List (Series) (JJ)
Sex With JJ (JJ)
Won’t Last (JJ)
Fight So Dirty, But Your Love’s So Sweet (JJ)
Breaking Rules (JJ)
5SOS
Caught In Between (A.I & L.H)
Taste of Your Tongue (A.I)
Oh Baby (A.I)
Sexting (A.I)
Morning Glory (A.I)
Touch and Taste (A.I)
On Set (A.I)
Kissing in the Blue Dark (A.I)
Cal’s Kinks (C.H)
Luke’s Kinks (L.H)
Shawn Mendes
Dressing Room
Mine
Driving
Late
Honeymoon
Daveed Diggs
Strike
Take it Off, Spark it Up
Potion No. 9
Harry Potter
Irish You Would Kiss Me (G.W)
Familiar Sheets (G.W)
Feeling Down (G.W)
Special to Me (F.W)
Busy (F.W)
Don’t Ask, Don’t Get (F.W)
Library (D.M)
Emerald in the Rough (D.M)
The Right Kind Of Wrong
Summary: Some fantasies deserve to come true. This is straight up porn with a dash of fluff.
Pairing: Sam x reader, Dean x reader
Word Count: 3609
Warnings: double penetration, fingering, first time anal, first time threesome, protected sex.
A/N: This is one of the first DP fics I wrote waaaay back in 2014 (another Purge victim). Now updated with slightly less rambling sentences and better grammar.
You weren’t sure how you’d stumbled on it in the first place. Out of all the laptops in the bunker, you should have known better than to take Dean’s. It was unsurprising, really, that you were in your room with your eyes glued to the screen. A buxom and very vocal blonde was being taken by not one but two guys, in a position that looked uncomfortable yet sexy as hell and she was screaming wantonly like nothing you’d ever heard before.
Keep reading
Tell Sam
Summary: Reader gets sucked into purgatory with Dean. She’s Sam’s girlfriend but months trapped with Dean leads to a passionate encounter.
Pairing: Dean x reader, Sam x reader (mentioned)
@spnkinkbingo Square Filled: Purgatory!Dean
Word Count: 2545
Warnings: smut from the outset, cheating, outdoor sex, rough sex, possessiveness, angst
*****
There were scratches on your thighs from the bark of the log you slept against. Your shredded clothes barely covered your dignity but Dean’s body did the rest. A deep sense of shame washed over you as you cuddled into him, hating and loving the way his arm looped protectively around your waist.
“It’s dawn,” he grumbled, his eyes closed, mouth almost at your ear. The low timbre of his voice made you shudder and pull back to look up at him. “Not that it makes much difference.”
You didn’t speak, burrowing your face against his chest. After six months, you’d have thought both of you would stink to high heaven, and sure, you were filthy dirty but you could only smell Dean’s natural scent. That odd combination of sweat and blood, an iron tang on your tongue that lingered and made you crave more.
Keep reading
Everything’s Bigger In Kansas
Summary: Sam’s a Beta, has been for his entire life, despite expectations. Everyone always assumes that he’s Alpha - he’s huge, and imposing. But he replies with the same answer he always has - “they grow ‘em big in Kansas, ma’am.” Then he gets injured on a hunt, and his world turns upside down.
Pairing: Sam x reader
Warnings: A/B/O themes, knotting, heat/rut, fluff, smut and the smidge of angst.
*****
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven (FIN)
Master Post
Holy Confetti, Y/N’s Twenty! (BSM, Sam x Reader x Dean)
It’s School Time In The Padalecki Household Part One (Jared x Reader)
It’s School Time In The Padalecki Household Part Two (Jared x Reader)
It’s School Time In The Padalecki Household Part Three (Jared x Reader)
Feed, Burp, Change. Repeat If Necessary. (Castiel x Reader)
The One With The Way Out (BSM, Sam x Reader x Dean)
You Really Can Get Everything At Costco (Jared x Reader)
Set Up (Sam x Reader)
That Fiery Glow (Sam x Reader)
The Unexpected Perks of Being a Nanny (Jared x Reader)
The Bad Boy, The Sweetheart and The Hunter (Dean x Reader)
Knitting for Love and Coziness (Dean x Reader)
Self-Protection at Its Finest (BSM, Dean x Reader x Sam)
Mistakes Happen Part One (Jared x Reader)
Mistakes Happen Part Two (Jared x Reader)
My Body, My Rules (Jared x Reader x Jensen)
The Missing Piece (Jared x Daughter!Reader)
Drabbles
Babysitting Adventures
A Baby to Love and Care For
Fear, Guiltiness and Love
Barely Angel
Memory Lane
Best Friends
Blowing Off Steam Part One
Back From the Dead
His Flannels
Blowing Off Steam Part Two
Brewery In Progress
Show this master list some love ❤️❤️❤️
Too Young Masterlist
Pairing: DeanXdaughter!reader, SamXniece!reader
Summary: After a one-night stand, Dean’s daughter finds out she’s pregnant, but is reluctant to tell her dad
Series Disclaimers: unplanned pregnancy, mentions of a one-night stand, swearing, crying, FLUFF, vomiting, blood, child birth, labor, needles
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Epilogue
Words to replace said, except this actually helps
I got pretty fed up with looking for words to replace said because they weren’t sorted in a way I could easily use/find them for the right time. So I did some myself.
IN RESPONSE TO Acknowledged Answered Protested
INPUT/JOIN CONVERSATION/ASK Added Implored Inquired Insisted Proposed Queried Questioned Recommended Testified
GUILTY/RELUCTANCE/SORRY Admitted Apologized Conceded Confessed Professed
FOR SOMEONE ELSE Advised Criticized Suggested
JUST CHECKING Affirmed Agreed Alleged Confirmed
LOUD Announced Chanted Crowed
LEWD/CUTE/SECRET SPY FEEL Appealed Disclosed Moaned
ANGRY FUCK OFF MATE WANNA FIGHT Argued Barked Challenged Cursed Fumed Growled Hissed Roared Swore
SMARTASS Articulated Asserted Assured Avowed Claimed Commanded Cross-examined Demanded Digressed Directed Foretold Instructed Interrupted Predicted Proclaimed Quoted Theorized
ASSHOLE Bellowed Boasted Bragged
NERVOUS TRAINWRECK Babbled Bawled Mumbled Sputtered Stammered Stuttered
SUAVE MOTHERFUCKER Bargained Divulged Disclosed Exhorted
FIRST OFF Began
LASTLY Concluded Concurred
WEAK PUSY Begged Blurted Complained Cried Faltered Fretted
HAPPY/LOL Cajoled Exclaimed Gushed Jested Joked Laughed
WEIRDLY HAPPY/EXCITED Extolled Jabbered Raved
BRUH, CHILL Cautioned Warned
ACTUALLY, YOU’RE WRONG Chided Contended Corrected Countered Debated Elaborated Objected Ranted Retorted
CHILL SAVAGE Commented Continued Observed Surmised
LISTEN BUDDY Enunciated Explained Elaborated Hinted Implied Lectured Reiterated Recited Reminded Stressed
BRUH I NEED U AND U NEED ME Confided Offered Urged
FINE Consented Decided
TOO EMO FULL OF EMOTIONS Croaked Lamented Pledged Sobbed Sympathized Wailed Whimpered
JUST SAYING Declared Decreed Mentioned Noted Pointed out Postulated Speculated Stated Told Vouched
WASN’T ME Denied Lied
EVIL SMARTASS Dictated Equivocated Ordered Reprimanded Threatened
BORED Droned Sighed
SHHHH IT’S QUIET TIME Echoed Mumbled Murmured Muttered Uttered Whispered
DRAMA QUEEN Exaggerated Panted Pleaded Prayed Preached
OH SHIT Gasped Marveled Screamed Screeched Shouted Shrieked Yelped Yelled
ANNOYED Grumbled Grunted Jeered Quipped Scolded Snapped Snarled Sneered
ANNOYING Nagged
I DON’T REALLY CARE BUT WHATEVER Guessed Ventured
I’M DRUNK OR JUST BEING WEIRDLY EXPRESSIVE FOR A POINT/SARCASM Hooted Howled Yowled
I WONDER Pondered Voiced Wondered
OH, YEAH, WHOOPS Recalled Recited Remembered
SURPRISE BITCH Revealed
IT SEEMS FAKE BUT OKAY/HA ACTUALLY FUNNY BUT I DON’T WANT TO LAUGH OUT LOUD Scoffed Snickered Snorted
BITCHY Tattled Taunted Teased
reblog to save a writer
Reblog because the titles for each category are comedy gold.
Useful and the titles are brilliant!!
@deanwanddamons , here’s a pretty good list of alternatives.
Master Post
Holy Confetti, Y/N’s Twenty! (BSM, Sam x Reader x Dean)
It’s School Time In The Padalecki Household Part One (Jared x Reader)
It’s School Time In The Padalecki Household Part Two (Jared x Reader)
It’s School Time In The Padalecki Household Part Three (Jared x Reader)
Feed, Burp, Change. Repeat If Necessary. (Castiel x Reader)
The One With The Way Out (BSM, Sam x Reader x Dean)
You Really Can Get Everything At Costco (Jared x Reader)
Set Up (Sam x Reader)
That Fiery Glow (Sam x Reader)
The Unexpected Perks of Being a Nanny (Jared x Reader)
The Bad Boy, The Sweetheart and The Hunter (Dean x Reader)
Knitting for Love and Coziness (Dean x Reader)
Self-Protection at Its Finest (BSM, Dean x Reader x Sam)
Mistakes Happen Part One (Jared x Reader)
Mistakes Happen Part Two (Jared x Reader)
My Body, My Rules (Jared x Reader x Jensen)
The Missing Piece (Jared x Daughter!Reader)
Drabbles
Babysitting Adventures
A Baby to Love and Care For
Fear, Guiltiness and Love
Barely Angel
Memory Lane
Best Friends
Blowing Off Steam Part One
Back From the Dead
His Flannels
Blowing Off Steam Part Two
Brewery In Progress
Somebody should message me with links to good supernatural fanfictions that I can read instead of stuyding😁😁😁
WAKE. UP.
Never Again is right now! Wake up and fight back!
My Most Notable Works
The Unexpected Perks of Being a Nanny (Jared x Reader)- 100 Notes, 5.7k words
His Flannels (Dean x Reader)- 97 Notes, 353 words
Self-Protection at its Finest (BSM, Dean x Reader x Sam)- 83 Notes, 1.6k words.
You Really Can Get Everything at Costco (Jared x Reader)- 78 Notes,1.9k words
The Bad Boy, The Sweetheart and The Hunter (Dean x Reader)- 71 Notes, 1.3k words.
The One With The Way Out (BSM, Dean x Reader x Sam)- 64 Notes, 1.8k words.
Feed, Burp, Change. Repeat if Necessary (Cas x Reader) 50 Notes, 1.1k words.
Back From The Dead (Sam x Reader)- 46 Notes, 429 words.
That Fiery Glow (Sam x Reader)- 41 Notes, 1.1k words.
Set Up (Sam x Reader)- 39 Notes, 1.4k words.
Brewery in Progress (Jensen x Danneel)- 36 Notes, 286 words.
Knitting For Love and Coziness (Dean x Reader)- 35 Notes, 1k words.
Holy Confetti, Y/N’s Twenty (BSM, Dean x Reader x Sam)- 34 notes, 1.3k words.
The Missing Piece (Jared x Reader)- 31 Notes, 1.9k words.
My Body, My Rules (Jared x Reader x Jensen)- 30 Notes, 1.8k words.
Fear, Guiltiness and Love (Sam x Reader)- 28 Notes, 473 words.
Blowing Off Steam Part Two (Dean x Reader x Sam)- 27 Notes, 565 words.
Blowing Off Steam Part One (Dean x Reader x Sam)- 27 Notes, 482 words.
While I’m working on some new things, please check out the updated version of my most notable works and for all of my imagines, check out the masterlist in my Bio!
The Missing Piece
Pairing: Jared x Daughter!Reader
Word Count: 1.9k
Beta: @writingsbyshay67ss
Growing up, you never had a dad. Literally speaking, of course, someone made you. But figuratively speaking, he was never there. You just assumed that he had left your mom before you were born- or before you were old enough to remember. What a jerk move, right? You always swore that if you met your father, you would hate him for abandoning you and your mom. Your grandfather passed away four years before you were born, your mom was only thirteen and your grandmother passed away from cancer when you were five. So, at the age of fifteen, when your mom was in a bad car accident and fell into a coma, you were all alone. You decided when you were almost seventeen, that it was finally time to move on- clear the things out of your childhood home and prepare for university life that was just around the corner in your life.
“Hmm…” You hummed as you came across an old photo album that your mom had stashed away in the attic. “What’s in this?”
You cracked the cover and it revealed a picture of a baby in her parents’ arms labelled, “Mom, Dad + Me, April 4th, 1985.” This was a photo album that your mom created while she was growing up.
You skipped a few pages and came across a photo of a man labelled, “Dad, just before he passed. Miss you always, daddy. Love your baby girl, Katie. 1998.”
Possible Mistake
Characters: Sam x Reader
Summery: You and Sam had been dating a while and he had tried to work things out with you over and over but he couldn’t help wonder if you ever wanted to be with him which ended up turning into a fight, and it ends up with you breaking up with him.
Warnings: Heartache. Fighting. Tears. Cursing.
Beta: @pocketsizedsamwinchester
—>
Dean let you use baby for a case while he was getting over the flu. You and Sam went out on a lead Dean had found but the two of you had gotten into a real rough argument and you had enough. You don’t know why you did what you just did to him but you couldn’t come up with anything else to help. You guys have had chances going on with your relationship but neither of you knew if had gotten this bad. Your depression and anxiety have hit high records the past few months and had no control over your emotions. It was like your body was breaking down and your mind was screaming for a way out. You couldn’t take the pain anymore or the constant reminder that you were never going to be able to look into a mirror without wanting to put it not being able to look at yourself. The car ride was quiet as usual but Sam had enough of the distance and needed to understand why but you couldn’t explain well enough for him to truly understand.
Sam- “Y/N?”
Reader- “Yeah?”
Sam- “What’s wrong?”
Reader- “What do you mean?”
Sam- “You’ve not been yourself for months and every time I try to ask you or try to get you to open up yo–you just lock down and it’s almost as if you just shut completely down.”
Reader- “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Sam- “See! You do this every time I just want you to talk to me dammit!”
Reader- “This is personal. The way I am is because of a million reason I can’t explain to you Sam.”
Sam- “Well you need to explain something because this right here is unbearable.”
Reader- “Are you serious right now? I never question your actions or why you leave me out of things. You have secrets Sam I know you do! I never question you!”
Sam- “This is different Y/N these are your emotions and it’s always affecting us in the negative way. It’s getting so bad that we don’t even sleep in the same bed or even in the same room. I go to one room you go to the other, whether we’re studying for a case or just relaxing. We don’t kiss or hold hands. I miss you. Damn it Y/N I miss us.”
Reader- “You seriously want to know what my problem is?”
Sam- “I want to know what is going on with you yes. I care deeply about you.”
Reader- “Fine but you wanted this. Sam I hate everything about me. I hate my hair, my lips, my body, my personality, my depression, the anxiety, the way I walk, I just hate that I am alive. I go around saving people and I think that this is my way of changing who I am but in my eyes this is just a way of keeping myself going on. I don’t want to live. There isn’t anything anyone can do to help me Sammy heaven knows I’ve tried. I want this to end, I want my life to end. You deserve someone who is happy and who enjoys life and everything it has to offer. I’m nothing and God will tell you that. I grew up in this shitty ass life hunting the very things that parents tell to their children to get them to eat their food and behave. I hate that when I wake up every day hoping that this is the day I will let it get me. I hate feeling like there is no hope for me. You and Dean push on me that everything will be okay when it’s clearly not. You guys always say you’re there for me but yet why do I feel like I am so alone? Huh Sam? Why do I want to just push people away from me? Why am I this person?”
Sam- “Y/N, I had no idea you felt that way. I’m so sorry but everything will be okay, I promise I will–”
Reader- “What Sam what will you do? There’s nothing you can do! God why do I even bother trying to explain this to you.” You pull the Impala over to the side of the road and continue with tears falling from your face.
Reader- “I can’t do this anymore Sam I’ve tried everything. I even went to Crowley even he couldn’t do anything! These pieces of me and the pieces of you just don’t fit together like they use to. I can’t stop thinking that I am the reason for all the blood on my hands from hunts gone wrong. It was never my intention to hurt you. I don’t regret any of this time we’ve spent together and I think so highly of you. I just can’t do this anymore Sam. You may be thinking this isn’t fair to you and you’d be right, this isn’t fair to you. I’m so very sorry. You will never understand me or what I have been through. You have every right to hate me. I love you I do but I need to be away from this. All of this.”
Sam- “You honestly feel like this? Why the hell would you feel like this Y/N. We give you everything. I give you everything. I give you my clothes, my love, my respect, my appreciation. You need help and we can find it for you. Depression is hell. Cass and Dean have been there for you and I since the beginning. When you needed someone of needed help who’s been there for you? We have. You don’t have to hide or run away from us or yourself Y/N you’re beautiful. When you love someone you sacrifice things for them no matter the time, place, or situation. This was all so unexpected from you. Your paranoia is all in your head. I just want to make you happy. I love you.”
Reader- “Just stop!! I can’t do this. My mind is foggy I’m so confused and this world is so cruel. This world doesn’t need me, it would rather see me in a ditch or worse. I don’t need someone shoving pills down my throat to keep me under control. I need to get away and that isn’t with you. Don’t you know i’m not good for you? Once we’ve said our goodbyes just let me go.”
Sam- “Don’t do this.” Sam’s face shocked at the words coming out of your mouth.
Reader- “There’s no point to waste the blame, I should have known fresh dirt won’t wash old stains away Sam. In my psychotic self-defense I’m just wasting energy fighting with you about what you can’t see. I don’t know about tomorrow but tonight I’ve got to take the leave. I’ve got to let you and everyone go. Just let it be!” You begin to cry “Goodbye.”
You step out of the car and start walking away but Sam wasn’t having any of that. He gets out and chases after you. Tears streaming down your face and it began to rain. Sam had tears falling from his face as well.
Sam- “Don’t do this. I need you. You took my heart along time ago and you can’t just throw it on the ground and forget about it. You can’t forget about everything we’ve all been through. Cass and Dean won’t allow this.”
Reader- “Allow this? This is on me. Everything I am doing is from my own free will. Dean and Cass will have to just understand.”
Sam- “What like I’m supposed to?! Well I’m sorry I don’t understand. I don’t want to go into this life without you.”
Reader- “You don’t have a choice. I’m leaving and I don’t need anything to take with me. I want to start a new life. I want away from all this. I can’t take this pain anymore. If I go somewhere with a new name and new back story and a new state and city maybe I can finally end it all. All the pain that this life brings to me. If not i’ll end it another way.”
Sam- “Just come home we will get through this together as a family.”
Reader- “What family Sam you guys are all bad for each other! We are all in a toxic waste bin. How many times do we have to give up our life to help someone else? How many times do you and Dean have to die because you jumped in front of someone else fate? How much more do we have to sacrifice Sam? Because I can’t do it anymore. I’m out I’m done. I hate you, I hate Dean and I hate Cass! I hate it all!”
Sam- “You don’t hate us. Your reflecting and I understan–”
Reader- “Then understand this.”
You turn around and walk away. Sam being hurt by the words you had just said he froze in place until you had disappeared from his sight. Once you were gone he realized he should have stopped you but he also knew you needed time and that you didn’t mean any of the things you had told him.
Sam- “She’ll be back. She always comes back. She has to.”
